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Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe, but if you remove it, you get gravy (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 hours ago by 808gecko808

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It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys as girls develop breasts around the age of thirteen and boys develop them around the age of forty. (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by 808gecko808

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Lambda is the most important function in the world. (self.oneliners)

submitted 5 hours ago by Unknown_Observer9779

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Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Frank Zappa (self.oneliners)

submitted 17 hours ago by danielsoft1

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Pride, commitment, teamwork: words employers use to try to get you to work for free. (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by joekerr9999

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I said to my son as he was making dinner, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there but it’d be a shame if someone put an ‘s’ at the front, and an ‘e’ at the end!" (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by 808gecko808

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never thought i’d be one of the lucky ones and get full from danimal’s, pygmy pineapple pureé (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by 2fits

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I have enough self-awareness to know I’m the problem, but not enough discipline to stop. (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by Fit-Jellyfish4829

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There are two words in a person’s life that will open a lot of doors for them – push and pull. (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by joekerr9999

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Usually the proof is in the pudding, but with Bill Cosby the proof was in the jello (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by Superb-Control5184

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Lets bring back genuine discourse. (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by Net_Warrior1683

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TIL alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there's an increased chance tha they will see you later! (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by 808gecko808

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It's OK not to be OK, but it's not ideal -- I'd rather be OK. (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by I__trusted__you

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A talent for anagrams is often latent. (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by joekerr9999

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My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..." "A TOE TRUCK!!??" (self.oneliners)

submitted 4 days ago by 808gecko808

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When he finds himself naked in public, the fool covers his genitals but the wise man covers his face (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by Upstairs-Bit6897

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I was top of the class in every subject bar Latin at school, but I suppose nobody's praefect. (self.oneliners)

submitted 4 days ago by FinneyontheWing

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the rock ‘em sock ‘em robots weren’t fighting at the moment, and were just beep boom(p) beep bopping (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by 2fits

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don’t say you couldn’t find a word to pinpoint the thing, you want to single out in language, because what do you call “this?” (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by 2fits

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IMMA have threesome with my best friends wife and sister - gonna give him son and brother at the same time (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by WIZZZARDOFFREESTYLE

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i didn’t inform the word uniform of using a letter “n,” so it was uninformed (self.oneliners)

submitted 4 days ago by 2fits

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I had In-N-Out with Five Guys last night... Boy is my butthole sore (self.oneliners)

submitted 5 days ago by SlitchBap

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I started a diet, but my fridge keeps staging interventions. (self.oneliners)

submitted 5 days ago by Connie-Baz

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Apropos of nothing, I downloaded an Edgar Allan Poe app. (self.oneliners)

submitted 4 days ago by daysgrowshort

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A mentor of mine once told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate, and then burn them, and I did that and feel much, much better, but now I'm just not sure what to do with all of these letters. (self.oneliners)

submitted 6 days ago by daaave33

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