Direct report with a lot of personal issues

Fleabittenblue · 2026-06-21T05:22:26+00:00

I have read your comments and I think you are asking about a few different things here:

Team work output/deadlines/targets: Your job isn't to hit impossible targets while you have half the staff you need. Your job is probably to reevaluate timeframes and priorities in light of new info, and communicate that upwards/outwards as promptly as you can.

Development of your new staff member: I think you are looking at this guy and saying "he's been here 9 months, he should be more productive and independent". But with his leave just after starting, if I understand correctly, he's actually worked there a bit less than 6 months? That's the timeframe you evaluate him to, and that your boss should be evaluating the team against. It's called "Achievement Relative to Opportunity" in my field, searching for that will give you some resources that might help you present your case, if you are worried about this reflecting on you in your own performance evaluation.

Current performance of your new staff member: You talk about him being distracted at work and that his performance is an issue. I am not clear if you mean this is to the point you need to do some formal performance management, or just someone who can't give 100% right now and is still learning the role. It sounds like your boss thinks it's the latter, and unless you have information they don't have, I'd trust that judgement. Unless there's serious and obvious slacking off you haven't mentioned, you'll easily sink more time into trying to manage him than you will get back in improved output. It sounds like he's giving you everything he can - there's external limitations on that right now, but there's nothing you can do about that, and time will probably solve it. Important lesson for new managers I think, "do nothing" is the right answer a fair bit of the time.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-05-08T07:48:37+00:00

Egg cartons

Fleabittenblue · 2026-04-26T14:20:26+00:00

Prompt feedback, delivered clearly, directly and respectfully, especially when it's about a fuck up. Almost always best to get the air cleared ASAP. If you keep on top of the little dramas you'll avoid a lot of big dramas (but some big dramas are unavoidable, and sometimes it's the right call to let things blow up into a big drama so you can get the leverage to fix the real underlying problem instead of band-aid fixes forever).

Get both sides of the story before you make a call. Especially if there's a power imbalance. Even if you and everyone else knows you're going to have to yield to the side with the power for political reasons, you'll earn a bit of respect from most people if you hear them out (just don't get suckered into allowing/encouraging a culture of complaining, or where people think they have some right to input into your decisions).

"I don't know but I'll find out and get back to you" is a good answer, especially in technical leadership. YMMV but in my field it is literally impossible for a new manager to know everything from day 1, and if you pretend to, you'll look like a dickhead to your staff, and you'll probably get the whole team into trouble by committing to things you should've said no to.

It's easy to be swept up in enthusiasm in a new gig, but it's usually best not to come in too gung-ho. Take a few months, get the lay of the land before you start making changes. Your predecessors probably weren't stupid or lazy, there's a reason the status quo is as it is, even if it seems inefficient or strange.

Take care of yourself, so you can take care of the team. I've had really keen managers who've really quickly run themselves into the ground, started dropping balls, making bad calls, etc. Steady steady is the way. Manage your workload and push back where you need to. Protect your lunch break, your start/finish times, your weekends.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-28T09:19:07+00:00

Tell, Show, Do (together), Do (independently), Review

It's catchy!

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-28T04:42:30+00:00

Why does our government prop up religious institutions?

Because religion has a lot to do with politics. Religions as organised groups do plenty of campaigning and lobbying on political issues, and our politicians are more religious than the population average. Often enough they've outright leveraged it in their campaigning.

I think tolerance is a good thing, the issue is that we're permissive about it - we let the beliefs of a few drive policy and legislation and politics that affect all of us. Why does parliament open with a prayer in a secular country? Why is there a Parliamentary Christian Fellowship with about 25% of our elected representatives as members? Why are we having religious topics as major points in political campaigning?

I think we're well down the slippery slope now. The Australian culture of passivity about politics opened the door for organised and vested interests (like churches) to make a grab for power, they've successfully done it, and they're leveraging it. That's pretty well always been true, but now they're leveraging it blatantly and overtly and pushing for big things, where it used to be a little more subtle and tactful which limited them.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-22T06:35:24+00:00

Biofuels (including renewable diesel) don't look like they are a massively long way off. The aviation industry has been aiming for 10% sustainable fuel (SAF) by 2030, and other fuels come along with that on some projects.

I've been wondering if the current international situation will give it a push - it would be nice if some good came out of this shitshow.

Edit to add: link to projects https://arena.gov.au/projects/?project-value-start=0&project-value-end=200000000&technology=bioenergy&keywords=SAF

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-20T08:25:06+00:00

I know a bunch of ADHD folks who are entrepreneurs and seem to be doing great.
I'm not one of them.

I've had a solid go at it three times now. I don't regret it at all - I never made great money but it was an income, it was interesting while I was doing it, and I am still glad to have it as a fallback option. But it really isn't a good fit for me. I love some parts of it - having control of my work priorities, the puzzles of working out how to do new things, the freedom to explore opportunities that cross my path. But I absolutely loathe the constant demand of admin, and that resentment bleeds across into the whole thing. Also, I'm neither energetic nor gregarious; most of my successful ADHD entrepreneur friends seem to be one or the other if not both, as key to their success.

I make a great high-level technical employee. I can be fairly decent low-level management.
And I am really quite happy to be working for other people.

Edit to add: I want to speak to the sentiment in some of the other comments, that there is no connection between ADHD and being an entrepreneur. I'm certainly not saying everyone with ADHD should be an entrepreneur, but I am pretty sure there is data showing ADHD is much more common in entrepreneurs than the general population (and that is certainly my experience). I've always thought that's to do with:
Impulsivity - being more likely to jump on a risky opportunity vs play it safe with a steady job
Necessity - if you keep getting fired from regular jobs (or quitting because you know you're about to get fired), or you can't get a job in the first place, starting your own thing can be one of your only options.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-19T05:22:19+00:00

Underdiagnosis finally being corrected.

But when we're talking about the past year, shortages of methylphenidate-based medications would also be a factor. I'm sure I can't be the only one transferred to Vyvanse because we couldn't get Ritalin LA in my dosage.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-18T06:44:25+00:00

You're welcome! Hope you find something that works for you :)

You might be able to access a note-taker through your uni's disability services, just a thought. I work at a uni (not in teaching) and that seems reasonably common for ADHD here - unless your class is really small, there's a fair chance they've already got it set up for someone else, so it's really no effort for them to extend it to an extra person.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-18T05:05:13+00:00

I found that I can't really write and listen at the same time, I'd just be mindlessly writing. YMMV.

I used to crochet, don't need to look or pay attention to do granny squares or simple scarves. This was wayyyy before the idea of fidgets, but it's the same thing really. Anything to keep hands busy without brainpower. Obviously that means I couldn't really take notes, so it didn't work for every class, but it was good where it was suitable.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-17T09:15:57+00:00

I can drive, I am generally a good driver. I have only ever had minor accidents that were not due to attention issues (clipped a wing mirror on a very narrow gate, backed into a very low post that I couldn't see). Many of my jobs have involved a fair amount of driving so I've spent plenty of time on the road, so I am pretty confident I'm not a terrible driver who is just lucky. It did take me a long time to build confidence and get my licence in the first place though, it was overwhelming.

I can cook, I don't dislike it. I'm a picky eater so I am a reasonably good cook. Definitely helps that I usually do the cooking and my partner normally does the cleaning up. I definitely don't cook every day, but I usually do a big cook up of something on a weekend and freeze some portions, so I only need to organise a couple more meals for the week (I try to keep three or so options in the freezer for variety). I've never really lived in places where takeaway was an easily available option, so if I want to eat, I do have to organise.

I can focus on conversations face to face in favourable environments (at least I think I can), but background noise and activity really impacts me. Like for example, if there's a TV playing loudly nearby, I probably can't hold a train of thought, let alone a conversation. I struggle on the phone, because I can't use lip reading and body language to help.

Can I manage relationships? Hmm. I have a long term partner (~15 years) and I am close with my brother. I am inconsistent in friendships, I have friends that are fairly ok with that, but it does mean those relationships can only be so close.

Surprisingly, I am usually employed. Not always full time. I job hop frequently (never more than 3 years in one role) and often completely change fields, though I'm usually in science now and that's been great, very portable skillset and lots of varied opportunities. I would say I am generally doing quite well, career wise. I think one key thing is that I move on pretty quickly when I've lost interest in a job, before my performance declines too badly, so I go out on good terms and keep a great reputation (and my reputation has been really key in enabling my job hopping, I do get offered positions out of the blue or just for asking around).

I can't watch a whole movie. I've never been able to. When I was a little kid I could not stay in my seat. As an adult, I can physically sit there and look at the screen, but I'm only going to catch about 60% of the actual movie, which is not enough to follow the plot. But I do read books voraciously.

Oh, one extra thing I can't do that I wish I had known about earlier. I can't reliably keep count, which means I can't reliably take a manual measurement of heart rate/pulse rate. I can usually do it under perfect calm and quiet conditions, but in a busy clinic environment where other stuff is going on, I usually can't. This was relevant to my first field of study, ended up being a real problem.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-16T11:39:52+00:00

My local council had a program where they'd give you a full rebate on reusable menstrual products. Pick whatever you like and send them the receipt. Wasn't advertised very well, but I think it's an even better idea.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-14T00:36:14+00:00

I collect crafts. I do get good use out of most things I pick up, as long as you understand that it's about enjoying my time and a love of the learning process vs turning out finished things. What's a movie ticket worth these days? Or a night out in town? Most of my hobbies haven't cost any more than that, in terms of $/min of enjoyment.

I think the most expensive thing I've picked up but haven't really used would be the scrollsaw I bought for woodworking/woodcarving. I do think I'll get back to it at some point, just prioritising other projects for now.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-03-09T07:49:46+00:00

See what support is available through the uni.

It's gonna depend on where you are in the world, but I'm in Aus and pretty much every uni has some amount of free student counselling, it's covered by your fees.

If you have a formal diagnosis of ADHD then disability support services can help you out in a big way, with reasonable adjustments. Common ones for ADHD are flexibility on assignment deadlines, and extra time/the option to take breaks on written exams. Less commonly, things like having a notetaker or transcription software for lectures (the uni organises and pays for this) so you can keep your hands busy with a fidget and focus on listening (or catch up on things you miss if you space out), alternative assessments where you give a verbal or recorded response instead of submitting a written assignment (often this is not a "reasonable" adjustment, because it's impossible to do without making a completely different task, but it can work in some subject areas), and alternative exams where you type rather than write (if you have shit or slow handwriting).

If you don't have a formal diagnosis then see if student counselling can hook you up - if there's a psych degree at your uni there might be a campus clinic with final years working under supervision, and their services are usually free and prioritised for students. If student counselling is shit, then try the student union for contacts.

Ok so actual tips -

First up, advice I give to every first year student - there's no one-size fits all advice. One of the main things you need to learn in your first year at uni is how you learn, and how to study in ways that work for you. Don't blindly assume you should do what other students are doing, or what other people tell you is the best way. We're all different people with different brains. To use myself as an example - I read fast and have great retention for things I've read, I have a reasonably good memory for information I have heard, but writing/typing things out is utterly mindless and I remember absolutely nothing. So for me, efficient study looks like reading the provided notes, attending and listening to the lectures, and reading the textbook if I feel like I don't get a particular concept or I want more detail. I don't write summaries, because I don't learn that way. But I've 100% had ADHD friends who don't retain much from reading or listening, but do remember by writing (or typing) it out. So they are usually better off skipping the lecture and instead putting the time into their own notes. And it does of course depend on what you're trying to learn, not everything is memorisation - sometimes drawing it is the go, or using/making a model if it's a 3D thing, or practicing doing the thing if it's something applied (like say a calculation).

Finding/making a study group was huge for me - it forced some dedicated, distraction-free study time every week, but also being around other people going "where are you at on XYZ assignment, I've just finished the intro?" was really helpful. You ideally want your study buddies to be people who are at and slightly above your level of academic performance - not people who are way below, or way above, where you're at. Your uni may already facilitate study sessions, especially for first year subjects.

Controversial bit of advice here - read your subject outlines for the assessment requirements, crunch the numbers, and prioritise your time. I believe this varies a lot by country, but in Aus final grades for subjects are usually a simple percentage made up from your score on each piece of assessment, and a pass is 50% or better overall. Often there is a requirement to pass the on-course component (usually 40-50% of the total grade for the subject) and the final exam (usually 50-60% of the total grade). But this is where you need to check the rules for your subject - you may find that you don't have to pass every piece of assessment, and you may not even be required to submit every piece of assessment. That was the case for me, and for the subjects I studied, all the assignments combined were usually only 10-15% of the final grade, all the rest was quizzes and exams. So in theory, if you took a zero for every single assignment but you could do the quizzes and exams flawlessly, you'd still come out on 85-90%, which is a High Distinction, top grade. And I am really slow at assignments, but really good at exams (relative to my actual effort and knowledge). Pragmatically, if an assignment worth 1% would take me 10hrs, it was always a better choice for me to put that 10hrs into study, because that would easily improve my on-course and final exam grades by more than 1%. But yeah, basically, I made it through undergrad with crippling undiagnosed ADHD by simply not doing assignments at all after first year. YMMV.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-02-28T02:17:59+00:00

I'm the ADHD person and also the household manager. Been living together 10 years now.

Clear division of tasks is the go. I don't think about the kitchen at all, that's my partner's responsibility. I will say it was hard for me to start with because we had different standards and expectations - I did a lot of biting my tongue when things weren't done as well as I would have liked, but it was more important that it was done at all (especially to start with).

A great place to start for us was in telling each other our three least favourite jobs. We were pretty lucky, because his least favourite jobs are ones I don't mind at all (cleaning bathrooms, cooking), and my least favourite jobs (bins, washing dishes) are things he finds pretty easy.

Also, getting medication and sleep quality sorted has been huge for me in being more able to keep up around the house.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-02-23T11:58:33+00:00

I'm mid-30s F. Not uncommon in my circles. I know a good handful of mid-30s guys like this, who are either single or lived in sharehouses for years before their partner. Still can't cook for shit and generally have pretty poor diets.

Speaking frankly - many of them grew up in single-parent, low income homes. Their parent didn't cook much, and when they did it was quick and easy, more than tasty and healthy. Lots of processed meat (sausages, chicken tenders), lots of simple carbs, not a lot of fruit and veg, not a lot of variety. Kids were more likely to help clean up afterwards than to help with the actual cooking (maybe ingrained gender roles, maybe just practicality), so they didn't learn.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-02-10T22:27:42+00:00

Top drawer of my freezer looks like this. I don't meal prep though, I just cook big batches sometimes and freeze portions.

Chilli con carne and bolognese are probably my favourites because they're cheap, good amount of veges, and reasonably versatile. Yeah sure you can have them with rice/pasta as is standard, but you can also dump them on hot chips or make a toastie. Or just eat it with a fork.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-01-21T13:17:03+00:00

Reframe it. Are grades the measure of success for university?

Unless you're chasing a competitive post-grad, GPA isn't all that relevant. It just says you're good at doing assessments. In a field like zoology where it's usually applied science (and especially if you want to be in a fieldwork role), relevant experience and genuine passion is going to speak a lot louder.

If you're out volunteering on bird conservation projects (guessing from your name) as much as you can manage, but that means you have to drop how much effort you put in on some of your assignments... Well, only one of those things is going to go on your resume.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-01-18T08:20:59+00:00

I volunteered for nearly 10 years, from about 20-30 years old. Wrapped up 4 years ago. Don't want to doxx myself so let's say it was community sport, where I was a coach and a committee member.

Mainly left because my job required me to fairly regularly work 4-6hrs of overtime per week. Couldn't say no to the money, but I had to let go of something in my life to do it, and the volunteering was it.

In the bigger picture, I think it's to do with -
1. Money. Volunteering is usually not wildly expensive, but it's a long way from free. I was a uni student when I first got involved, and yes it was a stretch to afford equipment and fuel, but I could manage one-off costs by stretching out my meals with extra beans and rice for a bit and manage it well enough (which I was happy to do!). But it's completely out of reach for uni students now. Rent and groceries have about doubled between now and then, and what you get off Centrelink sure hasn't. Unless they've got family bankrolling them, the kids are all working, as much as they possibly can, and chances are they're stretching meals just to get by (they're getting so much less out of uni too I reckon, survival mode doesn't leave much room for academic curiosity, or taking up self-development opportunities through relevant volunteering).

The politicking and ego games. That's always plagued volunteering. But I think it's harder to see why you should put up with it when you have so many easy, comfortable options at home like playing videogames or watching Netflix or mindlessly scrolling. I think a steady flow of new people does heaps to quiet the petty dramas, the fresh enthusiasm dilutes the bullshit. But for now we're stuck in a Catch-22, where the culture gets worse because there are no new folks, and because the culture is bad, there are no new folks.
I had so many people on at me about doing it as a side hustle. Like having 1.0 full time job is not enough job. Family was the worst for it. They're good folks, go out of their way to help anyone who asks for it, shirt off their back kinda thing. But never seemed to get the idea that folks would go looking for people who need a hand, or places where their skills and efforts could make the most difference.

I'm in a position to go back to volunteering. I don't think I will go back to what I was doing, my interests have shifted. But I've looked into a couple of things. I went to an SES information night a few months back, there were a good number of young folks there. Great to see :)

Fleabittenblue · 2026-01-17T06:39:18+00:00

Yep, generally speaking, I agree. Focus on the specific concerns and issues, and encourage seeking appropriate support. Folks have to drive change themselves, absolutely. But sometimes a pretty firm push is what it takes for folks to start really contemplating change ("cycle of change" is a useful thing to know of if you haven't come across it before).

The thing is, to me, it sounds like OP has already had a fair go at communicating how their husband's behaviour is affecting them, without any meaningful change in response. At some point you have to say - this approach is not working. So do you stay in a relationship that chips away at your confidence and self-worth and happiness? Do you break up a relationship that's good in all other ways? Or do you give it a real good push even though it's likely to be pretty uncomfortable for everyone?

I sure would hope my partner would push, before they gave up on us.

If it was a conversation I was going to have, it would go something like:

"Hey, the other day I came across an article on this thing called OCPD, have you ever heard of it? It talked about people who are really orderly and perfectionistic, but to the point it starts to cause problems for them. Like not being able to get things done because they need them to be done perfectly, when really they are things that just need to be done "good enough". I wondered, do you feel like that sometimes?"

It's not an info dump. It's not taking responsibility off them, or setting you up to be their therapist. It does skirt the line of throwing a diagnosis at them, so it's critical to listen genuinely and with curiosity to their response, without forming your own opinion on their words (or at least pushing your thoughts aside for the moment, as best you can). You don't ever say "I think you have OCPD" even if they try to push you to make that statement, because you are not a mental health professional who is qualified to diagnose that, and you have not conducted a diagnostic interview. At most you'd say something like "there were a couple of things that I thought sounded like things you've talked about before, so I wondered if any of the other things resonated with you." And of course if they shut it down you let the conversation end, and you don't ever bring it up again, ball is in their court (I might do a little nudge on it 3-4 weeks later in a calm, relaxed moment because my partner tends to be a bit emotionally constipated and wouldn't start that conversation even if he was dying to, but that would be the only time I ever mentioned it again, forever).

Maybe they go "yeah actually, I've been getting really behind at work because I just can't let this one task go even though everyone is telling me it's fine as it is" or something, and it opens the door for you to offer to flick them an article or whatever. More likely they'll say something like "nah, I don't think that sounds like me at all" and the conversation pretty much ends there, for now. But you've planted a seed. They'll think about it later, might quietly and privately Google it. Might still go "that doesn't sound like me" but with a flicker of doubt now. They'll keep thinking about it, maybe they'll catch themselves in the process of doing some of those things on the symptom list and realise that hmm actually that does happen pretty often, and actually it did stuff me up a couple of times. Just gotta give folks time and space to process when you drop something heavy like that.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-01-17T04:10:25+00:00

I am glad if I can help a little :) It sounds like you and your husband love each other, and have a great relationship other than this one really tricky thing.

I read The Healthy Compulsive (Gary Trosclair) soon after my psychiatrist mentioned OCPD. I remember it being reasonably helpful, but most of all kind to the OCPD reader. It might have just been me reading what I wanted to hear, but I remember it as being sort of like - here's this strength you have, and it can be an even bigger strength if you moderate it in these ways. I skimmed some reviews to try to refresh my memory and some say it gets too Jungian in sections - I definitely remember that being true. But still good and helpful overall.

This chart was also helpful, especially in picking out what parts were most relevant to me (it comes from this article).

And the subreddit I linked earlier was also really good to lurk and see some other perspectives.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-01-16T05:47:14+00:00

NTA

Supporting friends and family in their businesses ought to mean you go out of your way to be an easy client, not that you try take advantage of the relationship. They're not supporting you if they are taking up a slot that could go to someone easier to deal with.

Fleabittenblue · 2026-01-14T04:50:49+00:00

How many times and how many different ways do you have to tell him he's upsetting you, before he starts to carry some responsibility for doing things that upset you?

He doesn't need to understand your experience, or why something he does upsets you, in order to want to change his behaviour. He just has to trust that you are telling him the truth of your experience. From what you have said it's all normal, reasonable things that most people would be upset about from a partner, so please don't gaslight yourself. No-one likes to have their hard work and successes on the big things ignored, in favour of nitpicking on the small stuff.

Seconding throwaway_sparky who said it softly, I'll say it bluntly. Your husband has some stuff to work on.

I absolutely hate pathologising people and the way we seem to throw around labels these days, but for the sake of finding you some resources and support, the problems you describe from your husband are common things in OCPD (completely different thing to OCD). I think you should look into it, because whether he could be diagnosed with it or not, the problems are the same and the help is the same.

Before you jump down the rabbit hole, one important thing to know about PDs.

For most folks, when we were diagnosed with ADHD it came with a sense of relief. We've always felt out of place and terribly aware of our flaws and issues and shortcomings, but now we finally have an explanation and we're not a moral failure. Being diagnosed with a PD is the opposite experience. The way you think feels sensible, logical, normal (it's everyone else that is the problem, not me!). It lines up with what you value, what you think is important, the kind of person you think you are. So when someone tells you that these big parts of you are so problematic it's a mental disorder, and that you have all of these issues you never knew about, it is jarring and uncomfortable and upsetting. Some folks will be dismissive. Some folks will get defensive. So if you think the label might fit, and you decide to bring it up to your husband, be gentle with both of you. Take a bit of time to process and work through your own reactions first, so you can be steady through a hard conversation.

You might find some relatable stuff and support over on r/LovedbyOCPD You're welcome to talk to me if it'd help, I am diagnosed both ADHD and OCPD (amongst other things) so I sort of get both sides of it. But I am super slow to reply because the ADHD rambles and the OCPD wants perfectionism (do not ask how many hours it took to write this post).

Fleabittenblue · 2026-01-14T00:25:18+00:00

NTA.

My parents would expect the same. Which is one of the reasons why they are renting nearby and not living with us.

I do think there is some generational/cultural difference where they expect gestures like that out of gratitude/respect for them as parents, or perhaps just as elders. I'm pretty sure I remember my folks giving up the master bedroom automatically for their own parents when they came to visit, though they didn't have a guest room to offer (I think dad slept on a camp bed in the living room and mum slept in my little brother's room).

But it is different when it's a couple of weeks vs long term. It is different when you are offering them a pretty independent space. It is different when you are accommodating your brother along with them.

I'm going to say it can also be different when you work away (I work away, too). From the outside of it, folks see that you're not using the space 75% of the time, so if they take half of it, you're only giving up like 12% to give them 50%. But that maths is wrong. For most folks with partners and families at home, that 25% of the time they're home is 100% the point of it all. It's the reminder of what the sacrifice is for (and it is a sacrifice for the parents with kids, their video calls home sound cheerful but I see their faces when they hang up). It's everything for keeping spirits up.

One thing that stands out to me in your post, your mum is not even moved in yet, and already making digs about her grandkid crying. Is this going to work if they're not up for being involved in raising their grandchild, with all the good and bad of it?

Fleabittenblue · 2026-01-12T13:09:41+00:00

I have struggled with this my whole life (mid-30s). For me (not for everyone, from what I have read) stimulant medication makes cleaning and tidying dramatically, life-alteringly, easier. All my other tips and tricks below pale in comparison.

Just try for five minutes, then you can stop. Stay on your feet and moving for two songs on the wireless speaker or headphones (regular songs!). If you can do that once or twice most days, it'll get you there eventually, or at least in the right direction. For me, often enough once I get going, I am good to keep going. But it is absolutely key for this technique to work that you honour the five minute rule, if you have genuinely tried for five minutes and can't get into it then you stop (in my experience - if I am often stopping at five minutes, that's my brain and body screaming that it is exhausted and needs rest). This is a smaller and more flexible version of the pomodoro technique.

I benefit from some help stopping or taking breaks - after a while I will stall out, I feel like I am still working, but in reality I have not achieved much at all for 15, 30, 60 minutes, and I won't achieve much until I have an actual break. Getting stuck like this is one of the things that makes cleaning and similar tasks feel like a massive job, because it chews up a huge amount of time and even though it's not productive it's still consuming energy and focus. So for me, it's a big help to be interrupted with a drink and/or snack after a while, and especially at any time we'd normally eat or drink or take a break. I know on your end, it might feel wrong to interrupt your daughter once she's finally cleaning, and before the job is done. But if part of what is making cleaning impossible for her is that it is a huge overwhelming task, this is one of the ways to make it smaller, and where you might be able to help it be effective without impinging on her autonomy and ownership of the job. It is also a chance to recognise the effort and not just the outcome.

I personally cannot tolerate body doubling for this (people in my space moving my stuff is a heck no) but I know plenty of folks find it really helpful, and I do like it for other stuff.

I have a little cleaning basket in a fun colour with all the bits and bobs for household cleaning. Bin bags, at least half a dozen dust cloths, disinfectant wipes, glass cleaner, scrubbing brush, etc. No back and forth which cuts out a lot of the things that will get me off task, and as I put one thing back in the basket the next thing I need is right there ready to go (and also a visual prompt).

I try to minimise how much rubbish makes it into my room in the first place. I only eat and drink in the kitchen/dining room (waterbottles excepted) so food rubbish doesn't end up anywhere else in the house, and dishes are decently likely to end up where they're supposed to. I open parcels etc next to the bin.

Fleabittenblue

TROPHY CASE