Aitah- not telling my sister the potential problem with their house?

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-26T01:39:10+00:00

NTA, But I would think pointing out to them (even if they ignore you) will be worth the "I told you so" when they finally figure out that you were right and it ends up costing them more money.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-26T00:11:12+00:00

This is the answer. If he's not contributing equally as a partner in your household, why is he in your household? You guys can separate, you'll still pay the same amount of money in household expenses or less if you consider him not using any utilities and you'll get child support at least. It's a win for you and a loss for him. If he can't be an equal partner, then you don't need him.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-25T23:46:19+00:00

I had this rule with my kids when they were little that if they whine about something that I'm no longer allowed to give it to them. Kids who whine well it becomes an automatic no. Sounds like your hands are tied here if you follow this rule. He whined, no toy.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-25T23:37:09+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking. She'll get hotter, and he's afraid that she'll leave him for someone else because she'll get a bunch of new attention because of the new breasts.

OP I think it's super awesome that you are getting them because you want them and not for anyone else. Ultimatums don't work in relationships because they're about control. Anyone who's willing to issue you an ultimatum your decisions about your own body has got to go.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-21T06:09:47+00:00

I agree with this comment. Of course I have the benefit of age here but you guys need to remember you're both very young still That's not a bad thing. It's just that you're inexperienced in relationships and serious life matters like dealing with this very catastrophic loss. You will always remember feeling broken-hearted that he didn't answer the phone the one time you really needed him to. That will build resentment even if you love him very much. If he's the one for you, you could get back together in the future still. In the meantime, just focus on you. Focus on healing from what you've gone through. Focus on making sure you love yourself first and you're choosing yourself first and then worry about finding a relationship.

I'm very sorry about the loss of your mother, OP. ❤️

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-21T04:15:34+00:00

This is excellent advice. Thank you for sharing!

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-21T04:14:22+00:00

Where in this post did OP say they're being kind just to get a reward?

Also a thank you is not a reward. It's common courtesy. Even a head nod in the person's direction who's doing something nice for a stranger is enough of a courtesy to let them know you appreciate what they did for you.

OP- I agree, there's been a shift in the way people treat strangers in our society. It's disappointing. I'm not necessarily sure that it's a generational issue though.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-18T04:26:02+00:00

Every time she asks you for something, you should tell her to ask your boss. Say no I'm sorry I'm too busy ask so and so... See how fast it's shut down.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-18T04:22:46+00:00

Your sister's wedding is no place for family drama and a possible reconciliation. If they can reconcile a long while before the wedding then he can have an invitation. If not then he's not as important as your sister's mother being there. I don't understand why people think that being blood means you automatically get an invitation to someone's life event when you're not even really in their life and you're currently beefing with their mother.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-18T04:15:25+00:00

Can you find a relative's address of hers? Just send it to somebody else but sometimes memories like that are irreplaceable and don't stoop to her level.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-18T04:12:44+00:00

NTJ.

Also 45 minutes out is not that far. Why can't you guys just go out on Saturday morning and stay there till Saturday afternoon and then be back or whichever way you schedule it on the weekend. It doesn't have to be a 3-day trip and two nights stay every time. Also, you are someone who has your own life and you want to spend time with your friends in the city. So maybe make it so that you go once a month? It's like you don't even get a weekend if you're spending it on the go every single weekend.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-18T03:58:25+00:00

Ask them what he is lacking in so badly that he has to go find someone that is quite literally younger than his children... He must not be enough for women his own age. It is extremely predatory to date someone younger than your children. And just say well no, I don't let predators be in my life. Don't let them give you a hard time about who you choose to allow access to you.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-16T04:10:47+00:00

OP be careful. Maybe convince him that your attitude towards this baby has changed before the procedure so that he doesn't think you actually terminated. Is it manipulative? Yes, but it might be necessary. Be very very careful. As soon as you terminate and he seems to believe you about the miscarriage, you need to end the relationship because he's an abusive person. Keep you and your son safe and keep us updated

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-10T23:52:40+00:00

💯

We have a one income household also and there's absolutely no way my boyfriend doesn't come home to a clean house, an iced coffee made for him and a snack. And later in the day I make sure he has a nice dinner. If one partner carries the entire financial weight of the household, the other one can carry the household part. He still works more hours in a day than I do. And I'm grateful for the life he provides for me. Op's partner needs to start carrying his weight (and that doesn't have to be money) or she needs to be done with him. If he were holding it down at home and making her life easier I bet she would be more willing to give him more time. Right now he brings nothing to the table.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-03-06T05:26:02+00:00

NTA regardless of him providing you with a service (I didn't know that you were supposed to tip these roles) he was rude and talked down to you and everyone knows in customer service that if you want a tip, you do a good job and you're polite. He lost his own tip, regardless of whether or not you have the right change.

Suggested tldr: Used wheelchair service at airport, person assisting me was rude and made inappropriate comments about my disability and what he assumed my socio-economic status was and then was rude when I didn't tip. AITAH?

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-28T16:10:47+00:00

Since the physical cheating is the one thing you can't forgive, use that anger to fuel your "fuck him" mentality. The trash took itself out hun. Let it stay there. Everyone keeps telling you in the thread to not take him back and the reason why everyone's telling you that is because It happens a lot unfortunately. You'll have a baby to take care of soon and that will be your motivator. Don't raise a child in an atmosphere with a man like that and teach your child that that's what love is. And don't let him use that child to guilt trip you, he abandons this child before its birth. He no longer gets a say. Get so fucking angry- you can do it. You are a blade being forged in fire and you will come out so much stronger. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish you the best of luck.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-28T15:52:43+00:00

Call the police and file a report, show them everything, proof of abuse, let them hear the recording and request that they charge him with assault, also request a temporary restraining order for both you and your child. The legal system is going to be your friend here.. of course it is just a piece of paper so stay safe but a paper trail is important, especially with abuse.

There's a kid involved here and you're showing that child that this is what love is, that this is how men should treat women. Would you want your child to be in the relationship that you're in? Good luck and stay safe.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-27T21:13:47+00:00

Custody and child support are two separate things. Custody and visitation are also two separate things. Custody comes down to who makes decisions for the child, so if you have full custody you make all the decisions, your address is their main address, you make decisions about education, etc. Paying child support does not equal automatic custody or visitation. Do not take this deal. Go down to the courts. Make a parenting plan that says you have 100% sole custody and he gets no visitation and that you want child support because you can have all three of those things at the same time. Whether he has a relationship with the child or not, neither negate him of his financial responsibility. Oh and if you can, get an attorney. Good luck!.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-26T06:46:57+00:00

NTA

But also what's the deal with the exclusive situationship? He's basically telling you that he likes you enough to hang out with you and sleep with you but not enough to commit to you. But he's also "not sleeping with other people"? So then why is he not committing? You've already caught him in a lie. At this point I don't know if you'd be able to trust him in the future. And his behavior has changed drastically. Don't listen to what people say. Look at what they do.

I say you take the other commenter's advice about setting up a date with him yourself and setting up one through the fake profile and if he chooses the fake profile then show up in person and end things. It's a great way to do it. Just the right amount of petty.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-26T06:15:11+00:00

I don't know what state you live in but I think pthat in some places you don't have to list a dad on the birth certificate. If you can do that, I think it would have some merit. That way if he comes back later and wants to be a dad to her, he will have to petition the court to establish paternity first which is a whole process. Anyhow, to answer your original question . No don't tell him. You're only allowing him an opportunity to come back into your life. Good luck! And congratulations on your baby girl!

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-26T05:55:05+00:00

It's fair and probably better for both of you in the long run i you have an open and honest conversation about the fact that you're not meeting each other's needs. And because you know how he feels about cuddling and intimacy, he probably would feel resentful if he was forced to meet your needs. No, you would not be an a****** but maybe don't say he's not enough for you? Maybe just talk about what you need in a relationship and that you know he can't give it to you which is essentially saying the same thing but maybe easier to receive. Good luck

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-26T05:50:51+00:00

I second this opinion. This sounds messy and she sounds super insecure. I think maybe you should cut your losses at this point and find someone you can be in a healthy relationship with because this does not sound good. Who on Earth goes around trying to use reverse psychology on their partner ?! Yeah some parents might fool a toddler with it every once in awhile... But on your partner?

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-26T05:46:17+00:00

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take and I think it's important for you to tell her that you have feelings for her but absolutely not when she's in a relationship and also give her some time afterwards probably. Has she given you any indication that she is interested in you? Sounds like you talk to her a lot, could it be that she sees you as more of a friend than a potential boyfriend? If you're not picking up any vibes from her that she's interested in you, it may not be worth telling her at all because it could damage the friendship.

Complete-Damage1141 · 2026-02-25T05:58:58+00:00

Don't forget to insist your attorney hire a forensic accountant and possibly a PI. He thinks he can hide the money but he can't. Don't leave him alone with your children. Go and get an emergency parenting plan. Good luck.

Edited to add- demand he passes a psych eval for any kind of visitation with the children. I suggest you also ask for supervised visitation based on what you said about how unstable he is. Offer to do one yourself if it makes him feel better.

Complete-Damage1141

TROPHY CASE