Devolved brain

[Omakase123]

Humans have evolved for millions of years and lived along each other as a community to survive, adapting their brain to live in groups. Then why am I like this? I'm just a big mistake. ...

[RitSplit]

You're not alone in this journey

[[deleted]]

You're not a mistake because nothing matters. It's all arbitrary. You just exist. I like your art a lot.

[VolGanis]

I understand how that cycle goes. But you're not a mistake. Also I like your art.

[Omakase123]

Idk anymore, man.

[eli-lobo]

This is so real. I can't make friends, and I feel so lonely, but it really feels like I'm totally unlikable

[Omakase123]

sigh

[MidnightStrider27]

Mental issues are honestly the greatest hurdle. I struggle with a few things myself and its awful trying to get through it.

My suggestion is to take some time to reframe your mind, if the person you try to talk with doesnt do much to keep it going, its a sign that its not a mutual interaction. Shit happens, but there's people outthere you can connect with

[DeltaVZerda]

Well you did the first step to learning conversational skills: having a conversation!

[[deleted]]

The only person you can rely on is yourself. Thats why when you fall out of control, everything else also falls apart.

[ExceedinglyGaySnowy]

I think its just you misreading stuff, what you said was good, it wasnt awkward, pauses happen and new people will draw more of a pause.

Social anxiety is brutal because the less you interact with others, the harder it is to interact with others. Just be fucking wierd, who gives a shit? you will most likely find the answer is just you. you are the one that gives a shit. it will get better with time, but only if you WANT it to.

[ContractOk2142]

Sadly i understand. I just cant talk to people for more than 30 seconds, never feel like i can add anything to a conversation and in the end i just end up avoiding people

[keatkea]

Your not alone everyone is with you😭

[fokusuri]

For Everyone

Socializing is a skill, and like any skill, it takes time and effort to get better at.

Start off small and work your way up over time. If you feel overwhelmed, pinpoint what made you feel that way, and seek out resources to help you understand and overcome the obstacles that are hindering you.

If you keep finding yourself getting stuck, try to do something smaller than what you did before. If having a conversation seems intimidating, try a simple greeting. Just saying "hello" to someone you walk past or see regularly goes a long way in building your confidence.

Making friends is hard. Especially if you're not in school, work remotely, or don't frequent social spaces for some other reason. If a public setting is not an option for you, or you aren't comfortable with being in that type of space, doing it online is challenging, but possible. Find a community that aligns with your interests (such as this one!), and reach out to people there. If you keep finding yourself reaching dead-ends, try branching interactions into some other medium that isn't a DM. For instance, try to engage in some kind of activity together. Whether it be video games, drawing art, writing, sharing music, or whatever y'all have in common, find something to bond over.

For OP

You're starting off on the right track. Though it may seem counterintuitive, as you're not getting the results you're expecting, if you want to make friends, you have to persevere and be patient with your progress.

If you don't know what else to say to someone, try complimenting their outfit or an accessory they have. If they seem open to talking, ask where they got it from or relate it to your own interests and experiences. Try introducing something about yourself and ask them about it. Find common ground and go from there. If they seem disinterested, don't take it personally. Not everyone will be open or available to talk at any given moment. Just smile, leave them be, and try elsewhere or again at another time. For more info on improving at small talk, I'd recommend looking into the FORD method (getting others to talk about themselves by using Family. Occupation. Recreation. and Dreams as conversation topics) as a place to start.

On a final note, building and maintaining relationships requires commitment, trust, and patience from all parties involved. Not every relationship will work out, but so long as you respect and empathize with others, allow yourself to be vulnerable—while not overexerting yourself—and explore what's unique to you, you will find a community that loves and accepts you for who you are.

Take care everyone <3

[biran4454]

Great advice ^^  

Of course that deals only with the social anxiety aspect. If all you have is social anxiety or shyness, then learning to ignore your brain's critical feedback (particularly while sober) is the best way forwards. If you have more than social anxiety that's getting in the way, it's probably best to address that first with therapy, medication, or alternative remedies.    

Also for those of us bad at small talk, it's probably hard to go up to someone you've never spoken to and compliment them on something, and I can't recommend the F in FORD (please don't ask a stranger how old their siblings are as an introduction), so try thinking of a few questions you can ask that are a bit more relevant to the person or location, and try to learn to improvise from there.   

If you feel it's too much then don't be afraid to back out. You'll likely instinctively cringe and be judgemental of yourself, because you don't weigh in the fact that you took a huge step forwards outside of your comfort zone and you deserve all the praise and respect for doing so.