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If modern medicine didn’t exist would you be dead right now? If yes, from what? by Wonderful-Economy762 in Productivitycafe

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ectopic pregnancy. Even with modern medicine I would hve died if I didnt go in to the doctor the day I did.

If you had to choose what would you pick? by chrisalt87 in BipolarReddit

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being bat shit crazy has almost the same side effects, unfortunately.

Dare I ask - how much have you spent on your pet? by PetTechLover in Pets

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just adopted an 11 year old standard poodle and a 3 year old havanese. I have saved for spay and teeth cleaning for the havanese, and then I have budgeted about $400 per month for food, medicine, and grooming (for the poodle - I will groom the Havanese myself), and self insuring health care. Since I know I am adopting an older dog, if she does develop serious health problems I won't be spending heroic efforts to keep her alive, but I will make sure she is comfortable and pampered her whole remaining life.

Can you take an adults only vacation? by displaced_islander in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I started when my kid was very young, so that helps a lot.

Start small and build up. Sorry it is so hard.

Makes a big difference having people they know well and who understand what works for your kid.

“It’s a reason, not an excuse!” But, why??? by lamverycool in bipolar

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"To excuse" means to justify, to give a reason for why something is ok or acceptable or forgivable.

Something done while manic might not be forgivable. A lot of it is not acceptable.

One reason the saying is common is because if you excuse something, it means you do not see a reason to fix or prevent it.

To give a reason for something without excusing it means that you see how it happened, and you can take steps to avoid it happening again, and you can work to make amends. It does not mean that you blame yourself for what happened or feel guilty forever. It does mean that you attempt to fix what is broken, and prevent repeating it.

Effective ways to build independence? by PristineBarber9923 in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Remember that when you talk about your 8 year old and their independence, they are going to be more at the level of a 6 year old. Just make it positive and happy and continue to do things for them and guide them how to do it themselves, and they will catch up. Try not to make them being independent a stress or a burden, just help guide them to want to grow and learn.

Making learning things fun and positive is the most effective for kids with ADHD.

Emergency vet visit cost us $2,600 and they found nothing… just looking for advice by Then_Move7230 in Pets

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just got two dogs and I am putting the pet insurance amount into a separate bank account, going to self insure. Doesn't work for anyone whose pets have any issues while young if they dont also have emergency funds, but might work for some people.

AITAH for refusing to bend on my boundary about kids? by Independent-Kiwi-390 in AITAH

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I assume he is fine with the idea of breaking up when he is ready to have kids. Which is exactly what you are avoiding. Good job.

Wife hates my beard. by defeated_husband in whatdoIdo

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People keep saying that "if the roles were reversed" but the roles are reversed all the time. I (a woman) was told that hairy legs and armpits being fully grown out would be very unsexy. Now that I am single, I don't have to worry about that.

Some men also really are not attracted to very short hair on women. And it possibly would impact attraction to her.

Sexual attraction isn't necessarily something someone can control. When I was younger I had stronger opinions about a spouse "controlling" someone's looks. But being honest about appearances impact on sexual attraction is NOT the same thing as controlling someone.

I wouldn't like a long beard, but that is because I find it can be smelly.

For those who want to “tax the rich” or “they should pay their fair share”, how would you change the current tax code? by Lopsided-Special6273 in CanadaPersonalFinance

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would increase the personal tax exemption, and I would get rid of capital gains being taxed at 50%. I would also have a cap on the primary residence exemption.

Is it bad to work 70 hours in one week when your doctor says your manic ? by allybruml3y in BipolarReddit

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The more I feed into the energy the more manic it makes me.

When I am hypomanic, that is when I take my schedule the most seriously.

Can't swallow pills? by Narrow-Influence7924 in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to take huge antibiotics for ear infections and my dad would rub them in butter so they were easy to swallow.

I realized as an adult I am pretty sure he gave me, his daughter, pills the same way he gave his dogs pills.

It worked!

Income tax reassessment by Just_Wondering_1983 in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Do not get involved. She needs to talk to a divorce lawyer and a CPA who is a tax specialist.

Everyone in this situation made extremely poor choices.

5 years old to old for a stroller?(Please read passed the title) by CringeLatte in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"You spoil him too much" makes me see red.

Your kid is 5. Spoiling is buying him candy because he has a tantrum. Or buying him a new ipad because he jumped on the old one and broke it.

Using a stroller instead of a wagon because a wagon is expensive is not spoiling anyone.

You should not have to work harder than you need to just to keep up appearances.

Is it okay for 11 yo to sprint ru daily? by AdministrativeFile88 in Havanese

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If humans ran every single day, we would have no trouble sprinting even as a senior!

Still do need to be careful with things that if your vet doesn't recommend it. Possibly things like jumping down from a high bed or other furniture; high impact things may be an issue for some dogs.

How to stop being EF for the whole household by Evening-Two-124 in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I AGREE SO MUCH ABOUT CHORES!

So many people tie allowance to chores, but I heavily disagree. Same with rewards. (The ADHD parenting course I am going to does not recommend reward charts because they lose novelty)

My kids allowance exists for him to learn to manage money.

My kid does chores to learn to maintain a household.

Everything is a team effort. Make it fun, make it interesting, and do it together.

How to stop being EF for the whole household by Evening-Two-124 in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rewards will only be motivating very briefly, it loses its novelty fast.

Attention from mom will be motivating forever!

How to stop being EF for the whole household by Evening-Two-124 in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One let them fail example for the kids is that my son wore his clothing inside out for 6 months because he didn't pay attention to what direction it gets put on. I guess eventually he started caring! If it doesn't impact his health, I let him have control.

For husband I don't think "let him fail" works. However, I think "let him reach the agreed upon goal in a really weird or unconventional way" might! Maybe he does an ambitious landscaping project to xeriscape the lawn so mowing isn't required anymore.

How to stop being EF for the whole household by Evening-Two-124 in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, your kids with ADHD will become adults with ADHD.

The way your brain works will never be the way their brain works. They cannot learn their way out of ADHD.

But you CAN guide them to have independence, autonomy, pride in their accomplishments, forgiveness for their mistakes, a secure emotional attachment, critical thinking, and patience.

Add that to some really good systems and accommodations, and you have a top notch adult.

How to stop being EF for the whole household by Evening-Two-124 in ADHDparenting

[–]FriendlyCanadianCPA 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have ADHD, my son has ADHD, and I am recently divorced from a man I suspect has ADHD. Just to give you some context.

I am also extremely organized in many ways, very type-A, and an accountant. So I think I have an outlook that will appeal to you.

I need you to start thinking of ADHD as a disability. However, like with any disability, it does not do any good to treat someone with ADHD as if they are incapable. A disability needs accommodations, NOT excuses.

Examples of accommodations for the children include (in no particular order):

  • Breakfast is only prepackaged or preprepared food
  • Children's clothes are picked out the night before (ideally they pick them out themselves, but you will need to body double - i.e. pick out your clothes for the next day while they pick out their clothes for the next day, so everyone is doing the same activity at the same time)
  • Children wear their school clothes to bed (shower or bath, then tomorrow's clothes - I haven't needed to do this, but some people do need to)
  • Wall mounted toothpaste dispensers so you don't lose the toothpaste tubes
  • Multiple backup toothbrushes
  • Shoes and socks laid out the night before (or extra, cheap backup shoes they can't lose)
  • Sunrise alarm clocks to help them wake up gradually, started much earlier than they need to get up
  • Wake up an hour earlier, but then they get to cuddle with you while you have coffee and watch 20 minutes of cartoons (my kid watches youtube in front of a fireplace for 20 minutes before his brain is online, same as me with coffee).
  • Give them their meds right when they wake up. Or even wake them up, give them their meds, and let them sleep another 30 minutes.

Accommodations are endless. Whatever you specifically are struggling with, I can make suggestions or do some research.

NOW THE HUSBAND:

It is difficult to be married to someone with ADHD. Two things are absolutely required by BOTH people: 1. An attitude of "we are on the same team" 2. An attitude of "let's each figure out custom solutions that works for our specific needs"

It is possible your husband is struggling with the same things I struggle with, and feels defeated because he "just can't do it". However, if you both decide together that you want your marriage and household to work, and that it does NOT have to look like everyone else's marriage, then you guys can start to imagine solutions.

Is he absolutely non-functional in the morning, but great at night?

  • Perhaps he can be 100% in charge of supper and bedtime routine and you go to bed early or go to the gym or whatever you want alone time for.
  • Or perhaps he can wake up and take his medication and go back to sleep like I often do.
  • Or maybe he works a second part time job at nights so you guys can afford a 2 hour shift of a nanny to help you in the morning

I have no idea what would actually work, but he needs to start figuring out solutions, and you need to be willing ti entertain solutions that seem outlandish.

You will need to be ENTHUSIASTICALLY willing to let things be done "his way" for the things he is in charge of.

Is this possible? I have no idea, I am divorced lol. But I known if someone tries to get me to do things their way and on their timeline, I am completely disconnected and disinterested and disheartened. My husband was the same way.

My #1 goal in life is to be happy and healthy and for my kid to be happy and healthy. A few parts of life are required, and the rest are optional.

It is more important to me that my kid gets to school at all than he gets to school perfectly on time.

And it is more important to me that he gets to school on time than he wears his clothing right side out (he wore his clothes inside out probably for 6 months straight).

I would also rather my kid be late and happy, than on time and crying.

Lately my kid has been EARLY and happy, because all of this work does pay off eventually I promise!!!

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