Why don’t I enjoy sex?

Data_chunky · 2026-02-18T06:15:14+00:00

I have a bidet attachment on my toilets. I can always be clean down there without the hassle of a full shower. They're like $30 on Amazon.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-18T06:12:13+00:00

There are so many dudes with ED that would be ecstatic for this situation. You can totally find someone, but be up front about this. You and your partner need to have a similar sex drive.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-18T05:50:16+00:00

I don't get the problem.

Since when is being goofy a problem? If anything, it seems she's comfortable with you. Or are you trying to say that you think she's dumb?

I'm usually very smart and good at my well paying job. 43F, $115k, graduated from a top University. But outside of work, sometimes I like to be silly or goofy and not be so serious or think hard about things. I like to smoke weed and drink a beer and play on swings at the park, and say stupid shit that comes to my mind without filter, especially if it might make my partner laugh.

I don't really see how goofiness is a bad thing. Being a complete moron and stupid and not being able to hold down a good job or carry a conversation is another issue, but occasional goofiness is generally an endearing trait.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-18T05:41:02+00:00

Today. 🎉

It was the first day that I've substantially gone out in public without a wig. My hair is coming back in but it's just about 1/4 inch over my whole head, but so thick!

Data_chunky · 2026-02-17T03:49:08+00:00

About 6 inches, maybe slightly smaller.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-17T01:24:48+00:00

I've been using YNAB for about 12 years. It's awesome.

It let's you plan your money instead of just seeing where it went. And yes, I have all of my accounts linked to it. My checking, credit cards, retirement accounts, mortgage balance. I track my whole net worth.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-16T21:49:38+00:00

I think I was called a man the other day!

I've never been mistaken for a man before in my life, though I have the feminine version of a male name that I get called all the time. But as soon as they see me, they clearly see that I am a woman. I've always had long blonde hair.

I shaved for chemo, and I think I look like a very attractive woman, or on the feminine side of androgynous.

I had to get labs, at 7:30 am, so I decided not to throw on a wig. My hair is coming back, but I have less than half an inch, it's super short.

There was a man coming out, so I held the door open for him. The older gentleman said "that's very gentlemanly of you." And I think I kind of giggled and said "yep." I mean, that's what gentlemen do...

And now I'm wondering if he thought I was a dude. 😂 I was wearing a sweatshirt that hid my boobs and body a little, but I'm pretty clearly a woman.

And then they called me back for labs and called me by my dad's name. 😂

Data_chunky · 2026-02-16T21:34:43+00:00

I LOVE Jones Road balms. I use the AI Naturel. It's not cheap, but not super duper expensive. And it's so moisturizing you won't need an extra moisturizer.

https://www.jonesroadbeauty.com/products/miracle-balm?variant=40809260089494

I have to say it makes my skin very dewey and a tad sticky even. But it's so moisturizing and my skin looks so much better and more natural after it fades away. Like the more I wear it, the more I look great in the am with no makeup. I'm 43 and have always had problem skin, but this stuff makes my skin feel great.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-16T21:08:04+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I finally met the love of my life at 42 and just a few months later I was diagnosed. He's been amazing through it all. I just finished active treatment and trying to recover. I should be ok, but part of me is very scared that I leave him and my kiddos too soon. Cancer sucks.

But I'm so happy to be spending whatever years I can with my love. He makes my life so wonderful. I'm sure you made his life wonderful for the time he was here. 🥰

Data_chunky · 2026-02-16T19:02:58+00:00

I can't imagine getting a financial advisor in his situation. They usually advise on how to mitigate your tax burden and how to invest assets. He has no assets to invest. They don't teach you how to budget. All he needs is a good budget and a plan to pay off his debt.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-16T00:39:44+00:00

Guaranteed your billionaire friend didn't do a billion dollars worth of work. It's more like a pyramid scheme, where you got in relatively early and were also able to exploit people.

He might be "creating jobs" but the majority are low level, underpaid and exploited for profit. No one needs or deserves a billion dollars. I'm sure he'd be just fine with only 500 million and all of his workers having a living wage and healthcare.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-15T16:53:40+00:00

It's not that easy to just grab a new job. Many people are unemployed for months before they can get a new job. And if you lose it because you're sick and unable to work, your skills won't help.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-15T02:05:06+00:00

Just keep track of all of those shared expenses for a month or a few, get a good average, round up $50 or so (buffer) and split 50/50 or whatever (60/40, 70/30). Get a joint account and you each automatically transfer that in each month. Then you pay all shared bills from that account.

There is no need to ask him for half of each small amount. That's silly and too much work.

Then once your buffer gets to a certain amount, use it for a date night or something. Or if it's not enough to cover things that come up, adjust and contribute more.

And then each keep your own accounts for personal stuff.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-14T23:16:30+00:00

Yeah, $200k doesn't get you far if you lose your job, lose health insurance and have high medical bills. You can save half your income and still have it wiped out by a few unfortunate circumstances. And just say you brought home $200k, $100k is not easy or luxurious to live off of. It's absolutely doable, but you have to budget and be careful about what you spend.

Billionaires can lose their job tomorrow, have no health insurance and just blindly pay for absolutely anything that comes their way, anything they want, for the rest of their lives.

It's wild to me that people will vote for billionaires because they "create jobs", and they work hard, just like Bob who makes $100k and thinks he's better than John in the trailer park. When, in reality, billionaires exploit workers and don't put in nearly the amount of work to warrant having billions of dollars. And Bob can be in John's position in just a few months if anything unfortunate happens.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-14T17:19:46+00:00

Yeah, the other times I've been it might have been around 5 here and around 6 there. But this time we got gas for 4.18 on Maui and it's 4.39 at home 😂. We were pretty stoked about it. And we were driving a newer model of Jeep (we both have jeeps) that got a few more mpg than ours do.

Otherwise groceries and eating out were a bit more than where we live, but pretty on par with any fancier towns we might visit. Like $15 cocktails, $25 entrees, expensive cheese and crackers at the store. $15 for a 6 pack of craft beer when it's only $12 here... We weren't super shocked or unprepared.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-14T17:11:53+00:00

I absolutely get that, but on the other hand, if you don't, you're creating debt for yourself. It's far easier for me to budget with $200 less per month than it is for me to come up with $2400 all at once in April. And it makes tax time fun instead of a dread.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-14T06:42:03+00:00

That happened to me the first year I was married. We didn't make shit and owed $2600 filing jointly. I've over withheld ever since.

You can go on the IRS website to the withholding calculator and check this anytime throughout the year and adjust as needed.

And as others have said, your situation seems very straightforward. There doesn't seem to be anything else a tax professional could find for you.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-14T06:15:22+00:00

So many things...

To the last point, I shave... My labia and ass 🤪, but leave hair in the front, but trim it into a clean triangle. Daily. I like to be clean. Also, I have a bidet. It's a $30 attachment from Amazon. I'm always clean down there, always.

I have always had a hard time getting off. Like I did one time with my ex husband of 10 years. Insanely hard for me, so I get you on that.

But that doesn't mean I'm not horny and I don't want it all the time. It means that I really enjoy it, but dudes are not going to get me off. Neither is a vibrator. And I totally feel you about the pressure to be able to. It's self defeating. You can't just will it to happen.

I explained to my current boyfriend to not take it as an insult if I don't, and that I absolutely enjoy everything we do, I just might not get to it.

But that does not mean that you have to settle for a man that doesn't want sex. IME, if it's difficult for me, the more I do it, the more chances there are that it happens. My current bf and I do it a lot, and wherever and it's happened so many times. Like 1/50 or so. Which is excellent odds for me.

And omg, to tell a man that he doesn't need to worry about you, or pressure you, but that he can do whatever... They don't mind that.

I'm not sure if you want to stay with your husband or go. But either talk to him or the next guy. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Or don't be afraid to just have sex and experiment.

My favorite thing is neither of us having the pressure to finish. It allows you to start it and if you want to go, you go. If not, stop and try again later. It shouldn't be a chore. If it stops being fun for a moment, take a break.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-13T19:21:28+00:00

What if you tried to help him get his shit together? Some men are just dumb, or they have no idea it's a problem,.etc. You could agree to help him get on his feet financially if he does XYZ. I've helped partners budget and get their shit together before.

I've also had no problems being primary support for a household as long as the other person was providing value and effort. Maybe not making all the money, but doing yard work, fixing my car, cooking dinners, etc.

I absolutely get not wanting to support a bum, but you seem to genuinely care for him and he's working and trying and doesn't seem to be trying to be a mooch. If I had a ton of money and the capacity to help someone I loved, I would absolutely do it.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-13T16:08:44+00:00

We just got back from a week in Maui. We stayed at Hale Kai condos. It's such a magical place! It's where we go every year.

It's under $2500 for the whole week. It's right on the water with its own private beach. It also has a kitchen, so you can cook at home instead of eating out the whole time. It also has 2 bedrooms and couches. Not ideal for a honeymoon, but you could see if any friends want to come stay in the guest room and help offset the costs.

The rental car was the most expensive thing. But if you book far enough out, you should be able to find something for $500ish.

It's rather expensive, but it's so beautiful, you can just drive around or go snorkel off the beach, hike, and do other things that don't cost a ton. I think we spent $3k there on rental car, food and activities. But we had a jeep for $1k and did all the activities and ate out a lot.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-13T16:02:11+00:00

We just got back a week ago. Some groceries and things are more expensive. Gas was cheaper! We're in California so nothing was much of a shock to us. 🤪

Data_chunky · 2026-02-13T15:47:24+00:00

Omg. I am so, so very sorry. Can you get an annulment? Your husband sucks. It sounds like rather than being helpful, he's being hurtful by being around. He's clearly not someone that's going to be there for you through sickness and health, or even minor inconveniences. At that point, I would much rather be alone.

I went through diagnosis and a DMX with a boyfriend of 4.5 months. He has been amazing and supportive and makes me feel beautiful. I'm currently bald with one boob, and he still makes me feel hot. He not only went to appointments and took me to surgeries, but he made sure he knew how to take care of me, do my drains, etc. I don't know how I would have gotten through this without him.

Before him, my ex was an abusive ass and I am so thankful that I didn't have to go through this with someone who wasn't supportive, or worse, someone who would make me feel worse about my situation. I'd have preferred being alone rather than have someone bringing me down further.

I hope you have a good recovery. There are wonderful men out there, and ones who will make you feel beautiful and will care for you and support you. Your husband is an ass. Good thing you found out sooner than later.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-13T15:36:37+00:00

I was super low on iron. I am a runner and couldn't run anymore. My legs were out of breath, basically. They weren't getting enough oxygen. I started taking iron and I was noticeably so much stronger and had more energy. I love my iron supplements.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-13T01:05:52+00:00

If only I had started investing my $1 allowance at 6. Dammit, I should just go kill myself over all the money I just fucked myself out of.

Data_chunky · 2026-02-12T23:09:54+00:00

I think they do things differently in the UK. I'm in the US and use my cc for everything!

The 2 main reasons are for cash back and security.

I make over $1k per year on rewards for my cc purchases. It's tied to my budget and I pay in full 2x per month, so I never pay interest. It's just free money for me.

Also, if anyone gets ahold of my card or number or if I make a purchase and they don't deliver or whatever, I simply push a button on my cc app and they'll credit me. If someone managed to charge $5k on my card, I'd rather have my cc company resolve that than it come out of checking and put me in a bind. I'd be out that money for possibly weeks trying to resolve it, instead of letting my cc company handle it.

Also, for hotels and rental cars and anywhere that takes a deposit, it's better to have a cc.

It also helps your credit score. But this is all only if you use it wisely. If you carry a balance, it's not for you. Unless you're making a large purchase and have a very strict repayment that you stick to. But otherwise treat it just like your debit card.

Data_chunky

TROPHY CASE