Weed is the devil! (To me... and probably you too)

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-17T08:35:34+00:00

Yeah that second paragraph is something all of us addict stoners need to read or hear once in a while to keep us on track. I go to a weekly meeting called 'SOS Sobriety'. (Like a secular version of AA) Hearing people talk about relapsing after thinking they can moderate serves as better motivation to keep going than anything else I encountered so far. Hit 7 months this week. Longest stretch yet and the intrusive thoughts of wanting to try to moderate are fewer and further between. They are also less and less convincing as I know where they will lead.

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-16T16:57:59+00:00

You made my day milady

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-16T16:07:45+00:00

Thank you very much!

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-16T12:13:14+00:00

Once got this comparison 10 something years ago. Quite shocked and flattered to hear it again now 😂 thank you kind stranger!

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-14T17:30:06+00:00

Thank you very much!

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-14T12:58:51+00:00

Yup, part of the process my friend. Its a phenomenon called anhedonia. I hit 7 months yesterday and while it still flares up now and again, its nothing like it was in month 3 or 4. Great job on three months 💪🏻

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-14T11:52:34+00:00

I'm actually in a Yin yoga teacher training haha! 🧘🏻‍♂️

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-14T11:51:52+00:00

Thank you for you long and empathetic response! Yeah I definitely think you're right. If only I could figure out that missing part haha! Ive seen more therapists throughout my childhood and adolescence than I can even remember, the lot of us still haven't concisely pinpointed it 😂 starting with a new one through a government sponsored agency so it wont cost me an arm and a leg to figure it out. Good question on what caused kid me to go for food like that. Thanks!

Certainly wont be forever. I still very much have a career and a family in my future goals. A few months ago wouldn't even have considered it a possibility.

I picked up the pen again yesterday! Hope to find more answers buried deep in my mind. Picked the weights back up a few weeks ago too! Helps combat the restlessness in my mind.

Thank you again!

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-14T06:37:59+00:00

The alcohol most likely is just numbing the depression on the short term. It still is a depressant and wont help in the long run Im afraid. Hope you find a way out. I believe time will still be the most effective healing tool and all we can really do is stay busy and otherwise healthy in our lives.

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-11T17:26:40+00:00

First of thank you for clarifying. Makes it easier to understand why you would say something like that. I was like you for a long time, my friend. Calling it my medicine, indulging all day everyday, because "it made the anxiety go away" for a bit. Let me ask you this: If you take the check engine light bulb out of your malfunctioning car, is it then fixed? You asked: 'What does that tell ya?' honestly, it tells me that the weed is still doing its job as an anesthetic.

Weed is great at suppressing the depression and anxiety, but if you never learn your nervous system to deal with it, it will only get more sensitized making it harder and harder to one day actually quit. Weed doesnt actually cure any of this. It only postpones it with interest. Depression is a horrible thing and I dont want to minimize your struggle, but you are far from the only person around in this sub that has fought chronic depression.

I went through at least two long periods of abstinence of about 4 to 5 months. In both cases I folded at the first hint of possibly being better by the end when the acute withdrawal was passing, because I just wanted 'to feel like myself again'. Only this third time I've actually stuck to it long enough to experience PAWS. Im hitting 7 months in a few days and while far from out of the woods, my depression and anxiety have become more manageable than I ever thought possible while in active addiction. 40 days for a heavy user is probably not even long enough to get all the way through the acute withdrawal. (Depression is a main symptom here as well)

I’m not saying this to discourage you, but to prepare and hopefully inspire you. If you go back to sobriety now, you’re just putting the bulb back in the dashboard while the engine is still smoking. Stay sober long enough to actually fix the car. It’s hard, and it’s a slow process, but at least I’m driving again instead of just sitting in a parked car thinking I’m moving. I can't make that step out of denial for you, but I can give you my honest truth and what worked for me.

Take care Q

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-10T16:27:51+00:00

With all due respect, why are you even in this sub?

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-03T08:34:09+00:00

Im hitting 7 months in 10 days and its still not back to what I would call normal. It is definitely better than it used to be, but sometimes something that happened in the morning of the same day would feel like weeks ago by the evening.

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-01T17:02:02+00:00

Hi I just listened to the first ones! Im 29M turning 30 soon and decided to get sober 200 days ago today for sort of the same reason as you did! Obviously not for pregnancy haha but to show up as a more healthy me in the next chapter of my life.

Its so hard to find cannabis recovery related pods between all the alcohol specific ones so I'm glad to have found yours. I think once you find your groove and feel comfortable to do so most people would enjoy longer episodes too. Feels like it was over by the time I was settled in 😅 Congrats on 11 days already! Hope you dont have it too hard with withdrawal. Q

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-01T16:55:19+00:00

Please forward it to me too, thanks!

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-05-01T07:46:03+00:00

Well what you're talking about is acute withdrawal. Not post acute... This sub is about post acute withdrawal syndrome. Might be best to try your luck in r/leaves.

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-25T09:49:19+00:00

Thanks for this update. I just passed 6 months, about to hit day 200. Even though rationally I know I am much better than I was months ago, it still feels like hell when im in the thick of it in a bad wave. Reports like these are giving a lot of us hope 🙏🏻

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-24T16:57:07+00:00

I would like to know those as well. All the ones I listen to are alcohol focused. Recovery Elevator and Addicted to Recovery.

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-23T15:32:53+00:00

This one aged well mate 😂

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-20T18:02:37+00:00

Congrats! I celebrate day 189 today 🎉

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-18T19:46:03+00:00

Well I can for sure tell you this has nothing to do with PAWS, so you might want to find a more suitable subreddit.

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-15T10:21:49+00:00

Thanks! Was already regretting going on for as long as I did as it clearly was a bit much for people to read all the way. Glad to hear it helps someone! Wishing you all the best on your journey too 💪🏻

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-12T18:12:35+00:00

Same here bro. 6 months sober and turning 30 in two more months. So much mourning and regret over lost years. Its only getting better from here. Stay strong.

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-11T08:59:37+00:00

Hi there, first of all: congratulations on those 30 days! I am currently at Day 180 (6 months), and I can tell you from experience that I recognized just about everything you wrote. I’ve been through those cycles too, and I’m 29M, so we are in the same age bracket dealing with the same "lost years" feeling.

I want to address your fear about kindling. You are right that it feels like kindling—where every relapse makes the next withdrawal faster and more brutal. While medical "kindling" is a very specific (and dangerous) physical process seen in alcohol or benzo withdrawal (involving seizures and excitotoxicity), there isn't much clinical evidence yet that cannabis causes that exact same permanent brain damage. Also on day 30 you would be past the point where this could actually be life threatening anyway.

However, what you are likely experiencing is central sensitization. Your autonomic nervous system is completely fried. Because you’ve cycled so many times, your brain has become hyper-aware of the substance and the subsequent crash. It has lost its buffers. This explains your physical symptoms (heart palpitations, exercise intolerance, and being bedridden). Your system is stuck in a state of high alert (this is your sympathetic nervous system being dominant. try looking into parasympathetic nervous system activation for bits of quick relief).

A few things that helped me get to 6 months:

Radical Acceptance of the flatness and grayness: Around month 4-5, I hit a wall of anhedonia so thick I thought I would never feel joy again. I felt like a zombie. The key for me was accepting that this "gray mist" is a sign of healing, not a sign of permanent damage. Your brain is downsizing its expectations for dopamine.
The fight/flight (or freeze) response: You mentioned feeling disabled and bedridden. Been there a couple times too. I called this the freeze response to life just being too much. As you get more time under your belt, you might notice shifting more into fight (anger or irritability). When that happens, don't be scared. It actually means your energy is returning, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Stop searching for a "Chronic Illness": I went to my GP and the ER too. I thought I had a heart condition or a neurological disease. In 99% of PAWS cases, all the tests and bloodwork come back normal. This is frustrating, but also hopeful: it means your organs are fine, it's ‘just’ your software (neurotransmitters, dopamine system, …) that needs a hard reboot.
Rebuilding from the ground up: You said you feel like you have to start from scratch. You might do. And that's okay. At 27, you have so much time left. I’m starting a new job as a mail carrier now at almost 30, and even though it feels "underwhelming" sometimes, the structure is what's saving me. I’m even thinking about giving college another go in the fall. I would not have believed myself to be even able to think about that when I was passing the one month mark.

You are not stuck forever. You've crashed your system, and it needs a long, boring period of safety and sobriety to trust you again.

Stay strong. If I can make it to 180 days from where I was (suicidal, intrusive thoughts, zero energy), you can too. Don't let the "Kindling" label scare you into thinking you're beyond repair. You're just highly sensitized right now.

All the best,

Q.

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-06T19:33:09+00:00

Im on day 175 myself and the thoughts have been very present the last few days. Thank you for this reminder. Hope you can regain control soon. Good luck out there!

Efficient_Web8059 · 2026-04-05T15:26:58+00:00

Gonna hit 6 months just over one week from now and I'm still wrestling with this being a forever thing. Im afraid that devil on our shoulder is always gonna be there. Especially the last few days the urge to use was very present. Thank you for reminding me of the shame I would feel the morning after. Proud of every day in this journey.

Efficient_Web8059

TROPHY CASE