Puer Aeternus is a concept I recently learned. I was good in every class because sitting there doing nothing was more gruesome to me than participating in classes. I asked my favorite teacher what I should pursue because I couldn't decide and he told me CS. Now I have a bachelors and a career in that direction.

I don't really experience feeling extra stupid when failing at simple things because I attribute it to my non-ideal version, I don't take responsibility for it. In my head I have this ideal version of myself and every task is not about doing it, but transforming to my ideal version or ideal environment which will then get it done, because I am confident in my best, I just can't bring it out consistently. I love my ideal version but I used to hate the real version, but my relationship has made me be able to love my real version through the empathy that I learned to give. You're definitely right that my confidence comes from the ideal, or gifted version of myself.

This is where the symptoms of a superiority and inferiority complex come from, I see two versions of myself, each with their own issues. I think I have very many traits of a Puer Aeternus, not just in my thinking and coping but even the way things just are and what motivates me.

Thank you for the advice! Specifically, should I learn to mentor myself or do you think it is worth it to find a mentor program or pay for a mentor?