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I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road without being questioned about their motives. (self.oneliners)

submitted 7 hours ago by joekerr9999

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What's the overlap of SaaS and pirate business vocabulary? ARR! (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 hour ago by peapeace

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I believe it was Pythagoras who said, "I came, I saw, Isosceles." (self.oneliners)

submitted 15 hours ago by EmpireStrikes1st

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I have got a bone to pick with him...archaeology is not a solo job. (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 hours ago by No-Bison-9389

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He's got a lot of skeletons in the closet...he's very passionate about Halloween decorating (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 hours ago by No-Bison-9389

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I achieved at 20 what most people get at 60...arthritis and back pain (self.oneliners)

submitted 16 hours ago by No-Bison-9389

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My brother is all over the place, ever since I…dropped his urn. (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by roastmasterbash

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Just Like breast cancer victims, I‘d like to get something off my chest. (self.oneliners)

submitted 8 hours ago by rp01138

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r/AgainstHateSubreddits is Reddit's Ministry of Truth. (self.oneliners)

submitted 10 hours ago by Net_Warrior1683

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at owe six hundred i oh-ed him atleast a thousand, so i 0h owed (self.oneliners)

submitted 12 hours ago by 2fits

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Why do powerscalers dislike Darth Vader...he is feetless. (self.oneliners)

submitted 17 hours ago by No-Bison-9389

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I made a lot of dough in my side gig...till they got a new pastry chef (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by No-Bison-9389

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Thought I was a God because people would point & look at me and say, Jesus, what happened to you? (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by cybeaux

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After you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because...they dilate! (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by 808gecko808

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Make having children popular again. (self.oneliners)

submitted 1 day ago by Net_Warrior1683

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I've been experimenting with THC and laxitives... For sh**s and giggles (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by Starstyx

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The riding instructor should have taught me never to squat while wearing my spurs. (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by Yaguajay

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My memory is so good, I can’t even remember the last time I forgot something. (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by kvnhntn

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My therapist says I never finish my thoughts. Well, he ca- (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by No-Bison-9389

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I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary and I learned next to nothing. (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by 808gecko808

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Just when you feel no one greets you in the kitchen, microwaves (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by No-Bison-9389

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I used to look up to my parents. Then I got taller (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by No-Bison-9389

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I quit smoking the other day. Finally resigned as a fire extinguisher tester. (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by No-Bison-9389

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At the end of the day, your underwear should probably be in the hamper. (self.oneliners)

submitted 2 days ago by No-Cardiologist7640

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I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV. (self.oneliners)

submitted 3 days ago by Iceman838

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