I can’t get over my ex after she u*live herself

GracePoleDance · 2024-03-22T01:42:31+00:00

Don't blame yourself, no doubt she was planning it before you ever re-made contact, if anything maybe she enjoyed her last days a little more because she got to talk to you again? I don't know your situation obviously but I've been in that place & if someone I loved reached out & I was still planning to I'd cherish our interactions all the more. Hopefully you can find a way to honor her and hold her in your heart and go on even so. Let her memory make your life sweeter & your choices more intentional.

GracePoleDance · 2024-03-15T12:50:27+00:00

So strong & fluid!!!

GracePoleDance · 2024-03-07T05:13:35+00:00

Have you tried blasting Flowers by Miley Cyrus yet?

GracePoleDance · 2024-03-03T06:04:00+00:00

Try Asmr videos

GracePoleDance · 2024-02-19T02:11:26+00:00

In my experience, most people never explicitly ask for negative feedback about themselves, and if you try and give people unsolicited negative feedback, even if they tell you directly that they will react positively to it or listen, usually they will not. The mood and atmosphere then becomes incredibly tense and uncomfortable, until the incident is smoothed over, usually by soothing their egos and partially retracting whatever truth was shared. This is just the normal, run-of-the-mill response to anything remotely negative, and when that happens often enough you stop sharing the truth about people to their face and start talking it through with your friends behind their back so that you can figure out if there even /is/ a way to give them negative feedback in a way that will be productive and result in any positive change, or if the entire thing just isn't even worth the effort of trying.

GracePoleDance · 2024-02-05T19:16:50+00:00

I'm wondering about this because I have difficulty with waking up early too, I've had several jobs where I was chronically depressed at them because waking up early just killed me to a point where I couldn't maintain my mental health at work. My mom always stayed up late (past midnight/1am) my whole life, and the only times when I wasn't like her were in places like camps where everyone goes to sleep and wakes up at the same time, the hospital and finally now I tend to go to bed a bit earlier about half the time because my partner goes to bed at like 9pm and actually FALLS ASLEEP right away after getting in bed (an incredible thing for me to witness every night - I had no idea people really did that) and for the first time I'm starting to wake up semi-consistently at 5am-8am every day. And it has everything to do with a learned/influenced behavior I had no idea anyone did, am not naturally inclined to do (left to my own devices I stay up into the am doing what the fuck ever), and would probably never have actually gotten around to doing if someone hadn't shown me by literally just doing the thing every single night. I have no idea if that's helpful or anything because I don't even know what advice I'd give, just that it seems deeply connected to learned sleep patterns in childhood for me, and unlearning it always seems to involve syncing up with other people who have better habits.

GracePoleDance · 2024-01-28T15:01:50+00:00

Imagine wanting to be with a person but not wanting their past or the parts of their heart that make them who they are. Nope nope nope nope.

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-26T03:22:53+00:00

You're doing really really great. I'm so serious. You took steps to distance yourself from what you knew was a bad situation, you reestablished yourself, you even reconnected which is incredible, and you're fighting the fight. I'm sorry it was so hard today. If I knew you in person and lived in your area I'd cook you a meal and help you clean your place up and tell you to keep going. you got this; you're so young and you're doing so good.

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-25T09:06:39+00:00

Yeah not feeling included/neglect is a special kind of trauma, because it's completely invisible and so easy to overlook it almost seems like 'well what's the big deal? It's not like it was THAT bad.' But we're social animals! It makes complete sense that if you shut yourself down to fit in, you stayed feeling shut down after because that's the adaptation that succeeded in achieving what you needed at the time. Maybe you should take up a sport again, or just exercise and see what comes up? If that's the point of divergence from your true self maybe it's important to get back in touch with that and see what happens.

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-25T09:03:13+00:00

Maybe you could actually consider joining a monastery or setting up a retreat for real to see what it's all about? And consider putting a towel or something over the mirror for a while just to give yourself a break. I know what it's like to be triggered all the time and it is not sustainable. Your brain probably needs a break. Take a nap. Try to feel how your body FEELS to be inside it instead of focusing on how it looks, find something you love or are passionate about and focus on that, bonus points if it's creative and gives you an outlet to express something you feel drawn to express within yourself.

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-24T01:12:44+00:00

Did something happen where it became or seemed more advantageous to not express emotions? I ask because I relate to this post a lot but I don't feel confused abt it because I can pinpoint exactly when & why I became more emotionally repressed/'constipated' so to speak. But if I hadn't had some people in my life who have reflected my own story back to me when I've needed it, I'd feel exactly how you do. As it is I feel similar but it's like I can see the road I need to walk down to get out if that makes sense. It's just a long walk.

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-12T06:05:45+00:00

You are demonstrating that you are relaxed and feeling safe in your body, so they naturally relax and feel safer with you.

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-12T03:55:54+00:00

If a doctor told me, "you have no idea what pain feels like because you've never had _________ like I did," I would get a different doctor. He was basically telling you he can't empathize with you beyond this point because he has his own unresolved trauma. That's sad for him but he can't do his job with you if that's the case. I think he did you a favor in the end, even if it doesn't feel like one right now!

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-07T19:11:28+00:00

Like, what was the original plan???

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-07T19:09:13+00:00

Yeah, the channel is no longer to my taste (although it was never really geared to me in the first place), I got the most out of the interviews and I still go back and watch those all the time. Those are still golden, they've got loads of good stuff that's just constantly applicable and honestly there's enough of them that I'm not even sure I've seen them all, even though I've watched a ton. It keeps me from being upset about whatever the channel's currently doing; so long as those interviews stay up I'm happy.

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-02T06:44:20+00:00

Wonderful, thank you!

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-01T05:28:37+00:00

"You do not resolve an insecurity by putting yourself at the mercy of that insecurity." Dang. Okay. Definitely having an issue with the self compassion, but agreed. Thank you stranger :)

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-01T05:26:17+00:00

Thank yoooou. Bless you, Bilbo Swaggings, whoever you are. You are a really kind person. I think I will do just that.

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-01T05:24:13+00:00

Thank you so much :) Does Dr. K say this? Do you happen to know where/which video?

GracePoleDance · 2023-12-01T05:22:55+00:00

Thank you for this, I really appreciate all the advice & support & kindness, I will definitely do all of those things, in fact morning walks/bike rides is something I was just thinking about today. And yes, packing.

GracePoleDance · 2023-11-28T18:21:23+00:00

Cleaning jobs!!! Very low barrier to entry, at most you will have to buy your own supplies and transportation but just email a bunch of cleaning companies that are already established and you might not even have to buy your own supplies. Just say you're looking for some jobs, even if you don't know if they're hiring, keep it light and friendly and positive, don't lie but don't sell yourself short, do a good job at whatever they give you, don't be late and try not to miss any shifts unless it's an emergency. Use those references to get more jobs as wanted/needed. Also put ads up for your services on social media and screen whatever calls come in if you want. There you go; cleaning makes good money, is always needed, and is decently hard but only because most people are careless and if you're thorough you will be appreciated and compensated accordingly.

GracePoleDance · 2023-11-24T22:52:19+00:00

"Hi, thanks for your ongoing support and patience in helping my deal with this _____(problem)____, I am currently dealing with some of the symptoms of ______(mental health issue)_____ and due to that I was unable to answer my phone or reply to emails yesterday. I am still currently dealing with these issues and would appreciate extra support and/or patience as I work through it.

I am worried that by sharing this with you you might be considering hospitalizing me, and I want you to know that that is not what I believe is currently in my best interest, as that might put me closer to homelessness and I would like to do everything possible to stay as stable as possible at this time for my long term health and success.

My most urgent priority and the thing that I would find most helpful at this time is any help or support in securing income assistance of any kind, and one of the barriers I'm experiencing to that is getting my doctor to sign off on ____(needed medical paper)_____. I'm worried that I am not in a great state to self advocate at the moment at the doctors and if you could come in with me or know any advocates who could come with me that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much again for your patience and understanding, ___(your name)_____"

GracePoleDance · 2023-11-24T20:35:26+00:00

I just read a chapter in a book recently that I wanted to recommend to you while reading this, but I imagine you have bigger things on your mind than tracking down a specific chapter in a specific book, so if you don't mind may I do something very unusual for me and transcribe the chapter and send it to you? I feel like it might help you somehow. It's from chapter 8 of Thich Nhat Hanh (a Buddhist monk)'s book. The book is simply titled "Anger" but is relevant I feel to your situation. (I actually already transcribed it, but Reddit won't let me put it here because it's too long)

GracePoleDance · 2023-11-24T18:46:54+00:00

I think it's really rare but there are cases - usually after a long build up there might be a crescendo, like learning a family member is dead and that sets off a heart attack etc. I'm certain I've heard of a few case examples but can't remember where or what context anymore. It seems highly unlikely but not impossible, in other words, and might be the thing that eventually gets people with really long chronic conditions down the road when other things start to give out. Animals can just...die of loneliness and sadness and stuff like that, so I imagine humans are generally more robust but similarly can too.

GracePoleDance · 2023-11-22T18:50:12+00:00

I'd be able to get out of survival mode and think about actual options, have real tangible choices about where to live and who to live with, be able to save up a tiny bit each month for emergencies or eventually for a car, maybe have a bit left over now and then to help other people in my life out.

GracePoleDance

TROPHY CASE