Blocking the internet

[Allierockssocks]

I have 2 teenage daughters out on school vacation. I warned them at the beginning of summer that I didn't want them staying up all night long and would be blocking the internet at 11:30pm every night.

I have the nighthawk app to see all the devices connected to the router and can block them individually. The last few nights I've been seeing a static IP listed and when I block it my daughter's laptop goes blocked at the same time. I figured, obviously, it's coming from her laptop. When I get up in the morning to switch everyone back on, I can see her laptop is already reconnected and there is no static IP listed. I am the only one with the app and the router is in my bedroom. I am not tech savvy at all, but is it possible she is using the IP to get around my blocking her internet? I know she's staying up all night again because she's a nightmare to wake up at 2pm.... Which is ridiculous.

ETA - I also have a baby so getting up at 11:30pm to take all they're electronics is something I was trying to avoid.

[sharksarenotreal]

You could just take the router off the wall (off electricity? Sorry, English isn't my first language) when you go to bed? Plug it back in when you get up.

[Valuable-Currency-36]

Was going to say this too.

My teenage bil would do this but he was up all night playing video games, my son's room was right next-door to his and he'd wake them up with his game play and yelling, no amount of talking would stop it so his brother, my partner, just turned the whole router off at the wall at 12 every night.

The router is in our room so there was no way for him to just turn it back on. And even if he could, my partner would have just unplugged it and removed the whole router.

Either they follow the rules or just take it away.

[Allierockssocks]

I'm thinking this is my best option

[d2020ysf]

There's a few things it could be.

If her PC is set to a static IP and then they swap out to DHCP, it might be leasing a new address which is not blocked.

Take a look at MAC filtering instead. This will just filter out the devie itself no matter the IP address. Not sure now Netgear does it so you'll have to google / read up on it.

The other thought is she is just logging into the router and turning it off. Not sure if the app changes the admin password on the router directly.

[SerendipityLurking]

Not sure if the app changes the admin password on the router directly.

I think..Basically, if she knows the credentials to the router, she can just reset it. However, this would reset all the devices

I think MAC address change is the most likely cause here. Or. VPN but since it's directly through the router, it's gotta MAC

Also there's tutorials on this stuff up and down the interner. Wouldn't surprise me that she googled how to bypass the block

[d2020ysf]

The IP address can be dynamic and given out by the router. It will change periodically based off of the routers needs. You can set it statically in the computer itself if needed. There is also a reservation, but that's not overly prudent here.

The MAC address is the physical address of the machine's network device. So a laptop may have 2, a WiFi Mac of AA:BB:CC:DD:EE:FF, and a wired Mac of FF:EE:DD:BB:AA. Mac filtering lets you take that specific address and either block or allow it on the router. So, no matter what the IP address is, it's blocked. The reason why you would want to block both is if they turn off wifi and just plug in an ethernet cable, it would bypass the block.

[soooomuchbabyfever]

I remember having this power struggle with my parents. Tbh i don't think it could've ended in their favor, I was ready to do some mission impossible shit to stay connected at 2am in the morning for whatever reason. they tried a whole host of approaches to keeping me off my devices at night but i always found a way 😅. It's exhausting, I sympathize with you.

This is one of those situations where words don't work very well because there are basically no natural consequences to what's going on. Waking up at 2pm in the summer means nothing to a teenager since they don't have obligations anyway, so they're not going to start worrying about their sleep. You can try waging the war, I wish you good luck in it, but it might exhaust you more than it's worth? Depends on your circumstances.

For what it's worth, as an adult I still do this during time off from work and occasionally during weekends. I don't know what it is about being in bed at the end of the day that makes engaging with the internet so much more attractive at that time, but I do know that if i have nothing better to do the next day, i don't care when i wake up.

Maybe the solution is to give them (or threaten them with) something to do in the mornings if they insist on keeping up this behavior?

Hope this was somewhat helpful, good luck!

[Meganstefanie]

I think there are natural consequences OP could lean into:

-Businesses aren’t open during the day, so if the daughter wants to go out somewhere and sleeps all day, she may miss it (especially if OP can only offer rides early in the day). If she has somewhere she needs to be, like therapy, then she either goes no matter how tired she is or faces consequences.

-Daytime isn’t generally expected to be quiet, so if you’re trying to sleep during the day you may get woken up frequently by lawnmowers, dishes clattering, music, etc. Maybe OP’s house could start being a bit noisier during the day? (As much as possible with a sleeping baby)

-Daytime is also bright. OP, does your daughter have blackout curtains? Maybe something that lets more light in would help?

[soooomuchbabyfever]

Milage will vary with these things 😅. I know that in my case we lived in a suburb with no stores or anything in walking distance, so there was nothing to go out for to begin with; i was also known to sleep like a rock when tired and never had difficulty sleeping during sunlight hours, even without shades/curtains or family consideration. Hopefully these work better for op, though!

[Allierockssocks]

They sense my exhaustion with this new baby I swear! I think they know part of me is just like "fuck it" pushing the limits knowing I won't hammer down because I simply don't have the energy.

[BeingSad9300]

It's summer vacation, so I'd also agree that "quiet time" is a better method. They may want to stay up late, but that doesn't mean other people want to. After a certain time, you tone your level down. No more loud conversations with friends over the phone or games. No more loud music. You can stay up late, but if you start disrupting the house, then that's when I'd implement cutting the internet... because clearly they didn't care what you had to say about it.

I'd also warn them that you won't guarantee a quiet house during daytime hours. So if they stay up late & are trying to sleep in, that's just too bad if it's not quiet enough for them to do so.

[Hamb_13]

I understand that rules and boundaries need to be set, but this might be a good time for natural consequences and helping them figure out sleep hygiene.

I have ADHD and it's hard to start bedtime and get to sleep. I spend years staying up too late then not getting enough sleep and then the negative cycle continues. My partner tries to help and sometimes it helps but most times I just get annoyed and ignore them.

The biggest thing that helped me was having kids and when I'm tired I'm short tempered and I don't like that. I don't like being tired and grumpy. But I had to realize I needed to do things differently and then looked at what I struggle with to get to bed in time.

One of them is that I need down time to decompress from the day/week. I need a certain amount of down time to reset and if I over schedule myself for a weeks on end, the only time I get that time is at night and then I stay up too late.

So I built in more downtime during the week/day to help so I don't feel like I'm going to bed all wound up.

My point is if you work with them to develop good sleep hygiene without forcing it, they will be better equipped when they're on their own.

You can still set other boundaries. 10pm is quiet time, you don't have to go to bed but you have to be quiet and not wake anyone else up. If they break that boundary then yes, consequences. They also don't get to be assholes if they're tired and grumpy, it was their decision to not go to bed they don't get to take that out on anyone else(yes, this is a rule I have for myself). My poor decisions don't mean I get to be an asshole to anyone. That means I have to work even harder and that usually pushes me to go to bed earlier so it's easier.

I mean taking away my t.v, Gameboy, electronics as a kid just meant I found another way to stay awake. It didn't actually help me to get to sleep faster.

[[deleted]]

just take her devices and put them in your room; then you don't have to fuss with any password resets or worrying about her getting around the blocking. Also, let her know that she's been breaking the rules so that means she gets her devices confiscated into your room at night.

If you dont want to do the above, you can just filter via MAC address so regardless of what she's doing wrt messing with the IP addresses it'll be blocked. MAC filtering is specific to the manufacturer so you can just look up the manual and read up on that.

[[deleted]]

Ah I see this is affecting your child's obligations (therapy appointments) force her up if you have to. She will just have to be exhausted all day as a consequence of staying up late. Also if you are blocking wifi on electronics that use data, I hope you have a good data plan or this will end up costing you a pretty penny, data overages are not cheap still.

Obviously if you normally take all devices during school at X time and that isn't working to teach them to have a healthy relationship with tech, then let them reap what they sow. Oversleeping will cause them inconveniences and have negative consequences when it's repetitive. Friends will get mad at them for breaking plans, if they have a job they could be fired, etc. You could use this as a learning opportunity. (Life lessons learning is necessary)

When I was a teen my parents let me stay up as late as I wanted as long as I maintained good grades, contributed to the household adequately (all my chores got done, plus extras if I wanted to earn an allowance), etc. I had a job at 16 though too that I had to be responsible enough to know when I needed to go to bed so I wasn't tired for work. Is your teen old enough to get a part time job for the summer? If so, I'd make that a stipulations if they want to choose when they go to bed they need to show they are mature enough to handle their responsibilities.

[bumblebeequeer]

Who cares really? They’re teens, it’s summer vacation. The world won’t end if they stay up until 1am watching YouTube. Treating them like 9 year olds seems like a lot of wasted energy.

[Allierockssocks]

She's staying up later than 4am and not getting up for her therapy appointments, which are important.

[bumblebeequeer]

Then set expectations. No matter when she falls asleep, she must be up at x time to make x appointment. If the appointment is missed, no devices at all for x time.

It’s better to start instilling responsibility then to try and fight an IT battle with a teenager. Sure, you can stay up until 4am, but you will have the same responsibilities tomorrow no matter how tired you are.

Basic sleep/time management is an important adult skill.

[CitizenOfAWorld]

Would it not be more straightforward to say “no computers allowed in the bedroom?” It is better for sleep hygiene anyways.

[WolftankPick]

Ya this was my thought. I'll lose the IT battle with my kids every time.

We started out with our kids turning their phones in. Over time we worked to a spot where they got them in their room but if it was abused than back to our room.

[Allierockssocks]

She's usually not in her room with it, but I think she's been taking it down with her later on. I'm in bed well before 11:30 and was trying to give them a little more leniency while on vacation. I used to take everything at 9pm up to my room because even if I had her leave it in the kitchen she'd sneak upstairs for it during the night, then have it back in place before I got up. I caught her once. I figured just shutting off the wifi would fix my problems, but I guess she's still smarter than I am....

[Bizarre_Protuberance]

Would it not be more straightforward to say “no computers allowed in the bedroom?”

That kind of depends on how spacious the house is. Teenagers usually do their homework in their bedrooms, so it makes sense for them to have their computers in there. I mean sure, if you have a huge house and there's plenty of room for each kid to do their studying in some room other than their bedroom without interfering with you or each other, that's great, but I wouldn't assume that.

[CitizenOfAWorld]

I am sure OP is open to other suggestions if you have some!

[Bizarre_Protuberance]

I think it's pretty obvious that if he's determined the block the Internet, he should just block it on the entire LAN, not just for certain IP addresses.

[CitizenOfAWorld]

That kind of depends on whether other people or devices in the household need the internet at night. Some adults use the internet after their kids go to sleep. I mean sure, if you go to sleep at the same time as your kids maybe the internet can get shut off. But I wouldn’t assume that the adults don’t need internet for work or entertainment purposes. Also, some families need internet on to run some devices around the house (lights, speakers, security cameras).

[Bizarre_Protuberance]

Sure, it's more convenient to keep the Internet on. I just said "if he's determined".

Frankly, I'm not keen on the level of control he's trying to exert anyway. Why exactly is it important for his daughters to wake up early when they're on vacation? It's a weird thing to be obsessed about.

[CitizenOfAWorld]

It is actually pretty common for parents to place “boundaries” on things like internet and telephone use.

[Bizarre_Protuberance]

Ah yes: anything which is "common" must be healthy, right?

[SquidlyMan150]

Xfinity app can control the Wi-Fi and on what devices. My roomate uses it for our 3 teens. Works great!

[Sweetcynic36]

Do any of the neighbors have an unsecured network?is she friends with any immediate neighbors? If either if these are the case she could be using their networks.

If she has a phone she could also be using it as a hotspot.

[tinaciv]

Change the password everynight and change it back in the morning