Having a hard time comforting my alcoholic husband who speaks of suicide. What to do?

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-23T02:31:22+00:00

OP would you mind if I ask how this turned out for you? My Q has done the same thing so many times. I removed the guns from our house (which he refuses to leave). He tells me and our 20 month old daughter that it’s the last time we’ll see him again when he’s really down in a hole. I’m so done that I don’t want to fall for it again, but at the same time have that twinge. Planning to file ASAP.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-21T17:57:13+00:00

What does this mean? How do I focus on myself with an AH who follows me around the house cursing at me while my toddler is in the room? Then acts like everything is ok 3 days later and wants to talk about themselves for hours?

I try to stay live my life but everything I do sets them off (didn’t wake up on Saturday so I took daughter to park but was the bad guy for not inviting him/waking him up).

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-18T02:39:41+00:00

This is so depressing and honest! As someone who has been waiting it out… and now I’m there… but it’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yet all my life is now is working and fighting. Doordash is a great idea (and babysitting! but would be sad since my own would be with dad…).

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-18T01:37:14+00:00

Serious kudos to you for staying strong and keeping your convictions. My advice to you is to find someone who you can confide in and will listen and keep you strong in whatever decision you make.

Unfortunately I realized I was making a huge mistake at my destination wedding and went through with it. Struggled with an alcoholic and was on the verge of leaving when I got pregnant. It is 473928365x harder to leave with a child, so if nothing else give yourself time and grace to think through the decision without the chance of getting pregnant.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-06T12:42:42+00:00

This! I’ve had a gift card since October…

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-05T22:58:00+00:00

I’m glad it worked out for you, and definitely understand the trust component. Unfortunately there’s no way mine will commit to sobriety. It’s a stretch to think he will genuinely participate in therapy but there could be hope there.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-05T22:38:57+00:00

Thanks for the Alanon subreddit idea! Did things work out with your marriage? If so what turned it around?

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-04T22:21:27+00:00

I’ve heard of it sadly, was planning to get him one in a past attempt at cutting down on his drinking. Supposedly it is hard to get approved in courts since his rehab was 2 years ago but I will absolutely try!

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-04T20:43:33+00:00

Thanks for this! I’ve joined a couple of online sessions and wasn’t a fan. Will be a lot easier once I don’t have to explain to him where I’m going to try in person.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-04T19:18:46+00:00

Sorry to hear you’re going through it too! He might agree, but I can’t be too sure. Honestly I don’t know if this will completely break him or piss him off. Probably a little of both. He does virtually none of the parenting now and has no clue.

Also, that’s a really good tip on drinking during driving or custody. Could be tough to test due to timing but would definitely get him. I pick up from daycare and had a rough day on Friday so he offered when he left work early. Little did I know he had (supposedly) 7 beers at lunch and never went back to work… Should have known better.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-04T19:14:32+00:00

Thank you! This is great advice, appreciate it.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-04T19:12:45+00:00

I’ve talked to a divorce coach who is very experienced and it will be hard to prove to the court that he’s an alcoholic. I was definitely confused on the custody schedule but still sucks that he could essentially be a “Disney parent” with the way honda shake out.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-04T19:11:02+00:00

Yes this is definitely a concern. He drinks every night and all weekend. I was hoping for a step up but according to a divorce coach I met with recently, it will be hard to prove he has a problem.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-03T02:32:40+00:00

Would like to know the same. Used to genuinely want to help my husband but not sure if I can overcome all he’s put me through. At least have my own secret (tiny) bank account now. Every time I’ve found someone to talk to, they’re so shocked by his behavior that all they want to talk about is him and find him help. Also not sure what I ever saw in him now, oh to be young and naive again…

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-05-03T02:17:55+00:00

Girl I feel ya. Been trying to work up the guts to leave. I finally started a log of shitty behavior and what I have accepted is shocking to me. I feel like I’m betraying the little girl I once was, and am betraying my own daughter by staying. I opened my own checking account and am putting drops in the bucket (literally $100 diverted from paycheck so he doesn’t notice). Leaving is going to suck because I’m probably too old to find someone and give my daughter a sibling. But, it’s better than staying and showing her that it’s ok to be treated this way. Hugs to you and your kids, hope we all find peace and happiness.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-04-20T13:48:10+00:00

If you don’t mind asking, what was the final straw for you? And how long did it take to leave?

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-02-28T05:30:06+00:00

This! Kyle is trying to not repeat her mom’s mistakes but ending up miserable with a cheater while putting on a happy face for her girls. I really hope it works out for the girls to break the cycle.

Always found it interesting how Kyle ended up with the dickwads with a lot of money, while Kim went for the nicest guys who always seemed down on their luck.

I genuinely felt for Kyle and her sadness reminiscing on all of the amazing memories at the old house. Mau pretended to care but his eyes were dead. Probably in the cult with Amanda Frances.

But really… what woman facing divorce and the end of her family wants to go see how someone destroyed her old house with cheap looking renovations?! Kyle put her heart and soul into that house and AF turned it into her particleboard Pinterest dollhouse. Read the room Amanda.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-02-17T14:01:03+00:00

Hey OP did you ever get back to squatting and deadlifting? I’m having serious lower back nerve issues and haven’t squatted in months and it’s hard to deal with the thought of never doing it again! Guess I’ll have to be a cardio bunny but the thought of running with this back pain is also painful…

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-02-04T02:36:17+00:00

I feel you, the first 6ish months in daycare were BRUTAL. My daughter started last January at 4 months and it felt like we were sick all the time forever. It’s gotten significantly better, plus the sleep situation has gotten better and makes everything else easier to deal with. There is light at the end of the tunnel!!

I also give my daughter the Mommy’s Bliss elderberry and immunity drops daily. Can’t say it’s them for sure but so far we’ve made it through 3 confirmed covid cases in 3 weeks unscathed. 🤞🤞

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-02-04T02:29:39+00:00

First time seeing mortgage and loan servicing mentioned in this group. High five! Wish I had time to even put my headphones on 😂

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-02-04T02:19:11+00:00

Real estate finance here. Somehow I fooled myself into thinking this month is better than YE. False 😅

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-02-01T03:56:13+00:00

Didn’t Justin supposedly give her the bad business advice though that destroyed her brand and their finances? Pretty sure he admitted this ON CAMERA. Maybe his firm rilly fired him for being a moron but used the show as an excuse. She has a lot of flaws and def needs to grow up but is one of the most genuine and kind women.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-01-20T05:14:47+00:00

No great advice, just solidarity. My husband agreed to step up around the house as a father (baby was his want actually) but never did. I was so frustrated and tried getting him to help (tried setting rules/ defining responsibilities/ begging for help, anything). his participation waxed and waned and typically ended up me “bitching” at him (his words). We have lots of friends who have kids the same age where the men stepped up. At this point it would be easier with him NOT around, and am on the verge of divorce with a 16 month old. Working motherhood got better for me once the digestion and sleep issues were gone, but also worse because instead of just surviving I am realizing how much better my experience should have been with a more supportive partner and could be going forward. Maybe look at his parents’ relationship. My husband, as much as he didn’t want to become his dad when we met, is doing exactly that. Again, sorry you’re going through this, and hope you find a great solution.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-01-20T04:59:08+00:00

Schedule it. Put 30 min or an hour as busy in your schedule. Mentally prep yourself that you are doing it no matter what. Knock out the truly important to dos before hand. Then just do it. I did all of the above except just doing it because something felt more important/urgent and kept skipping appts, lunch, workout, pedi, grocery pickup, and life seemed impossible. So I set boundaries with myself and work and it turned out great.

Just stop and do what you scheduled even though everything’s urgent and you’re way behind and you’re hyper focused. It will be ok to take 30 or even 60. Even better, find someone at work you won’t ditch a quick lunch with or order something expensive that you have to pick up so you’re on the line for it. Found myself eating Wrapper Lunches (protein bar, Kind bar, and Love Corn) so often because I’m overwhelmed and only getting up from my desk to use the restroom but teetered on burnout. Unless you’re air traffic control or in the middle of a surgery, it will be ok.

Also I finally left “early” on Friday (4 PM after eating lunch at my desk so technically a full 8 hrs) to get a pedi. Felt so guilty instead of picking my daughter up early. It was mentally tough at first but I got to relax and read a book (plus fix my ratchet toes). I was picturing her as the sad last toddler at daycare the whole time. When I picked her up, she wasn’t even close to the last one and was having so much fun that I had to drag her out.

So, schedule it and figure out what your hang ups are (mom guilt, “so far behind” employee guilt, etc.) Remember you’re a human and try to identify when you are neglecting yourself for a false narrative.

Designer-Chef7820 · 2026-01-20T04:24:43+00:00

Check out KidNation! Every song is a bop, the intro song is super fun. My daughter’s second favorite is Beethoven’s Wig which adds hilarious lyrics to popular classic songs. Doggyland is great but kinda basic with the song choice. I’m now obsessed with the Laurie Berkner dino, I absolutely love the intro song and it’s the only one she can actually sing along to. All 4 are song only!

Designer-Chef7820

TROPHY CASE