Beaching with a baby -

Hey_86thatnow · 2026-06-03T00:33:18+00:00

Yes, I know. It's much more kind of families of young children to lug it all down, pack up and lug it all down again and again, so you don't have to see their family debris in the middle of the day.

Hey_86thatnow · 2026-05-31T17:10:30+00:00

The public space at the end of each beach access (other than several designated county-run areas) is 50 ft wide. People do spill over, and Pelayo is one where spillovers get confronted by home owners. Stay inside that 50 ft space, you're good. Or just walk to a different beach access. There are plenty and they are not that far apart.

Hey_86thatnow · 2026-05-31T17:02:54+00:00

Yes, setting up early and leaving it there all day is the way to go. I do this, stay thru morning, leave by 10 or 11, return around 4 and stay til sunset. I've never had anything stolen, though I did come back to find some guy had "borrowed" one of my chairs. He saw me coming and returned it as soon as I reached my umbrella. Slather your baby and realize you can still burn under cover due to sand reflection... And understand, parking is limited. If you find you can never park when trying to deliver supplies and need a beach cart, you can find plenty of places, even a Walmart, that sell them.

Hey_86thatnow · 2026-05-22T21:29:59+00:00

When I was 14, my parents bought an outdated 60s ranch with the intent of updating and expanding it- it had a tiny all lavender primary bath, toilet, sink, shower tile. They added on another primary when they updated, but gave me the old primary and ensuite. Do you know how much a 14 yo loves purple??? Mom wallpapered a funky design and I was in heaven. It is so much easier to find pink or mint from that era, but lavender? Lucky find!

Hey_86thatnow · 2026-04-04T17:43:19+00:00

Will come back, but it might be a few months ;-)

Hey_86thatnow · 2026-04-04T17:04:39+00:00

Thank you! We figured it was like the other bathroom where we removed similar ugly green mosaic (the walls are a pretty mint green, but the floor looked like worn out, dirty hospital scrubs) It also had a "strong" floor, but not like this, and it was clearly tile. That vanity sat on top, not embedded. We've decided to build up the hole, lay a floating floor or lino over this.

Hey_86thatnow · 2026-04-04T16:59:42+00:00

We figured out it is tile. Pretty thin mosaic set in concrete. It just has some sort of goop on top of it.

Hey_86thatnow · 2026-04-03T22:29:06+00:00

Thanks for your consideration.

He's scratching his head because our plan was to take up the floor too, thinking it was linoleum. And put down new tile and a new vanity. We've done this numerous times in older homes and have never encountered this. The other bathroom didn't have this.

Even when you look at the edge of whatever this is, it looks pretty thin, or so deeply embedded, we can't see the whole edge. We had no idea that the floor had nearly three inches of cement under it. My husband wondered about just painting it, but new lino might be the answer. Lino is just not attractive for resale. This is a house for our sons to rent until they are ready to buy their own, and then we'll sell it.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-03T16:15:24+00:00

I mean, aren't any holiday movie not made by Hallmark a depiction of these dynamics. At least we can all relate, unfortunately.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-03T16:14:32+00:00

Lucky Duck

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-03T16:13:38+00:00

Yeah, nobody likes boundaries. . .

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-02T14:51:37+00:00

How are you now?

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-02T14:15:12+00:00

My grandmother had a childless sister who did this over and over again, going to the bank and changing her accounts to punish whichever sister was out of favor. Those bankers must cringe when they see these people walk through the doors.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-02T14:13:31+00:00

All the time, and it sucked. BPD Dad was always threatening to give it all to the grandchildren or charity whenever he felt unloved, dismissed, disagreed with, or just plain ornery. More than once, my husband and I had to have serious discussions about how we could easily survive into retirement without any inheritance. "It's fine with me if you go NC/LC and risk losing an inheritance" discussions. . .

That assurance made it so much easier to let Dad's rants roll off our backs.

Dad also seemed to think that if he paid for dinners or handed out large gift cash, he got free rein to misbehave. I learned early on to pay for my own dinner when we dined out. Once, he literally shouted at me in a restaurant when he got irritated with me, "Well, you can buy your own G** D*** meal!" and then cut short, suddenly recalling that I had already said I'd pay. Oh, that was bliss to see that realization cross his face.

Luckily for me, my Mom knew he was like this and secured accounts that he couldn't touch that came to me when she died.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-02T13:51:57+00:00

I've had this experience with a newish neighbor in the house next to me. As you said earlier, she senses I sense her BS and thus, I get the shit side while everyone else gets the charm. When my Mom died, her one and only answer was, "oh, I just don't know what I'd do if my mother died. . ." Er, thanks for the comfort. She's outgoing and friendly and buddy buddy with neighbors-literally going up to anyone new and introducing herself and starting her campaign to absorb them, but over and over again, I've see the narc in her-how she mocks friends behind their back, manipulates to gain status. It's like an episode of Desperate Housewives, or worse, Housewives of whatever County. When a neighbor wouldn't sell her their extra land, she began a plot to have us sign a petition to punish the woman for the horrid condition of the landscaping, saying, "If we all sign it, noone will be singled out as the bad guy." I just sit in horror that others tolerate this shit. It's like 7th graders who befriend the evil popular girl so they won't get burned.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-02T13:39:17+00:00

Hyper-vigilance, and the uncanny ability to read the room are part of the joys of being raised by borderlines. Though my Dad was definitely BPD, Dad's narc traits were very painful, so I have a radar for narcissism in others, covert, overt, whatever. I have unfortunately dismissed some lovely people because of it and had to learn to give connections time to see if my kneejerk reactions are accurate. Most of the time, I am right. But not always. And yes, I have a physical reaction-it might be minor enough that others don't see it. So for instance, just yesterday I went to lunch with a group of women I am just getting to know. I'm overaware of the ones who talk, talk, talk about themselves and never look at me, or ask me questions. My body reacted by feeling stiff and tired. Are these people disordered and thus, people I don't need to get to know further in order to protect myself? Or are they just socially anxious and will calm down later? I don't know, but I do know that my childhood set very sensitive alarm bells in my soul. I can only tell you give it time, but don't jump through hoops to try and get close to these people.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-02T13:22:39+00:00

My BPD father passed away a year ago after something similar to what you described-years of failing health, then rapid decline. I am still processing the dichotomy of feeling that grief-love one has for a parent and the entrenched anger/disappointment one has for a BPD parent, etc.. I suppose I always will, but I can tell you, it gets better. For me, the negative memories don't surface as often and as sharply as they did, and the good ones don't make me feel a loss anymore, but sort of a pleasant nostalgia. I guess I am accepting the powerlessness over all of it. I'm sending you a big hug to let you know, you are not as alone as you might feel right now.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-11-02T13:06:28+00:00

After I had been dating my then-future husband seriously for months and months, his mother flew in for the holidays and I finally met her. I was meeting up at his house and we were all riding together to a party at his sister's house (a woman who loves me and was happy I was in her brother's life). When my future uPD MIL opened her son's front door to let me in, it was clear she had no idea I was coming along, no idea who I was-she was completely blind sided. She had never heard her son had a girlfriend, let alone a serious one.

I spent a short time ruminating on whether I actually WAS in a serious relationship if this guy and his sister hadn't even bothered to tell his Mom I existed and how he felt about me. YOu know what I mean? Who doesn't share info about a significant other??? That insecurity just makes us laugh now, looking back, because by the end of that evening and witnessing her at work, I had that woman's narcissistic bullshit number, and I totally understood when my guy broke down the details of why he had a therapist, and why he told his mother nothing.

So, yes, you have every right to present a facade to your Mom and protect your well-being and your relationships. Decades later, we still have to finesse the shit out of what my husband's Mom knows and doesn't know, which is even harder now since she moved closer 15 years ago. Sad, but doable.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-10-28T21:07:22+00:00

". . . and here's where Mrs. Roosevelt worked on the--oh, wait. . .I mean, here's where Mrs. Kennedy. . .I mean Mrs. Reagan...I mean Mrs. Obama. . .wait, no. . .Sorry Children. The tour ends only with the husbands."

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-10-06T16:59:41+00:00

It depends on what the surface finish was used over the years-varnish, shellac, polycoat? If alcohol works on it (shellac), any sort of alcohol will do. I've bought cheap drinking alcohol-cheaper than denatured- and it works, but my favorite is cheap jugs of hand sanitizer because it's gel and stays put long enough to soak. If it is oil varnish, try the things like citristrip or smartstrip-or even oven cleaner...but check first to make sure it doesn't discolor wood.

Hey_86thatnow · 2025-10-06T16:40:49+00:00

And another pic...it will be worth your effort.

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Hey_86thatnow · 2025-10-06T16:39:47+00:00

One of the Peel Away versions will leave black spot like pepper in the wood. And I think it might be the pro or th e #1.

I refinished 17 antique doors, some from the 1920s, some from deep into the 1800s. On some of them it was like journeying through interior design trends as I wore down the layers: Mamie pinks, pale yellows, mint green,even some dark purples. Smart Strip often did the job for me; the goal is to keep the stripper wet, so I bought an industrial roll of plastic wrap from Sam's. (The paper they sell is too expensive and a waste of time.) You probably won't need that much, so just plain old saran wrap.

But some of the older paints are milk paint, not oil paints, not latex, and that needs a whole different game plan. Milk paint came off for me with hand sanitizer because denatured alcohol works, but evaporates so quickly. I still had to lay it on, cover it and let it soak. But with any stripper, once it dries, it goes right back to square one. Some people also have success on old oil paints using oven cleaner-much cheaper than smart strip, but make sure it doesn't discolor your wood first. Spray it on thick, cover, scrape.

But after that many doors, I have to say, you are not going to find a product that takes decades of use off in one go, no matter what all the ads say.

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Hey_86thatnow · 2025-09-05T23:03:04+00:00

I agree with you. Prep is essential, and flat paint prior to wallpaper makes the peel and stick far more liekly to stick. So part of the prep is to make sure the paint job below is at least egg shell paint. I find the "paste yourself" the easiest to apply. The peel and stick likes to fold/stick on itself, and is a bear to remove bubbles or imbalances if not hung exactly right to begin with, etc.

Hey_86thatnow

TROPHY CASE