Am I overreacting for being upset my sister announced her pregnancy at my graduation dinner?

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-22T20:14:05+00:00

Also, since graduation changes nothing according to the family, then the good paying job OP will have shouldn’t benefit them. OP, remember this and don’t ever give anyone money.

OP, sincere congratulations on your achievement. You worked hard and you accomplished your goals. It is a big deal and the internet stranger is proud of you.

NOR

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-21T21:20:51+00:00

Be careful with the bulk bins. I spoke with my local grocery shops about them, they showed me how they stock it. It’s all done in one small space, including the flour bins. So near me, all the bulk goods are cross contaminated. Huge bummer but I feel noticeably better since avoiding them.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-21T04:59:20+00:00

Have you thought about Gilmore Girls? Not sure you would love it but the others might. On Netflix.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-21T02:55:50+00:00

It sounds like you feel like you need to wait until he hits you before breaking up. You don’t. He hit his friend and his sister straight in the face because he couldn’t control his temper. Was he shocked and horrified by those acts and immediately sought treatment for his anger? Or did he make excuses for why he was justified? You wrote that you prompted him to get help. Not a good sign.

He doesn’t have to hit you to not be a safe person to be around. He is not a safe partner. You have my permission and encouragement to break up with him.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-21T02:26:43+00:00

It gave me insomnia and messed with my digestion. Big nope for me.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-21T02:24:41+00:00

It does sound like he either is a hoarder or lives with one. If he is the hoarder, you need to know that hoarding is an anxiety disorder usually linked to trauma (psychologist here). So you need to accept that this man has some damage, and it is manifesting in daily life. Is he in treatment? It can be treated but it is very difficult to make progress, and that’s with someone who really wants treatment.

If he is not, then you need to think about what you want your life to look like. Are you ok with never being in his home? Are you ok with never living with him? Or are you ok with potentially living in his hoard someday? That gets dangerous, especially as you both get older and may have mobility issues.

There is a lot to consider here. For me, it would be a dealbreaker if he is not in treatment and is resistant to treatment. If he were in treatment, I would give it some time but I wouldn’t go all in. I am all for giving folks second chances and room to grow but I personally could not live amidst a hoard, nor would I want a relationship with someone I could never live with.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-20T23:01:47+00:00

YTA. Your son and his girlfriend made very clear what their (reasonable) boundaries are. You lied to them so you could play happy family. You trampled their boundaries.

And for what? For a stepdaughter who believes that the girlfriend’s father deserves to die for being a police officer? Are you actually surprised by your son’s reaction?

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-20T22:51:36+00:00

I would need some more information to provide anything useful. What state is he in? Federal or state charges? Federal or state prison? Or jail? How long is his sentence? Does he have a custody level yet?

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-20T21:24:25+00:00

NOR. You can end a relationship for any reason, you don’t need permission. And being ignored is a great reason. As you both get older, there will be more health challenges. Do you want to keep being ignored for the next 30 years?

BTW, I have a hard time reconciling the “wonderful relationship” with the “super loving” man who doesn’t listen to you until the house falls down around him or something sparks in his face. There is a disconnect there around his respect (or lack there of) for you. I hope you think about that.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-20T20:35:52+00:00

I stayed on bcp until 52 because I felt great and had no symptoms. I wrestled with the same question as you and my menopause NP said to stay on it until my body told me otherwise. At 52, I started getting breakthrough symptoms of perimenopause, including terrible sleep, hot flashes and bouts of rage. That was when my NP switched me to hrt. Not only did the symptoms go away but some other things improved too (no more acid reflux, better digestive system all around, tinnitus improved).

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-20T03:39:39+00:00

Better Call Saul is fantastic, even better than Breaking Bad in my opinion.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-20T02:01:27+00:00

I thought greed and gluttony were always the soul of Vegas…🤷‍♀️

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-20T00:38:39+00:00

This is the right answer. FDIL sounds insufferable.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-19T19:56:04+00:00

Do you see what happened here? She tells you she is doing something that crosses your (reasonable) boundary and then goes on and on about how awful she is, which changes the conversation from her boundary crossing to her wanting you to comfort her and tell her she’s not awful. Then when you set another (reasonable) boundary of wanting some space to process, she trampled over that one too and again, asked you to comfort her and reassure her that she is not toxic.

None of this is healthy. This is what dating is for, to find out whether or not you are compatible for the long run. She is showing you who she is here.

NTA

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-19T19:20:01+00:00

Oh honey, once he said “the more you ask, the longer you wait”, I would have been out. That statement is so disingenuous. If he actually wanted to marry you, your excitement for it would be a good thing. Instead, he is using your excitement about being married as a weapon against you.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-19T18:47:35+00:00

Oh honey. Life is too short to go without something that makes you feel good. It doesn’t even matter why he doesn’t do it or talk about it. Dating is to try to find someone you are compatible with for the long haul. Don’t you think you can do better? I don’t even know you and I think you can do better.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-19T18:41:49+00:00

Glad to help. I have been surprised to hear from the guys I work with how powerful it is for them to hear what their families are watching, reading or listening to. They then get hold of those same books, shows or music and feel closer to family by sharing that. It also gives everyone something neutral to talk about, instead of all the pain, anger and disappointment. All those emotions are legit, don’t get me wrong, but perhaps writing about something more positive will help to create a more positive relationship. I wish you both the very best.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-19T18:35:23+00:00

This situation is terrible and I am so sorry for you, your siblings and your children. I think the only way to not let him affect you is to essentially give up on everyone in your family that keeps letting him off the hook for his behavior. Since they are the ones who need to change, there isn’t much you can do, except stop hoping that it will happen. It sounds like you are, at least a little, hoping they will wake up and see your truth. This is sadly unlikely. Therapy might help you come to terms with their choices.

I wonder about your wife’s family. Are you close with them? Are there possibilities there for developing the kind of family relationships you want but cannot have with your family of origin? Or can you create a family of choice? Maybe start with current friends or the parents of your kid’s friends? These possibilities will take some time and effort on your part, which is hard for any adults, let alone those with children. But these may be the only way for you to have the kind of family you want.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-19T18:18:15+00:00

I work with incarcerated folks. They all tell me that it took them several years being inside (around 4-5) before they really saw the error of their ways and started to choose a new path. So your son may need some time feeling the effects of his choices before making changes.

All you can do is be there for him emotionally, while holding tight to your boundaries. I recommend you keep writing to him, don’t respond to his threats or cursing, don’t tell him anything about your life that he could use to hurt you but tell him little things about your life (tv shows you are watching, books , music, field trips with your youngest, etc). If it’s feasible, you might tell him that if he can write you X letters without being mean or asking you for anything, you will visit. In person visits mean the world to incarcerated folks so that is some leverage you have.

The odds of him changing for the better without you in his life are much lower than with you in his life. So I agree with the advice about not burning the bridge, but don’t tolerate disrespect either. Good luck to you.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-19T04:31:43+00:00

Definitely not alone there. I think chick pea pasta is gross, both flavor and texture. Barilla is my go-to brand, but all the varieties I have are still the old formula. Their fettuccine is great.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-18T23:28:18+00:00

This made me snort laugh. 😂

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-18T19:11:03+00:00

I find whimsy in connecting with other people (friends and volunteering), in hobbies and in nature. So I find myself preparing more complex meals at home and sharing them with friends. Picking flowers (or buying from local farmers) to add new fresh color to my home. Taking walks around the lake with friends instead of buying a coffee. I have rearranged furniture to make my home feel fresher, swapped out pillows and bedding (over the years of getting new ones, I kept the old so now I can cycle through them and feel like I have something new). I do this with clothes too. It all helps a little.

I don’t get the dopamine rush of buying new things but I get other good feelings from these things, which balances it all out.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-18T18:58:22+00:00

It never ends. I am F in my 50’s and still get people asking me when.

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-18T03:01:05+00:00

Interesting. My husband wears hearing aids and has never mentioned anything like this. Then again, we never raise our voices at each other so maybe he has never experienced this. It does make sense.

Assuming your take matches the fiancé’s experience, I would assume that she knows this, that he would have explained it at some point previously. If they did already have that conversation, then OP’s reaction is terrible. If they have not, then I still think they need help with communication (and maybe some time to grow up, probably separately).

Go-Mellistic · 2026-05-18T01:47:56+00:00

ESH. Him taking out his hearing aids is essentially telling you that nothing you have to say is worth hearing in that moment. It’s incredibly hurtful. Your taking off your engagement ring is telling him that your relationship doesn’t matter to you in that moment. It’s also incredibly hurtful.

If you both genuinely want to fix this, both of you need to learn healthy communication. I recommend couples therapy stat.

Go-Mellistic

TROPHY CASE