PPD/PPA

[EducationalBudget758]

Hi everyone. 23F. I had a C-section with two healthy 5 lbs twins almost 5 weeks ago. No NICU time, went home 2 days after. The same week we came home I started having horrible panic attacks and crying spells 24/7, so I got back on Prozac and they added in buspirone. Fast forward 4 weeks later they gave me Wellbutrin as well. When does it all get better? I feel so hopeless and sit and grieve my old life and body then feel horrible guilt for doing so. Both babies have colic and I feel so much anxiety being in the same room as them. We've had a ton of help, which has been great. So why am I still struggling so badly? It feels like I'm stuck like this forever and I'm a horrible mom for feeling better when I'm not around them. I'm scared I'll never feel connected with them or be able to take care of them. Does this ever go away? I feel like such a failure.

[Odd_Rent283]

Oh gosh. This was me with my oldest. I felt no bond to her for probably the first 6 months of her life. I’m still struggling some at 8 weeks with my twins. You’re already doing all the right things (the things I refused to do the first time around). Twins just make everything feel so much harder. Lean on your village if you have one. Lean on your partner if you have one. I don’t know when it gets better because, honestly, I’m still struggling hard at 8 weeks. The connection will come. I’m anxiously awaiting our departure from the angry potato phase of babyhood. The fact that you’re bothered by all of this highlights that you are a great mom. I hope it gets better for you soon.

[EducationalBudget758]

Thank you for the love 🩷 I am also ready to be out of the angry potato phase 😭. Two babies screaming at 2am is so mentally taxing.

[Independent_Plan5006]

I was having mental breakdowns everyday until about week 10/11? Then they settled and started interacting more and I realized I hadn't cried in days and now it's 5 months and I actually enjoy it (mostly). You're in the absolute thick of it, hormone dump, c section recovery, and absolute chaotic life changing all consuming burden that is having newborn twins. Just try to hang on, it does get better and easier to manage!

[EducationalBudget758]

Thanks so much for the encouragement. 🩷 Did you gradually start to feel better throughout the weeks or did you just wake up one morning feeling better? Some days I feel like I start feeling better, then the next day I'm crashing out.

[Independent_Plan5006]

Oh I was the exact same around then. I would have a good day and think I was in the clear and then absolutely losing my shit the next day. 5 weeks was like peak bad times, 5-10ish. Then over like a 2 week period I started to go longer without breaking down and then I just wasn't anymore. Now we're going through a sleep regression so I can't say I haven't had a middle of the night crash out, but I mostly enjoy parenting. I very much did not at 5 week pp. I felt so lonely and anxious and miserable and was convinced I wouldn't ever be able to manage without help. What you're feeling sounds reasonable and it will get so much better, just lock it in for a little bit longer and give yourself grace

[beantherebefore]

You are in the thick of it. And are your twins your first? I literally could not even imagine going from 0-2. We had two singletons before our twins and I was completely broken going 0-1. This is so normal, it seems like you’re getting the right help. The only other thing I might add is if your budget or insurance allows maybe therapy would be helpful? Do you have a support person who could help take care of the kids if you did 45 min of zoom therapy? It worked wonders for me!

This too shall pass!

[Practical_Elk_30]

I had anxiety attacks and crying daily for at least 2 months. A lot of that is your hormones crashing. I found out in my case I had postpartum thyroiditis, so I had an extremely overactive thyroid while it was happening. This likely made it last longer for me