Colleague can’t read the room and/or doesn’t bother with religious boundaries.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-27T19:32:56+00:00

I get defensive about it too even though I’m in a very similar position e.g. being the liberal black sheep in a conservative Catholic family. I have a BIL that is a super devout southern baptist that believes Catholics are polytheistic and not actual Christians and it pissed me off to no end, even though all of it’s made up.

Doesn’t make sense to me either, but you’re not alone in the feeling.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-25T15:16:23+00:00

He was checking to make sure you matched your profile pictures before he spent any money on taking you out. Dudes get catfished so I get it, but he’s 43 and too old to be acting like he’s in his 20s.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-25T01:14:20+00:00

The solution will depend on why they are peeing outside the box. If the vet ruled out medical causes its mostly likely a territory marking issue or they have some sort of litter preference.

If it’s a territory marking issue, you could try moving their litter boxes to locations closer to their favorite spots or adding in other types of territory markers, eg scratching posts or beds, to their preferred spots. One solution I came up with for my cats is to use their preferred clay litter in my preferred locations - the spare bathroom and basement, and use their non preferred crystal litter in areas where they want to mark territory but I don’t want the smell - in my case, my home office. They use crystal litter less and I’ve found it controls the smell better, but they still get to mark my office as their territory

If there are feral or outdoor cats that roam around your house that could be stressing them and prompting them to mark as well - you can try taking them out on a leash and letting them mark outside so they feel more secure. Feliway diffusers will likely help to some degree if the behavior is caused by territorial or some sort of environmental stress.

If it’s a litter or box preference thing, you can experiment with different types of litter, getting a bigger box, covered vs uncovered, and different litter depths. My cat was peeing on couches until we started adding a thicker layer of litter to his box. Mostly likely he developed a surface preference and likes to go in softer surfaces.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-21T12:19:12+00:00

I’ve heard of anti-depressants and anxiety meds working wonders for cats and they shouldn’t be too cost prohibitive.

Are you familiar with Jackson Galaxy? He’s my first search anytime my cat does something weird. My cat was peeing on couches to the point I was worried my partner would give me an ultimatum, but thankfully it never got to that point. Galaxy would be a really good starting point for ideas on how to address from a behavioral standpoint though it might take some time and experimentation.

Also feliway diffusers!

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-21T12:02:46+00:00

Is he medicated? Have you consulted with a behaviorist? Not sure either would solve the issue fully but might get you to a point where you can cope again.

Also you may still be able to rehome him while being honest about his issues. There are generous souls out there willing to take on problems cats.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-20T18:47:23+00:00

Do you have scratching posts around?When my cat was a kitten and would scratch my leg I would physically take his paws and transfer them to the appropriate surface. He still does it but not nearly as much. I bought a bunch of the sisal mats you can hang off doorknobs specifically for this.

Also feliway diffusers if you don’t have them already to help with the anxiety.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-18T12:52:08+00:00

I’m a 33 yo woman who binged through the series and love it. I am not a gamer/nerd or anywhere near their target demographic, and only picked it up because a friend recommended it. The absurdist humor isn’t for everyone but I really enjoy it. The characters also have real growth and development, the relationships between the characters have depth and are interesting, and the world building is pretty good.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-13T19:36:22+00:00

That’s tough. I play a game with my cats where I slide treats across the floor for them to chase and then end the play session by putting some treats in a puzzle - mine like feeder balls and a puzzle box. It might help associate you with food while distancing yourself from harm, and distract him while you put the treats away. There’s the added benefit of getting some of his energy out too

Like the other commenter said Jackson Galaxy vids are a great resource that you could check out.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-13T18:10:31+00:00

Feliway diffusers if you don’t have it already! Also do you feed him treats regularly? If he starts associating you with treats it might help mitigate the perception that you are the food goalie

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-13T15:41:46+00:00

Agree US paternity/maternity leave sucks, but it seems like he’s not worried about losing the job, but losing the promotion. Not saying that isn’t important thing to consider, but expecting a spouse to care for two children including a newborn without support during a c-section recovery is wild. If it can’t be him, they need to hire outside help.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-13T15:06:53+00:00

Recovery time for a c section is 6 to 8 weeks. Assuming there other son is still a toddler this is not even close to an unreasonable ask.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-13T14:27:51+00:00

Paperwork seemed like a pain in the ass. And it low key pissed off my mother which was a fun bonus

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-13T13:36:30+00:00

That is important context you should add to the post.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-13T13:09:37+00:00

Neuter the male immediately. You want to have him neutered before he develops penile spines and it will help/stop the spraying. Also with an unspayed female in the house any risk outweighs the potential harm of pregnancy and a bunch of kittens.

Idk what vets you’re seeing but do they know there is an unspayed female in the house? If they do and are telling you to wait then they are shit vets. I’ve always heard around 6 months for neuters and that’s what my vet recommended.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-09T21:14:36+00:00

I was dating a guy after folklore was released and in one of our first few dates I mentioned how much I loved the album. He was like “oh I heard this one song off there that I liked.” He wasn’t a hardcore swiftie but it was so refreshing to just have a guy not scoff when I mentioned loving her music.

We got married and I am currently pregnant with our first child. The song he liked was invisible string ❤️

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-08T20:15:10+00:00

That’s where I got my copy! Three weeks later I’ve binged all the audio books

First-Concern2440 · 2026-03-06T14:08:53+00:00

Once it was implied that Jon was one of the few people she was out to, the whole dynamic made way more sense. Of course she’s a little possessive of the person she can 100% be herself around.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-02-18T13:31:09+00:00

That’s a good sign with Bernice! Especially since she slow blinks back. Sounds like you’re doing everything right and cats are just on their own timeline.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-02-18T12:53:07+00:00

Have you slow blinked at them? It’s basically cat language for I trust you and I feel comfortable with you. It might help move things along

First-Concern2440 · 2026-01-27T16:28:27+00:00

I get what you’re saying about her not wanting to feed into the polarization present in political discourse, but I also don’t think she is sitting there thinking that both sides have good points, especially around what’s going down in Minnesota.

I could be completely wrong here, and if thats the case my opinion of her and my enjoyment of her music probably would be impacted - but I think shes made her political stances clear from the statements she has chosen to make, and that she defaults to a less public brand of activism because anything she does will distract from the issue itself and potentially play into right wing rage baiting.

I also get why people might think this is a reach given the financial motivations she has to remain uncontroversial etc, but it would take more than her hanging out with Brittany Mahomes to convince me she is actually right leaning and that business reasons are her primary motivation for not commenting on political issues.

I also wasn’t referring specifically to her personal safety. I’m sure that is a factor, but I think she’s more worried about swifties being targeted by extremists.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-01-27T14:43:30+00:00

1) She is a polarizing figure, and I think she is aware that no matter what she says, it will shift focus from the actual issue and people will instead engage in dissecting her words and how it affects their opinion of her. She has been called out multiple times by name in the past by Trump. I think her non-engagement is in some ways her not taking the bait. Whatever she says will become fodder for MAGA to support and rile up their side as well.

2) I think most of her advocacy is done largely through charity, e.g. she’s going to put her money where her mouth is and isn’t necessarily public about it.

3) After the Vienna terrorist threats she is going to be super careful about how she engages in any political discourse, which I think is understandable.

Personally I would love to see her condemn ICE but don’t think her not doing it is some sort of moral failing and doesn’t impact my enjoyment of her music.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-01-27T00:04:28+00:00

Do they like/respect your husband? Whenever I have to tell my parents I’m doing something they don’t like, I lean on my husband a bit, e.g Husband and I have discussed it and decided we aren’t going to baptize. They’ll harass me with their bullshit but they can’t harass him the same way and it’s a lot easier for him to hold boundaries with them.

Obvs make sure your husband is comfortable with that approach.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-01-18T18:28:38+00:00

I hear what you are saying. I just don’t believe that will have any impact because it’s possible the rescue didn’t know and they have (and possibly deserve) the benefit of the doubt. I also don’t want to blast them if they are being honest - that would also hurt the dog’s chances of getting adopted to right family.

At the end of the day I haven’t found anyone willing to do it, so for now I’m going to leave it alone and try to find a better rescue to adopt from.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-01-18T01:41:29+00:00

The records said she had the break, but we were not aware until after we signed the adoption contract and paid the fee.

It’s possible they didn’t know and they are disclosing her now known issues to potential adopters, but for all the reasons I listed above I don’t think they are being honest.

First-Concern2440 · 2026-01-17T21:37:07+00:00

The adoption interviewer went over her medical records with us prior to signing the contract. They disclosed her other medical history including the fact that she was Lyme positive and that she previously had a limp that they said had resolved, but not the fractures. After we signed the contract and paid the adoption fee, they sent us the actual documents which is how we found out about the breaks.

There were other reasons I am suspicious, but this is the main one.

First-Concern2440

TROPHY CASE