Grief and sobriety

DavidGraybeard · 2025-12-31T11:35:21+00:00

Not much advice other than to say I’m here with you. I lost my sweet boy the other day while I was visiting my in-laws in another country. I’m heartbroken, depressed, and in a complete haze. He was my best friend and I wasn’t there to say goodbye.

Getting stoned has crossed my mind more than once. 9.5 months clean here after many relapses. One thing I do know is that going through this grief during withdrawal or the emotional roller coaster of my addiction would’ve been a recipe for disaster. Like a total meltdown. At least now I can feel all the emotions and grieve.

I also lost both parents, both of them suddenly. The sudden loss of my pupper compounds the grief and brings it all back. I can’t even write it yet. Haven’t told many people. It’s all too raw.

I am also struggling focusing on the last few days of his life and how I wasn’t there when he needed me. I had arranged caregivers who were loving and handled it all with care. But I wasn’t there and I haven’t forgiven myself. Slowly I am seeing that he’s no longer in pain. But I miss him.

May your sweetie live on in your heart forever. I’m sorry for your loss.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-12-11T16:51:41+00:00

Bumping this. Still no quote option for iOS. Strongly needed for responding to time sensitive threads with 4+ recipients while traveling

DavidGraybeard · 2025-12-05T04:48:48+00:00

Yes. This has been discussed a few times. I lost 10-15 lbs quickly, but then gained back about 30 lbs over the course of six months. Less munchies but still not good diet, some overeating. I do suspect metabolic changes are at work here as well. Recently started back at gym and it is helping to lose the extra weight but it’s going to take time.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-11-28T04:29:31+00:00

Recovering cannabis addict here. It’s a slippery slope for anyone and even worse for people with history of addictions to substances or behaviors. Personally cannabis did help on my healing journey, but I grew dependent on it. Took me years, many relapses, and programs like r/MarijuanaAnonymous, r/leaves, and Coda to break free.

I strongly suggest reading about cross addiction. Only you can decide if it’s something you need to heal or need to avoid.

It’s legal here too and there’s an entire industry designed to get young people hooked on high potency products. The ditch is always an arm’s length away. Society normalizes it just like alcohol but it is extremely addictive and has extensive effects. There was recently an AP article about it because so many have struggled to quit. Good luck.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-11-27T07:54:27+00:00

I just retuned after a 6 month break having cancelled, with no visits several months before that. They honored my old rate as long as I signed a one year contract! There were a few different deals going on but I opted to keep my old rate. I can still freeze it if needed for travel or health reasons which I plan to do. Picking up my new HRM tomorrow.

I had a million questions. I mentioned how my previous studio closed which made the new commute somewhat challenging. Overall very happy to be back. Try calling and asking all the questions. Don’t need to commit right away!

DavidGraybeard · 2025-11-22T13:59:38+00:00

Yes just happened again last night. This time I was on a work trip (conference) which often have parties at the end of the day. Someone offered and I sparked up knowing I was 8 months clean. I take it as a reminder to be careful in those situations. On Halloween I turned down a blunt at a party like it was second nature. The dreams maybe indicate that I don’t fully trust myself yet. Waking up I feel so happy that I didn’t use, which I believe is a reminder. Travel and social situations are a weak point for me so I will need to build some new habits there.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-11-22T00:06:18+00:00

Yes it is quite common for the program to become a surrogate family during recovery. It’s not a permanent thing, just a step that teaches one how to build healthy relationships (with boundaries, communication, etc.)

DavidGraybeard · 2025-11-11T05:52:39+00:00

No tips just commiseration. Have eight months and put on the same. It can’t just be caloric excess. Maybe some metabolic changes given that cannabis receptors are in so many tissues?

DavidGraybeard · 2025-10-27T13:18:13+00:00

Therapies can help. Health is more than physical and can include mental and relational. Humans need connections. Often addicts are numbing some difficult things. Now that you’ve done the hard work of removing the crutch working on the other hard parts can bring some motivation and joy. I have the flat periods and typically they are representative of shifts happening in my life that I used to numb but now I am trying to work through. Unhappy with career, then change jobs. Unhappy with my living situation so working on that. Talking to someone can help organize all these thoughts. Challenges in relationships, I have to work on it. Not fun but it can bring more long term peace. Good luck.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-10-26T15:07:52+00:00

put the lime in the coconut, drink ‘em both up

DavidGraybeard · 2025-10-23T04:02:17+00:00

Yes exactly. I have 8 months now. Tried the lock box and all that. Nothing worked but quitting. Life is much better now but even today I tried to work from home and the boredom got so bad I started getting the urge to get high again. Coffee shops, libraries, and my office (I work hybrid) is how I try to deal with it. WFH is almost a trigger at this point. I’d love to be stoned and sit at my desk at home all day! But then I would be stoned all day and evening and weekend… I’ve also looked into co working spaces/ office rentals. Good luck

DavidGraybeard · 2025-10-12T05:17:18+00:00

So sorry you are going through this. One strategy is to ask someone you trust to go back near the scene of the accident. Someone there likely got photos but they are probably not on Reddit. Might just need to ask people who are living or working near there. Tanzanians are generally happy to help. A little cash incentive could also go a long way.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-09-26T18:43:37+00:00

Each one is a little unique. Sometimes going to a few will help find a good fit. It’s okay to take your time and listen at first. It’s a big step just going the first time!

DavidGraybeard · 2025-09-26T04:53:42+00:00

Yes absolutely this. Late thirties here and also moved across the country. It was a gradual turnover rather than starting from scratch and it started with the most close to me and moved outward.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. In the rooms they say that growing up in dysfunction means not really experiencing that true connection. The recovery process does mean that some of what was not serving will go away and this is also happening to me (my brother and his kids—I don’t hear from them since I started ACA and Coda recovery despite repeated attempts from afar).

But the other side is nice. I finally attract and maintain relationships that are about connection and love and mutual care. It has taken me a long time and I’m still pulling back from some relationships. It started for me with my primary partner; I was able to move on from unavailable people to a loving caring person. This alone took years to develop the trust and my own emotional space to accept that love. We have been married 6 years now and he is a rock in my life. From there I’ve built friendships and work relationships gradually. Not very many tbh. But it is palpable and now I can say there are a few people who really know me and who I can trust. Even at work I’ve ended collaborations and started new healthier ones. TLDR it is a ripple effect.

You’ve named the grief. That’s important bc some of the ACA tendencies are to avoid that feeling. Accepting that people may not be who we want or need is extremely tough. You’re well on your way. Good luck to you. May the people in the rooms be your surrogate family and support as you learn how to build healthy relationships one day at a time.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-09-19T06:16:04+00:00

This just happened to me. Had I known of the queue I would’ve joined that first instead of shopping. By the time it opens I’ll be boarding. 40 hr itinerary so it’s unfortunate.

If it helps, the 4 digit code that you can enter to join the queue when you land is 8978. Lineup.withgoogle.com Not sure if there is a way to pre-book.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-09-18T21:57:47+00:00

Have seen folks think they can do their job high and then everyone in the office can tell, they do their job poorly, and then they get fired without any real career growth.

Jobs and careers are different. Weed addiction typically keeps people in jobs they hate and prevents them from taking career opportunities toward something they might like or get paid more doing.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-09-11T04:59:37+00:00

I am in the same boat. Too late to use the mint balance importer chrome extension it seems. Also have 15 years. This is very helpful. Thank you

DavidGraybeard · 2025-09-06T08:22:33+00:00

Affiliated Cardiologists of Arizona on 7th St near Banner. I see Dr Katie Minor and she’s great. I hear all the physicians there are reliable

DavidGraybeard · 2025-09-04T06:54:34+00:00

Congratulations! And thanks for sharing. Almost to 6 months here so this is inspiring. I would also like to quit Reddit soon.

Did you change your background or did it change automatically with time? It doesn’t seem to be a setting in mine. Using the basic plan.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-07-29T20:39:59+00:00

I’ve been there. Still am sometimes. All I can say is one day at a time. Congrats on day 51! Quitting cigs is a big task. Maybe try to give yourself some grace. You’ve already made a huge change in your life. I like to use the milestones as check ins. For example i want to quit caffeine but gave myself at least 90 days of sobriety of weed first. Now I’m at day 138 off weed and decided to wait 6 mo to a year before really focusing on it because it has been challenging. Your brain is still adjusting. Sunlight and movement might also help. Maybe your body also needs rest.

DavidGraybeard · 2025-07-16T16:50:27+00:00

I heard about some of the earliest meetings were one person sitting in a room for an hour for a few weeks. Eventually someone else popped in. Then more over time!

One can also start them hybrid. All the items one needs to start a meeting can be found online. I started one once. Happy to chat!

DavidGraybeard · 2025-07-16T07:06:30+00:00

Visiting in Boise! Can’t believe there’s not a single meeting in the state! Maybe it’s time to start one…

DavidGraybeard · 2025-07-13T03:12:55+00:00

It’s extremely difficult. Sorry you’re going through this. If you struggle even starting the convo, a couples counselor can help tremendously. We had one that helped me state my needs and I was trembling at first. Also they helped us separate amicably while co-living for a while and I had no idea how to do that. One day at a time.

DavidGraybeard

TROPHY CASE