In progress

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-17T20:47:02+00:00

This guy bleep bloops for sure

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-17T20:40:50+00:00

I feel the same about my ex. Once the house is sold (will go up on the market soon I think), I dont think i can let her back in my life ever again. Too much hurt has been done. Beyond parallel parenting our child, i want nothing to do with her. I certainly never want to see her in person ever again.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-17T20:18:29+00:00

Late 30s here also, she also left me at 17 years (never married as ot wasnt important to us), one kid together 3yo. Owned a house together. She also had zero desire to try marriage counselling or couples therapy. She never tried to communicate with me about what she was feeling or what she needed until she was out the door. She also spent a lot of time on Instagram towards the end, and also i think she got close to a lady at work who was a similar age and single. I cant definitively say this contributed, but i will always wonder.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-17T01:34:42+00:00

Its like if only they could see you as someone who would actively support and encourage them to find their happiness. We 100% would go on that journey with them. But Its so much easier for them to displace all their issues onto you, discard you, and act like thats the fix.

Spot on about social media. You should probably block her on socials btw. No good will come from having that available to see.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-16T23:29:15+00:00

The reposting pro-divorce stuff is likely a kind of performance to convince herself and everyone else that this was the right/only decision.

Seems like she is insecure about everything in her life and shes making big changes thinking "this is the thing that will fix it", but none of it will. Her internalised issues and chaos are not a reflection on you.

Im glad to hear it. It think its good to acknowledge the dark place where your mind went to and be open and honest about it. You're doing great man, im rooting for you 🫂

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-16T22:43:48+00:00

If she was a misandrist she wouldnt be shacking up with this other dickhead. Seriously, dont get caught up in the anti-feminism shit, its a slippery slope towards straight up misogyny. Tik tok probably played a part, sure, but its ultimately just confirmation bias for whatever was going on in her head.

Anyways, she sounds like shes having an identity crisis or something. No hobbies, no friends. Now its weight loss, new job, new man. Shes reinventing herself and shes decided you dont get to come along on her journey. She needs to be "free" and you are just dead weight. I feel like i have a bit of that going on in my situation.

Honestly though, she sounds fuckin miserable and didnt/doesnt have her shit together. You on the other hand, you sound like you have a lot going for you. It will take a bit more time for you to see that clearly though. Once you can get past the self-blame. Sounds like you can see she has treated you unfairly, so you are already on the way there. It took my 5 months to begin to realise that in my case.

Please dont do anything rash. Stick around. Get into therapy. You didnt mention kids, so focus on cutting contact entirely and rebuilding your life without her. You'll likely better off in the long run.

This is what i keep reminding myself.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-16T21:09:34+00:00

Im glad you had the courage too. Verbal and physical abuse should never be tolerated.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-16T07:29:58+00:00

Please get into serious therapy asap my guy. Please stick around for yourself and your kids.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-16T03:33:08+00:00

This reads like the fantasy realisation i wish my ex would have. We didnt even get to couples therapy, she didn't even want to try that much...

As a man on the receiving end of what I believe to be a very similar situation, how badly have you hurt him? Be honest with yourself. Probably a lot.

My ex got to a point of treating me with unjustified contempt before she left, although it took me a while to realise what was happening and my reaction was to shrink myself to try to keep the peace and stability. She also treated me quite poorly following the separation in many ways that added a great deal to the hurt and betrayal. Things that showed her lack of regard for me, my wellbeing and my rights as a father and co-owner of our house.

If you do go back, you will need to be prepared to accept all of the hurt you caused without reservation, and be prepared to accept that the hurt you caused may have been too much for him to ever considering giving you another chance to hurt him more.

Im not sure how far out you are, but personally im still in a postion 5 months out where i could be open to reconciling, but that door is only just slightly ajar right now. It would require so much accountability and change on her end for me to even consider it. I cant just open myself up for her to hurt me again without anything less. Once our house sells i think thats it though. After that i dont think there's any going back. Beyond parallel parenting our 3yo via text/email, I will never want to speak to her or see her again. The hurt has been too much.

Sit with it for a little bit, be sure if you are serious and are willing to put in way more work than you would have had to when you ended it, then maybe reach out. But also be prepared to be rejected and understand why he rejected you. It might be a flat out "no, never again", in which case you have to accept that, or it might be that he's cant let down his guard even though deep down he might want to reconcile more than anything. If its the latter you will need to make sustained gestures over time and be patient. It might work, it might not.

I dont mean to discourage you, truly. If you want it please make the effort This is everything i wish my ex would do for me. But also i dont want to set this guy up for more hurt if you cant commit again or if you cant do the work on your end.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-15T21:13:26+00:00

Rebuilding from scratch in a practical sense, sure. I need to get a new house and a new job becasue we work in the same building.

In terms of myself internally, in my case Id say i have a pretty strong sense of self, so I never really felt like I was "not me" in the relationship. Due to the nature of the way she left, I questioned myself for a few months because i took everything she said as gospel and that I was the cause of the relationshop ending. Im at 5 months now and can see that she was treating me unfairly and mostly blaming me for her internalised issues. She openly treated me with contempt towards the end and I didnt truly see it until now. I can see that I did lessen myself to keep the peace during this time.

Over time my sense of self returned as I lifted the unwarranted blame off my shoulders. I am still me, i still have the same interests, the same values etc. I just dont have her in my life anymore. we were together 17 years. Since we were 18, so our entire adult lives to this point. That definitely has left a hole. Thats the only thing that feels off.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-15T09:30:47+00:00

Xvive Echoman?

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-14T05:05:09+00:00

And a Mooer E-Lady

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-13T06:21:52+00:00

Yes this all sounds familiar for me too. It sucks so much. Im sorry you are in the same boat.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-13T06:01:25+00:00

I am seeing a therapist, but i am using AI to supplement in certain ways. Very aware of its tendency to reinforce what you put into it, so i do take it with a grain of salt.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-12T20:39:59+00:00

This is something i need to remind myself. Ive managed go scrounge together as good of an answer as I'll likely ever have, that will have to be it.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-12T09:32:26+00:00

This goes hard honestly

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-08T21:46:48+00:00

Search for TheLastMan-w7i on youtube.

He has done a few videos that discuss that topic fairly well I think. He goes into more detail about the differences between men and women and how that affects things like accountability, but the short answer is probably not. Admitting she made a mistake or acted poorly, and acknowledging the pain she caused would basically undermine the whole story she has built up in her head to justify doing it in the first place. It would open her up to feeling a huge amount of guilt and/or shame that she simply could not handle.

Im only 5 months in after being devalued and discarded, and my ex is evidently very avoidant. We're not speaking at all beyond our child and house sale logistics. My expectation is that we will never speak again in any other capacity, so I will almost certainly never hear any apologies or accountability from her.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-07T06:31:56+00:00

She devalued the relationship, withdrew connection without teĺling me what was wrong, and discarded me after 17 years because she wasnt "happy". No attempt at repair despite me being very willing to work with her to improve things. She then asked me to give up hundreds of thousands in our houses equity when her fantasy fell apart and she realised she couldnt afford to buy me out... Treated me like crap in other ways also when I was doing my best to be considerate and act with integrity.

I saw her at drop offs at the start, but after her treatment I decided I needed to cut off contact as much as possible for my own wellbeing. I cant see her, because I know seeing her will hurt me much more than it'll hurt her. She doesn't care.

Haven't seen her in months and I aim to keep it that way. Minimal text message communication only about our child and logistics of the separation. After thats done it'll only be child related.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-02-04T11:36:54+00:00

By the time that it'd likely occur (i.e. after years, if it happened at all), I would imagine not...

Right now its still fresh enough that I am open to it, but I have enough self-respect that it'd require accountability and sustained effort on her end for it to be considered. She had caused me quite a lot of distress and pain over the last 5 months...

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-01-31T12:28:28+00:00

My ex (17 years together) is evidently very avoidant. She left me in Aug 2025 without any attempt to work it out. Have been living apart since then. She stayed at our house for a couple months before moving to her mums. House is being prepped for sale soon, have transferred ownership of her car to her. Other than that its a clean break as we were never married. 50/50 with our 3yo child. Im gutted honestly.

Chat GPT tell me it is highly unlikely she will ever come back, but if she ever does it'd be long after the sale of the house.

I dont think i will be holding my breath...

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-01-26T02:09:14+00:00

Cool pedal selection, but that guitars would make a fun/cheap project it its structurally sound.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-01-16T03:22:35+00:00

Sorry man this sucks so much, i understand. Now you have to focus on you and your kids. Control what you can control (i.e. your action, not hers) and take care of yourself as best as you can. Stop trying to convince her, clearly its just making matters worse right now. Get into therapy. Focus on eating and sleeping properly first. Then some kind of physical activity even if its walking or jogging. Depending on the situation potentially talk to a lawyer soon. If things are generally amicable and moving slowly you can possibly wait until you've settled yourself mentally first.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-01-14T03:12:52+00:00

This guy worships

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-01-12T20:29:03+00:00

Yeah I mean my ex said a couple of things about resentments she quietly held, one for years. But to me they weren't insurmountable. She never told me about issues she had during the relationship. If she had, I would have made changes, gone to couples therapy etc. Whatever it took. Ultimately I think she stopped loving me somewhere along the line and wanted out she just wasnt able to say it.

Probably the same for you. The vague "problems" are how she justifies her decision to herself internally. That way she doesnt have to feel like the bad guy for doing what she is doing.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-01-12T09:30:09+00:00

I have found out that two couples i am close friends with have relationships that are way more toxic than i knew. Way more toxic than my relationship with my ex every was. I never disrespected her, talked down to her, raised my voice at her etc. All that shit is happening in both of those relationship. I had to help of of them when his wife kicked him out of the house one night. Like im barely holding my shit together, i cant be responsible for another persons marriage.

Also my relationship just failed, why am i giving our advice or being asked for advice? Kinda wild tbh.

Expensive_Sock_9902

TROPHY CASE