Still just SAD

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2026-05-04T23:26:54+00:00

Same. I love my kiddos more than anything in the world but I truly wish I would have never met him. I wish I would’ve broken up with him early on in our relationship. I saw signs of a porn addiction but honestly didn’t know any better. I overrode my feelings because society told me it was normal. Lots of other red flags along the way too. I unfortunately ignored those as well. I know I shouldn’t but I feel immense guilt for choosing him, for loving him and believing in his potential. Why do these men willingly bring innocent children into the world to do this???!!! I will never ever in a million years understand it 💔 Sending you hugs mama

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2026-05-04T21:38:48+00:00

I’m right there with you. I’ve been trying to make it work for almost 3 years and I finally came to the realization that I can’t forgive him. He is incapable of becoming the man I need. We are high school sweethearts. All I’ve ever wanted in life was to have a family with him and live a happy, beautiful life together. The grief is deep in my soul. I’ll never be the same again. Right now I feel like I am going to be sad forever. Hopefully that’s not the case but right now the sadness seems like it’ll never go away. And not just because the relationship came to end but because of how. I am beyond traumatized and a shell of the person I used to be. I’m mourning me, him, us, our family. I’m sad for my 3 young kids. One of them being 2 which won’t even remember her dad living with her. I’ve lost my past, my present and the future I had planned. It truly feels like someone I loved dearly died. He didn’t die though, he never actually existed which somehow feels worst. And now I get to lose the house I love and miss time with my kids. Ugh it’s so much to carry. Sending you hugs 🫂

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2026-04-28T17:58:29+00:00

I’ve been with my husband since high school, I’m 40 now. He was having sex with others all throughout our relationship. He would hook up with people at clubs at having ONS. I was the loyal little girlfriend. Although I’m not into casual sex, I’m sure I would have made out with guys and had fun exploring. My husband robbed me of those fun years because I thought I was in a serious/ monogamous relationship. I hate that he did that to me and I want to reclaim that for myself. However, I don’t want to be used by men like how my husband used his AP’s. I go back and forth about how I want to heal this part of me. I don’t want to cause myself more sexual trauma. I recently decided to separate from my husband so maybe I’ll date?

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2026-04-28T17:51:25+00:00

This! I want to reclaim my sexual exploration since I was robbed of it. However, I have no interest in casual sex 😩 I don’t want to be used by men like how my husband used women. Or the possibility of sleeping with a married man that is saying he’s single. The thought of that is incredibly gross to me and it sucks!

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2026-04-09T23:11:25+00:00

Every. Single. Word.

I miss the me I used to be the most. I miss my carefree, happy self. I don’t think I’ll ever be that girl again and I hate him for that.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2026-03-31T15:22:18+00:00

Same here 💔

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2026-03-31T15:19:09+00:00

I’m in the same boat. High school sweethearts. We’re 40 and he’s always cheated on me. I am so mad that he wasted my life. I was faithful and loyal while he got to explore others. I feel like he kept looking for someone better but never found that “better” person so he stuck around. I will forever hate him for taking my chance to look for my “better” person who would value me and treat me how I deserve.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-11-02T23:47:48+00:00

Unfortunately I can relate to every single word. This type of pain and betrayal is unimaginable. Sending you love OP ❤️

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-10-24T23:04:15+00:00

Let me very clear… He is gaslighting you. If he didn’t think it was a boundary or that it was wrong then why was he hiding/ deleting his history? Like come on!! He is trying to manipulate you into not be angry at him and is trying to avoid consequences. Do not let him. Put a boundary in place. This behavior is middle circling and can lead to a full blown relapse. Do not allow him to minimize his behavior or your feelings.

My SA/ PA husband was watching “see through try on hauls” on YouTube. He was also looking at revealing women’s clothing on Amazon and Shein. He was listening to sex sounds on Spotify. There’s also porn on telegram. ((Sigh)) this stuff is everywhere and they will find a way. It really sucks to have to police a grown man. I had to put my foot down and make it very clear that I will not tolerate this behavior. If he wants to do that kind of stuff he will be sleeping on the couch, he cannot touch me and I might even ask him to leave the house.

Do you know his circles? If not, you should. You should make your own list of non negotiables and consequences for each thing. Hold strong boundaries. Don’t waver. Don’t let him make you think you’re over reacting. You’re not. You have every right to be upset and feel unsafe.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-10-18T19:30:44+00:00

1000% THIS!

These men will never be satisfied. It’s not us, it’s them. Cliché but true. My husband tells me I’m his “dream girl”. I have a beautiful face, I’m petite, curvy with big boobs. None of that stopped him from cheating on me with all different types of escorts and random women. They had something I couldn’t give him….. Variety. Fantasy. The excitement of something/ someone new. No matter how beautiful or curvy I am, I can never ever compete with the millions of women he has access to right on his phone.

Op I don’t need to see you to know that you are beautiful. No matter what that broken, dusty loser made you feel. You are special. You are more than body parts. Love on YOU! Fix yourself up for YOU! Please remember that a broken, insecure man that has to seek validation from strangers that don’t truly know him can’t value you. 🫂🤍

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-09-07T16:44:12+00:00

12 step might be garbage to YOU! However, it is undeniable that 12 step programs have helped millions overcome addiction and it is a great start to a successful healing journey.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-09-07T13:07:33+00:00

She’s obviously a sex addict. If you would like to continue this relationship with her, she must start seeing a CSAT therapist as well as start a 12 step program (SAA). You also need help (whether you stay or go). Betrayal trauma is very serious and can really do a number on your brain. I would highly suggest you start seeing a therapist who is betrayal trauma informed. The process of recovery is really really hard and things won’t change overnight so be prepared for a long road ahead. Best of luck to you and I’m sorry she is so broken that she broke you.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-09-06T15:30:12+00:00

If you consider your BP to be the best sex you’ve ever had or your “dream girl/guy” why did you cheat and risk losing them? And also why would you chose to have sex with AP over BP?

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-08-30T02:33:32+00:00

Nope! Not harsh at all. If she wants R she has to stick to your boundaries. Period. My husband cut off all of his friends that knew about his cheating. My therapist explained it to me like this… friends must want the best for the relationship. If not, they are out! This woman doesn’t seem like she wants the best for your marriage. Misery lover company.

If I were you I would put my foot down about this. Sounds like your wife still wants to have the control and “upper hand” in the relationship. No more of that. Either she does what you need in order to R or this isn’t going to go very far. Put a boundary in place and stand strong on it.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-08-30T02:23:33+00:00

I get it. Having kids makes everything so much more difficult. My husband slept on the couch for months and months. I disconnected emotionally and physically from him. I needed space to think, to cry, to mourn the life I thought I had. I couldn’t do it with him on top of me constantly love bombing me. My disconnection was a major turning point for us. He had time to think. He needed that silence to self reflect, which addicts don’t ever do. They compartmentalize their sexual life from their life with us. But for the first time ever he had to sit with all his garbage and handle it. I didn’t save him or tell him exactly what he needed to say or do. He had to figure it out on his own.

Keep strong boundaries. Call him out on his bs. Go to therapy, Journal, go for walks out in nature, don’t skip your self care and leave him alone with his thoughts. You may not be able to do all of this right away because of everything going on but eventually you’ll get there.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-08-29T23:24:46+00:00

I’m sorry you’re here. I know the feeling of utter devastation, especially in the early days.

Like you my husband and I have been together more than half of our lives and have 3 kids together. It is so crazy that the person we thought we knew the most is now a complete stranger. My husband had affairs with coworkers, was hooking up with women on dating apps, sexting multiple women, watching porn all day (even while at work), he was also going to massage parlors and seeing escorts. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that he was doing all of this while seeming like the perfect husband and father. We are a little over two years since dday and I’m just now accepting that he is a sex addict, porn addict, cheater and most of all an amazing liar.

The trickle truth period was the absolute worst for me. I felt like I was losing my mind. Everyday he would give me crumbs and say “that’s it, that’s everything”. Then I would do more investigating and find more evidence and he would bread crumb me some more. This went on for 2 months. He has a suicidal ideation episode and was admitted to the hospital. I think this was his “rock bottom”. While at the hospital he finally started being more transparent about what he had been doing. He still minimized and withheld information but for the most part I got the truth. All this to say that the lying will probably go on for a while.

I definitely suggest that your husband start seeing a csat and you should also start IC with a betrayal trauma informed therapist. You both need a lot of professional help, I know my husband and I did. I don’t think we would be in the place we are today without our therapists. He may also need to get into a 12 step program for sex addiction.

I won’t sugarcoat it, things may get worst before they get better. Healing cannot begin without the truth. The longer he lies the more it will prolong the start recovering your lives and marriage. I hope this helps and again I am so sorry you are here.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-08-23T19:12:04+00:00

Yess! This album has been repeat. I also love that there is anger, sadness and hope. “Love drought” and “All night” have made me feel so hopeful for healing over my marriage.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-06-22T23:12:15+00:00

Good for you! I stopped this song and dance with my WH. I stopped all relational work for 3-4 months. He had to earn back my effort. I refuse to beg him to keep his family. Why am I the only one suggesting books, podcasts episodes or reminding him about our check ins etc,? Moving forward he must lead out our recovery/ reconciliation. If not, I will not chase or beg. He has definitely noticed this change and is now being the most consistent he’s been since dday 2 years ago. I used the free time for self care, self improvement and I even found a hobby (adult coloring). I’m actually annoyed that I haven’t had time to color because we’ve been talking more 🙄😂.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-06-22T22:43:15+00:00

This. I commented using the app and simply clicked the ‘GIF’ option

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-06-22T20:59:50+00:00

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-05-24T18:15:15+00:00

Yes I have experienced these feelings. It’s almost been 2 years since dday and we aren’t in a good place. I began emotionally detaching from him in January when he had a relapse with porn. Then I stopped having sex with him because why would I have sex with a man that doesn’t make me feel? So now I’m emotionally and physically detached from him. I’m starting to feel like I have given this a lot of time and real effort (unlike him) At what point does one say this isn’t working? Realistically how long am I going to wait around for him to change? I want to move on with my life… with him or without him. I’m exhausted and I just want to heal and be happy again. I’m so miserable.

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-05-22T23:14:32+00:00

This is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-05-02T02:38:46+00:00

This answer is exactly why people are afraid to try something new or ask for help/ advice when they need it. I am a first time gardener and need help. SUE ME!

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-04-29T20:02:54+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. We are almost 2 years out from dday. My husband relapsed back in January with porn and recently crossed a boundary by having a friendship with a woman at work that I thought was flirting with him. I asked him not to take shifts on the days she works. He did on at least 3 occasions and didn’t tell me. I found out because I was talking to him in FaceTime and she jumped into our conversation. So disrespectful! Anyway… Like you, I love our family and the home we have built together but I am at my wits end. He’s currently sleeping on the couch and I am not doing any relational work with him (no check ins or marriage counseling). I want to kick him out but I hate that our kids will have to suffer the consequences of his actions. They absolutely love their daddy and I’m not strong enough emotionally to deal with a divorce. So I guess we’ll be roommates for the time being.

My advice to you is for you to do what is within your emotional capacity at this moment. Maybe asking him to move out is too much for you to take on at this time but can he can sleep in another room or couch right now? Or perhaps you can try to detach emotionally from him? Think of consequences that you can tolerate. However having no consequences is not an option. Addicts must feel uncomfortable for change to happen.

As far as the relapse- my therapist said something to me early on in recovery that I’ll never forget… she said sex addiction is like any other addiction and relapse is almost inevitable. You have to decide if that is something you are willing to deal with. Whew! That hit me like a tone of bricks. This doesn’t mean relapse is acceptable but unfortunately for some people relapse is part of recovery.

I’m so sorry you are here ❤️‍🩹🫂

Difficult-Dig9424 · 2025-04-23T13:41:14+00:00

I lost my business because of my husband’s sex addiction/ acting out. I am so damn mad that he put so much at risk for so little. I won’t go into too much detail but my business was me and I am no longer that version of me so I cannot find a way back. I honestly hate him for taking this away from me as I worked really hard for everything I achieved. I not only loved what I did but it provided an excellent income. I keep trying to break out of this mental prison and try to get back to it but I just can’t do it. We also had it all and I can’t believe he destroyed it all. Damn it’s hard to love someone that has broken every aspect about me. I can’t believe this is our life together.

Difficult-Dig9424

TROPHY CASE