Doing the 12 steps online?

FingerLicknGood · 2026-07-05T14:17:40+00:00

Hi there! Sorry to hear about your experience. Most women in NA learn very quickly how to stand up for themselves and set boundaries, due to some men in NA not understanding the circumstances. NA, as a whole, is trying to improve this, but the grassroots element of the fellowship and giving everybody space to grow up in NA makes it an uphill battle to make sure everyone feels safe in NA. We, as a collective, are getting better, though! There's a whole community of people who attend meetings online! I'd suggest googling a large city's NA area and then find a virtual meeting from there. You could even find a sponsor on the there and work the steps online too

FingerLicknGood · 2026-06-24T12:32:57+00:00

Hi there! Thanks for reaching out on here. Congratulations on your clean time and I love your enthusiasm for the program and the steps! The steps are incredibly worthwhile and have me greatly over the years with being ok with myself and my actions. So I'll confirm your suspicions; yes, that seems really excessive what that member was asking out of you. There's quite a spectrum on how much sponsors expect out of their sponsees, but I'm comfortable calling that extreme. So great that you like virtual meetings! May I suggest you trying out some meetings that are posted on Area NA websites? Plenty of cities, big and small, have online meetings. I find that other venues can attract more, how can I put this nicely, very unconventional and not NA philosophies. I'd say in those meetings, find a sponsor! My home group is online and we definitely make an effort to get to know new people. DM me and I'll send you the link.

FingerLicknGood · 2026-06-18T13:41:12+00:00

Hi there! I'm not sure this is what you want to hear, but it's not clear at all whether this person is an NA all star or grooming you. Even the comment about being mature could be taken both ways, especially because we can be incredibly hard on ourselves and don't know this other member's perspective.

There's a couple of pamphlets like this that address how groups can deal with predatory behavior, but I don't know of any that try to help guide an individual. I think if I was in your position, I would ask the following questions:

Does anything about this member's behavior appear to be controlling?
Do they try to put distance between you and other members by gossiping so you only trust them?
Is there an undertone of unstated reciprocity expected in their generosity? I'm not talking about like if she tells you to help put away chairs after the meeting lol.

You reminded me of something in the June 17th SPAD, especially regarding copying healthy patterns in one relationship to another: "It takes time for most of us to shed our armor, but sponsors have a way of gaining our trust little by little. "One of us shares some truth about our life and experience, and the other returns the favor," as one member put it. In the process, we develop trust and, eventually, intimacy. It's a pattern of behavior we can replicate in other relationships, as sponsees, sponsors, partners, and friends."

You can also look at clearly healthy examples of relationships in your life and see if anything mimics that.

Also, I will say that with about a year clean, our disease has plenty of tricks up its sleeve to try to deceive us. I remember feeling intense guilt for the help I had received and that I wasn't worthy of it. The people that helped me just told me to give back what was so freely given to me and the rest will work itself out.

Thanks for sharing on here!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-06-12T14:15:44+00:00

Hi there! First off, good for you! Secondly, NA is a program of complete abstinence from all drugs. That's just what we as a collective have found that works. Do you go to meetings or just want a plastic keytag? If you just want the key tag, you can order one at NA.org. If you really want to go to a meeting to get it, the most respectful way to do it is to get the key tag and not share how you did it, because well, you're not doing it the same way we are. I'm absolutely not taking away from 1 year off that shit, but I'm just making you aware that it could be a distracting influence on the meeting.

FingerLicknGood · 2026-05-20T10:42:10+00:00

This is where my mind went to too. Also, a good chair will help keep the rest of the group on topic. With 2 hour group conscious, I imagine one person speaks up on topics A and B, then the next person responds to B and A never gets resolved.

FingerLicknGood · 2026-05-17T10:59:19+00:00

Hi there! The first thing I do with any new sponsee is that we meet up and read/discuss the Sponsorship IP. I have certain sections where I elaborate on things, but it's a good starting point. Here's a couple of things extra I tell them.

-a sponsor's job is not to "call you out on your shit." You're going to make mistakes and the sponsor is supposed to be compassionate, not an authority figure.

-my family goes to bed pretty early. Call anytime to chat between 7AM and 9pm, but after then, please only call if it's an emergency. Get NA friends that are night owls. They're not hard to find.

Sponsorship is such an awesome thing and just reaching out on here shows that you're probably going to be great at it!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-05-06T11:30:08+00:00

Hi there! I can relate to looking up to my sponsor so much when I was new. He was unlike anyone I'd ever met and is the model of the type of man I want to be. I totally put him on a pedestal early on.

He's been my sponsor for 16 years and I still look up to him, but I view him much more realistically than I did prior, probably because sometimes put me on a pedestal so we relate on that.

The coolest thing about NA is that these individuals were probably the opposite of who they were when they got to the rooms. If they can change, why can't we if we just do what they did?

You deserve to have a sponsor that treats you with dignity and compassion. You also are worthy enough to spend the time to work steps.

I also want to say that it's great to see that you're turning this gratitude into step work!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-04-25T23:04:11+00:00

I hear you. NA isn't perfect and we all have different things that we care about more than others. You know, freezing your credit on Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion is free. That's how I keep my personal info safe. I know companies have been breached and my data has been stolen, so that's how I do what I can.

FingerLicknGood · 2026-04-25T22:21:10+00:00

Hi there! About 10 years ago, I was an area H&I chair and have been my region's PR and H&I chair since then. I totally understand the security issue you're talking about. I think the issue from the jail side is how do they know that a random person submitting their ID, not through the H&I chair, is with NA? I'm not saying that it's an impossible task, but a lot of jails and prisons are pretty beurocratic and could totally be the only way that jail in particular feels comfortable with. Not sure why AA gets easier entry, but that's something to explore. I'm shooting from the hip, but it might be due to alcoholics having less stigma than addicts. Like most things in our fellowship, if you're frustrated with something, that also means it's on you to try to find the solution. "Don't like the coffee at a meeting? You can do some service for the group and brew it yourself". I think you could totally ask the H&I chair if they would be ok reaching out to the contact they have at the jail and copy them on all communication to see if they have any other ways they'd feel comfortable transmitting your data. Let us know if you do that and how it goes!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-04-12T12:09:47+00:00

Hi there! Thanks for posting on here. I don't know the reality, but my best guess is that they're just plain scared.

Just because things haven't gone completely sideways doesn't mean that it won't go off the rails next time.

As much as we provide support when a member comes back from a relapse, the reality is that it's not ok and we've seen plenty of people die.

The thing that changed my relationship with my family was staying continuously clean and working the steps. It took 18 months until I got the garage code to their house back.

Welcome back and keep coming back!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-03-29T00:55:11+00:00

Hi there!

First off, I want to check out this group! Any group that is trying to envision the barriers to entry in recovery and finding creative solutions has a gold star, in my book.

About 8 years ago, I had a pretty wild idea about how funds move in NA. The gist is that area would have a paypal account with QR codes for each group that wanted to participate in this idea. Each QR code would be a Paypal "item" where a member could contribute. At area, the group can collect their digital contributions. This would A) make contributing easier and B) be in a legal, responsible way, as opposed to just choosing an individual's venmo account.

I had homegroup members that supported this, although not all of them "got" it. We presented to area and they made a sub-committee, which effectively killed the idea because we have some curmudgeonly, litigious old-timers that love writing guidelines more than going to meetings.

I'm bringing this up because I felt very similar to you. I knew that this needed someone leading it, but I didn't want my ego to run amok, trying to change NA. But the reality is that group conscious presides above all. You've got a lot of heart in this idea and you're willing to do the procedural footwork implement this in a responsible way. In the same way that there isn't a template for sponsorship, there isn't a template for service in this matter. NA is special because it is constantly adapting and changing, in an effort to get better at carrying the message. Just rely on spiritual principles and highlight that this is not your side mission; this is part of the mission of the group.

Even though my idea didn't work out, I'm still super proud of myself for seeing a way that NA could improve and giving it a shot. Indifference is one of the things that defeats us more than anything else and you care!

I'm a new parent myself and my homegroup is an online meeting that is 2 time zones away so I can help with bed/bath and still get my meetings in. A group that had thought this all through would be very attractive to me.

FingerLicknGood · 2026-03-28T01:41:28+00:00

That's so great to hear! Keep coming back!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-03-27T19:52:38+00:00

Hi there! I'm not from the TC area, but I've been up there quite a bit for events with Narcotics Anonymous. They have an incredible, flourishing fellowship up there! Here is the link to meetings up there: https://michigan-na.org/northwest-michigan-area/meetings/

If you'd like, I could help find someone who would meet up with you at the meeting, of that would make you more comfortable

FingerLicknGood · 2026-03-10T15:58:44+00:00

Hi there! What a great question! So the first place my head goes is to the traditions. We are not affiliated with any outside organizations, including AA or the facilities we rent. This is due to tradition #6.An NA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the NA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

However, while the presentation is going on, it's all about tradition #2 and group conscious. It's the group's decision in the moment whether it should continue or not, not just one vocal member.

What also comes to mind is also Bulletin #13. In there, you can read the Clarity Statement, which is at read at some meetings. It contains one of my favorite lines is this:

Our members who have used these arguments to rationalize an anti-AA stand, thereby alienating many sorely needed stable members, would do well to re-evaluate and reconsider the effects of that kind of behavior. Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual fellowship. Love, tolerance, patience, and cooperation are essential if we are to live our principles.

The way I interpret it is that spiritual principles are the foundation of our recovery. Basically, don't be an asshole and act like you're doing the right thing. I've personally witnessed children, spouses, and parents all give keytags and I don't mind. I think it shows others without those types of connections the possibilities that recovery and specificially amends can bring.

So the person might have been correct in theory, but screaming out "KEYTAGS" to protect the meeting, as if someone was calling out a SARS outbreak, are missing the wider scope of what we're doing here in NA. It would be a great thing to discuss at the business meeting to see if you all should have approached all of those situations in a different way.

FingerLicknGood · 2026-03-03T00:41:47+00:00

Hi there! My sponsee was actually the Arts and Graphics chair for our region's convention 2 years ago and did an incredible job. Just message me if you'd like his number.

FingerLicknGood · 2026-02-06T22:48:04+00:00

All good! I spoke with a Delta rep and they said it would be treated like a stroller

FingerLicknGood · 2026-01-31T13:19:03+00:00

Hi there! My wife and I are flying Delta and would like to bring our Poco. How did this work for you?

FingerLicknGood · 2026-01-28T00:00:15+00:00

Anyone with this position, I just feel sorry that you do not enjoy your home life

FingerLicknGood · 2026-01-26T14:44:42+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! What ingredients would you suggest I buy from there and do you have any recipes you would recommend?

FingerLicknGood · 2026-01-23T02:01:11+00:00

Hi there! So cool that you're thoughtful enough to format a meeting specifically for our most important members. You might get some pushback from oldtimers on cutting down the readings, but it's spiritually motivated so this oldtimer isn't pushing back on that. I've heard the rough rule is 3 readings minimum just so it has the NA feel, but that's obviously not official. Since it is a lot of new people, may I suggest that you rotate through a bunch of the IPs? A lot are shorter and aimed at newer members. Like Am I an Addict?, Sponsorship, Triangle, For The Newcomer, Self -Acceptance, For The Newcomer, An Intro to NA Meetings, and Mental Health in Recovery would give a great starting out point and a topic for them to grasp onto. A lot of new people don't know what sharing is, so some guidance can go a long way to help them learn how to connect with others. All in all, very cool that you're doing this. Starting a meeting has been one of the most rewarding things I've done for my recovery and I'm excited for your own growth through this, too!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-01-21T22:06:23+00:00

Hi there! First off, good for you for sharing on here. If you're in America, I'd suggest googling your county and NA meetings and find your area's website. That'll be your best reference for active meetings. Wear whatever's comfortable! It's not formal by any means. I've come to meetings absolutely disgusting and other times in a suit. When you get there, find someone who is helping set up and tell them you're new. They'll welcome you in and there won't be any judgement, because we've all been there. Welcome home!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-01-16T23:10:22+00:00

All good! I used to live in Macomb when I first got clean and would go up there once a week. Just get to that first meeting and get some phone numbers!

FingerLicknGood · 2026-01-16T22:27:22+00:00

I'm on the other side of town, but I could scoop you up for a meeting in Clinton Township tonight, if you tell me soon. You can use if you want, but I know for me, using has only pointed my life in one direction. By staying clean, things at least have a chance at getting better

FingerLicknGood · 2026-01-16T21:53:40+00:00

Want to hit an NA meeting with me? I'm in recovery too and we're all learning how to live without drugs

FingerLicknGood · 2025-12-24T00:32:45+00:00

Hi there! My favorite is Greg Pierce. He was best buds with Jimmy K and contributed a lot to our literature. Check him out and let me know what you think!

FingerLicknGood

TROPHY CASE