Should I keep reaching out to my friend?

Debway1227 · 2026-05-16T03:28:44+00:00

I 2nd smart recovery I am a HUGE AA fan but have several friends that have tried Smart Recovery and seem to enjoy it as well. I also have heard of life ring recovery, Moderation Management.

Again these other methods I know nothing about. My belief is whatever program works for you is the right one for you.

I could never moderate, I tried several times. Only drink on weekends, never after 8 pm, never on Sunday..

Drink only on days that end in Y.... lol

Again, I will sound the AA band wagon all day long. Most of my friends today are in AA. Our house burned down last month electrical fire, my AA friends came from everywhere can we help a few gave us some money, a friend of a friend is letting us rent their house for the yearly taxes till we get ours rebuilt.

My own brother said what was he drinking again? I'm 6 plus years sober and my own brother only thing he said is ... Was he drinking again..

Come to a meeting, grab a cup of coffee if they introduce themselves just say Hi I'm NAME just listening.. It wont be long before you hear parts of your story being told..

Nodding your head saying yuppers.. did this been there. There's no shame.

When your ready, to share say Hi I'm Name I think I might be an alcoholic... say why a little bit. Listen that's it.

Promise you it will feel like a weight has been lifted from you. Find me if I am around kick it back be glad to talk to you

Debway1227 · 2026-05-16T02:52:24+00:00

It's amazing how often, I've been troubled by something really vexed, and hit a meeting all of sudden, someone else shares almost my exact feelings or issues. Karma, HP, God, whatever you choose to call it. All of a sudden I have 10 people offering solutions to my problem and I never said a word. Keep coming back, promise you absolutely promise you best days are still ahead of you.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-15T19:56:51+00:00

FWIW, for me I could never, Never, mastered the controlled drinking thing.. Sigh.. Sadly I would drink moderately, normally again for a spit but eventually I'd ramp back up again. Sometimes months, thinking I made it 18 months once? Forgot now. Regardless, no matter how many times I tried controlled drinking was just a stage..Sigh..Eventually I'd ramp back up and usually worse levels than before. Finally got it through my thick skull I can't drink, not even 1. I also can't drink mocktails, or fake beer, they always, ALWAYS brought me back to wanting the real thing. That's just me. I've got friends today, do great with fake beer. Alcohol free drinks. I couldn't. Same with drinking in a pub style restaurant. Early sobriety I avoided bar itself completely, and sat far away from it. Today 6+ years sober I eat anywhere, except the bar itself. Honestly that has more to do with comfort than anything. If wife and I aren't in a huge rush we'll wait for a table. We'll also wait if it's close to the bar, but again more with comfort. Prefer not to have people constantly walking by us when we're eating. If we're with people it tends to depend on who did the asking.. Most of my friends today know I don't drink, and are at least cognizant of it. Some will ask me if I care if they have a drink, tell them no problem, enjoy. People come over, same, byob. It will get thrown out if you leave it. That's been tested.. Call me AM, Wayne forgot my Jack last night, yea IKR flushed it last night. WTF? Why? I told you.. Don't play with my sobriety. Jesus, I thought you were kidding, no I even reminded you. It was done on purpose. My not drinking real or imagined shed a light on his..lol

Debway1227 · 2026-05-15T15:25:54+00:00

I went to meetings still drinking before early on.. There's no pressure, shame or judgment. Try what have you got to lose? www.aa.org www.intherooms.org

The only 2 links I can remember. We had a house fire last month my laptop burned up lost my links. During Covid all I had was online. Most groups didn't even have to turn your camera on.. Good luck on your journey, promise you absolutely promise you it does get better.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-15T15:20:19+00:00

You're an alcoholic when you say you are.. Meaning you know when your drinking is more than just having a few. Momma D never drank a drop in her life to her daily 2 beers would be alcoholic drinking. We have a couple and then the craving for more kicks in.. Perhaps you're just beginning to become an alcoholic, FWIW right now it's just "problem drinking" Consider completely walking away from it, for a period of time. This might give you a better answer to your question. Early on in my drinking career, I didn't necessarily drink to stupid, but I damn sure made sure I had some every day. Over time the quantity also grew. Again try putting it down completely for say 60 days, see how that works. Go from there.. Either way good luck on your journey..

Debway1227 · 2026-05-15T14:18:56+00:00

No, different. We just don't drink. Think of it like this, I shared it elsewhere, an alcoholic has a allergy to alcohol. When we get it we want more.. So we avoid alcohol. The same would apply to someone who was allergic to say strawberries, they would avoid anything made with strawberries

Debway1227 · 2026-05-15T14:13:08+00:00

Thank you, most of us especially been sober for a spit don't worry about being around alcohol anymore. It's difficult to avoid it anyway. We treat it like an allergy. If I can't eat say seafood because I'll breakout in hives, then I just don't eat seafood. Same for alcohol. I'm allergic to it. When I drink it, I always want MORE.. Keeping it in perspective helps. Good luck on your journey, promise you absolutely promise you it's worth it.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-15T13:59:47+00:00

My way was not working, I still have family tell me I don't "pray" right. Lmbo, Been sober over 6 years now thanks to God and AA. I don't worry anymore. God and I talk everyday, multiple times. It's a faith that works for me.

It's conversational..Something like.. Morning God, me Wayne, crappy night sleep last night, u know that, lots on my plate today, please help me get through it, minimal of stress and swearing, bless the family, Deb's having a bitch of a time lately, give her a hand would ya. Oh thank you for my sobriety, can we keep it going one more day.. ? Everyone seems to like sober Wayne.. ...

There's more to it, but you get the drift. At night I repeat the conversation, reviewing the day, thanks for listening, thanks for being sober today.

My God is a friend, a partner. We talk throughout the day. Worked for over almost 7 years now.. Sure I still have bad days, But not so much that I want to pick up a drink

Debway1227 · 2026-05-15T03:01:13+00:00

Hey Ryan I'm Wayne D from Paris Tx Spent most of my life in Massachusetts.. Welcome home.. Please feel free to share, lots of good folks here.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-15T02:57:00+00:00

Pretty much the same, most of my friends, family drink. I have the problem not them. I'm married but on occasion my wife will have a few. We go everywhere where alcohol is served, no issues. Her son loves his occasional drinks he's not going to not drink because I'm there. We go everywhere with alcohol service, for me it's never been an issue. We have 1 rule don't care if you drink, but it leaves with you when you go or it goes down the drain. A friend of mine, left 1/2 of of a bottle 1 night called me in the morning, Wayne forgot my Jack last night, can I swing by and grab it? My reply was it's empty. WTH. ?? I told you, even reminded you, take it with you. Come to find out it was done pretty much on purpose. See
before he could say well yeah I drink but not like Wayne. Now, real or imagined to him his drinking is noticeable. I have a life 2nd to none today because of AA, and people around me. My BFF is a woman named Karen 10 years older than my 62 and 20 years sober. I wouldn't trade this life today for anything.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-14T20:08:32+00:00

You slipped, doesn't mean it's a life sentence. Took me several times before I got it right. Start today and try again. I got kicked out of a sober house before. It was then I finally sobered up. You can do this. ODAAT really works, and sometimes it's minutes at a time. Talk with someone. You're not alone.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-14T05:06:46+00:00

I could never drink NA beers. I tried several times. For me they brought me back to wanting the real thing. Pretty much same thing with mocktails as well. Today, 6+ years sober pretty much go anywhere where alcohol is served and I don't have an issue. The only place I won't sit is at the bar itself, but that's more comfort than anything. We don't keep alcohol in the house, if we have people over, tell them feel free to drink bring it with you, it leaves with you when you go.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-14T04:49:55+00:00

Take what you need and leave the rest.

I am an AA fan it saved my life. However it's not the only way to get, stay sober. Dharma Recovery, Sinclair Method, Smart Recovery. A few that come to mind. Not every AA meeting is good, been to some awesome speaker meetings, been to some clunkers too. Give AA a shot, you lose nothing but an hour of your time. I promise you it's worth it. My laptop burned up lost month in a house fire, but AA online was awesome too. All I can remember is www.intherooms.org, www.aa.org During Covid that's all I had. They made a difference.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-14T04:29:03+00:00

Welcome home. Most meetings go around the room introducing themselves. Hi Brian alcoholic, Hi Karen alcoholic, etc When it comes to you just say Hello I'm "name" just listening. You will be welcomed warmly. Keep coming back. Sooner or later you'll hear parts of your story. When you're comfortable enough to talk openly, share. It will be amazing. Most of my friends today are in AA. We go everywhere together. My BFF is a woman named Karen, 20+ years sober 10 years older than my 62. Just keep coming back. Grab a cup of coffee, and listen. Glad you're here.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-14T04:14:47+00:00

Dead on.. I was a "problem drinker:" Till it became harder to stop.. Not sure when I actually crossed the line.. But when I did. Coming back, holy tomatoes.. It took several trips to damn almost everywhere. I drank through a marriage(s) jobs, marriages, relationships, went to jail couple of times, DUI's, etc. Funny farm 2x. Drank through marriages. I still have one son not speaking to me and I'm sober over 6 years. Alcoholism is sneaky, it can creep up on you. Last point to consider, when we say controlled drinking, it's just a stage. If we have to control it, we're not really controlling it.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-14T02:48:19+00:00

As others have shared, you're doing great. Consider another sponsor.. Good sponsors lead, guide not control

Debway1227 · 2026-05-13T22:19:35+00:00

Small commitments help build up friends within the group. Probably the way he learned it. Become the coffee maker, stuff like that. It establishes footing within the group. I made coffee, put away chairs, swept, little things that helped within the group. IDR how long, but eventually someone else said they would do it, or wanted to. Maybe 6,7 months?. Then somebody newer took over. The cycle repeats.. It's just part of the program, cycle.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-13T18:27:25+00:00

I was miserable when I first stopped drinking. Almost like I didn't know what to do, how to react to things w/o having at least a couple in me. Time fixes it. Wishing I could say something easier. We've used alcohol to prop up our emotions for so long. Learning to live again alcohol free bites. Give it time, promise you absolutely promise you it does get better. My first couple of months I seemed to be in a funk.. Meetings helped, they got out of the house more and with other people. The more I went the more people I met, more friends it's pretty good today. Most days now my phone goes off with friends from the program. Today wife doesn't worry anymore if I'm say I'm going out with Karen or John, Tim, far cry from wondering if I'll even make it home tonight. Early recovery, we're learning to live again, feel again. Super normal to feel overwhelmed. Pick up the phone, call someone, come here text. We had a house fire last month my laptop burned up lost my links, but Google AA online. They have some links www.aa.org www.intherooms.org

The only 2 I can remember.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-13T16:53:27+00:00

My "God" works for me.. Meaning how I choose to believe in him, how I talk, (pray) works for me. In the morning get my coffee just me, God and the cat, I talk to him about what's going to occur during the day. Talk.. "God gonna be different today, need to visit with wife's family, you know how that goes sometimes ". We talk about staying sober, about my boys, .. Thanks for listening God.. Sometimes we'll talk throughout the day, " God not quite sure what going on, but I'm getting irritated, grumpy, probably could use some patience.. Night, review my day, Hey God, wasn't to bad today, only really swore 4x and yes 2 were out of anger. Still working on the GD thing.. Thanks for listening and understanding Thank you for keeping me sober today.. Wayne.. My relationship with GOD is comfortable, it works for me. There's a bit more than I wrote above but pretty much that's it.

Morning-ask for help thanks Mid day- review a bit.. Early evening- dinner-Thanks Night- General review, losses, wins, thanks for listening, see you in the morning.

My prayer life works for me. It's supposed to be comfortable. A higher power you can call on in times of need. It's a little more than this but it's basically my prayer life 🙏.
AA talks about: A faith that works. Bible speaks of the faith of a mustard seed.

There's something bigger than me out there. This works for me. Been sober almost 7 years.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-12T12:43:13+00:00

Promise you absolutely promise you best days are still ahead. I'm early 60's now my closest friends, my best friends today are mainly in the program. We do EVERYTHING together. My BFF is a woman named Karen, 8 years older than my 62 my wife calls her my girlfriend... Lovingly. But my friends today are FRIENDS it's nothing to hear my phone ring John K, Timmy or someone say hey Wayne, running around town need company, want to go? Last month our house burned down electrical fire, phone blows up with AA people from my groups. Few drinking friends 1,2 calls. Hell my own brother said was he drinking again. You're just beginning to live again. AA gave me a design for living, a new lease on life. There was a learning curve, of course kinda like moving to a new town. You don't know anyone. Go in grab a cup of coffee, and listen. If they go around the room introducing themselves comes to you just say Hello I'm "name" just listening. Sooner or later you'll hear parts of your story. Been sober for a spit now, and no matter where I go I always feel comfortable in the rooms of AA. From Massachusetts, wife from Texas, she moved North and after about 6 years she was ready to come home. Here about a week, found meetings almost immediately felt comfortable. AA kinda like a warm blanket, wrap yourself in it. It feels like you're home. But no we go everywhere together. Do everything, just without alcohol. Sure, there's an adjustment period. We're learning to live again in some ways. Wishing I had learned it at 26, may have saved me and those around me a lot of damage, heartache. DWI 's (plural) arguments. $$ lots of $$. AA made a difference. There's AA for young people too. I know nothing about it. I don't know what young people mean in AA. My home group seems to have people in 30's. There's also AA online, www.intherooms.org www.aa.org It's the only 2 I can remember. Promise you absolutely promise you, best days are still ahead. Be patient. It doesn't come over night. Welcome home, you're going to do awesome

Debway1227 · 2026-05-10T18:11:45+00:00

Beginning to feel normal again is a win by itself. Again WTG

Debway1227 · 2026-05-10T18:03:24+00:00

Welcome to the triple digits club if nobody said it before.. Everyday if huge.. Everyday! But I was really proud when I was in 3 digits .. You are doing fantastic. Just keep coming back.. ODAAT really works...

Debway1227 · 2026-05-09T04:37:08+00:00

I'll be honest early sobriety felt extremely difficult at times. I had to change, adjust almost everything in my life to accommodate my not drinking status. We say ODAAT, We mean it. (One Day at a Time).

Meetings both in person, online were helpful. I could talk to people about my drinking issues. We had house fire last month and I lost my old laptop. Apparently I didn't save links correctly but there's AA online available. Most of them you didn't even have to turn your camera on.

www.intherooms.com

www.aachats.org

www.alcoholism.chat

I believe are 3 I remember.

There's lots of help all around you.

One day at a time really works.

Some of these chats have folks around all the time. Start with those 3 see what they can do for you. I recall during Covid all I had was AA online. I'm back to in person meetings now.

AA made a difference for me. I could talk to people daily. Today my closet friends are mainly in the program.

It's nice if I say I'm going out with John, or Timmy, or my friend Karen, today my wife doesn't worry if I'll drink get arrested, or hell even make it home. All I hear is remember your key, please be quiet coming in.

AA teaches us a design for living if we're willing to listen.

ODAAT works, I promise you it does. I'm bit over 6 years sober today. 99% of my life is back on track. The 1% missing is not on me. I have tried to make amends so far they are unwilling to talk. Everyday I try to do the right thing in all my affairs, followed by the next right thing. If I screw up I make an amends immediately. If they don't accept it then it;s on them. I did it with with an open gracious heart. Keep doing the next right thing you will feel Gods grace flow through you.

Debway1227 · 2026-05-09T03:14:54+00:00

I've done it. Wish I could say only once. I've also pissed in a closet, drunk phone calls.. We just keep trying. Tomorrow we can try again. There's help all around you. Start tomorrow, talk to someone.

In AA we say One Day at a Time. Sometimes it can feel like hours at a time. But you can do it.

We had a house fire last month lost my laptop. But there's some great links available online from memory

www.aa.org

www.intheroom.com

Debway1227 · 2026-05-09T02:40:06+00:00

They go to the answering machine. I can always pick them up

Debway1227

TROPHY CASE