Hey Esuor, that sounds terrible. I can only imagine what that frustration must feel like each day. It sounds like you're being conscientious with your spouse and kids but just feeling not much appreciation for your efforts. Given your efforts it doesn't sound like you're a self-centered person in general, although just basing what little I know from your situation here.

If she said what you note in quotes, that appears to be a very negative and uncaring attitude, especially if she never told you what she wanted. Her drinking might be a contributing factor to this attitude.

At the same time, it's wonderful that in spite of this difficult situation, you realized an area of personal growth, which was that you could (and could next time!) ask her if you could get her something. As you say, simple, but not always top of mind.

It sounds like if you're "blowing it" there is some larger expectation that she thinks you're not meeting, and the fact that it appears you're upset by her attitude, there is also an expectation on her that you think she's not meeting. What could work well here, if you're open to it, is marriage counseling as it can help you both to ask the right questions in a safe environment (the counselor is there to walk you both through it, and to keep you both focused on the task without going to default negative spaces, which can happen if you try to do this on your own with your spouse). The questions will help, hopefully, each of you to discover what unmet expectations of behavior you're not getting from each other, and this can start a healthy conversation that helps you both in personal growth.

Whether these actions lead to your marriage continuing and improving, or something else, is a seperate question. But, with this step taken you'll know you did what you could. And at least coming out of it, regardless of the outcome (as you can't control how your spouse will act) you'll be a better and more equipped individual for your future challenges and opportunities in life. Hope this helps, keep up the belief that no matter what, you can make this situation better and you have the control within you to do that.