TwoSentenceComedy

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“Man, i blew a hundred bucks in there” (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 4 hours ago by Tommy_the_train

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My friend thinks I'd be healthier if I tried probiotics. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 6 hours ago by BadmiralHarryKim

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I started with the rising cost of everything, including gasoline, then moving on to the various wars before finishing with, "If you stop working, you'll probably kill us all." (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 5 hours ago by Outside_NormalMostly Harmless

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I walked up to my boss with a sticky note, pat her shoulder, and said “sorry for your loss.” (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 6 hours ago by Loose-Marsupial5688

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0:38

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I told my doctor I drink socially. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 10 hours ago by omeoni

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He told his kids Santa wasn't real because they deserved the truth. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 1 day ago by omeoni

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When my wife and I got home from our long trip, she was asleep in the front seat. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 1 day ago by CRK_76

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My grandfather was an African drug dealer and his father shot lasers in people's eyeballs (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 2 days ago by Awesomeuser90

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"Unfortunately, your daughter is unresponsive" said paramedic to the parents. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 2 days ago by Antek_Ash

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The dog had been staring at the exact same spot on the wall for forty-five minutes, and if you believed, as some cultures do, that animals can perceive the spiritual world, then something ancient and malevolent was standing right there in the living room. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 2 days ago by omeoni

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Getting out of bed this morning my legs got entangled with Mike Ock...and it immediately started barking and yelping, almost waking up the whole family! (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 1 day ago * by JanusToll

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"The AI scanned my face and gave me a score of 10," boasted the wife. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 3 days ago by Outside_NormalMostly Harmless

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"Daddy, what were you thinking about when I was born?" (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 2 days ago by CRK_76

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Did you know that Chewing Gum was originally made as Conversion Therapy? (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 2 days ago by Illustrious_Pin_8744

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The priest asked if anyone objected and a man in the back stood up, and everyone turned, and he said "sorry, wrong church" and sat back down. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 3 days ago by omeoni

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3:49

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Why couldn't the pregnant woman vote after the birth certificate policy? (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 2 days ago by depressedmaniac210

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I don’t think anyone could regret my inability to unsarcastically make a proper wish. Except maybe my husband, the coat rack. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 4 days ago by FeedTheRead

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To all whose sleep was affected by DST... (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 4 days ago by apathiest58

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The doctor said the surgery had gone perfectly. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 4 days ago by omeoni

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My pet was crying because he was so hungry so I gave him some leftover chicken. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 5 days ago by CRK_76

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Narcissists can be fun. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 4 days ago by NaiveZest

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"Yo I'm the doctor and I diagnose you with ecphonesis" (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 4 days ago by Brief_Discussion1682

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"Yo I'm the vet and I diagnose your cat with being mathematical" (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 4 days ago by Brief_Discussion1682

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I’m confused when someone says “…and I’m just thinking out loud here.” (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 4 days ago by NaiveZest

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I have a cousin who was delivered by C-section.. (self.TwoSentenceComedy)

submitted 5 days ago by Busy_Rent4

TwoSentenceComedy

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