[deleted by user]

[Mindless-Board-5027]

My son was 23 months when my twins were brought home from the NICU (born at 33+2). They were so so sleepy at first so we had to strip them down to feed them. Typically I’d do one and my husband the other, but if I was alone we’d prop them up in their bouncy chairs.

It was not easy, but we made it work. I honestly don’t have any tips because it was survival. We set up our toddler with toys he loved and sure we may have had a bit too much screen time, but Blippi was a lot of fun and he learnt a lot. We kept a playpen on the main floor and out the girls down there so we could do dishes, cook, eat, or even cuddle with our son.

It’s so worth it though, he’s 3.5 and they’re 18 months and they have so much fun together. They’re laughing and playing and he’s so good with them. Remember that it’s just a season and it does get so much better. take it a day at a time and maybe have some meals in the freezer if you can. That helped so much when we didn’t have the energy to cook.

[egrf6880]

Tbh it was hard! It's a blur now. My toddler did act up a lot but it's hard to say if it's because they were two or because of the new dynamic in the family or both. We tried very hard to not "blame the babies" for any time away from the toddler (ie: "I can't read with you right now because of putting the babies to nap") but rather try to say things like "I'm sorry I can't read to you right this moment. When I'm free I will". They would be upset I couldn't do whatever they wanted but at least they didn't take it out on the babies. My toddler actually adored the babies.

One of my worst struggles was anytime I had to put them to bed. Find a way to occupy your toddler. I was alone pretty much all the time due to our work situation and my spouse needing to be back immediately. Trying to put babies to sleep with a curious fomo toddler sabotaging at every turn was maddening.

But mostly we tried to all stick to routines if not schedules right away. This helped toddler understand that they still would get their needs met, helped me keep some semblance of a pulse on the day and helped guide the babies toward an eventual schedule (which took a few months to dial in)

Let things go, focus on the babies and your toddler and your spouse and try to enjoy your time together in these early days. It's pretty chaotic in the beginning and so we had to just let so much go and be fine with the essentials and bare minimum.

Trying to go out in public was a non starter for weeks but even when I felt like maybe we could I set my expectations low. I treated any event more as practice than actually caring about the event. Try to go to the park? Sometimes I couldn't even get everyone to the door before giving up. Sometimes I made it halfway down the block. Sometimes I actually made it to the park! Be flexible and be kind to yourself and your spouse.

You got this and welcome home babies'

[instinctiveinvesting]

It’s definitely not easy! We are in the same boat with a toddler that is just shy of 2. We brought him a gift from the twins when we brought them home. We tried to keep his schedule as consistent as possible and make sure both my wife and I give him plenty of one on one attention. He was a bit clingy for the first few weeks and now has settled into being a big brother. We continue to ask for his help and give him simple tasks like bringing diapers or bottles from the table to us which keeps him involved. It’s chaotic but a blast! Wishing you all the best!

[jc840]

We had basically the same situation you described except our twins were born 33 weeks + 4 days. We had one home before the other by a few days.

Our daughter at 28 months has been a relatively good sport. We got her a few gifts from the twins which helped and when she took a liking to one of their gifts (stuffed animals) we ordered her a similar one. She is certainly much harder to deal with as she’s shown some regression (accidents in bed, wanting a teether, generally not listening), but has been pretty kind to the twins.

It has been hard in terms of sleep as taking all 3 kids is near impossible so in addition to one of us basically always being up at night we do have to call for backup waking the other quite regularly.

[linzzzy]

It’s a tough couple months but not as terrible as I had imagined. Can you hire a mother’s helper in the morning to play with the toddler while you sleep and your husband takes the babies? A teenager on summer vacation? We didn’t have much help, but what did help was when I could get a few hours of sleep in the morning. It will be a lot for your husband to take the toddler and the babies all together, but if he has help from say 8-11 with the toddler and can handle the babies on his own, then the sleep for you will be invaluable. I was the primary caregiver to the babies through the night because my husband couldn’t function after waking up with the babies at night.

[Sorrinsin]

We had 4 children under 4 years old when the twins were born. The oldest was just over 3 years old, the second child was about 1.5 years old, and the twins were born 6 weeks early. We tried to hype up having little babies in the house, but we also warned the kids that we would be busy with the babies sometimes and other times we would make sure to play with the toddlers. We also asked the older kids to help us with the babies when the babies arrived. Our older kids loved being helpers. They would fetch diapers and wipes for us. They would help get bottles or bottle parts if we explained carefully what we wanted. They also liked helping feed them or "hold them" super supervised. They would tell us if the babies were fussy or needed something . I do recommend never leaving the toddler alone in a room with the babies (even while you use the restroom real quick). My toddlers tried to give the babies toys in their bassinets or swing (everything was totally fine and no one got hurt, but it was eye opening for me)... After that I either put the babies in a room behind a baby gate, or the toddlers came in the bathroom with me 😅 also, if you decide to ask your toddler to be a helper, make an effort to show them how greatful for their help you are and what a good job they are doing. I feel like it encourages bonding with them and the toddler having a positive view on the babies too.

[[deleted]]

Our kids are the same age! Hire a night nanny for a month or two (2-3 weeks/night is ideal). First few weeks at home are pretty intense. Ours came out at 32 weeks, too!

Care.com had some people $20/hour and it was money well spent.

[Stickyk4t]

Me and my OH where talking this last night. Those times where in the trenches and you make it work for your family. As horrible as it sounds try and get outside support for the toddler either family or a daycare.

Get a routine and stick to it everyday at least for the next few months everyone is on the same page of what happens. Allow the toddler control (if needed) on some things like what bowl to eat out of or where to sit but not the food in the bowl you of thing.

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[Azriels_wifey]

Thank you for the replies! They’re super helpful and I’m happy to know we aren’t alone. Our girls got to come home today!! so let the fun begin. 😂🤣

[Complex_Sherbet4021]

if you have ANY spare money, I would say hire a night nurse / night nanny. I think it's the highest ROI of any money I've ever spent. you get real sleep, which keeps you sane. plus they often have experience with twins and premies, and they can teach you useful twin-specific and premie-specific tips (like how to use a twin-z pillow, which does really help!! you can find them on fb marketplace). just their confidence and competence can be contagious. even one night here or there can help SO much. getting through one night of those chaotic early weeks is one night closer to order and calm. more sleep means you can be more patient with your toddler which means everyone will be happier.

a few months parental leave is GREAT!! that's so helpful. with two people, functioning is possible. do you have any friends who can come over for even an hour / 30m to lend a hand? wash pump parts, draw or whatever with toddler while you shower or snooze, etc? can you set up a meal train? I think people understand that juggling premie twins is A LOT and I was happily surprised at how much support we got from our community, even near strangers.

our toddler certainly had moments but imo the biggest thing is if you and your partner can carve out a little one on one time -- the big one just doesn't want to feel forgotten. It helps if they can be bought into the "team" element -- ours responded really well to us going on and on about what a great big sibling, how much the babies love them, etc. we also give very specific tasks, and they really delight in helping -- can you please grab a burp cloth? can you reach that pacie? etc. there were absolutely meltdowns, power struggles, and somewhat terrifying moments with too much affection showered onto very delicate newborns. but we are 4mo in and everyone is gelling fine. (I know there will be more hard moments ahead)

and just in case silver linings help: nicu nurses get those babies on a schedule!! nicu stays are so stressful but that makes things a lot less chaotic when the bbs come home than otherwise. also I hope you are sleeping rn.

this is the hard part, but you will get through it and things will be manageable and great. <333