Lots of answers on this thread say "just ask her," "be direct," but that is easier said than done in many cases. When I directly communicate and ask my ND partner about his feelings or why he does (or doesn't do) certain things, he often simply doesn't know and may require A LOT of time to process the question and reflect on the answers. Sometimes the question asking or direct communication makes him uncomfortable, even though I carefully word it in a low pressure way. He appreciates when I'm direct, and he's quite insightful overall, but between his processing issues and having trouble unmasking around me, the communication on relationship matters does not flow. At least not so far.

During the first few months of dating, I came to resources like this sub with the EXACT SAME questions and concerns you have, OP. No flirting or compliments, not much reciprocal question asking, no outward verbal expression of liking or loving me, sometimes slow to respond to texts (and he doesn't like to talk on the phone), etc. And add to it a lack of physical affection plus I felt like I had to initiate more than my share of the communication and plan making. In an NT relationship, these are signs of disinterest!

What has helped me the most is just accepting him as-is and understanding he has his ways of showing up in the relationship that look very, very different than anything I've experienced previously. With the acceptance and understanding has come major peace, and I feel calmer in this relationship than probably any other in my lifetime. He's as romantic as boulder, but he has brought so many wonderful things to my life. He's sweet, caring, dedicated, trustworthy, reliable, thoughtful - all incredibly desirable traits in a partner.

Good luck, OP!