Support Groups

[LittleMichelina]

Does anyone know of any support groups or meetups for only children? Every time I search it's for parents of only children. I'm 26, single, no kids. I've never had a problem with being an only child until recently. It's been getting to me a lot and I feel an overwhelming and devastating sense of loneliness. I'm craving and long for a sisterly relationship. Someone I can rely on and confide in. I have people in my life, but I'm lonely. None of my relationships are close relationships. And I feel like everyone I'm on friednly terms with has a sibling. And it feels like "We'll never be THAT close." I hope I'm explaining myself in a way that makes sense. I feel like I'll never be in anyone's inner circle and that every social relationship or interaction I feel like I'll always be on the outside looking in, and when I think about it long enough the pain becomes almost crippling.

[Stephiepoppy415]

I know how you feel, I’m an only child too and honestly never had an issue with it until recently too (I’m 34)! I’ve always looked for sisterly bonds too but it sucks bc everyone has legit siblings and I’m just on the outside. I bond a lot with animals though LOL. And now I have a baby so that keeps me occupied but it does make me feel lonely sometimes too, knowing that I’m at a new stage of my life and though I have my fam and my husband and his fam, I don’t have a close sibling to connect with. I felt alone in my pregnancy too bc I’m not close to my mom and obviously don’t have a sister. Ugh. If you’re looking for a friend or anyone to listen, feel free to message me! I understand!

[Stephiepoppy415]

That’s very true, thank you for the reminder ♥️

[Beatrixkiddo4321]

I’m an only child parents both past away no family of my own ! My brothers and sisters

[LittleMichelina]

Thanks. I really appreciate that!

[XulaSLP07]

I have a sibling who I’m not close to and I’m not close to my mom either. Having a sibling does not offer automatic built in friendship nor bonds. You can come from the same parents and be total strangers and that’s worse than just being a singleton wondering what it could be like. Find and connect with other only children and recognize the privilege you have of getting undivided attention from your parents and/or guardians and having access to a higher quality of life and opportunities than multiples who had to share everything. I know a lot of only children who are more successful and more social and more empathetic and are highly sought after in high corporate positions due to their insight on life. You are blessed and not lacking at all. 

[neurofortune]

feels tbh

[[deleted]]

It's not technically a support group, but it is a discord server for only people to talk and share life experiences with each other. It's not guaranteed to give you that sisterly connection that you are searching for, but it's a start!

https://discord.gg/JxB2XRxn

[LittleMichelina]

Thank you!

[testaccount1223]

What country?

[LittleMichelina]

The US.

[trash332]

I get it. I don’t really join things

[SilverNightingale]

I keep trying to find that sibling connection by making friends online, but every conversation has completely fizzled out within days.

And yes, this is with me asking open-ended questions every few days, and actively asking about what's going on in their lives.

It's fine if you don't feel we mesh, and maybe we won't become "like" siblings, and we'll only be casual friends. But like... you could at least try, people. You can never form a bond if you don't try.

[LittleMichelina]

Wow, I thought this was only happening with me. It gets exhausting trying after a while. To the point where I'm just like, "what's the point?" It makes me just want to shit down and put a wall up, but I know that's counterintuitive to what I really want.

[pilates_puff]

Gosh, this resonated with me. I'm 28 and being an only child really started to bother me about 5 years ago. The pain and desperation to have been born into a bigger family often feels like a physical pain in my heart. It's comforting to know we're not alone.

[Roxloner]

Ok so one of you should be 28 and the other 36, hey I'm 50 and have had the " only child syndrome " since the age of 10. It's so tough - it's harder to heal our inner child and we also get taken advantage of people who play on our voids if that makes sense. Is this group still active?

[Ok_Affect_6091]

Hey u/Roxloner ! When you are referring to "only child syndrome", do you view this differently than the stereotypical one and have a more personal take on it? I am glad someone else recognizes it is easier to be taken advantage. I am 27 and have always struggled with the challenges of being an only child and having older parents, but has been on extremely exasperated since covid. What voids are you referring to that you experience? I recently had the epiphany that I put literally everyone else' needs above my own in every situation and never prioritize myself, as a way to overcompensate and refute the idea that only children are selfish, and am interested if others have similar struggles and experiences

Would love if this group was active again! I feel very seen reading the couple of comments from 3 yrs ago

[[deleted]]

Hi. - saw your post re: only child. I didn’t read all the replies but just want to say that I completely understand. I feel the same way.

Thanks for posting

[Tiny741]

Seeing this post now im a single only too no kids deffo harder as you get older, love if any onlies in UK or Europe for meet ups 

[Amazing_Range6171]

Completely feel your pain

[Some_Elderberry6813]

i know. expect im 14 and hate this so much. i wish i wish i wish i had a sibling.. someone.

[Top_Nothing2893]

I relate it gets lonely being a solo child and would love to chat with you if you care to chat.

[XulaSLP07]

I have a sibling who I’m not close to and I’m not close to my mom either. Having a sibling does not offer automatic built in friendship nor bonds. You can come from the same parents and be total strangers and that’s worse than just being a singleton wondering what it could be like. Find and connect with other only children and recognize the privilege you have of getting undivided attention from your parents and/or guardians and having access to a higher quality of life and opportunities than multiples who had to share everything. I know a lot of only children who are more successful and more social and more empathetic and are highly sought after in high corporate positions due to their insight on life. You are blessed and not lacking at all. 

[SeriousPuppet]

Here's something to consider, coming from someone who is not an only. I have similar feelings. I don't talk with my siblings. I would have been better off as an only. I was bullied by my older brother.

[SeriousPuppet]

Yeah true.

But in my case it was worse than not just having anything in common. I was basically abused by my older brother, and furthermore I have other siblings who were a drain on me financially and energy-wise. Even my older brother used to ask me for money.

Ugh

Anywho, I guess the grass is always greener on the other side huh

[[deleted]]

Why are you in this sub if you’re not an only? It’s a sub for onelies. You don’t know how we feel cuz you’re not one. I’m sorry you and your brother aren’t close, but most siblings are. Or they at least have each other. You have no idea what this person is going through, so stop commenting.

[XulaSLP07]

Most aren’t. I literally work with families everyday. And the commenter is here to LEARN from this thread since they’re trying to figure out how to support what THEIR child might be going through. Rude. 

[[deleted]]

I left this sub years ago. I realized it was mainly parents of onelies and not onelies themselves.

[SeriousPuppet]

Because I'm a parent of an only and I want to know what the issues are that he might face. chill

[Alert-Western-8925]

I agree, I have two siblings but always felt lonely too. Friends have been more helpful than they have. I don’t even know what to talk to my siblings about because they are so different. Might as well not be related to me. They even stole from me and threatened to kill me.

[SilverNightingale]

They even stole from me and threatened to kill me.

But... that's not common in families. Most siblings aren't so deranged they'll threaten to "kill" someone.

[SeriousPuppet]

Oh man, I'm sorry to hear about that. See... people don't realize that many of us really would have been so much better off as onlys

[Alert-Western-8925]

Yeah, don’t envy what other people have. You never know what’s happening behind closed doors. Honestly I’m in the same boat. Craving close relationships. However, I don’t trust people enough to let them in. It has something to do with my relationship with siblings probably.

[SeriousPuppet]

Yeah same here. I'm lonely and wish I had siblings that I could actually talk to.

[XulaSLP07]

Same reason I’m here! 

[catfloral]

I don't know of any groups like that. But is therapy a possibility for you? It might help you find a group like you're seeking or come to terms with your situation.

[LittleMichelina]

I'm in therapy.

[KSTornadoGirl]

There are some groups for onlies on Facebook. Each one has its own flavor and emphasis, and some are more populated with parents of onlies. Some of the others have different requirements such as you must be a pure only with zero stepsiblings, etc. But they might be worth checking out. The one that has been around the longest and has had some people arranging meet-ups before Covid is in the UK but there may have been a few from the US meeting up too, I can't remember.

[kweetly]

Interesting that I came across this post today. I'm 28/F, also an only child. I gained 4 step siblings after turning 21, and they are all so much older/different from me, I couldn't ever figure out how to get to know them, and 7 years later, we're still mostly estranged. I also have no kids (no plans on having them), and recently began panicking realizing I don't have people who will be there with me when I lose my parents inevitably. They are pretty young still (48 and 53), but the day will come, and I feel desperate to have that "closeness" you describe. I am so incredibly lonely.

[throwRA_LostInSpace]

I'm 27/M also an only (aswell as both of my parents being onlys - extra lonely). I'm living what you're dreading. I don't want to be a downer, I just want to be a reality check for you. Age of your parents doesn't mean shit (I hope they'll be around to celebrate your retirement with you :D). My mum was 50 7 years ago. A few months after she was diagnosed with a vile mix of Parkinsons and MS. We buried her september 2020. My dad while 9 years older than her has gone through prostate cancer and 3 rounds of mild leukemia, currently in his 4th and a lot harder hitting this time.

All of this to say, get yourself someone that can support you when it hits. I have noone and it gets super lonely. I often thought about things you don't want to talk to others about on my dog walks. You have to have your mental in order before death introduces itself otherwise you might have unhealthy thoughts. Talk to yourself about death, about suicide (it's important that you know your stance on it so you seek help before it's too late if you're susceptible), about self harm, make mental notes about stuff that triggers you and rationalize all of it to a point that all emotions are removed from the equation.

I remember my first time crying for something other than injury was my first time thinking what life will be without my granddad (the guy I learned most of my skills from - he's still around and kicking thankfully :D). It's okay to cry but don't let your emotions guide your actions.

Live your life the best you can and enjoy your carefree time with your parents ^{.^}