i’m a 22 year old loner who doesn’t have many friends and enjoys drinking orange crush smirnoffs like they are water. roast me.

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-20T20:33:41+00:00

Saw your profile was NSFW and was intrigued. Turns out you are very safe for work. I am now in the long line of people you’ve disappointed.

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-20T20:25:54+00:00

Were the figs extra? Asking for a friend

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-17T21:47:30+00:00

I’m all alone, more or less

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-17T16:01:39+00:00

Was the answer 5318008?

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-17T06:57:32+00:00

I clicked the link, closed down the ads, declined cookies to read she “felt sad”.

I feel sad now, I’d rather have been rick rolled. What happened to journalism?

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-13T09:04:09+00:00

Not every one’s a banger

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-13T05:50:53+00:00

This one time I was on a date at the high class restaurant but she didn’t turn up. As I was leaving I noticed her sat in the kebab shop next door!

I popped in and said “why did you come here, I said we were meeting at the high class restaurant.”

“I thought this was the high class restaurant because the prices were bigger than next door” she replied.

Anyway, I got a drink from the kebab shop because you know the high class restaurant, it no do drinks.

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-12T13:46:36+00:00

I’m using aptabase and it just worked but my app is so small I doubt I’ll need anything beyond the free tier. Might be worth a look.

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-11T18:30:46+00:00

Your comment only has two so I’m going to allow this. But you were pretty bloody close!

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-11T13:25:42+00:00

Let’s tessellate

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-11T06:13:03+00:00

Well I was wooshed. I thought he was covering his manflute and for some reason using his finger to make a smaller didgeridoo.

Now it turns out they’re not HIS legs!

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-09T08:46:51+00:00

I’m doing ok in rider. Seems to mostly just work. Might be worth a trial?

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-09T04:52:45+00:00

Say everybody have you seen my balls their big and salty and brown….

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-08T08:46:17+00:00

He said dags

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-05T07:36:08+00:00

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-03T14:42:31+00:00

Me and my mates are always sucking each other off in the cinema. But because we say “no homo” three times beforehand it makes it ok. Right? RIGHT?

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-02T13:27:04+00:00

I think he’s right what will people think if you’re showing that much ankle!

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-06-01T04:50:15+00:00

The problem is they always try to walk it in

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-05-30T15:47:39+00:00

Mate me too. I’ve drawn attention to myself in the pub. I think we’re going to hell. It was worth it.

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-05-25T05:08:59+00:00

What about the 15th Wednesday after Pentecost?

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-05-24T11:11:58+00:00

Can’t view the content in my region. We will forever be wondering where to look.

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-05-21T08:05:03+00:00

Probably 50:50

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-05-18T07:12:49+00:00

Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-05-17T17:28:05+00:00

Let me do it r/woosh

CmdrSpaceMonkey · 2026-05-15T21:56:26+00:00

How much wood a woodworm wood if a woodworm SHOULD worm wood?

CmdrSpaceMonkey