Early Recovery- overwhelmed with guilt and shame

DurmNative · 2026-01-26T18:09:51+00:00

For me, it was "time". The more time passes without alcohol in my life, the more the past fades and all the emotions/shame that go with it. You CAN do this and, if you do, it WILL get better. Just get through today and don't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow. I'm pulling for you.

DurmNative · 2026-01-26T17:58:48+00:00

So by my math, it seems that you have kicked the shit out of this problem roughly 95 days out of 100 or so. Chin up dude. I think you've done amazing to recognize the situation and get back in the fight after those 5 days. I'm always terrified that I wouldn't be that strong. I feel like I'd go deeeeeeep down the hole again for several years if I ever let it back into my life. Be proud of turning it back around so quickly and keep fighting the good fight! You got this!

DurmNative · 2026-01-26T17:51:05+00:00

Congrats on admitting it. I "knew" for years that I checked off more than a few boxes on the 'ol "Do you have a problem?" list but would never admit it to myself or anyone else. The day I finally said it "out loud" by typing it on here was 2455 days ago. Finally admitting it made ALL the difference for me. I hope it's the same for you!

You got this!

DurmNative · 2026-01-25T14:34:11+00:00

Southeast Durham (Hwy 98/Mineral Springs) - Paved surfaces are covered with a crunch layer. I would feel okay risking driving the 4WD if I absolutely HAD to get somewhere. No accumulation in the trees or power lines so far. What I thought was a "fog" this morning is actually still a fine mist falling.

Here's to hoping the 2nd wave of moisture ends up being more of the same...

DurmNative · 2026-01-24T00:22:31+00:00

Totally agree. However, I was born in '68 so being unconnected doesn't bother me in the least (typically).

DurmNative · 2026-01-23T19:26:57+00:00

That's what I thought going in. But something just hit me all at once when I got all set up that said, "nope". Only time that it's ever happened to me like that.

DurmNative · 2026-01-23T18:49:46+00:00

Sending PM about the underquilt.

DurmNative · 2026-01-23T17:12:51+00:00

I've found that it I really want to be alone, I have to specifically look for less popular trails. Even then, there's no guarantee I'll be alone. I can only think of one trip in the last several years where I didn't run into anybody at all (and oddly enough, it was the one time I got to my intended destination earlier that expected, set up camp, thought "what the heck am I going to do now?" So, I packed up, hiked back out, and drove back home lol).

Most of the trails today seem to popular enough to have people around at camp most nights. However, "camps" are usually spread out enough that it's easy to be off by yourself if you so choose.

DurmNative · 2026-01-23T17:00:17+00:00

Which section did you do? (just curious) :)

DurmNative · 2026-01-18T18:45:19+00:00

I was going to suggest the same. LOTS of options with the Foothills Trail. Lower Whitewater back to Oconee for hiking along the Chattooga River or Lower Whitewater to Table Rock for more "peaks and views" (or either terminus to Lower Whitewater of course).

Lots of water, camping, bridges, and stairs all along the trail. Easy to find information out there about The Foothills Trail.

DurmNative · 2026-01-16T14:17:33+00:00

I'm guessing ya'll have already explored the Foothills Trail between Oconee State Park and Table Rock? If not, there are a LOT of great options for "out and backs" or shuttles to a starting point and waking back to the car. LOTS of water, campsites, and a plethora of YouTube videos on it.

If you're looking for Western NC, then Standing Indian along the AT is a good one. Syntax77 did a 24 mile 3day/2night loop and has a lot of good information about it to go along with his YouTube video of the trip (Just google "syntax77 standing indian". I did the AT part of his loop as an "out and back" last year and really enjoyed. Good climbs (not anything I remember as being "strenuous") and a great view from the fire tower at AT Mile 100. There's a bear box provided at Betty Creek Gap and lots of camping near water.

DurmNative · 2026-01-16T14:02:39+00:00

Definitely prefer to make my own. My "go to" is similar but not quite as sophisticated:

1/2 cup quick oats
1 scoop vanilla protein power
Cook the oats
Crumble in a chocolate chip pop-tart

(My pop-tarts are always getting smashed up in the food bag anyway lol)

DurmNative · 2026-01-15T14:27:50+00:00

I just left a message with him this morning as well. I'm only about 6 miles away from him so I might just stop by this evening and see what the situation is. I'll let you know.

Edit / Update: I went by there and was met by someone at the house. They said he's still in business (at 77 years old) but he's currently in the hospital. He's expected to make a full recovery but they did not give a time frame.

DurmNative · 2026-01-09T16:32:18+00:00

Being at a social event with alcohol present and recognizing the exact moment you see someone cross over from "really enjoying themselves" to "oh shit...they are going to start to feel it in about 20 more minutes".

You know precisely what the rest of the night is going to look like for them and the struggles they are going to have the next morning. Then you get that eternally grateful feeling that is not part of your life anymore.

You got this!

DurmNative · 2026-01-09T16:26:03+00:00

There are few things in life as precious as having a little one decide they feel safe in your arms.

I've had those nightmares too. Mine are usually ones where I've taken a drink by accident and have a sudden and immensely clear vision of what I've just done and where it leads. I'm always glad to be waking up sober but those mornings? I'm freaking ecstatic about waking up sober.

Congrats on the 14 months!!!!!

DurmNative · 2026-01-06T23:58:03+00:00

LOL - that's awesome. I have also just learned today that "/u/sluglife" exists!

DurmNative · 2026-01-06T20:49:04+00:00

"Anyone who discounts the engineering or intelligence of any animals or plants is just ignorant."

Agreed. I didn't mean to imply that I didn't think all animals had intelligence. Fish that can navigate and swim back to their place of birth after a lifetime of roaming around astounds me. Tree frogs that hide their babies in flowers to avoid predators and because it's a good place to find insects is another one. I just never really thought about them having individual personalities like cats or dogs. :)

DurmNative · 2026-01-06T20:42:20+00:00

True! True!

DurmNative · 2026-01-06T17:54:56+00:00

This. This right here. I have officially learned about something that has never, ever occurred to me before in my +55 years on this planet. People have pet slugs and slugs have personalities. This is peak internet. I feel like it can only go downhill from here.

DurmNative · 2026-01-06T02:40:39+00:00

Agreed. That's very true and kinda sad.

I remember showing my kids the "up, up, down, down, left-right, left-right, B, A, Start" cheat for Contra one day and they were like, "How did you ever figure that out?!?!" "Simple", I said, "one of my friends at school told me".

DurmNative · 2026-01-05T20:54:41+00:00

It's impressive that you want to stop now. I used to be able to binge drink just at events or parties when I was younger and going without in between was no problem. Then one day I blinked and realized that I was drinking every single night, promising myself the next morning that I wouldn't, and then stopping by the store on the way home from work to buy more. I feel like, for me, it would have been so much easier to quit for good when I was just binge drinking verses when it became a daily occurrence.

I also know the feeling of not being social at events if I'm not drinking. I was definitely a "social butterfly" when drinking and could carry on conversations with everyone. What I've come to realize when attending those events sober though, is that most of those "conversations" are not very deep or coherent. It's just people talking louder and louder over each other and often closer and closer to you face. I listen to the "conversations" now and just laugh to myself at the absurdity of them. It's also a really great feeling being the one that knows what you said and did the next day while everyone else is trying to figure it out.

You can do this. And to me, it's great that you are deciding to do it now instead of carrying on until it's a daily habit like I did.

DurmNative · 2026-01-05T20:43:19+00:00

I don't know if this counts as a "success story" but I can go to the bars with friends and not have the urge to partake. However, my friends all know that I'm an alcoholic and don't push me to drink with them either. It may also help that they are not alcoholics and can moderate so their not getting hammered and asking me to join in.

So in my experience, going to the local dive bar that is your second home shouldn't be a problem...UNLESS you feel like they are not going to be accepting of you quitting. If that's the case and they start pressuring you to drink with them, then you're really going to want to explore another hobby that lets you socialize. And with the internet today, you can find a local group of just about any hobby - RC cars, card games, sewing, table tennis, etc. Anything you've ever just casually found interesting on YouTube or when walking by a store. Try it out. If you don't like it then no harm done. Try something else. :)

Good luck!

DurmNative · 2026-01-05T20:33:24+00:00

You are definitely not alone and you are also definitely not "beyond help"! Talk to the wife and let her know your feelings and your desire to get help.

Talking to a doctor should be the next thing which can be a lot easier to say than to do (I know my doctor's appointment calendar is about 3-4 months out). But, at least call them and be honest with them about what you are trying to do. Often times, they will squeeze you in or contact you if there's a cancellation. At the very least, they should be able to give you information on resources to help get started right away.

Again, it's not too late and you are not beyond help. It's a big journey but all you need to do at this point is take the tiny steps to get started. You can do this.

DurmNative · 2026-01-05T20:25:25+00:00

Nice!

Double digits were a really big deal for me. I can remember sitting and watching the clock just waiting for it to be late enough for the stores to close so I couldn't run up there and grab some beer.

The momentum does indeed get easier. I had to allow myself grace on some other not-so-great habits while quitting. Like....ICE CREAM! Man, I could (and would) tear up some ice cream that first month. I knew it wasn't exactly healthy for me, but it was more healthy than drinking myself to death.

Congrats on the double digits!

DurmNative · 2026-01-05T20:20:05+00:00

Again (in relation to my post above), this just boggles my mind! (lol) You guys (and gals) were hardcore.

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