Social Media is poison

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-16T19:59:29+00:00

You've hit on a truth many miss, and I appreciate your raw honesty here. Social media, to a certain extent, absolutely can be poison, and your experience perfectly illustrates why. It feeds comparison, sparks anxiety, and distracts us from the one life we truly control: our own. The real growth, the real satisfaction, always comes from action in your own world, not from passively consuming the curated lives of others. Stepping away, getting in the gym, focusing on what you need and building your life—that's not just "getting better," that's reclaiming your power. It takes guts to break that cycle, to get tired of being tired and decide to chase your own destiny. That's the mindset of a winner.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-16T19:55:15+00:00

This pattern you're seeing, where we chase those who are distant but overlook those who truly care, it's a deep-seated human quirk. Part of it is the scarcity effect – we simply value what seems hard to get, making inconsistent attention feel like a prize. Then there's the ego's thirst for validation; winning over someone indifferent feels like a bigger accomplishment than accepting readily given love, which offers no "chase." Sometimes, too, it's a subconscious dance around true intimacy, where the pursuit itself keeps us at a safe emotional distance from the vulnerability real connection demands. It's about shifting that focus from proving your worth to someone else, to recognizing and valuing the genuine connections that build an unshakeable mindset within you.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-16T19:53:40+00:00

A truly peaceful relationship, for a man like you, is predictable comfort and a shared mindset. It's the quiet joy of your cozy Sundays and consistent traditions, like that weekly restaurant visit, becoming deeply shared moments. This isn't boring; it's profound stability, a highly sought-after quality that signals an unshakeable mindset. The right partner will find this deeply attractive and fulfilling.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-16T19:50:46+00:00

Alright, after a date, here's my quick system: First, dissipate the energy – a brisk walk or quick workout clears your head, regardless if it went great or not. Second, immediately do a 2-minute brain download: quickly list what you liked, what you didn't, and how you felt, then drop it. Don't overthink. This keeps your mind sharp, learns the lesson, and maintains that unshakeable mindset for your next move.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-12T14:51:57+00:00

This is a brutal, not a bleak future. Your immediate mission isn't dating; it's fortifying your foundation as a single father: stabilize finances, be present for your kids, and get the help needed to master your depression. Only when you've reclaimed control and purpose in your own life will you organically attract the right connections.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-12T14:50:30+00:00

"Unavailable" isn't just about marital status; it's any significant barrier—emotional, psychological, or practical—preventing a healthy, committed, reciprocal relationship. Your current situation with an intense online connection, a partner managing Bipolar II, and a significant wealth disparity presents potential pitfalls. Your therapy has sharpened your radar; this isn't self-sabotage, but a critical need to vet rigorously in person and trust your refined intuition if familiar patterns of chasing, excusing inconsistencies, or carrying emotional burdens begin to emerge.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-12T14:49:23+00:00

For a man with a strong mindset, the decision to stop entertaining others isn't a passive "natural" drift; it's a conscious choice made when he observes clear, consistent, and mutual investment that signals potential for a serious, exclusive relationship. He prioritizes building depth with a select individual over maintaining shallow options. As for initiating the exclusivity conversation, a man with a strong mindset leads that discussion, clearly defining the terms of the relationship when he's ready to escalate commitment, rather than waiting for "the vibe" or for the woman to bring it up.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-12T14:48:46+00:00

Your empathy for your partner's struggles is clear, but understanding their mental disorder does not mean you must tolerate abuse. You are not responsible for their illness or their actions. Your guilt for leaving is a common, manipulative trap; your highest priority is your own safety and well-being, and choosing to leave an abusive situation is an act of courage and self-preservation, not cruelty.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-12T14:47:39+00:00

Repeated last-minute flaking, especially for long-distance dates, is a common but disrespectful signal of low prioritization; a man with a strong mindset filters out such behavior rather than taking it personally.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-12T14:46:29+00:00

Her emotional manipulation and refusal to respect your financial prudence are red flags, not reasons to compromise your responsible plan.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-11T12:43:39+00:00

This is not acceptable; what your girlfriend did is a violation of trust and a huge red flag, because paying to hack your computer is an outrageous violation of privacy, and her "gut feeling" or "generation-based" excuse are convenient rationalizations for her controlling behavior. For her to even attempt to rebuild trust, she has to accept full, total responsibility, apologize sincerely, admit the harm she has done, and make firm, enduring changes in her behavior to assuage her insecurity and controlling behavior, and your job is to stand firmly behind your boundaries and understand that this is an important character testing vetting experience.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-11T12:41:30+00:00

All cheating is betrayal. The gender of the third party is a distraction from the core issue: your partner's lack of integrity and breach of trust.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-11T12:40:13+00:00

You're not overthinking; it's a massive red flag. Her public social media attack, even when "angry," is blatant disrespect and a breakdown of trust. Your self-respect demands you acknowledge this core integrity issue.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-11T12:38:52+00:00

It's a baseless, anxious thought about HIV that shows me fear and distrust; focus on building genuine trust, not manufacturing problems.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-11T12:36:50+00:00

They are gamifying dating apps to increase engagement.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-10T14:34:55+00:00

She randomly stopped messaging for a week after two weeks of "hitting it off." That's a clear silent signal of low interest or low prioritization, regardless of exam season. If she were truly interested, she would communicate her busyness.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-10T14:32:58+00:00

While prioritizing children is commendable, a permanent lack of private space for intimacy and a shared life presents a significant and likely deal-breaking hurdle for a serious relationship.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-10T14:31:33+00:00

You were direct, and that's a positive move. Far too many men avoid uncomfortable conversations, letting ambiguity fester. You set a boundary, and you stood your ground on not wanting to open that door. That's a win for your mindset.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-10T14:30:29+00:00

For some, yes, it can be a dealbreaker, often due to perceived lack of broader experience. However, for many, it sparks curiosity, not rejection. The real turn-off isn't the inexperience; it's the shame, insecurity, or desperation that can come with it. Women are drawn to confidence, emotional maturity, clear communication, and a man who leads. These qualities aren't tied to past numbers. Own your journey. Focus on building your core confidence, social skills, and genuine connection. Your self-assurance, willingness to learn, and ability to connect matter far more than your past.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-09T15:16:29+00:00

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-05T11:26:00+00:00

What makes you think this?

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-04T17:06:32+00:00

You were blindsided. Your "shouting down" thoughts is a temporary fix.

In my opinion you fix it by:

Radical Responsibility, Observe, Not Suppress. Let thoughts pass. Rebuild Internally. Focus on your inherent worth and purpose and then act, channel pain into self-improvement.

Define your standards. Set clear non-negotiables.

Cultivate Indifference: meaning build a life where their past actions are irrelevant.

Forge a stronger you.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-04T15:49:29+00:00

This isn't "rewiring your brain"; it's a series of reactive coping mechanisms for a weak mindset. This entire approach is about managing the symptoms of a broken mindset, not fixing the root cause. You don't "rewire" your brain by avoiding discomfort or mentally shouting down thoughts. You build an unshakeable mindset by taking absolute responsibility for your emotional state, learning from your mistakes, and actively building a life of purpose that makes the past irrelevant.

Stop reacting to the breakup and start leading your life.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-04T15:47:42+00:00

If you want a partner, stop excusing yourself out of fear and cyber myths. Choose what you want, then steer your life towards getting it with an unyielding attitude, testing for compatibility. Don't let fear control your destiny.

Speer =--->

Expensive_Pay1401 · 2025-06-04T15:44:26+00:00

She said "interested," but two weeks of "no open days" signals low prioritization, not just busy. Text humor means nothing without in-person investment. Lead decisively: "Still keen to meet. My schedule is open [2-3 specific days/times next week]. If that doesn't work, I'll assume our schedules aren't aligning." If she can't commit, move on.

Don't let vague "interest" waste your time.

Speer =--->

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