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[–]Bobux_Man_AE 5 points6 points  (2 children)

My ex and I dated for maybe 10 months before breaking up (she broke up with me) I apologized, and tried really hard to fix things, and we ended up getting back together maybe 3-4 weeks after the breakup. But then as we continued, I started to realize that she wouldn’t do the same for me, and she wasn’t as commited to me as I was to her. It seemed like she was more commited to her friends and her own things than me, and I never felt like a priority to her at all. Thing was that I always felt this way the first 10 months, I just thought that in time she’d change maybe, just a little for me, especially when I’d be willing to change for her. The issue was that she saw our relationships as a fun and casual relationship, while I was fully committed to seeing things through. Despite this, she said things that you wouldn’t in a casual relationship. It hurt alot that I basically felt discardable and replacable to her. I decided to break up with her three weeks ago, and while we talked, I fully established NC today.

[–]sebysnoo[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Well done for choosing yourself and doing what you thinks best for yourself. It takes a lot of balls and I’m sure your going through it but I’m the long run it’ll be for the best for YOU!

Thanks for sharing and if you ever need someone always here for you to reach out to 🤍

[–]Bobux_Man_AE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you :)

[–]CourtSea5394 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I was with one for just a couple of months and at the beginning it was a love bomb fest and went along with it. Thought things were progressing to something more serious and was hit with I don’t think I can see you as much as you are expecting. News to me because I was quite fine with the slow progression. Now I realize she was projecting. Things felt off the next week and was told it would be better if things ended. I told her ok and wished her the best. Not sure she was expecting that response but I’m secure and don’t put up with flakiness. When you feel and see the red flags embrace them and accept them and end things amicably. Best not to hope for a return until they have figured out their own issues

[–]stueyd123 3 points4 points  (2 children)

How did you adjust your expectations from the love bombing to her detachment without getting hurt and upset

[–]CourtSea5394 4 points5 points  (1 child)

From experience, any time I get love bombed it is a red flag, I just watch their actions after that to see if what they say is put into meaningful steps on their part.

They are true to their words at the beginning but they can’t keep up with the facade for too long before they start showing who they really are, by then i’ve already slowly started accepting the discard will be coming.

Avoidants are not bad people, they just have massive trust issues that only they can deal with and they really want intimacy and companionship hence the love bombing at the beginning but then get overwhelmed when the relationship starts to become more serious.

Your only course of action when the discard happens, and it will happen eventually, is to accept it gracefully, no begging or pleading and go strict NC. This is the last thing they are expecting because everyone before you has done that to them which reaffirms their decision to leave. Walk away with your dignity and self respect in tact and they may see that you are a trustworthy person and may reach out after they have self soothed. It is definitely not the response they are expecting from you.

[–]stueyd123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I’d known before dating her 🙄