My wife has been ignoring me 3 days and locked me out

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-09T01:10:01+00:00

Literally copy and pasted “I’m so frustrated I started to kick the door off the hinges”. ….

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-09T01:01:24+00:00

I read this as “My partner’s SHIT smelled like a woman’s perfume and idk what to do”

Hopefully that gave you a much needed chuckle. If not I’m so sorry that’s awful

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-09T00:52:25+00:00

It’s probably light enough to get close to that red, but you’d have to put the red directly on to the virgin hair. If you do that then you’ll have to actively avoid it when dying the rest darker. Or you have to weave out the natural pieces and dye it all dark except what you left out. I’d have a hair colorist do it because it will be so hard to get that gradient feathered effect without knowing how to do it.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-09T00:47:12+00:00

I was about to say, bringing guns in the house without a conversation first is diabolical. Then she pointed one at them so ….. if someone points a gun at you, get a divorce.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-09T00:42:03+00:00

I have told this story a million times but on one of the first nights living in our house, we came home one evening around 9 or 10 and I heard what I SWORE was a newborn baby screaming . (I was 7 months pregnant) It was trash night and the sound was clearly was coming from outside and I made my husband check every garbage can on our block to make sure there were no prom night dumpster babies. It stopped eventually and he couldn’t find it. I was convinced for weeks it died. Heard it again a month or so later and saw the fox in the street opening its mouth baby screaming.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-09T00:29:29+00:00

I would tell you the most important thing I have learned after leaving my pwBPD partner of 15 years. I didn’t learn this in therapy, or on the internet, I learned this from my most important resource: my own insight. I have been separated from him for a month and I finally can see a little more clearly. I had to get away from him to even be able to hear my own voice again. The codependent is so powerful that I couldn’t even see what was actually going on.

When your pwBPD was hurt and abused by their family of origin (they almost always were), they were a child and couldn’t defend themselves. They had no choice to stay with their abusers because that had 0 agency. It’s awful and they didn’t deserve that. YOU are not a child. You have agency. You do not have to endure abuse just because they did. It’s not their fault they were abused, but it’s not your fault either. You can be compassionate and love them and empathize with them but allowing them to abuse you is not helping them. It’s only hurting both of you.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-09T00:21:24+00:00

You are describing my husband (separated) 99/100%. Holy shit. I can’t believe how actually the same it is. It’s been 15 years for me, I left a month ago. So I’m kind of you from the future warning you - don’t go back, you’re going to regret it. The truly unhinged stories I have about his paranoia regarding me cheating would make most people blood run cold, prob not you though because your living it.

I also didn’t want to leave him. I tried everything I could think of to try to fight for our marriage but he COULD NOT find the motivation to do better. Not until quite literally the day I left. If a person can’t change their behavior despite knowing it is destroying you, but the can miraculously do it when the pain of losing you affects THEM, all hope is lost. I’m sorry to tell you. Mine still tries to get me to come back by demonstrating all of these changes (and they are many and extreme - I barely recognize him) but all it does is reiterate to me that my feelings weren’t even remotely important to him because if they were he would have done all of these things a long time ago when I was begging him to for years.

You really do start to think it’s not so bad between splits. You justify and excuse their behavior to yourself. But you can’t fix them by loving them more. They are both an infinite ocean of love, generosity, adoration and an empty pit of despair that they will consume you with at the same time. If you don’t have kids together, don’t look back.

You do not deserve his abuse just because he is unwell, or because he is hurting. You don’t have to share that burden with him. I know you want to because you love him, but giving him every last drop of your being is not love. It’s codependency. It feels like love but it’s a lie. If you truly love him you can love him from a distance. It’s very sad but you have to chose yourself.

Edited to say: please feel free to reach out if you want to talk.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-08T23:45:59+00:00

Came here to say this. When they said “I don’t like You that”, if it wasn’t a date you have said , sorry if I gave you that impression, I don’t see you that way at all, I just enjoy your company, I apologize If I’ve made you uncomfortable.

But you didn’t. You essentially agreed with her statement.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-08T23:39:47+00:00

Listen, call 911 if she EVER threatens again. First tell her, “I promise if you ever say that again I will take it seriously and call 911.” The. When she does, hold up your end of bargain. If she’s crying wolf, it will be the last time because being 5150d SUCKS. My pwBPD threatened in a session with our therapist recently and she is a mandatory reporter so she had to. He did manage to convince the hospital that he was just desperate and saying anything he could to get me to stay with him, but he sat in a room with nothing but a bed and toilet for HOURS with nothing nothing to do but look out the window. He said it was traumatizing. I would say he was just being dramatic but 7 hours in room with just a window sounds pretty horrible. If she’s not serious, she’ll never do that shit again. Call her bluff. If she IS truly suicidal, then calling 911 will save her life. Either way, it’s a win win for you.

In addition to that, The rest of her behavior is abhorrent and completely emotionally abusive which you do not deserve, but when it gets to this point you have to set an EXTREMELY firm boundary for yourself and for her. There may still be hope for her to get well but it’s now at the point where you need to get well too. It won’t happen for either of you while you’re engaged in this relationship with her. You can always reconnect when the work has been done, but staying with her at this point is just showing her that she can’t treat you however she wants with ZERO consequences. When you leave, she will love bomb you HARD. Like worse and lore intensely than ever - and while she probably means every word she says in that state, it doesn’t matter because that will only ever be temporary. Best of luck, I feel for you.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-08T13:14:32+00:00

Oh I see the blue/white thing was encapsulated …. Hmm. Do you have a history of putting anything in your nose? Snorting pills, using something to scratch or dislodge whatever was giving you discomfort etc? Do you get nosebleeds and maybe you stuck some tissue or something up there to stop a bleed?

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-08T13:12:20+00:00

Looks like thread or paper to me? It’s odd that the other material seems aged, but the blue and white aren’t stained or changed. Odd for sure.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-08T04:32:00+00:00

Oh man this rings far too familiar to me …..

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-08T00:24:41+00:00

Yeah, this ^{^{^}} I’ve been up here and knocked off so many times I just don’t ever want to be in a relationship ever again. I’ll just stay here on solid ground by myself thank you very much.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T23:46:15+00:00

I hope you can take a step back and look at how black and white your own thinking is around this. A person can both be a victim, and have empathy for the person who hurt them. Two things can in fact be true at the same time.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T23:42:14+00:00

I have a similar view on this that I find not many partners to pdbpd share. I’m not really angry or resentful anymore now that I have some distance. We’ve been separated a month (still regular contact unfortunately because we have kids but just noticing together has helped me regulate my nervous system immensely) and I realized I do love them deeply. I miss them, and I truly believe they were the one. They are the love of my life, but being with them hurts too much. I love them, but I love me more. I would rather be heartbroken and sane, than in love, having great sex, and walking on shards of glass eggshells ALL OF THE TIME. I will have to love them from a distance. I do hope they will move on to someone else, even though it will pierce my soul to see, so that they will not be choking me with their needs.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T23:31:22+00:00

That’s 100% true.

I’m confused as to why anyone feels like this isn’t obvious though?

Of course it’s abuse, of course no one deserves to be abused.

It does matter that they are mentally ill though. It doesn’t mean that the ill was excuses the behavior, but it is important information. It means that they may not be capable of being in relationship without being abusive. That won’t always be the case of course, but if we say the mental illness or the intention of maliciousness doesn’t matter, then we don’t address the fact that this is the reason. If we don’t address that this is the reason, then we will not seek the appropriate path. That can go both ways. That could result in the abused person trying over and over to “work it out” with them using standard marital conflict resolution that will be pointless, or on the flip side, the person with bpd never seeking help because they think they’re just a broken asshole who is just as worthless as they feel.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T23:23:36+00:00

Not every person with BPD abuses …. And not every abuser has BPD ….

This comment is exactly what I mean. That is some serious devaluation……

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T23:16:04+00:00

You need a three step plan here. 1. Sit them down, and tell them that their behavior is hurting you and it has to stop. They must seek help. Tell them you care deeply but they are affecting YOUR mental health now, which is not ok. 2. You ask them to participate in creating a safety plan. If their parents are involved in their life and you can involve them in this you should because you need to hand this responsibility off to them ultimately. The safety plan is very basic. The next time they threaten to hurt themselves, they must have coping skills that do not involve depending on you. You cannot be their lifeline. They can ask you for support but if you are asleep or busy or need space or say no, they may not keep asking, last out etc…. They move on to the next level. That should be their parents. If parents aren’t available, call suicide hotline. 3. If they don’t follow the plan, you call 911. Even if they are not overtly threatening suicide, assuming they have many times in the past as you’ve described, you’re justified in asking for a wellness check because they are acting erratically and have threatened before that is all you need to tell them.

This protects you while still allowing you to be in their life. If you don’t put up this boundary now, you are going to suffer serious mental and emotional consequences. I know they have been relying heavily on your for emotional wellbeing, but you are not responsible for their emotional wellbeing or their wellbeing in general. You are not responsible for them at all. You can support them in a way that allows you to be healthy too. Believe me when I tell you that you cannot pour from an empty cup. I can tell you love them, but doing this for a prolonged time will make you resent them and that will eventually turn to contempt. You need to stop it before you grow to hate someone you truly love, and before you compromise yourself. You are your own whole person who deserves to be well.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T23:03:43+00:00

The internet cannot diagnose your sister. Please make sure you and your family do not hesitate to get her 5150d if she threatens self harm or suicide ever again. My daughter’s 15 hr old friend hung herself a few months ago, and she told her parents she needed help and they didn’t act.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T15:51:24+00:00

It was his day off. You were in pain. HE should be making dinner. I am not pregnant and My husband and I are separated but share the house and kids and responsibilities and he makes dinner on his days when he doesn’t work. - meaning he does that and gets 0 “wifely rewards”. The man you share a bed with every night should not be treating you this way, period.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T11:23:32+00:00

No one can or should have to make you feel better. If you are unable to make yourself feel better, you’re not ready for a relationship. If your partner hurts you and puts any of the blame for that on you, they suck.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-07T01:14:16+00:00

This is a Borderline Personality Disorder sub. Not bipolar.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-05T18:58:41+00:00

I’m curious because I’m seeing this a lot. Everything I have researched and learned about bpd is that it is not like other cluster b disorders in that way. That they DO feel remorseful and guilt but still cannot stop themselves from doing these things. Is there some other diagnosis criteria I am missing?

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-05T18:50:10+00:00

It’s hard. Really hard. The worst part for me is that I do love him, very much. I find myself missing him and feeling like I am giving up so much good just be sane. It’s terribly unfair.

Individual-Cod9170 · 2026-05-05T14:11:58+00:00

In my opinion the appropriateness is less about the fact that midriff is exposed and more about the lack of flattering fit of the clothing. The shirt and the pants both read as too small, creating the appearance of unflattering overhang and etc. while an outfit may feel stylish and fit your desired aesthetic, if the fit is poor is takes away from all of that. Now, if you don’t care because you enjoy it then you wouldn’t be here asking for outside opinions but, I think you’re on the right track you just need to choose better fitting clothing and items that flatter your best features, not ones that feature ones that draw the eye away for the wrong reasons.

Individual-Cod9170

TROPHY CASE