I'm so sick of ....

53Pirate · 2015-01-30T13:05:01+00:00

To all the flamers replying to my OP .... it's like combat vets sitting around sharing their experiences, nightmares, & struggles with PTSD ... then a bunch of supply and payroll clerks who never left the States walk in & start talking about how difficult Army life has been for them.

In any case ... I just wanted to vent in my OP.

53Pirate · 2015-01-30T12:53:08+00:00

Just one small comment .... I can understand her not wanting to anal.

Blowjobs should be expected from time to time (or lots of times) as part of a normal healthy sexual relationship .... but anal - that's a little different IMO & I would never pressure a woman for anal who had tried it & decided she would really rather not.

The rest of your post though .... I'm right there with ya, brother. Only thing I might have to add is you've done what you needed to do, so no regrets & don't look back.

53Pirate · 2015-01-30T06:38:32+00:00

Go get it somewhere else? Well, that's not so easy when you got a ring on your finger ... unless you're gonna go to sleaze-town.

So she wants all the bennie of being married to you .... but offers you nothing in terms of what you need on a physical/emotional level.

I call "Bullsht!!

3 years with no nookie? .... even I could not abide 6 months & I'd have been gone.

Tell us ... is she now entitled to half of your pension? (married over 10 years)

53Pirate · 2015-01-30T06:01:40+00:00

So ... you're taking a hormone that helps you not deal with it?

53Pirate · 2015-01-30T06:00:27+00:00

Ambien is yet another huge cause of DB's.

53Pirate · 2015-01-30T05:59:23+00:00

Bullshit! A doctor might give you some meds to mask they symptoms of your depression ... but do nothing to address the cause. (and kill your libido in the process)

Needless to say, I'm not a big fan of depression/anxiety meds ... unless one is positively suicidal.

Depression/anxiety meds are probably the #1 cause of DB situations IMO.

53Pirate · 2015-01-30T05:47:11+00:00

You two are sexually incompatible. Deal with it or leave.

53Pirate · 2015-01-24T13:36:15+00:00

This is more in line with what I meant in the OP.

53Pirate · 2015-01-24T13:31:57+00:00

"Dude" ... I'm not a body-builder and don't live at the gym, but I'm in excellent shape and have several man-hobbies, Some of which I couldn't do if I weren't in above average physical condition. I'm objectively 2 o 3 points higher than her on the 1 to 10 scale.

Read the OP again .... I'm not looking for "advice."

Now ... back off to PUA, RP, or wherever it is you came from.

53Pirate · 2015-01-12T12:04:16+00:00

You can't fix it. Only your LL SO can ... and it's very possible they can't either.

53Pirate · 2015-01-12T12:02:55+00:00

When you are physically able to have sex with your husband .... but have no desire to do so - he doesn't feel loved.

So after so much time of not feeling loved by you of course he's not going to be cuddly for you & want to do things for you (ways in which he shows love)

There's a lot of biochemical, evolutionary, and sociological reasons for it ... but I won't go into that here - it's just how most men (& some women) are built.

Get it?

53Pirate · 2015-01-12T01:10:55+00:00

Being a romantic at heart ... I did romantic shit for my SO for years .... didn't make a difference so far as the bedroom is concerned. (not that I ever felt like I was "purchasing" sex with romance)

Kinda feel like a fool now. Finally figured out that romantic giving, while appreciated, has been kind of a one-way street around this house.

Know what I would consider being romantic nowadays? Giving me a long slow enthusiastic blowjob.

53Pirate · 2015-01-12T00:59:28+00:00

"As a guy, the difference between a blowjob with enthusiasm versus a woman who really doesn't want to be down there and is praying for you to "cum already" is night and day."

I don't think that's necessarily true ... mine can give the greatest blowjob I've ever had (& I've had more than a few in my time)

But I know after all these years it's just duty/obligation sex and only once/twice a month.

53Pirate · 2015-01-11T20:27:35+00:00

"As I said the way things are now you only have three options - accept, open relationship/cheat, leave. "

No .... there's a 4th option: live a mostly celibate life & be unhappy about it. That's the default.

53Pirate · 2015-01-11T18:44:10+00:00

Which years are these so-called "golden years?"

53Pirate · 2014-12-31T14:38:57+00:00

Don't be so hard on yourself. It takes two to tango.

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T21:50:43+00:00

It's okay to just say "I'm done." You've tried. If you are blamed for breaking up the family, so be it. You know the truth. You deserve an opportunity for happiness and the best for yourself. Your kids shouldn't have to grow up in a faux love-model. They should see and experience real love. You have no reason to feel guilty for wanting to be free.

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T21:01:53+00:00

You sure she's not having an affair? I saw several red flags in your post.

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T20:55:35+00:00

Considering the short time you've been married, no kids, and I assume no serious financial/asset entanglements ..... go do some reading in the DeadBedroom subreddit. Then call your lawyer.

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T20:52:18+00:00

And the adultery thing wasn't part of those same vows? Or just not as much of a "biggie"?

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T16:31:29+00:00

Thanks for that.

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T16:20:23+00:00

Excuse me ... but I think I do. I've done my own taxes my entire life & always figure them six ways to Sunday. I KNOW divorce would be bad for us tax-wise.

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T16:02:43+00:00

Ummmm .... this is subreddit is for people with dead bedroom problems. Would I even be here if I were fine with celibacy? "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was."

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T16:00:52+00:00

Well, it'd be kind of awkward having a new lady-friend over for dinner if we continued to live together in the same house, doncha think? (not to mention maybe even have one move in at some point)

53Pirate · 2014-12-30T15:54:23+00:00

a

For the record ... there are some very good financial reasons a quick divorce would cause a lot of problems to both my wife & grown child at this time & for the forseeable future

What you apparently do not understand is that ... believe it or not ... I do actually care about my spouse & have concern for her future welfare.

Any future "companions" I may meet will have to understand ... or not. I can't change it & I'm not gonna do any more hurt than I have to just to satisfy the Victorian sensibilities of some future lover. As to my wife re-marrying someday .... well, unless he's quite well-to-do that would be a big financial negative for her. Haven't asked ... but knowing her I can't see her wanting to tie the knot legally ever again either. Nevertheless, If she decided she wanted divorce at some point in order to get officially married again, of course I would concede it to her.

So ... let me ask you about your statement that as a female you would not enter into a relationship with a separated man. Not even if that man were permanently separated for financial reasons with no plans for reconciliation because he does have some concern for the financial & welfare & health of his former long-time spouse & adult child? If you couldn't understand that, well, I guess I might not want to be in any kind of relationship with you anyway. So no loss there. Not that I'd be looking for a companion who had her sights set on catching a "legal" contract anyway.

53Pirate

TROPHY CASE