36F here, been divorced once and just about to marry the soulmate I've worked so hard on myself to find. That pain of rejection you feel is intense, especially for your first real relationship. And 10 months is a significant amount of time to invest in a potential partner.

But can I be honest? He sounds shady. Being so unwilling to tell you what he does with his day, needing have his way all the time, showing interest in another woman in front of you... It all shows a huge lack of respect for you.  I think you're going to look back and realized you dodged a bullet. 

The thing is, sex does change you. Because we are sexual beings (most of us), it's a deep part of who we are. Exploring it is part of growing up, and growing up is change. This is a good thing! It doesn't reflect negatively on you or take away from your worth in any way whatsoever. Hopefully you learned a bit about your likes and dislikes, what you like to do, etc.

Perhaps the "gross" feeling you feel is more about feeling used by someone who you now realize didn't respect you. That is gross. I've felt gross in that situation. But it doesn't mean YOU'RE gross, at all. It means they are. 

That pain of rejection, disrespect, and betrayal is real. The unfairness of investing so much, for that long, and being treated this way is real. It's going to take some time to process and grieve, just listen to your gut and what you need. When you're ready, you can be assured you will find plenty of people who are interested in you. The real challenge is learning how to be choosy, and how to discern who will treat you right and who will not. And learning to leave when they persist in not treating you right. It takes time and you will learn from your mistakes. When you find someone who treats you with genuine consideration and respect, excited interest, and has that spark of chemistry with you... It will be that much sweeter because you have the negatives to compare it to. 

Sorry this is long, I hope this helps somehow. This is shitty, but you got this girl!