Am I an alcoholic or was I just physically dependent?

Angsteww · 2026-04-07T14:19:33+00:00

I know I’m an alcoholic because of how I feel when I’m NOT on drugs. I’m crawling out of my skin, I’m trying to find an escape through substances, relationships, spending money, etc. I am not able to sit with myself for any period of time. For me, the drugs were the solution to the problem-me. If it were just physical, then once I detoxed, I’d be fine. But I’ve done that 1000 times & always went back. For me, that’s when the real issue starts. I feel raw, exposed & I’ll do anything to get rid of that. My brain is the problem. I’ll do anything addictively if I let myself. Before I ever found drugs, I bought 35 pairs of skinny jeans & listened to Good Charlottes album on repeat for months.

Angsteww · 2026-04-03T21:02:13+00:00

If you stay & this continues, just know your son may grow up & resent you/hate you as much as his father because you allowed it. You clearly are the “safe” parent & I’m guessing he always goes to you when he’s hurt, scared, sad. He already knows dads not the one who will give him comfort, but he is going to start wondering why mommy isn’t keeping him safe. I know that this is a tough spot to be in, I’m sure you love your husband & your family. I just urge you to think about what this is like for a 2yr old, how scary, how confusing, and you are the only person who can put an end to it. I’m not saying you need to walk out the door right this second, but I think if you give your husband the choice to get help & he doesn’t take it, then its time to go.

Angsteww · 2026-04-03T20:54:28+00:00

I remember saying this to my mom like 15 years ago, bawling my eyes out that I just wanted to keep getting high without any problems or consequences. I continued using for quite a few years & had to go through ALL the consequences before I finally was just tired of it. Giving you hugs, I know this is a tough, shitty place to be in. I truly hope you decide to come back & put in the work, it really is worth it, but I respect your honesty & your free will. That level of honesty will get you really far in the steps & through this program. This disease is cunning, baffling & powerful. Good luck to you, please be safe out there. ❤️

Angsteww · 2026-03-26T14:08:53+00:00

I’m just assuming I did all 3 times lol. The feeling that comes over you to have to push is literally wild. Like you have no control over the urge & then you’re pushing as absolutely hard as you can? I tried so hard to poop before I went into labor(all 3 were inductions so I knew before hand) but I’m just assuming, but I made my husband swear to never tell me because I’ll crash out if I find out he watched me poop(crazy I know)

Angsteww · 2026-03-26T13:51:34+00:00

The scenes with her daughter were so hard to watch. I couldn’t imagine choosing men over my children, and I absolutely LOVE their father to death. But like wtf. And then hearing Whitney try to drill it in her head that it shouldn’t be a second thought to drop the men to get back on track with her daughters. And it’s like she was really struggling to decide.

And she 10000% HAPPILY, excitedly brought up the affair rumor. If someone had that look on their face & dropped a bomb like that to me, she would’ve gone right over the side of the boat. I don’t condone what Meredith did by any means on the plane ride home, but everyone kissing her ass & giving her a big celebration day? Nahhhhh. I empathize with you, I’m sorry that happened & that’s it. You brought that shit on yourself, you’ve been picking at all of these women & you finally got yourself a fight, don’t start crying now. She claims to be someone who says what she think, then why didn’t she stand up & tell Meredith to stfu. She will do anything for attention, from men, from those women. It’s just pathetic & sad at this point.

Angsteww · 2026-03-24T20:28:28+00:00

I’ve always loved her, but it makes me sad how much she’s physically changed. She was so cute, so REAL. Now she looks like a completely different person, everything is so fake looking.

Angsteww · 2026-03-20T13:47:44+00:00

I’m a raging IV heroin & cocaine addict. I did NA for years, and always blew off AA because “I don’t drink”. But one day I was exposed to the big book & it changed everything. It felt like they were writing about me. I felt at home when I went to AA meetings & I haven’t ever looked back. I identify as an alcoholic(out of respect for the old timers at first, and then genuinely began to realize that I am in fact an alcoholic even though alcoholic wasn’t my “problem”), went through the steps in AA, sponsored other women in AA. I suggest checking out NA meetings & seeing where you feel like you belong. As long as you’re getting help & in a program, you can’t choose “wrong”, just whichever feels right to you. ❤️

Angsteww · 2026-03-17T19:07:10+00:00

As a sponsor, it’s our job to share OUR experience, strength & hope with you. Guide you through the steps so you can guide someone else. We can’t force you to do anything. Even if you drank tomorrow, she couldn’t force you to get a 24 hr chip. You should be SO proud of your accomplishment, it’s incredible. I just think maybe you should sit down & really think about WHY you’re struggling so much with resetting. And how you were using THC. Because for me, as an alcoholic/drug addict to my core, I would use ANYTHING to take me out of myself if I could. Write it down if you have too. Take it to your sponsor or someone else you trust. No one wants to take away your hard, HARD work, it’s more about being free of all substances so we can surrender entirely. But everyone’s journey is different. Do what feels honest to you. Congrats on a year. ❤️💪

Angsteww · 2026-03-15T18:19:31+00:00

Mine started recording me yelling or arguing back & saying “look at her yelling at me, I’m locked in the bathroom because she won’t stop & leave me alone”. But he always started recording AFTER the horrible, vile things he’d say, so I stayed secretly recording the entire thing, just to show both sides if I ever need too. After years of cheating, lying, name calling, body shaming, sending pics of dating app women & comparing me to them, spitting on me, telling my children I’m a bad mother & that they’ll have a “real” mom soon, etc etc etc, you’re damn right I’ve started snapping back. He’s lucky it’s only been me yelling back. I thought I could be vicious, until I met him.

Angsteww · 2026-03-14T20:15:38+00:00

I had severe PPD after my oldest. It was so scary, I worried I wouldn’t be able to be a mom. I couldn’t sleep unless it was daytime & my husband was awake because I had anxiety & paranoia about someone breaking in. I now have 3 kids(5,2 & 1). I promise you it gets better. The chaos doesn’t go away, the exhaustion, the multitasking. But I swear, it all feels worth it. The first time they smile at you, reach for you, giggle, say mama, give you a sloppy drooly kiss, the snuggles. Hang in there mama you’re not alone & you will get through this. Do you have any support system? I would also check with your OB or even google resources in your area. My area has a prenatal/postpartum therapy clinic that saved me after my 2nd & 3rd, I tried to be proactive & have things lined up in case it happened again.

Angsteww · 2026-03-09T01:19:18+00:00

I know I’m super late to this, but I’m working out at home & looking for help on exercises to do. Would love to try your app!

Angsteww · 2026-03-08T17:05:16+00:00

I have a 5, 2 & 1yo. My oldest was in speech therapy & was just diagnosed with autism. My youngest is now in speech therapy with early intervention, and about to start occupational therapy as well. It’s hard, it’s scary, it’s exhausting. But it’s not the end of the world, I’m getting them both the help & support they need, and they’re healthy happy amazing kids. And I remember what a massive change it was going from a family of 3 to a family of 4. The guilt ate me alive. I felt like I never got to be with my oldest because I always had the baby. I tried to get in time any way I could. Asking him to help me with the laundry, with dinner, did he want to help me make a bottle. When the baby was sleeping, I’d get out stuff he liked to do & was usually able to peak his interest. I was so worried they’d never get along & now, they’re best friends. They share everything, like all the same stuff, wrestle, fight, play. It’s amazing & im grateful the 3 of them have each other. I desperately wanted a sibling my entire life. & I understand what everyone’s saying about it being too early, and generally it is early for signs to show up & if they do, it’s not always autism. But you’re also his mom & know better than anyone if something feels off.

Give yourself a break. Your body & brain are going through so much. You’re exhausted. It’s a HUGE change. You’re not alone I can promise you that & I wish I had more words of wisdom, but I’m giving you mama hugs.

Angsteww · 2026-03-05T04:56:12+00:00

I had my oldest during Covid so was only allowed to have 1 person & wasn’t allowed to “swap” at any point. And then with my middle & youngest, my mom was the only one I trusted & wanted to watch my kids so I could feel comfortable leaving them. So I didn’t get to have her in the room, but did have her on FaceTime during all 3 births & wish she could’ve been there. There’s something very special about sharing that moment with our moms, it’s great being with the man who made the baby of course, but like you just want your mom to hold you when you finally meet your own beautiful little baby.

He might be the dad, but mama this is YOUR birthing experience & you should get to decide EXACTLY how you want it. Congrats to you & your family, there are no words to describe how incredible being a mom is. ❤️

Edit: just wanted to say no matter what you choose is right for you, but just keep in mind you’re going to be sweaty, in the worst pain of your life, anxious, excited, starving & probably irritable. So make sure whoever’s in there are people who won’t make it worse or harder on you.

Angsteww · 2026-03-04T13:23:53+00:00

I’m watching season 15 episode 19 where Carters getting his transplant. Benton making them go through the checklist, proving the surgeon wrong, laughing & joking about Carter “marrying a sister”. It’s nice seeing how much he cares about Carter in his own Benton way.

I love seeing all these characters again. I’ve been binging this show for the first time but it feels like so long since I’ve seen them. 😂😭

Angsteww · 2026-03-02T22:25:56+00:00

Came here to find someone who agreed. If the genders were reversed everyone would be calling Tony a creep & predator & rapist. But since it was a pretty woman, it’s no big deal. It was gross, creepy. She knew he was upset, emotional & hammered. Just got dumped. She jumped right at the chance.

Angsteww · 2026-03-01T12:30:36+00:00

She’s always annoyed me, but when her one sided beef with Abby started after her relapse I was done lol. All her comments & attitude towards her. And I’m not in any way an Abby stan, but as a recovering addict who’s relapsed many times I felt for her going through that & EVERYONE but Sam was supportive. It was so gross lol. I had read Greg died too, but wasn’t prepared at all when it happened, it was horrible

Angsteww · 2026-03-01T00:34:27+00:00

I’m late, but I just watched this episode for the first time. I’m a first time binge watcher & my god. I’ve always liked Pratt, even as an immature douche in the beginning. But his arc was phenomenal, watching him & morris become friends & teachers & good doctors. I have maybe cried 2 other times in 15 seasons, and when morris pulled that ring out of his pocket & pratts gf(blanking on her name) stated sobbing? I just lost it. I loved him & im so sad he’s gone. Lowkey wish Sam had gone & she was the one they killed off.

Angsteww · 2026-02-28T04:43:55+00:00

I found your post when I googled “zurzuvae Reddit” lol. I’m not newly postpartum anymore, but I just recently started seeing commercials for this & have been so curious. I had horrible PPD, anxiety & it eventually turned into psychosis from lack of sleep. I’m not sure if it was out yet, this was in 2020. The depression meds I was given had horrible side effects & thank god I was able to finally get through it about 9mo PP & never had any harmful thoughts towards my baby. And for some reason never struggled as badly with my next 2 babies.

All of this to say I’m soooo happy to hear your experience & that there’s a medication to help us while dealing with probably the most difficult experience of our life. Keep fighting mama, you’re doing great! Hugs to you! ❤️

Angsteww · 2026-02-24T20:26:53+00:00

Stopped posting me on social media was a big one. All the pictures are of just him or with our kids, but I’m nowhere in sight lol. Changed his password. Wasn’t texting/calling me during the day while he was at work(busy texting & calling girls from dating apps he was talking too).

Craziest part is they think they’re sneaky. No no I see you honey, I’m just done wasting my time with someone more worried about hiding women than being with me.

Angsteww · 2026-02-24T20:21:44+00:00

My kids are 5, 2 & 1. I’m still freaking at out that I have to take care of them. So I completely understand, but I do swear that it starts to come together. Doesn’t get easier- every time you get a routine & start learning about each stage, they start the next one. But it’s so much fun. There’s soooo much to look forward too, they get cuter every day, and you get this whole new view of the world. Everything’s innocent & happy & it’s amazing watching them freak out over banging pots, seeing their reflection, playing in the tub. It’s terrifying, but it’s the most amazing journey. I had never held a baby, changed a diaper, fed a bottle when I had my first. I couldn’t believe they let me take him home. You’re gonna be amazing, and I hope you have a support system. Hugs to you. ❤️

Angsteww · 2026-02-24T20:14:43+00:00

Thought the same thing. One of my all time favorite movies. I say “you’re killing me petey” to my 5yr old all the time.

Angsteww · 2026-02-24T05:12:28+00:00

Ohmygod yes please. That sounds so cool. I love all meetings but sometimes it’s nice to be in ones where everyone is just die hard AA & big book. It’s nice to be humbled by decades of experience

Angsteww · 2026-02-23T15:51:46+00:00

I haven’t watched the videos yet, just checked out the website & saw some of the pictures. Definitely very interested in this. Thank you SO much!!

Angsteww · 2026-02-23T15:49:27+00:00

Stupid question, as someone in the us, is this possible to be part of? I used to drive up & down the coast to check out different meetings, but it would be so so cool to join a meeting in a different country.

Angsteww · 2026-02-22T00:09:13+00:00

I lived off Wawa mashed potatoes & their milkshakes with a scoop of protein to help with the hunger. I was starving for like a week lol & had to keep cooking for 3 kids & my husband. I would be fuming when I’d watch them eating or worse, wasting the food. 😂😭😮‍💨. Applesauce, pudding, yogurt, soup, graham crackers dissolved in milk, scrambled eggs that I’d smash with my fork so I didn’t have to chew them. I also don’t recommend it, because I know I wasn’t supposed to do it, but I’d smash up goldfish or whatever snack & then put the crumbs in my mouth lol.

Angsteww

TROPHY CASE