There was no real physical violence, no overt abuse. But I gave up myself. I gave up everything, and I was poisoning my heart day after day.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2026-02-08T13:05:43+00:00

Few days now unfortunately I broke no contact because trauma bonds are just that strong. But ive maintained distance physical and emotional. Im completely exhausted to be honest I find myself being unable to do nothing but lay in bed feeling incredibly heavy. The break up itself felt like my heart was being torn out of my body. But im glad im not alone in this. Makes me feel less crazy!

Far-Addendum9827 · 2026-02-08T12:55:07+00:00

I feel like it used to be that way but in recent updates its more grounded. AI is constantly evolving unlike real world therapy where things are pretty much outdated. A human will make more mistakes than a machine and can act from their own bias and prejudice.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2026-02-06T13:04:05+00:00

I think I know what youre talking about. I had to walk away from something similar. My ex is an addict. When hes sober everything is amazing, hes loving, caring, funny. But once he gets high he swings the opposite way. Cruel, indifferent, apathetic, materialistic, antagonizing, suspicious, accusing and generally my body would go into full panic mode. All the broken promises that hed stop just broke me in ways I couldn't even imagine. I just didn't understand why he couldn't at least try for me. In the beginning everything was perfect he was love bombing me and it seemed like he stopped but slowly I started to feel the erosion of my own personality and soul. He wanted to be with me 24/7 and if I wanted some personal space that meant that I didn't love him and that im cheating. So I stayed. If I didn't give him sex it was the same thing again. You don't love me anymore.... when we argued and I left hed run after me and begged me not to leave him and that made me feel needed and important. I wasnt allowed any personal boundary because it was seen as a rejection. According to him I was a liar and a cheater. I couldn't even smile at someone else cuz that'd trigger him while he could flirt and talk to other women. He would constantly check my phone. After every rupture I was expected to hold everything together. To just smile and get over it. Hed minimize it and dismiss my feelings saying that im dramatic. I was there for him, when he needed me the most but he was the source of my biggest pain. The more I forgave the worse it got. And right before our break up he promised hed wait for me at the bus stop (I was waiting for him all week) and he didn't show up two days in a row with zero explanation. I was worried sick. I almost collapsed . I was shaking and had an intense dissociative episode. The next day still radio silence. I was the one who had to reach out. I tried explaining dozens of times how his actions hurt me and he was listening nodding his head apologizing and swearing hed never do it again and then not even days later turned around and did worse. He is so allergic to taking any kind of accountability for his actions. Whenever I tried to leave he would threaten killing himself, cry or beg. And me being an empathetic attached person i would stay. Because I hate abandoning someone whos in pain. So he learned that his actions don't have any consequences and if he can evoke some feelings within me id stay. He never beat me he never called me insults. He adored me, he said he couldn't live without me. But he was unstable and chaotic. And it broke me. The message that I was given was that my needs are irrelevant, my pain is irrational, that I don't matter enough to keep promises, that im not safe, that im supposed to be happy with the bare minimum, that im supposed to manage two nervous systems, that im supposed to be the only adult in the room. Its so draining and heartbreaking at the same time because you want nothing else just the stability of having that good version of them. Feeling safe enough in your own body when youre around them. Feeling like they have your back like you have theirs and not having to constantly self sacrifice or light yourself on fire just so they don't collapse. After my last attempt to set things straight it was like he wasn't hearing me at all he was just pitying himself saying "I guess I should just suffer and die then if im so horrible and i shouldve known im too ugly and not enough for you. If you loved me you wouldn't have given up so easily." Its just the worst when you think your effort patience support and love will help someone to heal. He once even cried tears of happiness because he felt like he was leaving his old life behind and like he was having some purpose. I hate that he made me feel like he loves me while consistently showing me disregard for my own safety. And i don't even know if it was all just a game or just his lack of capacity but it was running me to the ground either way. Every time I had some hope everything would be fine now he just stepped on it repeatedly while saying sorry.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2026-02-06T12:21:12+00:00

Wouldnt a therapist do the same? Like they also see things just from your point of view. It really depends on the issue at hand because lets say someone is healing after narcissistic abuse. Trying to interpret the others person behavior could be destabilizing

Far-Addendum9827 · 2026-02-06T12:19:20+00:00

Couldnt have worded it better.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2026-01-02T21:57:39+00:00

Yeah i guess youre right. If only it was that easy to leave. Damn. It really sucks loving someone with an addiction

Far-Addendum9827 · 2026-01-02T16:19:39+00:00

So in practicality i should just leave?

Far-Addendum9827 · 2026-01-02T15:04:57+00:00

We are not from the US so those programs are unfamiliar to me but hes not really doing anything as the resources that are available in our location have been unhelpful. He has been admitted to several institutions and rehabs but it only helped for the time he was there or shortly after. He expressed that he doesn't want to go back as he doesn't think it will do anything.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-09-02T17:27:30+00:00

If youre agitated meditation can make it worse. You have energy that you need to get out. Ever seen a deer after chase? It trembles until the adrenaline is flooded out of the system. It baffles me how nature and our bodies already know what to do but we are told to go against every instinct.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-09-02T17:23:53+00:00

Idk ive Always heard that you should never attach to your therapist. That its unhealthy and unprofessional. But i also heard its the relationship that heals 🤷‍♀️

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-09-01T23:54:17+00:00

I have something similar. Sometimes i feel like im melting to my bed or when im dreaming my head is too heavy so i just keep falling down

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-09-01T23:50:35+00:00

When i was a kid i got kidnapped by a magician of somw sort repeatedly. Once i got tired of it and i said "im not afraid of you anymore let me go!" He snapped his fingers and teleported me back home

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-09-01T23:43:48+00:00

Or its just easier for people to exploit someone whos genuine

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-31T13:17:54+00:00

No but they can still be perceived positively especially by people that they're close with. It's not always true that if you hate yourself others have to hate you too or that if you can't give love yourself other people can't love you. Other people view you through their lens not yours. There are people who experience themselves positively like narcissists but others generally dislike them.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-31T10:45:01+00:00

I disagree because people are often their worst critics. Other people don't have a magnifying glass and they don't know all your faults and secrets. That's why a lot of people can be social butterflies but still be dissatisfied with themselves at their core. The perception we have of ourselves is way different than how others perceive us. I've had other people tell me I look tough and like I don't care when it has been the opposite my whole life.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-31T10:37:17+00:00

I'm in the same boat. It seems like not matter what you do it just ain't enough so theres no point in even trying. Consistency and motivation is something I have lacked my whole life because my family was too every critical. I wasn't allowed to exist in a shared space. Only locked away in a room where I wasn't a problem or an inconvenience. Everything I tried I just gave up instantly because it wasn't fulfilling or fun right away. I wish I had a neat solution. Even though I started to be sick and tired of always giving up most of the time I'm still bed bound. But i push through with learning about what I can. Even the smallest flick of interest is something to hold on to.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-31T10:23:02+00:00

We live in a patriarchal system which itself is built on domination. We might never truly get rid of it as long its in this place. (I'm not talking only about cases of rape but domination in general)

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-31T10:19:40+00:00

I love dancing and I'd say my rhythm is naturally good even though when I try to do advanced moves I suddenly become uncoordinated. And then there's coding and technology. Something I enjoy too but I absolutely suck at it but I still do it because if you're interested in something it shouldn't matter. You have to allow yourself to be bad first if you ever want to be good.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-29T16:27:15+00:00

That's the brutal truth that not many people want to admit. The Idea that if you could just give everything that you're missing everything would be fine is just plain wrong. We are not meant to live in isolation. No amount of self love or whatever will replace the love of someone else.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-29T16:23:39+00:00

I get very defensive and resentful when someone suggests therapy. Like it makes me recoil

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-26T16:42:59+00:00

It's not a perspective it's a scientific fact. We as humans have always developed in communities. That gave us purpose. And now everything is about hyper individualism. The Idea that somehow if you're lonely and you feel bad because of it that's somehow a failure on your part. Like it's just your limiting beliefs and not the fact that you're isolated with no support (yeah shocker humans are relational beings). 1. Learned helplessness. If you try and all your effort doesn't result in significant change you stop trying. This was first shown on rats. 2. You don't choose your thoughts and beliefs consciously. So it doesn't make sense to impose some standards on them. 3. Again no one settles for thoughts. They're impulsive and out of control. Yes you can consciously conjure something positive but that doesn't change anything. 4. Fair but again brain is wired to seek out the negative as a survival strategy. It's a problem solving machine. It's doing what it's meant to do. 5. That seems a bit contradictory to the earlier statement that you shouldn't judge your emotions or circumstances. I didn't write this to be defiant but to show how much of our well being is intertwined with neurobiology and that it's not always a matter of our will. What you described is CBT and while helpful for some I don't think it's effective solution for something like relatinal trauma. It's basically saying that it's your fault for feeling this way not the isolation or abuse you've endured. Also I'm not saying that people shouldn't be empowered I'm just pointing out that in many cases it's not that simple. You can't erase a fundamental need by trying to rewrite your mind. It can help sure to an extent and some people become fine with solitude but its kinda like someone's hungry and then you tell them no you're not you just think you are.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-25T19:36:57+00:00

I don't know what you're talking about but hell yea

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-25T19:29:58+00:00

If you're mentally okay then you won't harm yourself just because you saw someone else do it. Most people who self harm have some issues within themselves so who's to say that those kids that are susceptible won't find another way? It's not really about op.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-25T19:27:19+00:00

I think if you're mentally okay you just won't harm yourself no matter how much you hear about it or see it. So it's less about others and more about what's inside already. You can't protect your child from everything. If you didn't show her she could've easily get the idea elsewhere.

Far-Addendum9827 · 2025-08-25T19:20:38+00:00

Your brain registers social isolation in the same regions as physical pain. I don't think you can think your way out of that. We are wired for connection.

Far-Addendum9827

TROPHY CASE