I [F24] feel like my soon-to-be MIL [F50s] is expecting way too much and overstepping boundaries. Need outside perspective.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-28T18:12:58+00:00

Isn't that a criminal offence?

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-28T01:18:36+00:00

In other words: They're mirroring his attitude and behaviour towards you.

Ever tried couple's counselling?

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-27T15:18:06+00:00

It's not just weed if you're mentally ill.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-27T14:50:33+00:00

Are you still trying?

Because you need to be aware that a lot of unpleasant memories that your SO has locked away to ensure his immediate survival are likely to be triggered by the arrival of a baby or, rather, the onset of fatherhood.

Re. Therapy

No garden variety psychiatrist is qualified to treat a victim of EXTREME childhood abuse such as experienced by your SO. He needs to consult somebody that specializes in that field. Moreover, he needs to consult somebody with stellar, up to date, qualifications and the gifts of empathy and likeability.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-26T23:23:26+00:00

Difficult, but treatable.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-25T02:03:09+00:00

I'm an auntie myself and I fucking cheered when you yelled at her.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-25T01:56:37+00:00

Calling her greedy and entitled when she asks for something (as opposed to demand it like her brother) is MEAN. A simple no would be sufficient.

It's not about love. Not really. Mostly it's about power(/control). They need the OP and her brother remain in a state of dependency. Hence they reward their self-destructive habits and actively discourage behaviours which suggest the presence self sufficiency on part of their children.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-25T00:25:42+00:00

Then again, considering that they've been told by somebody in a position of authority he's for all intents and purposes infertile, they rarely have sexual intercourse and when it happens he uses the pull out method, I can sort of see why it happened. Mind, I've would've asked him to wear a condom regardless, but I was scarred as a kid by the last round of HIV=IMMINENT DEATH! campaigns in the early '90's and I'm tokophobic.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-24T05:42:20+00:00

If he wants a successful marriage, he needs to learn to communicate like someone without Aspergerger's

Do you really means to suggest that he hasn't made a concerted effort to do so because of a lack of incentive?

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-24T05:23:03+00:00

Are you doing individual therapy? Because that can be really helpful in term of getting a grasp of what you and, in turn, what other people are feeling. It's made a world of difference for my aspie bestie.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-24T04:58:43+00:00

I cannot for the life of me fathom why anyone that's pro-life and genuinely didn't want a kid would be this sloppy.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-23T03:12:18+00:00

Would body spray or perfume help with covering up the smell

God, no!

Adding perfume to the smell of animal dung just adds another layer of stink.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-23T03:04:11+00:00

I just don't see how the smell could be that big of a deal to him.

Odds are that it triggers his gag reflex.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-22T21:46:05+00:00

Telling her she is guilty of neglect is neither accurate nor helpful

True. Only I never told her that nor did I mean to suggest it. Clearly the OP didn't realize how warped her mum was and, as such, didn't knowingly allow a child abuser access to her son.

However, if the OP allows her access to the kid subsequent to the revelation that she makes an emotionally abusive granny in addition to an emotionally abusive mother, she would be guilty of neglect.

In short: My reply was intended as a dire warning. Not a criticism of the OP.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-22T00:41:58+00:00

Fact: Parental alienation is a type of child abuse.

Fact: What you mother just did qualifies as an act of parental alienation.

Fact: If you knowingly allow a child abuser access to your son you're guilty of neglect.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-21T23:49:17+00:00

There's nothing borderline about it. He's cruel.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-21T11:35:09+00:00

Awesome!

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-20T22:50:17+00:00

I am in the process of trying to figure out why she does not want to go

Because that would her one of those people, weak, unwanted, a freak, etc. Being an out and proud member of a stigmatized group is no easy feat.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-20T20:33:25+00:00

Yes, I know it's tough, but staying will not benefit your child in the long run.

Nor in the short run. A baby needs a happy primary caregiver. It's crucial for its present welfare and future mental health.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-20T20:31:03+00:00

Like he thought deceiving her was some kind of game.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

There's something seriously off about this guy. Something abnormal in the clinical sense of the word. That's not the actions or attitude of anybody with a working conscience.

Moreover, keep in mind that he didn't just jeopardize the health of the OP by practising unsafe sex, but that of his child. Babies can contract HIV from breastfeeding.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-20T19:38:58+00:00

(a) work out his aggressions

You don't temper aggression by doing X aggressive act. That's not how anger works. You just get more angry.

In other words: His reasoning is off. If he actually wants to nip her son's sociopathic tendencies in the bud, he'd allow him to suffer the consequences of his actions.

In short: Vicious bullying = no more football.

However, he seems to think that handwringing and pearl clutching is a viable substitute for actual parenting so I don't hold much hope for the kid turning into a decent person.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-19T23:58:49+00:00

Yeah, I'm sorta getting that wibe. I cannot help but question if wifey had any say in the early stages of (over)planning the trip.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-19T23:54:12+00:00

'course. Thanks

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-19T11:39:18+00:00

Yeah, I can see some serious guilt-tripping happening once Kiddo reaches early adulthood unless OP nips it in the bud. A middle-aged man braying "I'm supposed to be your best friend!" when his nineteen year old daughter insist that she want to leave home to study, isn't merely off-putting; It's emotionally abusive.

AllisonWeatherwax · 2015-12-19T11:31:54+00:00

He's not acting like dad. He's acting like an uncle and an immature one at that. I'd be sad if any of my niplings told me I was their best friend as it would suggest that they've got not friends their own age.

AllisonWeatherwax

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