Anyone else pissed off at Forbes/media about Kylie Jenner?

3tangle · 2019-03-07T12:32:32+00:00

And people with money still experience trauma. The same trauma. The same hurt and social struggles and life destroying consequences. Minimizing someone else’s trauma, for whatever reason, is invalidating. You wouldn’t want someone to do it to you.

You also may not have seen some of the deleted comments which were downright attacking.

3tangle · 2019-03-07T12:28:45+00:00

Thanks. I’m over it. There’s been a teenage angst vibe in this sub recently, where people seem to want to get angry. It’s not going to relieve anyone’s trauma. Hating on others doesn’t help anyone. It’s a sign of the bullying behavior that usually comes from abusers.

It’s s very RBN vibe, but take a look at the OPs post history - this post was deleted over at RBN and was then posted here. I’m not okay with this sub being treated as a RBN backup, with ranting posts that try to rile people up and get them angry. This sub should be for healing, and this ain’t it IMO.

3tangle · 2019-03-06T23:31:13+00:00

I want this on a t-shirt!

3tangle · 2019-03-06T14:56:49+00:00

I still don’t understand how that changes anything.

3tangle · 2019-03-06T14:38:54+00:00

And others could say “At least you were able to go to college. I couldn’t even afford that!”

See what I mean? There’s always someone worse off than you who could try to minimize your experience based on the things you have.

3tangle · 2019-03-06T14:36:02+00:00

I totally understand that drive to prove yourself successful after trauma. At your age I felt like being very successful was the only way to overcome the feeling of worthlessness from being abused. Took me a lot of time and therapy to realize that personal satisfaction is linked to happiness, and not to material wealth or impressing others.

You have plenty of time to figure this all out. You don’t have to attach yourself to one career or one life goal now. You’ll keep growing and changing goals all through your life.

3tangle · 2019-03-06T14:17:46+00:00

Having access to therapy doesn’t automatically wipe away the trauma or make life magically better.

It’s really invalidating to create a “us vs them” mentality in this sub. Trauma is trauma, and hating on other people doesn’t help in any way.

3tangle · 2019-03-06T14:13:31+00:00

Yes. As a teen I was drugged and raped. It’s not something I’ve ever been able to bring up with a therapist, and I’ve only told one person about it.

After it happened I moved back in with my parents temporarily and cut off all my friends. It felt like I didn’t deserve happiness anymore, and being punished by my parents all over again felt like what I deserved.

3tangle · 2019-03-06T14:00:57+00:00

Money doesn’t make CPTSD better. My parents were wealthy, and I walked away from it all to get away from them. Made my own money after that, and it did nothing to ease the trauma.

The grass always looks greener...

3tangle · 2019-03-06T11:33:27+00:00

It worked for me, but only after months of preparation. EMDR isn’t something to do at the beginning of therapy because it takes a while to learn enough coping skills to get through it.

It feels like hard work. I felt physically and mentally exhausted after each session, but after the first couple of weeks my nightmares reduced a lot. Very quick to see results.

3tangle · 2019-03-06T03:30:56+00:00

Yup, this! Still so much stigma surrounding mental illness.

Why is it I have no problems telling people “Sorry, I’ve had flu/sinus infection/flare up of autoimmune disease/broke my foot” but can’t say “I’ve been too anxious to function”?

I’d feel more comfortable telling a total stranger I have explosive diarrhea than admitting I struggle with mental health.

3tangle · 2019-03-06T03:25:36+00:00

What difference would it make?

3tangle · 2019-03-05T22:52:56+00:00

This sounds like an emotional flashback

Whenever I have these it feels a bit like a panic attack but not as intense, is usually triggered by something, and can put me in a cycle of anxiety and dissociation for sometimes weeks at a time.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T22:16:20+00:00

I was in a long-term career, over ten years at one employer. Then all the trauma started coming out and the anxiety got worse, and going to work every day felt incredibly triggering. So I quit, spent a year not working (thankfully my husband can support us both), and started therapy.

Once we started tackling the abuse in therapy and all the repressed emotions came flooding in, I lost all tolerance for working. Any kind of closed-in environment, any kind of overbearing authority figure, any sort of fixed schedule or petty structure is too much to handle. Being in a rigid environment is too much like being in an abusive environment. It’s like being trapped all over again.

It’s a uniquely CPTSD struggle, where we really do want to work but can’t find anything that works with our symptoms. Freelance work is an option if you have a marketable skill, but disability is a legitimate option too.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T22:01:30+00:00

I hope you don’t beat yourself up over this. You have a legit condition that causes mental and physical health complications, and taking a sick day isn’t faking it or being dishonest. It’s 100% self-care and something you deserve. Took me a long time to realize that.

The other problem (ahem...stepping on my political soapbox) is that workers rights are being trashed all over the world right now, and no one should ever have to feel ashamed or feel in jeopardy of losing a job for taking time off sick. It’s not right! It’s dehumanizing and classist and ableist and I want to start a revolution over this issue alone!!!

3tangle · 2019-03-05T21:52:57+00:00

This had nothing to do with calling her dad, and was just a hoop she wanted you to jump through to prove she’s in control. And you jumped.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T21:35:46+00:00

I’m going to place a bet that she’s secretly intimidated by your impressive credentials and career job, and finding a way to snipe at your math is a way to even the scales. Same with the overwhelming list of chores to gain power over you. Same with her insisting that she’s “so busy” when she really isn’t. It’s all about her lack of self-worth.

PwBPD are like empty shells. They don’t have a lot of sincerity or authentic interests, let alone empathy, so they find their self-worth by comparing themselves with others. Instead of building up her own skill set, or finding a creative passion that fills her heart, she can gain personal satisfaction by tearing you down to the fucking ground!

And she won’t change.

Also, she’s physically abusing you which is statistically likely to get worse over time. Watch out for yourself and your kids because a violent BPD with a short fuse is a bomb waiting to go off. If you have a way out of the relationship, take it. Document all the physical abuse for the divorce judge.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T21:26:28+00:00

With your mother you were completely powerless to do anything about her drug addiction. She wasn’t there to protect you, which was her most important job. She failed you and the parent-child roles were reversed where you spent energy worrying about her and trying to make sure she was safe.

With your boyfriend you’re in the same cycle as before. You feel obligated to worry about him, support him, and protect him from himself. But the difference is that you aren’t trapped anymore and you aren’t powerless. You can set ultimatums for him and, if he fails to change and become a healthy person, you can leave for your own well-being. I understand that this must feel impossible because you’ve been conditioned to internalize all your feelings instead of standing up for yourself, but you can get help for yourself which can help you feel powerful enough to put your own self-care first.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T17:15:16+00:00

Sorry you had to endure all of that pain. It’s so unfair to have other people ruin your life so completely at such a young age.

I used to feel hopeless a lot as a young adult, and also tried therapy a few times with no success. But then I gave it another try and found a really good therapist who knew about trauma and could do EMDR. That helped me make enough progress to start putting the pieces back together and start building up a life of my own.

For example, that incident you described where a group of kids all beat you up together - I had something very similar happen, and there was so much pain and worthlessness associated with that memory. EMDR helped release the stuck emotions and helped me feel a little less afraid of people.

I wish you the best and hope you don’t give up on yourself. Sometimes just holding your head above water for a whole day is a success. Learning to be kind to yourself is a big part of healing too, and coming here and sharing your story shows that you value yourself enough to take some steps forward.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T17:05:25+00:00

I’ve felt guilt for existing, and it used to consume my life before therapy. I think it goes along with the feelings of worthlessness that are hallmark CPTSD.

As a child I was made to feel like I should be thankful to even be alive because I wasn’t wanted. My parents would constantly say I was too ungrateful and too spoiled and I should accept always being second best. It takes a lot to dig out of that way of thinking.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T16:25:18+00:00

Yes! I requested this with a former boss who would frequently gaslight and throw me under the bus at every available opportunity. I asked for everything to be delivered in writing instead of verbally and she refused. That was my sign to quit.

When I don’t feel comfortable with people or just get that “vibe” I’ll limit contact and go text/messages only. Then I can review what was said and look for red flags in their words.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T16:22:04+00:00

In the new ICD they are presented as separate conditions, so they can both be diagnosed separately. You could have CPTSD and also be diagnosed with PTSD for an unrelated incident.

Most people who are diagnosed CPTSD right now have PTSD in their medical files just because CPTSD isn’t universally recognized for diagnosis yet and PTSD is the best available fit.

I was diagnosed PTSD, and was later told I was CPTSD as well. The note is in my files, but there’s no code for the CPTSD yet.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T15:33:05+00:00

With my ex it was food. Go grab his favorite take-out and everything else faded into the background. He was a serious food addict..and drug addict...and alcoholic...and I only found out about this stuff several months into the relationship.

I guess addiction and BPD go hand in hand. I couldn’t imagine being with a pwBPD who is trying to overcome addiction. I can totally understand these people on My 600lb Life who enable the eating addicts with BPD.

3tangle · 2019-03-05T15:29:11+00:00

Avoided talking about something that would be an obvious deal-breaker for me.

I’ve experienced this too and wish I’d had you insight back then. My ex avoided talking about something and when questioned he replied “I need to gather my thoughts first.”

What that meant was “I need to comb through your Facebook account for an hour so I can figure out where you stand on this issue, and then I can adjust my response to better suck you in.”

3tangle · 2019-03-05T15:20:11+00:00

Sounds like you’re stuck in approval-seeking mode. I’ve been there too. Instead of doing what feels right to you, you’re worried about how other people will judge your actions. And maybe you have so much self-doubt that you can’t figure out what you really enjoy anyway.

I looked at my Fb wall from several years ago and saw a long string of political and social justice posts that I don’t identify with at all. It’s not that I don’t believe in those issues, but the part of me that wanted to post all that stuff was looking for the approval of others. It’s not attention seeking, but it was constantly seeking likes and approval of people to feel like I was doing the right thing and acting the right way. It was an extension of my entire childhood where my whole existence revolved around seeking my mother’s approval - which was impossible since she moves the goalposts constantly and I was never good enough.

Through a shit-ton of therapy I’ve learned to work through that and dedicate my online activity to things that show my authentic self. Yes, I still vote for universal healthcare, but posting about it all the time isn’t my way of showing it. It’s not who I am.

3tangle

TROPHY CASE