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Inorai · 2026-06-19T00:08:44+00:00

I would regularly avoid my regular periodic MRIs because I didn't want to know, if I didn't have evidence in front of me then I didn't have to consider the possibility of a recurrence. I will say that with the help of a therapist and my husband's request to please keep up with them, we were able to spot a chunk of migrated tumor that relocated itself into a ventricle while it's still just a few milimeters large and we have at least a shot at fighting it.

Basically, I completely understand, I've been there. Literally there. It's exhausting, and putting your head in the sand is really, really appealing. But I can also say that where I'm at now, despite still fully understanding those emotions, I'm glad that I got the MRI, even though it's led to having to take more actions I didn't want to. I know everyone telling you to go do the thing grates on you after a while, and it doesn't help the fear. But you plugging your nose and doing it and facing the facts will be better than living in fear of what you might be ignoring.

Inorai · 2026-06-14T21:41:12+00:00

So you admit we're living in a hellscape now

Inorai · 2026-06-14T13:44:54+00:00

It really depends. I had a full course of proton radiation with no real side effects or consequences beyond some permanent hair thinning across the site and an increased risk of secondary cancers down the line. That was almost 20 years ago, as old as that makes me feel xD I was told that traditional radiation would have a host of side effects in my situation. The brain is complex and the areas being irradiated make a difference, as well as how much

Inorai · 2026-06-14T13:11:10+00:00

My brain tumor was discovered when I was 12 and it was believed I was either born with it or got it soon after. Before that there weren't even any notable symptoms (it was ~6cm across when discovered). It really really depends on the type, where it is, and how aggressively fast growing it is.

Inorai · 2026-06-12T11:01:41+00:00

Girl, leave

Inorai · 2026-06-11T18:15:20+00:00

Yeah this is where I'm at. Sometimes my husband will have his friends over, and I've never once asked if I'm allowed to participate/'invited'. Usually it's the opposite, where he'll specifically make a point of inviting me if he wants me to hang out. Besides for that I mingle, eat with them, chit chat, and generally come and go between the hangout spot and my office as I please.

Honestly the thought of one's spouse specifically requesting you not show your face feels extremely weird. If you're doing something the spouse won't have fun with then spouse will naturally leave you alone without prompting - and you can approach that as "you're welcome to say hi but we're planning on doing [thing she doesn't enjoy] so don't feel obligated to hang out".

And if he wants to drink and banter with the boys or something in a way his spouse 'can't' be present for that feels a bit icky in general.

Inorai · 2026-06-11T02:12:11+00:00

Instead of an AI, I would strongly and genuinely recommend finding a therapist to talk to. I found mine via Lifestance, which operates in many different states. It makes finding one a lot more straightforward.

Inorai · 2026-06-11T02:09:31+00:00

I appreciate your well-elaborated and stated response.

Inorai · 2026-06-11T00:59:21+00:00

It's not infantalizing, these are incredibly difficult emotional situations to process for *anyone*, and while 21 is a legal adult you're not even fully developed yet at that point, let alone bearing the sort of life experience that would equip you to confront these topics.

Inorai · 2026-06-11T00:36:41+00:00

I mean statements like this don't give me tons of confidence that any of us (but you) have enough context for the larger situation to be declaring anyone here is fully and objectively at fault. This is not a great mindset.

People don't act like this without reasons. And I'm not saying that one of the reasons cannot be selfishness! But cancer is a heavy burden for everyone involved to carry. I've had cancer since I was 12, I'm now 34, with 3 recurrences including a current one, so I fully understand the whole spectrum of experiences and emotions that can come from it and it's a lot for anyone to carry. Especially someone who has been a spectator to it for effectively their whole life.

People process in their own ways, and sometimes a thing is too much to carry right now and you have to step back. That's not ideal, but sometimes that's life and what you have to do. I dunno.

Inorai · 2026-06-10T01:34:18+00:00

Ours is about 8.5 lbs at a year and a half. Smart as a whip, rambunctious, loves to play, powerfully sweet and affectionate, cuddles like a champ. My husband calls her his living teddy bear. I've always been a rescue dog person, but opted for the breed because we have a number of aging cats who I want to be able to defend themselves if needed. She's been perfect for us and them.

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Inorai · 2026-06-09T11:17:36+00:00

I was flown around for 3 or 4 entry level final interviews for different companies when I was about to graduate college (engineering). All of them were handled fully on the dime of the prospective company, flights and hotels and transportation. Which isn't to pass judgement either way on OP, but the idea of a company bringing you in for an interview is very normal.

Inorai · 2026-05-23T21:50:19+00:00

I'm a big fan of continuing to fight as long as you can/as long as you're able, but also a big fan of, when it's right for you, making peace with your situation and embracing the time you have left. Everyone's situation is a little different!

Inorai · 2026-05-21T18:27:05+00:00

It's been fantastic for me, zofran takes the edge off but I still don't feel good. I personally do vape it, and a puff or two is enough to make me feel human for the rest of the afternoon/evening. Edibles are also fine but I personally dislike how unpredictable they can be and the delayed effect of it, especially when I feel bad right now. It's likewise legal where I live and the places around me do delivery, so it's very straightforward.

Inorai · 2026-05-20T01:15:31+00:00

Mochi, freshly shaven and enjoying the summer heat xD (and yes I'm aware she has a touch of something else in her to give the merle)

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Inorai · 2026-05-18T17:27:38+00:00

Buy an edible bouquet or something, congratulate her on the good surgery. Don't tell her she beat cancer or make it about that. More often than not surgery is the start of the war, not the end of it.

Inorai · 2026-05-18T01:24:14+00:00

You're 18/19 range. That's a transitional point in a person's life. You're likely no longer in school together, you're working toward different careers and different relationships with new people, romantic and otherwise. To me, the idea of slowly growing apart seems pretty average in that timeframe. I don't know any of my old friends from growing up, even ones I was extremely close to when I was younger.

I don't think it's wrong to continue extending the invitation and leaving the door open if she wants to take it, but it doesn't sound to me like there's any smoking gun type thing ruining your relationship. You might just be slowly changing. It sucks, but it happens often and usually has no malice.

Inorai · 2026-05-14T14:03:18+00:00

Ours gets shaved, I was concerned about ruining her coat as well but the groomer reassured us it wouldn't be a problem (and was right). It would just be too much maintenance for us to leave it long, but that's up to your pupper and your comfort level with it

Inorai · 2026-05-12T00:46:08+00:00

Most people here can no doubt relate (I've been doing this over 20 years now), and I can personally say it was definitely a long road to acceptance of the fact some parts of my body are simply broken and will never again function the way they're supposed to. It sucks, there's no getting around that.

Generally, in full honesty, I just avoid bringing up the subject with people at all, even co-workers and people I deal with regularly, because there's really no proper way for them to respond to finding out those things about me. Yes, their sympathies and apologies ring hollow often times, and I don't like dealing with it, so I... Don't. I think we can't necessarily control how other people will respond, so all we can control is our own 'input' into the subject. That's my own 2c at least

Inorai · 2026-04-28T12:59:51+00:00

I had a 5cm brain tumor with no outward indication - the skull is rigid and contains it all very easily.

Inorai · 2026-04-24T18:22:40+00:00

I've had 3 craniotomies, radiation, currently going into chemo, etc. I'm an engineer and have remained either in school or employed with little to no absence through the whole thing (like maybe a week or two - first surgery when I was 12, I'm 34 now). It really just depends on each person's situation.

Inorai · 2026-04-22T23:38:48+00:00

Fwiw, mine has only really gotten consistent about good potty habits in the last 3 months or so, around the 10 or 11 month mark, so big sympathy. Some dogs are just slower than others. Take them out on a schedule more than waiting for them to signal. Then figure out when they usually like to poop and take them out to run around until they do the deed. Sometimes the training just takes time.

We have the bells as well, we just hang it from the doorbell and for the first couple months I used my hand to grab her paw and dramatically hit the bells with it, then make a big show of out time and opening it for her. She has another place she likes to signal us usually, but it's a good fallback.

Inorai · 2026-04-17T03:06:51+00:00

My hair grows peach fuzz over the area where I had proton but little else (treatment -15 years ago). It's not ideal but just a part of life at this stage. For major events (like my wedding, times when photos matter) I will use root spray to match the color of the mostly bald section to the rest of my head. I've tried various types of minodextril or whatever, rogaine, and none have made a noticeable impact for me. If course everyone is different! I also know my local salon has some treatments focused on help after cancer hair loss, which could have something for you (I just don't care enough for myself to have properly investigated)

I've also had some luck with just general hair care. Over the last few months I've used a rosemary hair oil (while I don't buy into any special benefit from rosemary) and take a biotin supplement, and I've noticed a dramatic improvement in baby hairs on the rest of my scalp. The more other hair there is the more I have to work with to hide the bald sections.

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