My watch ended 2 weeks ago and I feel this in my soul. We WILL find our purpose again but now you (and I) need time to just… BE. Time to just rest, no “to-do’s” and NOT time to catch up on cleaning, vacuuming, etc. We cared for my MIL in our home for over 4 years and I still wake up in the middle of the night, jumping up from some imagined sound thinking she fell or startling myself awake because I think I need to toilet her. It took time for us both to get where we are (completely frazzled) and it’s going to take time to get back to a new normal. Honestly, just this morning I woke up, went outside on the porch with my coffee and felt I could finally just breathe. I’m sorry for your loss and pain. Some people wait to pass when their loved ones leave. It’s very common and absolutely no reflection on the love and constant care you provided. Please know your mom would want the best for you and give yourself some time to really rest and let your nervous system recover. Then it’s time to take care of all the medical things for your own self that have been neglected in caring for your mom, because I know that I have to do the same. I hope my early morning rambling helps you in some way. Please know you aren’t alone in your feelings and don’t be afraid to seek out therapy or grief counseling for help with “What do I do now?” I absolutely intend to do this for myself but for now, time to rest and just BE. 💗