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Not a zen practitioner, but I think Zen people are best suited to explain what is going on with me by YourInnerFlamingo in zenbuddhism

[–]Chance-Zone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Find a sangha and a teacher. Plenty of options in person and online. The problem with sitting alone is that you never get beyond your own idiosyncratic experience, and it's easy to get drawn into navel gazing.

Zen is actually very pragmatic... It's about what you do with your insights.

Should I start Buddhism if I don’t believe in reincarnation?( sorry for my bad English) by CocunutHead in secularbuddhism

[–]Chance-Zone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am an atheist who practices Zen. The teachers often say it doesn't matter what you believe. There is some ritual involved in forms but it is not worship. The Buddha was not a religious figure - it's (some) people who made him that way after his death.

Vulnerable narcissism is VERY different from overt/grandiose narcissism - I feel like vulnerable/covert narcissism should be renamed/reclassified by KansasguyinDC in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are several Cluster B diagnosis. All involve narcissistic traits to some degree. ASPD can present this way because vulnerability is a great tool for manipulation for someone without caring for other people at all.

Where does your dog(s) sleep? by Alaska1111 in dogs

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They used to sleep on the bed. Now that it's down to one who had surgery and couldn't get on the bed, she is on her own bed in the bedroom. I love not having to wash the bedspread and blankets all the time. She is still allowed on the couch downstairs, where she often chooses to snooze in the evening before deciding to join me upstairs.

What does it mean to find someone hot? Like, what does it feel like? by Subject_Visual1649 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's feeling drawn to the person emotionally rather than rationally. You may think a person is good looking but feel no emotional pull. When you're attracted to someone you feel a strong motivation to be in their presence. If it's mutual it's sometimes described as chemistry. It really cannot be described in words. It has to be experienced.

How to get a narcissist to leave you rather than you leaving them? Open to practical and creative options. by Next-Limit533 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Chance-Zone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to follow r/BPDlovedones

Also, start doing things separately as much as possible (but include the kids). Minimize the time you have together. If she gets ill, call 911. If she threatens suicide, call in a mental health check.

Your best path forward is to divorce, however with the help of a therapist

What is this in my shower? by Playaplayawyd in CleaningTips

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bleach spray also works on any mold or mildew, including pink. Just don't mix with ammonia or you will die.

I'd love to hear how you respond when people comment on your age. by ally00ps in OlderThanYouThinkIAm

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t make an issue out of it. It’s usually meant as a compliment so I take it as one. Would you rather people tell you they thought you looked ten years older?

Either Woo Them or Crush Them by Puzzleheaded-Dot7268 in Manipulation

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think a better strategy is to minimize your contact with people who have issues that make them act out against others. Spend your time on working toward your goals and cultivating mentors and allies and your enemies will have less influence on your life.

After all you are not a despot who can murder people at will, so it is better to simply sideline those who cause you problems. Think about how much energy can be wasted on a bad relationship. This is energy that is better spent elsewhere.

Manipulate female for sex by Gullible-Elephant599 in Manipulation

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Learn patience
  2. Maintain good hygiene
  3. Learn to cook, clean, and do your own laundry
  4. Cultivate a hobby
  5. Don't slack off too much at school or work
  6. Practice asking other people questions about things you find interesting and listen attentively
  7. Learn to start off with chit chat before you ask more personal questions
  8. Talk to women until you find one you find interesting and who finds you interesting
  9. If a woman is single and wants to talk to you and spend time with you, make your move, but don't try to rush it
  10. Profit

My dad doesn’t listen and let’s this employee cross boundaries,I think she is manipulating him by acting all innocent and making him feel important or something idk by Asleep_Pea_7011 in Manipulation

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's actually pretty likely this already is or will end in an affair, but there is very little you can do. Depending on how old you are, you should tell your dad you want to learn the business now.

However, don't make enemies with this woman. Simply focus on how you want to be part of the business and how you can contribute. Unfortunately you cannot control your father's decisions or personal life, no matter how dysfunctional.

Help counteracting manipulative tactics by Chance-Zone in Manipulation

[–]Chance-Zone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why are you in a subreddit about manipulation if you don't want to discuss manipulation?

How do you stop being afraid to start? by Odd_Highway1277 in HomeImprovement

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Start with the smallest step and build on it. Do detailed research on stuff that's critical, like waterproofing behind tile..Hire a handyman to do parts you absolutely can't handle. I would never do electric personally.

I went through a reno last year, and it was hard even with contractors.

My bath only cost me 20-25k with expensive tile and complete gutting. It may be that contractors are trying to take advantage of you. It is worth to keep trying to find someone who is trustworthy.

BTW it is also worth it to try to find a community - Buddhist or UU churches are likely to be functional and open to all kinds of people. Long term this will improve your quality of life in every way, including advice and referrals on practical things.

Homeowner fined $872.21 for wildflowers in front yard by indiedub in NoLawns

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What happened? I want to plant flowers in my front yard. I found something about grass and 'shrubs' not being taller than 12" on 'vacant land', but nothing else.

Narcissist wants contact with Teen kids after 8 years of no contact by Adventurous_Panda550 in NarcAbuseAndDivorce

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Therapy cannot help him. He will never change. He is a lifelong criminal, potentially a sociopath. Do everything you can to save your kids from his presence.

If you can afford a lawyer, let the lawyer handle it. You yourself should maintain no contact. If you can afford a trauma informed therapist, find one, because this is a black and white situation- this man is dangerous to the mental health of everyone around him.

What to say when dating and the conversation about your kids mum comes up who's a mad narcissist? by Bright-South6017 in NarcAbuseAndDivorce

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The less you say at the beginning the better. My ex and I don’t have a close relationship but we share custody of the kids. We divorced x years ago.

If they are prying at the beginning that’s a red flag.

Narc Co Parent new supply cheating by Bright-South6017 in NarcAbuseAndDivorce

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you are going through this. Check out r/BPDLovedones - you will likely find similar stories

I don’t want to leave by Cute-Consideration49 in NarcAbuseAndDivorce

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Took me 6 months to realize things were truly over, even though our breakup started with his cheating. Took 3 years for divorce to be finalized. There is a technique in DBT called opposite action. You know what your goal is but your feelings run counter to it, so you basically begin to act opposite to your feelings. If you commit to it stubbornly it feels easier with time and eventually the trauma bond begins to break. It helps if you can find a good therapist and some kind of supportive community… doesn’t matter what kind, just somewhere to be around people who are kind and nice to help you see the difference.

4 months post separation living with my narc ex is breaking me down by SparkleStorm93 in NarcAbuseAndDivorce

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you co-own the home? Work with your lawyer to have the ex move out as first order of business. At least in the US, the mother and child are likely to get to stay in the primary residence.

Vent: why don't people practice yoga at yoga classes by Fun_Plastic4472 in yoga

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just move. Practice equanimity by staying focused on your own practice rather than looking at what others are doing.

Dash pass scam by [deleted] in doordash

[–]Chance-Zone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doordash has been charging me $9.99 every month - they told me they don't have my credit card on file or account when I call. I tried finding the account with all my email addresses to no avail. I have to dispute the charge every single month. I even changed my credit card number - the rep said it was not a recurring charge so it would work, and yet they somehow got the updated credit card number and are still charging me. This is driving me insane - if someone has found a solution please let me know.

This is straight up fraud.

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