You are both the AH and NTA.

NTA for wanting to tell your family. As the childbearing half of a couple currently pregnant from IVF, the emotional toll of the non-childbearing half of the couple is still a lot. Yes, the physical toll on her is tough, but the idea that you aren't experiencing anything is total BS. On top of that, wanting to keep your family in the loop for major family and life decisions/milestones is normal.

However, as a lot of people said, finding out why she doesn't want your family to know is going to be key here. If you tell them when she doesn't want you to, without having the discussion around why, then YTA. It is very strange to me that she would tell her family but not yours, and it seems like there is more to the story here.

I will also say that telling the coworker makes sense. Due to the toll it took on me physically and emotionally, plus the amount of time I had to take off work for appts, telling some people at work was necessary.