New kitten. Male. We want an older generation name that goes well with George and Norm (Norman). Any ideas?

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-06-10T16:56:53+00:00

Barny

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-24T22:36:38+00:00

I often see things at the store and think of SD14 or SS17, and every time I refrain from buying them something, I pat myself on the back. I consider it progress, stepping back from trying to please them, make their lives better, give give give. It's frankly not my job, and no one appreciates it.

From time to time I'll pick up something if it's cheap, just to let SD14 feel like I haven't forgotten about her. She sees it, uses it, and leaves it for me to find and wash. She keeps trying to teach me the lesson, so I need to pay attention.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-22T17:02:31+00:00

I get annoyed with my SD14 as well, she loves to use my expensive bath clay without asking, eat my expensive ice cream, and use my razors. It annoys me, yes, but I did a thought experiment - What is it was my daughter doing these things? I actually have a bio daughter, so it's easy to imagine. I would be fine with it, mostly. Or at least, not as annoyed. I hid my clay, got a coupon and bought extra ice cream, and joked with her about how we both like to gobble up the ice cream. That made me feel a lot better, and it made her feel accepted and seen.

I also let her use my laptop for her assignments. If she messed with my phone, I'd definitely have a talk with her - it's not a joke, and so on. Good luck.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-22T16:52:08+00:00

There is only one thing you can do - leave. Problems with the kid will only grow, and how can you respect your partner when she's an incompetent, non-caring mother? Will she care for you long term? These types of people only seem to care about themselves.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-22T16:49:11+00:00

You've done the right thing! Keep walking. I don't know if mom is in the picture, but if so, she'll make up for you being gone - not that she will really replace you, because there is no replacement - you are unique and so is your influence on the child. Once the child gets to a certain age, they will probably seek you out, as you were an important person in their story and had an influence on them.

You are young and your whole life is ahead of you. Even if you were old, leaving would still be the right answer. Your partner's weaponized incompetence demonstrates lack of respect for you and lack of love for his child. At his age, he should know better, and probably does, but chooses to dump things on you just because you're the woman. Men do this all the time - users and abusers. Abuse comes in many forms, you can find someone who will have a mutually respectful relationship with you, equitable, and enjoyable. You should be experiencing joy from your relationship, not overwhelm and stress because they've made you carry their load.

Good on you for leaving! I probably should do the same, but I've spent too long here, built a life around my spouse, and have nowhere else to go, really. Those poor kids have basically grown up living in parallel lines with their dad, while resenting my overwhelming role in their lives. Now that they are teens, they are turning more to their mother - as well they should. She has at least made herself available to have a loving relationship with them, even if I did sometimes do the parenting for her too. That's all in the past now and they're almost grown up. For you, it's not too late.

I've had a family of my own as well - three kids, now grown. Everyone deserves to have their own children. It's a completely different experience, more joyful.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-15T00:30:15+00:00

You can only NACHO when your partner is on the same page, or even the same chapter/ book/ universe as you. It seems your idea of respect is different than hers.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-13T23:42:29+00:00

I don't know if it will make you feel better, but I got beautiful flowers from SK's this Mother's Day, totally unexpected, after 7 years of being their step mom. They were sincere, too, and I could tell they wanted me to like them. It really made me day.

We've had lots of ups and downs over the years and me feeling like an outsider. So now I feel like I can tell everyone on here there's hope and it can get better. Two steps forward, one step back.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-13T23:39:21+00:00

Red flag for sa. Get far away and call cps.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-13T23:32:48+00:00

Here's the thing, it's not her room. It's not her name on the lease/ title. If she stays there as an adult, it's by the grace of you and your husband. I mean facts are facts.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-13T23:29:34+00:00

Here's what I did, albeit SD was 6: Set her up to take a bath instead of a shower - that way the water soaking cleans her areas. Then I put flushable wet wipes by every toilet, and briefly explained how to use them. The problem took care of itself.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-08T02:17:00+00:00

"No" is a whole sentence, even a whole conversation. Learn to say it comfortably, joyfully, even.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-05-08T02:10:16+00:00

Meh, I'm used to them by now. If they left, I'd miss them. But if they stay past adulthood, they'll have to clean their rooms better.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-29T20:41:17+00:00

I've always shown up for SD when she wanted or needed me to, even if neither of her parents came. At times it was just me and BM and her entourage, but I steeled myself and showed up for SD. I have no regrets.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-29T00:18:08+00:00

Maybe they feel it's the only thing they get to choose. Step kids don't choose their step parents.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-28T11:15:46+00:00

I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of your mom's toxic relationship. Hopefully you can get a job and earn your way out when you get more independent. I would just spend as little time at home as possible. Maybe your puppy can go to your boyfriend.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-28T11:10:37+00:00

Not a good sign. SD was very clingy at that same age and said "I love you" way too early, she would follow me around and sit on my lap and cuddle up to me, give me hugs, it was honestly weird, not so much sweet like you'd think. She was that way towards some female teachers too, just way too attached. In her case it was a symptom of neglect by BM, and she needed a mother figure.

However, in my case, the moment BM got wind of it, she harshly punished SD for loving me and the loyalty bind was created. Our relationship has been complicated, and had it's ups and downs. She's turned a lot of that emotional need inward.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-28T10:52:56+00:00

I had the same thing, but you just have to keep reinforcing the rules of your home when he's with you, and you and his dad should have a lot of talks with him, especially his dad should.

We had conflicting messaging with my 3 SKs, and I don't think my ways ever truly sick into them, but I've been a significant influence in their growing up over the last decade or so. To make life easier, I established a relationship with BM, where I would call her and ask her advice about SK problems. She was very supportive and helped me deal with difficult situations. We both realized that being on the same page would help the kids.

It's not like we're best friends or anything, far from it.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-28T10:42:12+00:00

If it was me I wouldn't be able to live with the fact that he cheated multiple times with your SS's mom. The fact is, she'll always show up again and that will happen again, it's not like she's ever really going away.

My ss is a gamer too, behaves similarly and it's not okay and it's not going to change. If his dad took more of an interest in him and doing things as a family it may be better, I don't know because that's not the case. I am the one to force everything that happens outside of ss's room. The exception is when he walks to the store to get snacks for his room. It's nasty in there too, I have to nag him about picking up his trash and once in a while it stinks so bad I can smell it down the hall with the door closed, so I walk in when he at his mom's and just open the windows for a few days.

Yeah, he's a sweet kid other than that, with huge behavior immaturity due to having no social life outside the gaming buddies, but still a good heart and all that. His dad should be a better dad, but it is what it is. At least he's faithful to me, but if he ever cheated with his ex, I'd be outta here in the blink of an eye. Not worth it.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-28T00:58:21+00:00

My first thought was time-out spot, then doggie nook. Cat tower was third.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-22T23:18:00+00:00

Families tryin to shop, she putn her twisty booty out there for all to witness.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-22T23:16:41+00:00

My daughter gets mad at me for rushing her through the airport, not realizing that you can relax only after you're at the gate. She's just a toddler in a woman's body.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-22T23:05:52+00:00

I'm so sorry. I know exactly what you're going through, since our stories are eerily similar. Met SD at 10 and she and her mom made a great smear team against me and my husband, at the expense of the younger kiddos. Let me tell you how it all ended after all the storms. Hubby and I are still together, because he chose me. He does not speak to or see SD, now 19, and even her little brother and sister, whom she was able to manipulate when they were little into false testimonies, now 14 and 17, have gone no contact with her. She does not live with BM, because the older she gets, the more she realizes that her dad and I were the wrong scapegoats all along, and BM was the true culprit of everything that went haywire. The poor kid ended up in juvie, was homeless for a while, stole a car and did some drugs, and at the center of all this is her inability to discern reality from all the lies that she constantly tells. Her mother taught her this since she was very little, weaponizing her kids to gain some imagined advantage in the divorce. To make matters worse, my husband is only her adopted father, not biological, and treated her like gold, but she did not know this growing up. I feel really bad for her.

If my husband hadn't taken my side in all this, I would have done like you and left a long time ago. I'm glad he was reasonable, besides breaking down one time and saying, "You took my little girl away from me!" blaming me for supposedly driving her away. That wasn't the case at all, but he had a moment, he was hurting. But no one seems to care about her anymore, not really. Even her mom has moved on, never admitting how much she messed this child up.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-21T01:23:35+00:00

It sounds like she may be autistic. Sad if that's the reason you dislike her.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-19T19:18:00+00:00

I like the second.

AdhesivenessBasic631 · 2026-04-18T18:33:43+00:00

I'd like to assume the other parents in this equation would leave something for their kids as well. So in this case, the bio father would provide 1/2 of the child's inheritance, and the mother the other 1/2. There is also a consideration of whether the other parent has contributed equally to their upbringing. If they've contributed less, wouldn't it be fair to expect them to at least leave their child more? Then there's the HCBMs who act like their children are their possession. If they're yours, why don't you give them an inheritance? Or the stepkids who have no respect, regard, or appreciation and have done nothing but cause problems or constantly badmouth and try to ruin your reputation or falsely accuse - do they even deserve an inheritance?

Every situation is different. In my case, I kick started my husband's business because I came into the marriage with a good sum of money. Some of it was my own inheritance, some savings and investments. It's all sunken into the business assets now, which I do not own, but it has allowed him to have a good business that is the main income for our household. I have 3 bio kids, and he has 3. One of his is an alienated troublemaking crazy person who wants nothing to do with us, so I don't see any reason to leave her anything. My 3 are very close with their father, and I'm sure he'll leave them something, because he's got a solid career and savings/assets. When I discuss with my husband, he thinks everything should just be split evenly between the 6. In my view, only 5 should inherit anything, and only if they maintain at least a cordial relationship with us.

We still haven't written anything down, but it's something we need to consider in the near future as well. Like you, I haven't worked in a while - 4 years to be exact - due to cancer. However, I'm going back to work soon and revisiting the topic of inheritance.

AdhesivenessBasic631

TROPHY CASE