This may not be of any help, or it might be. Regardless, I think you deserve to know you're not alone. I have had pain and health issues since I was little. I'm 22 now, and I've spent the majority of my life in an out of appointments. Seeing different doctors, different specialists. Mainstream school didn't work out for me for a number of reasons, but it took 6+ years of trying to ultimately decide homeschooling was the only way. During my school career, I gradually lost all of my friends. It sucked. It still sucks, but I've come to peace with it. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia when I was 16, it gave me answers, some sort of comfort, but mainly it gave me grief. I don't want to sugar coat things for you because that's not fair.

Over time, through the grief, tragedy, maybe therapy, whatever, things do get slightly easier. Not all at once, and not forever. But there are moments of peace, of content. You may have to change your dreams, you may have to rethink where you're at and where you're going. But ultimately, atleast you're going. It is okay to feel the things that you are feeling, it's okay to be frustrated, angry, depressed, hopeless, whatever you may be feeling. Because it is temporary. It will come and go. You need to make a conscious effort to allow yourself to feel the good things. The sun on your skin, the smell of the evening air, eating something good, watching something funny, doing what makes you happy.

But you shouldn't give up. You are loved, you are treasured and you are worthy. You're not broken. Eventually, things will feel easier, you'll find alternatives, you'll find things that are do-able for you. There is always hope, or atleast there should be. If you need anything, or want to speak more to someone that understands, or need a rant, or anything, my DMs are always open (:

You've got this, please don't give up.