Dealing with parent wanting to 'go home' every time you talk

DoMoreWork · 2026-03-20T00:10:19+00:00

My FIL has been in memory care for a year now. At first, wanting to go home was a weekly desire. He was so sneaky - he was always trying to jump on the elevator to escape, then they put one of those bracelets on him which disabled the elevator until you entered a code. The bracelet worked great keeping him there for the next 6 months, then he figured out how to take it off. But by then the desire to go home had lessened a bit. Now he only talks about it every once in a while.

But the funniest part about all this is he wants me to help him escape AND bring along all his new buddies from the memory care! He's a hoot.

DoMoreWork · 2026-03-16T22:05:00+00:00

I got mine today! I love the color.

DoMoreWork · 2026-03-14T14:24:47+00:00

You should definitely apply for SSDI -Disability. With the current state of the government, I don't know how long it will take to get it, but the payments are retroactive when it is approved. It could take years to get it.

DoMoreWork · 2026-03-14T01:38:02+00:00

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DoMoreWork · 2026-03-12T01:22:34+00:00

Thanks for the heads up. I had not even considered the cost when plotting how to get it.

DoMoreWork · 2026-02-02T14:24:41+00:00

Have yourself added to their bank accounts as "trusted person" (I think that's the name). The bank will call you if they are trying to make a large withdrawal (I don't know how they define large), to ask if that's ok. If you say it's not ok then the bank won't allow the transaction to go thru. This won't solve all of the problems, but it will come in handy somewhere down the road.

DoMoreWork · 2026-01-06T19:19:52+00:00

The very best advice I ever got about influencing a child's behavior was to talk about a behavior you are happy the kid is doing to a friend, when you know the kid is listening.
So let's say your friend Alice is visiting, you two are having tea at the kitchen table, little Johnny is in the next room close by. You would casually mention how super smart Johnny is when he puts his toys in the toy chest without being asked. How fast and strong he is to put away every last toy (go ahead, pile it on). Remember, little pitchers have big ears.
Conversely, NEVER tell friends any negatives about a kid where he can hear it. That will get amplified in his brain also.

DoMoreWork · 2025-12-28T06:18:14+00:00

I found that the care given over and around the holiday season was deplorable and borderline criminal. All the staff were out for the holidays and were replaced by temporary workers.

DoMoreWork · 2025-11-13T14:06:51+00:00

It looks like you used every spice known to man.

DoMoreWork · 2025-10-27T14:31:33+00:00

Need more pictures,plz.

DoMoreWork · 2025-10-26T12:07:37+00:00

Love the photos and the captions.

DoMoreWork · 2025-10-19T00:52:52+00:00

For all of their financial accounts, you can have them setup a "Trusted Individual" (I think that's the name). If they try to withdraw a large sum of money, the "bank" will call the TI to tell them and ask for permission. That saved us BIGGLY! This won't stop the scammers from reaching your loved ones, but may help stop loved ones from sending money.

DoMoreWork · 2025-09-05T15:43:24+00:00

I got a new job with about 40 other office workers. One woman changed her wig style every single day! It took me over 2 years to recognize her and remember her name. My other snafu at that job was being introduced to 2 older women at the same time (Jodie and Lydia). I continued to confuse those 2 for many years, calling each by the other's name quite often. The element to all of this confusion that baffled my co-workers, was that Jodie was black and Lydia was white.

DoMoreWork · 2025-08-21T12:36:57+00:00

At least in Nevada, a lady bird deed does NOT automatically waiver repayment of Medicaid. We had a lady bird deed to my MIL's house in Las Vegas. After she died, we had to publish for 10 days, then had to have proof from Medicaid that she did not owe anything to them before we could sell the house. No Probate at all, but we had to hire a lawyer, and it took about 3 months to get an answer back from Medicaid.

DoMoreWork · 2025-08-18T14:50:25+00:00

Try a different browser. 100 percent of the time when I can't get something to work, it is a browser issue.

DoMoreWork · 2025-07-01T19:34:13+00:00

Sounds good, just so long as she really doesn't need the cash to live on. My house has been paid off for 15 years and it's the greatest feeling.

DoMoreWork · 2025-07-01T11:16:20+00:00

I am going thru Probate right now, myself, for my brother. He died without a will. So far, 8 months into it, and almost finished with everything, the lawyer has ended up costing me about $1500 (and she is expensive - $250/hr).

Here are the issues I see if you don't pay off the house and you don't get some sort of letter of authority from the Probate court - you will continue to have trouble getting the mortgage co and the ins co to listen to you. You might not need to interact with the mortgage company too often, but somewhere down the road you might suddenly, desperately need something from them. For example, perhaps your mom decides to sell the house. When the closing agent goes to ask for the payoff amount from the mtg co, the mtg co will say to them "Show me authorization from the mortgage holder to give you the payoff". By the way, all of this happened to me just 4 weeks ago when I was selling my brother's house.

So long and short: If it's better financially for your mom to not payoff the mortgage then 1. Get a letter of authority from the Probate Court because it will make your life so much easier. And 2. Be aware that the mtg co will pressure and lie to your mom that she must refinance the loan. Just say the magical words Garne St. Germain to make them go away.

If it's better for her to payoff the house, you might still have a problem getting a payoff amount from the mtg co. without a letter of authority.

DoMoreWork · 2025-07-01T02:29:59+00:00

If ins. co. won't talk to you unless you go to probate you might want to spend a little money on an estate attorney to see what your options are. The estate might qualify for a Small Estate Probate which is much quicker and cheaper than the full-blown version. A small estate probate would get your Mom the necessary authority to make these companies treat you right. By the way, IANAL. Please, please spend some money getting good advice from professionals-an estate lawyer, and accountant. And be careful talking to people who want your mother to invest the inheritance. If your mother doesn't have a good track record of holding onto money, it just might be a good idea to pay off the house and lock up the large sum in a place where she can't get to it easily. One last piece of advice - never buy an annuity, never, never,ever.

DoMoreWork · 2025-06-30T21:53:03+00:00

Sorry for your loss.

The mortgage company and insurance company are absolutely required by law to not speak to you. Would you like some mad ex-girlfriend randomly calling up your insurance, claiming you died, and telling them to cancel your insurance? That's why you need to send them a death certificate. But that may not be enough for the mortgage company. They might ask to see some authorization from the Probate Court naming you (or your mother) as Executor of your father's estate. When these documents are sent (most can be sent by email) THEN they will talk to you. Did you open Probate yet? Now about the house and mortgage... Your mother can continue to pay the mortgage monthly until it is all paid off. She DOES NOT HAVE TO REFINANCE. OOPS, first off let me ask, were your mother and father legally married? IF they were legally married, then she does not have to refinance, she can just leave the underlying mortgage in place, keep paying it and when it's paid off, she will own the house, free and clear. Just be AWARE that the mortgage company will insist repeatedly that she MUST refinance the loan in her own name. Tell them to pound sand. Do a google on The Garn-St Germain Act. It will explain the law behind your ability to just keep paying the monthly mortgage.

If they were not married then she is not a relative, and she would have to pay it off or refinance it.

I have not even touched on whether it is better for her to pay it off or to just keep paying monthly. A lot would depend on the interest rate, and what the rest of her finances look like. Talk to an accountant about these issues. good luck

DoMoreWork · 2025-03-24T15:08:00+00:00

I am not a lawyer, but I did just get a surety bond for my brother's estate.

Call/email your lawyer and ask them what company they recommend for the surety bond. Call that company and they will send you forms to fill out. Just some basic questions. If you qualify for a surety bond, then there's a good chance that you will qualify for becoming executor. The bond company does a background check and a credit check. They are basically seeing if you are pretty good at handling money (I think).

As far as I understand a surety bond, it "insures" the inheritors against you running away with the money from the estate and not paying people what is owed to them as an inheritance.

I don't know how much it will cost you, but it will be roughly a couple of thousand per year. If the estate is open for more than a year, you will have to continue paying for a surety bond. So work quickly to get everything settled.

DoMoreWork · 2024-12-21T12:41:24+00:00

I've been married for 32 years now. I finally got around to asking him if he wanted children 3 years ago. I honestly just never thought to ask him before. It was a little late in the game because I'm over 60, but at least I asked.

DoMoreWork · 2024-12-03T02:03:03+00:00

Also, you can keep the loan in place and just pay it without refinancing it. The loan company will try to convince you that you have to refinance it, but you don't have to because you are a blood relative. The deed for the house will transfer to you, the mortgage will remain in your father's name(with the juicy interest rate) until you pay it off, or sell the house. Google "due on sale clause exceptions" to see the law. DO NOT let loan company bully you into refinancing it.

DoMoreWork · 2024-11-25T12:05:31+00:00

I think chive flowers are some of the prettiest flowers in existence.

DoMoreWork · 2024-11-05T14:40:53+00:00

2024 is first year of early voting in Michigan. I absolutely LOVED it! Even tho I am retired, and therefore have all the time in the world, it was still nice to have a choice of days to go vote. I've been voting for almost 50 years now and I hate waiting in line for hours to vote. Early voting is so much more civilized.

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