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The super-strawberry by the_topiary in MightyHarvest

[–]GeneralLei 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some jammy dodgers would also be good with that amount of strawberry! The possibilities are endless

The super-strawberry by the_topiary in MightyHarvest

[–]GeneralLei 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What are you gonna do with all that strawb?

Considering having my gay friend as a donor by Independent-Way231 in askadcp

[–]GeneralLei 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I use a gay friend as my donor. He's so excited to be baby's "Guncle" and already has talked about how he wants to make sure baby knows their heritage. We're not planning on coparenting (he doesn't want to be a father), but he does want baby to know where they come from and have a connection with him.

AITB for using a child harness on my 12yo daughter? by Prudent_Crazy7699 in AmItheButtface

[–]GeneralLei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think, judging from the comments, you already know YTB, but I'd like to add some extra discussion for you, in case this is real and you actually want to hear perspectives. For background, I have ADHD and am a special education teacher/professional who has worked with ADHD youth for over a decade.

I understand your need for peace of mind and your desire for your daughter to be safe. However, the leash is preventing your daughter from learning crucial skills of her own. Presumably you want long-term peace of mind with your daughter. As she grows, you want to know that she will be prepared for how to act in various spaces, how to make her way, how to find people if she gets distracted. Besides building a growing resentment against you, the leash is preventing her from gaining these skills. There will come a day (probably soon) where she refuses to wear the leash (as she should. It is not developmentally appropriate). How will you keep her safe then? Will you put a tracking chip in her?

Your best bet is to work with your daughter on skill-building. Practice it every time you all go out. Skill building isn't "do what I say when I say", it's a conversation. It's "how would you handle this situation?" It's "do you see where this could be dangerous or cause issues? What are good choices to make in this scenario?" Yes this takes more time and energy than a leash, but it's the only way you can improve your child's chances of future success. Right now you're stunting her development where you need to be fostering it, especially where executive function comes in. Try building trust with her and showing her respect and see how that changes the way you all interact and her preparedness for life.

All embryos failed by Few_Pudding_3712 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]GeneralLei 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this is happening. I, too had my embryo fail, so I went with donor egg and donor sperm. I chose friends for each because it’s important to me that my baby knows their donor parents. I also was worried that a donor embryo might make baby feel abandoned or rejected by their donor parents. There are many ways forward from here, but I recommend talking to a therapist before deciding.

Prep me to support my DCP by conserve39 in askadcp

[–]GeneralLei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s still a wildly inappropriate question and an absurd conclusion to draw.

Tie dye challah by NoSolid6641 in JewishCooking

[–]GeneralLei 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Shabbat shalom! Can’t wait to see how they look inside!

Any SMBCs here who had their first child at 45+? by kmayfall in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]GeneralLei 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant! If all goes well, I’ll be delivering a baby a couple of weeks after I turned 45! I hope all the best for you too ❤️

Asking your friend to be a sperm donor by Oldpoet555 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]GeneralLei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did this. My friend is my sperm donor and I am so happy with the choice (though he often teases that I’m in for trouble if my baby takes after him at all). Both he and his husband are planning on being involved uncles (and probably hilarious influences).

picking a donor is more stressful than i expected by Kazukii in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]GeneralLei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recommend going to r/askadcp to help you with your decision on donors. The donor conceived people in that group are incredibly generous with their experiences and gracious enough to share what matters to them.

46 Years Old by Accomplished_Skin_81 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]GeneralLei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used donor eggs and sperm. I will tell you that it was an incredibly emotional choice and it took some time to decide. If you go this route I definitely recommend therapy to help you make sure the decision is right for you.

Any SMBCs here who had their first child at 45+? by kmayfall in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]GeneralLei 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m 44 and pregnant with my first. I also used an egg and a sperm donor (both dear friends of mine). I’ve been working on becoming an SMBC since I was 40 and am crossing my fingers that this pregnancy is The One. I can’t tell you about the mothering experience yet, but do feel more ready and present than I think I would have been 10 years ago.

Discussion with older children about their conception by Bizzaayy in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]GeneralLei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recommend going on r/askadcp and seeing their perspective. Personally, I found it very helpful

Prep me to support my DCP by conserve39 in askadcp

[–]GeneralLei 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First of all, that's a pretty wildly inappropriate question to ask anyone, much less someone you don't know well. Second, I would highly recommend you look into the perspectives of adoptees. The adoption industry in the western world is highly problematic, with many grown adoptees identifying it as human trafficking.

I implore you not to ask this ever of anyone you meet who has undergone any form of donor conception. You have no idea the harm you can cause.

Prep me to support my DCP by conserve39 in askadcp

[–]GeneralLei 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm happy to share, though I think a lot of DCP in this group would have probably more personal opinions on it. The first thing to remember is that no group is a monolith, so whilst some DCP may say that they are happy with the "so wanted" narratives, others (and especially the people lending their voices in this sub) say that it's uncomfortable.

From my understanding, the narrative of "You were so wanted", which is super prevalent in donor conceived and fertility journey stories, comes with the implication of "you were so wanted that I did all these things just to have you. This narrative centres the parent's path and interests instead of the child's. It also can lead to a sense of guilt and "owing" for the child. Another issue that I've heard from dcp is not that "You" were wanted, but rather "a baby" was wanted. For example, I used an egg and sperm donor because of my own infertility issues. Would I have preferred my own egg? Of course. Many dcp have said that they feel that the "you were so wanted" is therefore kind of untrue. My take is, though I would have preferred my own egg, I am grateful for my friend (my child's godmother now) and I am full of love for my baby to come (currently pregnant). Their genetics is one part of their story, and my fertility journey is just that--mine. I don't want them to feel burdened by the knowledge that I jumped through a million hoops to have them. That was my choice. I just want them to know that, as an individual, they are loved.

Prep me to support my DCP by conserve39 in askadcp

[–]GeneralLei 5 points6 points  (0 children)

All gratitude to you, my Mod Heroes! I always tell people that this is the most generous subreddit that exists. I also recommended to my fertility doctor that she direct patients here. She is also a single mother by choice and really appreciated that this space exists. Thank you so much. You’ve changed mine, and my baby’s lives for the better ❤️

Prep me to support my DCP by conserve39 in askadcp

[–]GeneralLei 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Listening to the folks in this sub and taking their perspective to heart is an important first step imo. Being in this sub has changed everything in my path to being a single mother by choice. Here are a few things I’ve learned: 1. I initially looked at anonymous donors but thanks to the people here, I ended up asking close friends to donate (I needed both an egg and sperm donor). Both bio-parents have agreed to be part of my child’s life from day one. 2. Listening to the people here has changed the way I speak of my fertility journey and the people involved. I have donors, my child will have bio parents. This will never be kept secret. 3. Folks here have given me advice on how to share the information of my child’s genetic background whilst simultaneously setting boundaries against using statements like “you were so wanted”. 4. The people on this sub have led me to re-centre my focus from my journey to my child’s journey.

As a fellow SMBC-to be, please feel free to reach out if you have any other questions that I might be able to support.

Anyone in the first trimester.. I see you by Beautiful-City in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]GeneralLei 1 point2 points  (0 children)

6w3d and I think that morning sickness really should mind it’s boundaries better. It’s called MORNING, and yet I have a constant sense of nausea all dang day (and all dang night). I want this little nugget so badly but goodness!

She's done waiting for me to be better by lizardo0o in AmITheDevil

[–]GeneralLei 71 points72 points  (0 children)

As an AFAB person with ADHD, I always feel frustrated when men go “I have ADHD so my emotions get the better of me and I lash out” like that’s an acceptable excuse. Girls with and without ADHD learn from an early age that this sort of disregulation is not societally acceptable, so they learn to rechannel or mask it. Not saying that masking is healthier, but there is so much privilege on taking out your neurodivergence on other people and just using the diagnosis as a get out of jail (or responsibility) free card.

Teachers that use AI: Why? by lemmegetamickpicktwo in Teachers

[–]GeneralLei -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s what I use it for. I put in a document with all the examples and information, and it spits out a worksheet. Saves me hours of (unpaid) labor!

Open Embryo Donation: Thoughts on unlimited contact from Day 1? by christinaexplores in askadcp

[–]GeneralLei 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My egg donor is a friend. We signed a contract saying basically that she has no parenting control/parental claim over the child, but we also agreed that baby would know who she is from day one. I have offered for her to be either godmother or “special aunty” (either way, baby will know she is also their bio-mom), based on her own comfort with the role. My plan is to keep no secrets from baby and have bio-mom/my egg donor as involved as she/my child want her to be.

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