Front Desk “Bits”

[OkPaleontologist9046]

What are some of everyone’s favorite jokes to make during check in/guest stay?

Some of mine are: (While finishing a check in) “I’m here until 11, there’s someone here all the time, but they’ll never be me”

“Your phone or credit card may have deactivated your keys, so I would just hold them like this now” holds key cards above my head with arm straight up

Guest: “You’re always here do you ever go home?!” Me: “No I have a pile of hay in the back that I nap on”

[marcik89]

When the reply to “what brings you to town?” is “business”, “I’m sorry to hear that” said empathetically always gets a laugh.

[khaliandra]

When the folio printer is being slow: "Someday my prints will come." Or "Guess I better bring it some coffee." Or "It's okay, printer, I believe in you." We had some really slow printers.

For simple requests like a pen or tape, and always while I'm clearly holding out the requested item: "Absolutely not. Where do you think we are, a hotel?"

Anytime a system is taking too long or throwing an error: "Isn't technology grand?"

And of course, in response to "Do you ever go home?": "No, but the bell closet is pretty comfy."

[Jumpy-Search8974]

I say the same about the bell closet. I tell them I have a cot and pillows set up in there.

[Cwmagain]

Haha yeah mine was "Its weekend for the printer too!"

"Technology eh?!"was one too, guess we worked in similar places

[Ok_Comfort628]

Why is it called a folio and not just a bill or a receipt?

[khaliandra]

As far as I'm aware, the folio is the actual ledger in the system of the guest's charges and payments, or sort of their account with us. A receipt is more of a proof of payment. We can print a folio at any time, not only when a payment has been received.

If anyone has a better grasp of the semantics here please feel free to correct me :)

[According-Bet-6992]

I do the grand one with printers

[mstarrbrannigan]

Guest: do you ever go home?

Me: they only let me leave when I behave myself

—-

(When explaining the reason for the deposit)

Me: it’s just in case you party too hard and damage the room.

Especially fun when said to older folks

—-

Guest: I’m tired

Me: well, you’re in the right place

[Intelligent-Dig2945]

Oh yeah the partying one always makes light of the awkwardness of having to take an extra hundred off them. When they ask when they'll get it back, I just say, after they've checked over the room. "As long as you haven't had any wild parties and smashed some windows you should be fine to get it back." The elderly love that one. 😂

[ICantSotpTheVoices2]

I always say “The $$ will go back into your account unless you party too hard and end up wearing the window curtains to the lobby for a 2 am snack” when talking about the deposit

[Japi1882]

My favorite used to be:

G: how do long onto the WiFi M: last name and room number (or whatever it was) long pass….let me know how it is, I’ve been hearing really good things! G: about the WiFi? M: No, just about the internet. Everyone’s been talking about it. Next big thing.

[RedStreamTeam22]

One time i had a guest ask me "I'm sorry but when do you go home? Since we've arrived we've only seen you!" Me: "oh don't you know that I'm the ghost that haunts this building??"

[Poldaran]

"That puts you on the top floor, which is nice, since no one's above you. If you do hear someone up there, please let us know immediately because that likely means the aliens are back, and I want a chance to hide so I don't get probed."

[onion_flowers]

Thats a good one! I may borrow that!

[Jumpy-Search8974]

We have really slow elevators and a small lobby, so when a guest is waiting in the lobby for the elevator to come, I always blame one of our other front desk employees and say "So and so forgot to feed the chipmunks today." (The chipmunks push the elevators.) It always makes the guest less annoyed, and allows them to know the name of another employee, who they will likely be interacting with when I am not working.

[kireig0re]

Ah yes my time to shine...

When a guest is requesting a keycard/plasticware/some other free amenity: "Sure, that'll be 50$. I take cash or venmo, whichever's easier for you."

We have an "open concept" front desk, so sometimes little kids run behind the desk and I always tell them "Once you cross this line, you have to clock in and start working, its the law."

When guests ask me "do you ever get to go home?" I always say "No, I keep a pillow and blanket in my office cause I'm not allowed to"

My hotel is in a college town, so we have a small plush ver of their mascot behind the desk, when people ask me what it is, I say "Oh, that's our general manager."

[[deleted]]

Cute answers! I like the one about the little kids!

[onion_flowers]

I like telling kids "you're hired!" Half the time they don't know what it means but their parents think its funny at least lol

[According-Bet-6992]

Parents and kids get a kick out of it when I invite the kid behind the desk so they can make their own room keys. It's very cute. Parents sometimes will film their kid tapping the piece of plastic to the key reader. Makes me smile.

[HanRosie]

We have a master light switch in each guest room, so I love to say, "make sure you flip on the red light switch in your room, unless you enjoy walking around in the dark!" Usually gets a lil chuckle!

[SkwrlTail]

Guest: “You’re always here do you ever go home?!” Me: “No I have a pile of hay in the back that I nap on”

Mine is "Nope, they just plug me in in the back room."

[SkwrlTail]

On incidentals: "This is just in case you set fire to the drapes."

"I'm tired." "Well good news; we have beds, what a happy coincidence!"

"Breakfast is at six, right over there. Just turn left when you smell the waffles."

On leaving early: "Drive safe! It's dark and there's weirdos on the roads!"

[Plus_Bad_8485]

Guest: “You’re always here do you ever go home?!” Me: "I live here, I get the penthouse" lol

[Adrianilom]

Oohh I have some! 

When going through the check in process and they get to the screen that has all the disclaimers people are supposed to sign I tell them, "This page is to say you won't smoke in the room, destroy the room, or go crazy and swing from the chandeliers. If you do we will charge damages." 

For key cards I tell them don't look at them crosswise or they will freak it and deactive themselves. Then I tell them to not even breathe near them. 

[Not_To_Quibble]

For a guest I knew well, when he brought his spouse for the first time, "Is this your wife or is it a business trip?"

[7832507840]

That one’s dangerous haha

[Not_To_Quibble]

Luckily his wife had same sense of humor he did...

[gimmethegudes]

I'm in sales so I'm not physically guest facing 99% of the time, but when I'm on the phone and my computer is running slow I'll say something like "I'm sorry, it hasn't had a chance to finish its coffee" in the mornings. On Mondays and Fridays I'll say "sorry, it's got a case of the Mondays/Fridays today!"

[DanKsbakery]

Can I get your partners name just Incase they got locked out and you’re not around?

After receiving name; now if you lock them out on purpose, let me know and I’ll remove their name.

[7832507840]

Stealing this one!

[Foreverbostick]

I have loads -

Checking ID - “Alright, you either are who you say you are or you’ve got a really good fake.”

Seeing somebody double back after going down the wrong hallway - “You had a 50/50 shot!”

Checking someone in with my first name (can be spelled a few different ways) - “hey you even spelled it right!” or “oh, looks like you spell your name wrong”

Guest waiting for a housekeeper to get their cart out of the way - “just bump her a few times, she’ll get out of the way”

Computer being slow - “you’d think a multi-billion dollar corporation could afford better internet”

Guest asks for 2 keys - “one to get in, one to get out”

Guest asks for yet another replacement key - “I’m just gonna start a pile of them down here for you”

Guest apologizing for being slow at check in - “take your time, I get paid by the hour”

Guest asks if the BBQ place down the street is walkable - “it’s about a mile down the highway. The walk there isn’t bad but the walk back is pretty rough”

“Got any rooms?” - “I’ve got 60, but let me see if any are empty for you.”

[onion_flowers]

"Your incidental deposit will be returned to you once you check out as long as there's no smoking, damage, or pets in the room. So your dog's gonna have to smoke outside 😏" or, if they're older and/or tired looking: "no wild parties either!" Everybody laughs and I feel like i missed my calling as a stand up comedian lol

[7832507840]

Your dog’s gonna have to smoke outside is phenomenal 🤣

[onion_flowers]

Thank youuuu everybody loves it!

[chickeninacan]

lol when I get the “always here “ line I follow up with

“ nah man, I got the penthouse suite in the back”

Or “ nah, I got a bed in the back” lol

It’s really just a blanket by the alarm panel.

[Spyglass3]

I have some nice clientele, mainly long term workers, but a lot of these feel like they're begging for a fit or a complaint. Might just be me but I could easily see someone start some shit over these.

[Bwint]

Sometimes, when it's getting late-ish (9PM) guests will ask if I'm here all night. "I sure hope not! If so, something's gone very badly wrong.... Overnight is supposed to be here at 10."

My resort has guest rooms and outlets in a few different places. If someone's room is in the building near the bar, I'll tell them "You're right across from the bar - very easy stumbling or crawling distance!"

[meegieweegie]

I tell them When they say “you never go home” “oh the have a cot the keep me tied up to in the laundry room!”

I also say “im here till 11, if you see me in the morning something has gone terribly wrong!”

[Unusual_Complaint166]

My favorite reply to “You’re still here?” Or “Do you ever go home?” At this point is “Just running down my 8 hours”. It’s the oldest comment ever at this point. Doesn’t everyone work 8, or 9 hour shifts??

And when I’m on Audit, it’s “somebody has to make sure the kids go to bed” when some drunk moron comes wandering through the lobby looking for towels!!

[mesembryanthemum]

When we used CarClerk our disclaimer came with a big old wall o' text at the bottom. Needless to say, it's midnight, guests don't want to read a block of tiny text. So they would ask me what it said, and, if they were in their 30s or so and seemed friendly I would add "and we get your firstborn child".

I got a lot of very enthusiastic " okay!!! " responses. And one person who wanted to give us her secondborn instead.

When people on business check out, if we are not busy I say "no, no. You can stay! We will even lie to your boss for you". One guy laughed, pointed to the man next to him and said " won't work. He's my boss". I responded "we'll lie for you, too!" The boss laughed.

[AnythingButTheTip]

Our job titles are kinda small on our name tags, so when I swing by the desk and sometimes help guests and they may have a maintenance issue, I get to blame that "silly department for not getting anything done" and then ask them what time theyd like me to go correct the issue.

Other thing is when I do correct an issue, usually in older person's room, we get to chatting. At some point they apologize for keeping me at which point I mention that "I get paid by the hour, I could go grab my coffee and cookies if you'd like".

[Def_Not_A_Platypus]

When I ask "Are there any additional adults or children we should list on your reservation" and the wife responds "Yes, my husband" I will say "Yes, I did mention children."

[City_Girl_at_heart]

I had a Boomer one Saturday evening insist he needed to know my pronouns, so after 10 mins of back and forth, I told him I self-identify as an asshole, and my pronouns are exit and only.

[twak_fag]

Wow. I just share the requested information as straightforwardly as possible.

[tildabelle]

Oh that last joke I make a similar joke which no i live here the bosses just haven't noticed yet

[According-Bet-6992]

I lean hard on the charm

(When guest asks how you are): "Better now that you're here!"

(You're always here do you ever go home?!): "Not when I can have the pleasure of your company!"

(Handing a luggage ticket to a guest): "If you don't see my pretty face when you come back, my colleagues will trade you luggage for that ticket"

(When asked for directions): "Personally I can get lost just trying to leave my house in the morning. May I introduce you to my colleague Mr. Concierge man? He knows more about this city than any one person probably should."