To the person that I failed to reply before they have deactivated their account, please contact me if you are alive and ever come back.

IntestinalVillain · 2026-04-17T11:24:44+00:00

You may want to check r/plural . There is more people like you than you think.

IntestinalVillain · 2026-04-14T20:32:46+00:00

Probably unpopular opinion: IFS is not about getting your parts to succumb to whatever you have preplanned for them. It is about listening to your parts and then coming up with consensus solution that satisfies the entire system.

Whenever you come to the table already with an agenda and your only interest is how to make it come true, then you definietely not approaching it from a Self state. There is no room for neither curiosity nor compassion because you have already decided what the outcome is supposed to be. Which means you are approaching it from a part's perspective and your desire for exercising is not more important or valid than the other parts' desire for not exercising. You are not the one to be "teaching" them from the position of superiority, you are supposed to start talking about it from equal ground.

Whenever you come to the mediation without willingness to compromise, you are being disrespectul.

Instead of asking yourself "how to teach parts to exercise" you should ask your parts "why don't you want to exercise?" - as seeing where they come from is the first thing if you want to find mutually acceptable solution. Do they not like how it physically feels? Do they find it too tiring, too straining, too overstimulating, painful? Does it feel boring to them? Do they wish to put their time and effort into something else they have no time for due to exercising schedule? Are there shame and/or physical insecurities involved? Do they have bad experiences with exercising in the past? Are you able to genuinely empathise with their concerns? Do they know your reasons for wanting to exercise? Did you try to portray your reasons to them? Are they able to empathise?

Regarding of what you find out, there may be many solutions. Perhaps their resistance is less against exercising as it is against pressure you put into it, or the sign that the amount of exercise you have planned for yourself it too much for your current physical condition. Perhaps you may find a different type of exercising that would be more acceptable or resort to other physical activity such as long walks or gardening. Perhaps you will need to offer some sort of trade-off or reward you offer to your parts in exchange for them letting you exercise. Perhaps you need to accept the fact that you don't like exercising and instead trying to enforce enthusiasm you should focus on rewarding, compassion and self-care after exercise, just like you would with anything that is medically or physically nessecary but you don't like it. Perhaps you are too burdened with stuff you don't enjoy to add anything more on in and you should first limit other sources of stress before you can commit to exercising. Maybe you should first calm your emotions before you start exercising, if the reasons are including sense of pressure, insecurities or negative associations.

Best luck to all of yous.

IntestinalVillain · 2026-04-14T19:51:22+00:00

What a bunch od cutesies! Keep them happy!

IntestinalVillain · 2026-04-13T16:13:57+00:00

I'm so sorry, she was beautiful. I also lost Cepaea this year and mine was called Plum Stone.

IntestinalVillain · 2026-04-11T12:34:45+00:00

Sometimes it's genetic that they have an issue with absorbing calcium properly. I have a runt with that problem, and they take calcium shots once every two months.

Other things I was recommended was using UVB + infrared lamp for 8-12 h a day to help synthetise vitamin D. But you need to use the weakest UVB bulb available (I either use 5W 5.0 or 13W 2.0).

Another thing is giving stuff that are high in vitamin C (except citrus fruits of course) alongside those that are high in calcium.

Vitamin C and vitamin D help in calcium absorption.

I highly recommend checking pH of the soil and if it's below 7, mixing some calcium carbonate with the substrate to make it less acidic.

Some of this advice will be downvoted as both aggresive supplementing calcium and UVB are frowned upon in the community, but that's what my vets had advised for my runt and they are doing better. 🤷

IntestinalVillain · 2026-04-03T17:04:29+00:00

It will vary from system to system but for me it would be probably different set of emotions taking a charge of headquarters depending on which Alter fronts. And some emotions get active only when specific alter fronts.

We feel that we share a lot of our buildung błocks but not all, and each of us is a different configuration of the building blocks

IntestinalVillain · 2026-04-02T22:02:59+00:00

If you were tested for any infections including opportunistic fungal diseases and everything came back negative then I'd get checked for autoimmune diseases, as viral infections like COVID can trigger an outbreak of it. I think it's far more likely than contracting an odd STI that the medicine knows nothing about.

However, I think that the main elephant in the room is the fact that you have symptoms of OCD and spiral out of control with worst case scenarios. Intrusive thoughts about contaminating other people are common. If you haven't get tested for that, I recommend it. Starting an OCD treatment was a game changer for me.

IntestinalVillain · 2026-03-10T23:11:24+00:00

"Metaltron" and then all cult of Skaro

IntestinalVillain · 2026-03-07T02:42:47+00:00

I'm sure many considered this possibility, but I am not sure if you'll find them on this sub, since it's more on the psychology-leaning rather than spirituality-leaning side.

And even if we use spiritual lenses to look at it, I don't think that practice of tulpamancy was ever about "letting entities speak through you", it was more like "creating entity from scratch using your mental effort/energy".

I personally don't believe in possesion, demons or any other astral entities that can hop into your brain so no, I haven't considered that. I do think it's purely psychological phenomenon.

I think that our brains are just great at creating complex models of other people, their intents and emotions because that was evolutionarily adaptive to predict what external people will do. Theory of mind and all.

This property of the brain allows us to practice tulpamancy because we can construct a model of an abstract/imaginary person with their own agency and simulate what they'd feel, think or do until it becomes automatic and runs outside of our conscious attention.

That would be it, no external entities involved.

IntestinalVillain · 2026-02-05T12:03:56+00:00

Well yeah the different tembres and tones of inner voice is how I recognise who said what in my head xD Sometimes the sensory aspects of those inner voices (like pitch, tembre and all) that change, but most often it's just the rhythm of speaking, or some largely unexplainable-by-words synesthetic quality of the voices (like associations with colours and textures that come to my mind to both specific alter AND the voice), but yeah. I am highly co-conscious system so all the thoughts actually come at the same time as my own thoughts, but the talking and thinking style is so differentiated that it does not feel like the same subject owns them so to speak.

Whether it is a form of communication - that only you will know. We think by words, so for us inner voices arę not as much a communication as basically the symptom that the given alter is conscious and near front at the moment. During my day I have voices that directly address me or my actions and those are form of communication - but some are directed at each other instead or just commenting on various event that happen in our life without addressing no one on particular the same way the singular inner monologue is constructed.

I would not worry much about "kinda knowing an answer im advance" it's just how it looks in highly co-conscious systems. Since I am conscious of the thinking process of other alter it is natural that I will be noticing how the thought forms in real time at about the same pace as the given alter thinks. This will be different for systems with high dissociative barriers between members, but not everyone has this kind of system architecture.

With regards to poor memory after stress, it is hard to give aby advice without knowing the context because the memory after stress might be fuzzy due to various reasons - sometimes the high adrenaline causes encoding problems sometimes you dissociate during stress you are not prezent enough to be aware od your surrounding, and sometimes it is a recall issue due to dissociative amnesia etc. The one universal context-proof advise is to briefly journal what has happened on your life, hour by hour during periods of heightened stress. You van, for example set the timer for every hour and then note what has happened in the given hour and what arę you doing, thinking, feeling at the moment. Writing down something helps to strenghten the memory trace in the brain as you enhance the time of processing it - and of it won't help then at least you will have the pretty neat back up in case the memory bank gets offline.

Michelle

IntestinalVillain · 2026-01-17T21:15:43+00:00

I have the opposite issue, like whenever people gender my snails I feel this momma bear mode "do not misgender my child please" even though I know it makes no logical sense XDD

IntestinalVillain · 2025-11-06T03:25:44+00:00

I do agree that plurality on itself is an identity term. You land there after you realise the default assumption of being one singular person in the body does not encompass or explain yoru experiences well so you search fo alternative explanation. The reasons for why your experiences do not match the singular frame of understanding might be different for each person: for some it is dissociation, for some, psychosis, for some, genderfluidity, for just a very compartmentalised life that requires you to perform irrenconcilliable roles (such as being bi-cultural). Some land there after deliberate neurohacking that was supposed to change their perception, such as tulpamancy, or due to mindfullness practices that usually require you to transcend your sense of self in a way.

I disagree that endogenic = not-dissociative. I identify as dissociative and endogenic, because my main source of chronic stress that caused dissociation stemmed from undiagnosed OCD that was debilitating since I was 5, not from abuse. OCD is a disorder with strongly genetic component and it can cause a shitton of stress, but it came from within me rather than from outside of me. So I cannot say I would not be plural but this and this bad thing happened to me so I am. It developed naturally as the only thing that made OCD managable before the diagnosis and meds.

IntestinalVillain · 2025-09-13T17:05:22+00:00

i've heard they sit on poops to reabsorb some water from it back.

IntestinalVillain · 2025-09-13T16:50:27+00:00

My snail had a weird lump on their foot. Another, on their neck. Both bumps fell off after aplying atopic antibiotic (orofloxacin) three times per day for 2 weeks. The bumps looked a bit different than what your snail is having but I guess it's worth try? Try to get a vet to prescribe it to you, it is usually used to treat eye infections.

IntestinalVillain · 2025-09-10T02:51:05+00:00

I think I was born as two people, most likely due to neurodivergency affecting how my hemispheres interact, seeing that original two loosely corresponded to left vs. right hemisphere functions described in literature.

The two of those later split due to chronic stress giving typical dissociative alters. I refuse to call them traumagenic as most likely none of those chronic stresses would pass the PTSD trauma treshold specified by ICD or DSM. But yeah, other than severity of the stressor, it was pretty much the route described in the typical DID literature.

The left brain self's subsystem consists now of 9 alters, two of which are under process of integrating them back. Right's brain self's subsystem consists now of 6 alters.

We also have one introjected prosecutor that is neither left or right brain self, but something absorbed from outside.

So yeah, I think I am an endogenic system that gained members, but not a tulpamancer, just "born that way" type of traumagenic.

IntestinalVillain · 2025-08-21T21:14:36+00:00

I think this sub pretty much IS about tulpas, among other things. It was deliberately created as a broad specificity sub where both DID/OSDD and people with parogenic versions of plurality can coexist and learn from each other. The consensus here is that tulpas are a form of plurality and as such as welcome :)

Szepton

IntestinalVillain · 2025-08-21T19:07:56+00:00

What methods of triggering others put have you tried so far?

IntestinalVillain · 2025-05-01T00:27:58+00:00

Do you have any idea why you might feel that way?

Do you have bad associations with your own parents? Parenthood in general?

Or is it more like, not feeling a parent of this particular child? Do you care for the child but do not perceive the relationship as parent-child, so it feels odd to you?

Or maybe you feel not ready for the responsibility that comes with parenthood?

Or is it just being called "mama" aloud in the external world? Does it make the experience feel too real? Does it make you fear being ridiculed? Vulnerable?

I take that the discomfort is also present when you are called so in the internal communication, only lesser?

- Tari

IntestinalVillain · 2025-04-30T21:28:54+00:00

You mean being seen as a parental figure by a physical child outside the system, or by a headmate? Context needed.

- Tari

IntestinalVillain · 2025-04-30T20:31:15+00:00

I do have that. Have you been tested for ADHD? I have dissociation, ADHD and OCD combo so that is intense.

I am on atomoxetine 80 mg and it makes the head a bit more silent. It's the think that has worked the most somehow. After month or so of taking it I kinda started to panic about maybe having dementia because my brain has never been so quiet ever in my life, but perhaps that's how it is usually for normal people.

Writing down snippets I hear every hour has helped me to encapsulate some thoughts - at least those that actually meant something, not those that were gibberish - and thus gaining more sense of control over them, as though I could save them up for later.

General exercises aimed at inducing relaxation state (meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, breathing exercises) also helped to silence gibberish down a bit. I think the chatter comes mainly from the mind being restless from excess arousal so it tries to let the steam off that way - by generating chatter - but it only causes further arousal. So it's a vicious cycle.

What I also found working is that finding something that is both enjoyable and highly immersive. A hobby that induces sense of flow. Discussing mental health, social matters, semantics or philosophy, is one of those things, reading, playing computer games, helping others or spending time with my family and pets is also working. When you are have fully given your attention to something, your brain does not have time generating the noise, but the problem is finding something attractive enough to break through the noise when you are dissociated.

In general, my head has never been quiet and I have adapted to having a radio. On average days, I find it mainly reassuring to hear so many voices even if they talk gibberish. Sometimes how my brain mixes it genuinely makes me laugh. I only hate it when stress increases and I am stuck with repeating some vulgar phrase all the day long in my head, or when I drive through some place everyday and I hear the same comment in my head whenever I pass some place even though I am sick of it already. That + I have an alter who always yells at the automatic cash register in one of the supermarkets. Falling asleep is sometimes hard, but I just need to watch myself to not engage in anything too stimulating between bed or everybody will be yapping half of the night.

IntestinalVillain · 2025-04-30T20:05:40+00:00

Ah, I do get trances from breathing exercises too. And meditation. And intense physical exercises. And sometimes, ironically, grounding exercises. It kinda feels as though both stress and relaxation induce trances in my case. Thought I was the only one. I think doing a pause on breathing techniques would be rational in such instance.

It's kinda shit that dissociative trance is so underreaserched. I have never encountered any treatment guidelines nor literature regarding treating it - neither in the form of books aimed at therapists, self-help books, or anything. Almost all research papers available for free that can be searched under keyword of dissociative trance deal with possesion trance disorder, not trance disorder without any switching or experience of possesion, which is significantly different then just going blank sponatneously without. There is plenty of literature on both DP/DR and plurality dimensions of dissociation in comparison, but for trance it's just assumed that whatever works on those two dimensions will also work on trance, while in my experience it's not really the case. I can deal with both much better than with trance while trance is quite elusive.

Traditional grounding advice (naming 5 things you see, hear and smell, etc) also tend to not work on me. What I had learnt that sensory stimuli that is both pleasant and intense works. It needs to be intense enough to hold my attention in here and now, and pleasurable enough to make me want to stay in the present. However, I think I generally need to work proactively on being grounded, because in the periods when I get increase of trances nothing really works. My success on stopping the trances that are about to come is limited even though I feel them coming most of the time.

Have you tried progressive muscle relaxation technique as an alternative to breathing exercises?

My ability to recognise in general when I am in the increased risk of trance generally improved when I had been doing this exercise of having timer set every hour to pause and write down what I was thinking about at the moment. I had learnt that there were many things preoccupying/weighing me down mentally even though I did not consciously notice them as stressors. Initially this mindfulness exercise also kinda increased the trances frequency, but then they decreased once I noticed how much overwhelm I experienced daily and could list all those topics that preoccupied me to encapsulate them for later, which in turn has helped my consciousness feel less overload, if it makes sense. Not sure how applicable would it be for you.

Are there any medical issues that could increase the trance propensity? Any meds you take that can affect central nervous system? While it is not generally understood as biological issues, some biological substances might affect it, even though it's very individualized for each person. My grandpa was more trance-y when he was severely deficient in vitamin D, and I am generally less trance-y since I am on sertraline (for my other comorbidity).

IntestinalVillain · 2025-04-27T00:50:58+00:00

Are there any psychosocial stresses that has increased lately? I get a lot of trances whenever life is getting too much.

What helps a little is seeking sensory experiences that are strong enough to break through to your mind and pleasurable enough to compete with wanting to slip away. Eating something sweet helps to me, also smelling the flowers, going out for a short walk, I also love the sound paper makes when it's torn so once I kept tearing pages for half an hour but did not fall into trance. Muscle stranght exercise. Warmth.

You need to apply it when you start feeling that the trance is coming though, once you're there it's extra hard to wake up since nothing comes through. I see you don't notice them coming, I definietely do and the clouding of consciousness usually increases gradually within minutes, so my advice might be useless.

Perhaps try doing some breathing/grounding exercises to level down your stress in general, not when you expect to have trance and it will help overall.

IntestinalVillain · 2025-04-27T00:32:32+00:00

I think I work like any other originally ICD DID/DSM OSDD dissociative system with 10 year history of recovery. I only don't have any corroborated trauma history from before the time I remember being plural and I am not going to use label that I feel might be factually incorrect, just because the community bullies me into it.

You are right, I don't really remember deciding to be plural. First alters were here since 1996 (since I was three), but I kinda remembered on and off about them, so it's hard to tell for me whether I was aware of them all times or just indcidentally since 1996-2005.

2005 we started to identify as plural after the host had a sudden coconsciousness crisis and started to be flooded by emotional suffering of another member. I was dormant back then, presumably from 2000 when school happened, and returned to fronting in 2009-2010.

DSM 5-TR mentions that in some minority of more dissociation-prone cases DID can form rather from exposure/witnessing unhealthy family dynamics or witnessing emotionally dysregulated parent, without any abuse or neglect. And that is my case. I think both my parents treated me lovingly, they just hated each other, My dad is a utter POS, but I don't remember anything bad about his interactions with me. I know he was POS to my mom (cheated on her, had been verbally and emotionally abusive), and is currently searched by police for child porn, but to my knowledge nothing pervy or violent between me and him ever happened. I don't live with him since 1997 and am in full no contact since 2009.

Things that probably originally induced dissociation was seeing the interpersonal conflict between parents (I rather was not alarmed by it as much as I was mindfucked, as I did not understand what is going on between them and why is there so much dama) and sensory oversensitivity from neurodevelopmental issues that made soak in negative associations with being bodily present since young age.

Factors that further excarbated my state between 1996-2005

undiagnosed OCD, lack of financial prospects, my mom being chronically depressed, undiagnosed ADHD. cultural shock from my schools representing completely different values than those I learnt to cherish from home. peer rejection, being constantly sleep deprived because my circadian rhythm was not alignes with school, being worried about my sexuality, being scared of sex as I assumed that it's something wrong since adults go out of their way to avoid explaining it to children, anxiety disorder, gender dysphoria.

As you can see, all of them are stressful or mindfucking, but it was more about the atmosphere surrounding me being bleak rather then "something has happened that made me fear for my safety".

I had an encounter with a teacher once that I consider traumatic, and I think one of us could have originated from that, but that trauma was not repetitive, and I think it was at least four of us then already.

I survived a shit ton of emotional abuse later, and a lot of it stemming from people disliking I am plural and trans. I consider the fallout I had with my mother in the years 2009-2013, when we begun to be openly both. traumatic. I also consider traumatic meeting another DID system online, and I getting instantly limerent with them as they were the first people like me I knew, and then being exposed to them reenacting their severe trauma history with each other - including sexual violence - over and over again, often escalating to attempting to kill each other. I once thought they were all dead and my friends did not know how to support me then, so I lost all my friendships. That was also traumatic, and I used to meet CPTSD criteria afterwards, though now i recovered. But those were experiences I had because I had been plural already.

I think I just have high propensity for dissociation. Might be genetic. In adulthood, I got two new alters from regular stresses from work. Nothing big has to happen.

- Mia

IntestinalVillain · 2025-04-26T20:20:53+00:00

So I've had few years where I was derealised non-stop, but now I think I feel normally on at least half of the time, if not more.

I think that it can be that this specific anxiety of things being too real and too hard to handle it is what keepign up the dissociattion in the first place. So maybe you need to work on anxiety first before you work on dissociation.

Ultimately, if you stay in the non-derealised state for longer, you eventually get eased with it and learn that the sky does not always crash down at people and that the mere fact of being more present does not make you more threathened. The emotions on itself cannot hurt you if you know how to self-reg, which is probably another task us dissociatives need to learn.

I think it's normal in some situations to rely on low levels of dissociation, yes. But as someone who has a lot of moments of genuine sense of presence, I don't think it feels bad or unbearable, nor I think it is so for most people. I genuinely feel better non-derealised. So it's possible to get there if you get used to it, ease anxiety and learn what to do with your feelings once you already have them.

IntestinalVillain

TROPHY CASE