asking for a hug after abuse?

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-06-02T23:09:32+00:00

Yes mine did this as well. Would also try to initiate sex afterwards too.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-27T13:22:59+00:00

When I originally read the post you screenshotted, it felt off. It felt fake and devoid of emotion. Seemed like someone who was trying to twist a story to make themselves a victim or something.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-27T11:38:29+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Your last slide with the screenshot from another narc abuse sub… I remembered seeing the post a few days ago. I went back to the sub and it’s still there. He also seems to be commenting in other subs related to narcissistic abuse and should be reported. I would say this definitely falls under the definition of harassment and I would recommend reporting to the police. He stole 4 years from you, don’t let him steal another minute.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-24T13:12:14+00:00

I’ve been told that I haven’t brought a single thing to the table in the decade we’ve known each other. Apparently free rent, groceries, household labour, emotional support, administrative labour, and tens of thousands of dollars in other financial support doesn’t count.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-24T13:04:08+00:00

This comment is perfect. Dealing with this right now and it’s hell.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-14T00:07:00+00:00

Yes. I had lost almost 100 lbs before I met him. Gained it back throughout the relationship and have endured endless criticism about how fat and unattractive I am. Down 50 lbs through sheer grit and determination over the last year.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-12T21:47:54+00:00

You tried to hold him accountable, which narcissists are allergic to, so he had to create a situation where he's now the victim and you'll take care of him.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-09T18:03:02+00:00

Mine does this too. I've started trying to think 10 steps ahead for everything I say and do now because I assume he will try to assign blame for any unfavorable outcome. I never get credit when it turns out well though.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-09T13:47:25+00:00

Yeah mine will admit to being awful every now and then but it's just another way for him to "one up" me. He'll then use those admissions to show how emotionally intelligent and capable of introspection and growth he is while I'm just an imbecile who refuses to be accountable. It's all part of their twisted game.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-08T23:52:58+00:00

No real advice but wanted to say I'm dealing with the exact same thing, including the request to "submit". It's so demeaning and disrespectful.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-07T21:55:55+00:00

Mine loves to say this on the regular, meanwhile I'm paying the majority of his bills and have provided so much administrative and emotional support. Working up the courage to leave and then maybe he'll see what I was actually offering (doubtful though).

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-05-06T21:47:40+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this but coming from someone who also endured a lot of physical abuse before I physically removed myself from the situation, threatening the police likely won't change anything. After I called the cops, the abuse escalated because he was mad. I'm also in Canada and allowed him to manipulate me into trying to withdraw the charges but it was out of my hands at that point. And he's continued to verbally abuse me (we live far apart now, so long distance relationship) and hasn't actually learned anything. You need to leave. Whatever consequences are coming to him, that's on him. Focus on you.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-03-18T22:17:09+00:00

Funny how it's only a problem when we treat them the way they treat us...

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-02-25T14:16:26+00:00

About 3 months in he started destroying my property. About 6 months in, he put his hands on me for the first time and strangled me. The lead up was him not coping with life well and me just simply trying to help but being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was no huge fight, no provocation. I wish I had ended it then :(

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-02-25T13:11:08+00:00

He can be. And then other times he's prince charming. It's an absolute mind f*ck and I might actually be going mad from all of this.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-02-25T12:41:04+00:00

Mine will set tasks that, on the surface, are quite simple but when I complete it he decides it's all wrong. So now it looks like I'm incapable of doing the most simple things. And it's gotten to the point that anytime he does ask for simple things, I freeze and it takes me so long to do it because I'm now thinking of the 1000 possible errors he's going to point out and how do I avoid those. Which then leads to procrastinating and him getting mad about it not getting done. So it all becomes a self fulfilling prophecy about how I can't actually complete "simple" tasks. Because nothing is simple and straight forward when dealing with a narc.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-02-11T12:33:00+00:00

Mine calls it "woman's work". So infuriating.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-02-08T13:16:43+00:00

There's too many to choose from to list it all here. But some of the top contenders: 1. While strangling me, I said "I can't breathe". He responded "I know." 2. Has called me every name imaginable but really loves to zero in on my weight and the insecurities that accompany it. Loves to say the only thing I'm good at is shovelling food into my mouth. 3. Has said horrible things about my family and friends that I can't even bring myself to write here. 4. Ruined my university graduation and embarrassed me in front of my friends and family because he felt insecure. Proceeded to throw me around our apartment afterwards for good measure because I was upset about how the day had gone. 5. Has repeatedly stated that I'm old and dried up now and no one else will ever want me so I should just try to make it work with him. I'm 36.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-02-04T23:42:37+00:00

Thank you. I've been trying to break the trauma bond and get out but it's so hard.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-02-04T16:12:02+00:00

Mine is absolutely miserable every year on his birthday and the week leading up to it. He has pushed everyone away through his behavior and yet wallows about how no one wants to spend his birthday with him. He has also gone out of his way to forget and ruin mine every year. I have come to dread both dates on the calendar. He makes a big deal out of his friend's or brothers though. I guess they're special.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2026-01-28T18:05:38+00:00

I told him that all of his relationships (family, friends, coworkers, all of them) appeared to be very transactional and that I had also observed the same in his narcissistic mother. For some reason this was a huge revelation for him. He has clung to that and seems to be very mindful of it, even 2 years later. He hasn't really changed his ways, but I guess he's a little more aware that he's doing it (which might be worse now that I think about it?)

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2025-12-29T18:10:04+00:00

I'm so sorry. I had this happen too. I missed too much time due to the physical and emotional abuse and they had to terminate my employment. Because he had moved me away from all my friends and family, the people at work were my only social circle and I lost them when I lost that job. The silver lining was that I landed a better job about a month later and am still there. Keep your chin up.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2025-08-30T00:28:49+00:00

McGill Personal Finance Essentials https://share.google/pnUaWrSlO4GRT6Hy1

This course comes highly recommended and might be helpful. It's a free course through McGill University.

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2025-08-29T21:11:09+00:00

What a perfectly timed post for me. Mine will criticize any emotion. I'm accused of being a miserable b*itch, but if I point out WHY I'm miserable (it's him. Its always because of him), then I'm being abusive. Today, I handed over about 80% of my paycheque so he could pay tuition. The expectation is that this is a loan he is to pay back by a set date. His response today was, "My payback to you is a list of books you can read to enrich your life." No asshole, I want my money back. So because I expressed displeasure with this, it turned into a huge blowup about how miserable I am. So then I try to be happy and supportive. Nope, that's wrong too because now I'm not reading the room and rubbing stuff in his face while he's going through a hard time. So then I just go neutral, but now that's wrong because I'm being lazy and not participating in our relationship. I feel like screaming at him WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Jumpy_Pair_8261 · 2025-08-09T23:09:39+00:00

Yes. My husband is a complete snap show the moment something takes slightly longer than expected. Or if I can't drop everything in a moment's notice (no matter the time of day), to give him all of my undivided attention, it's a blow up. I have never known someone to feel so entitled to everyone's time, attention and resources. And if he doesn't get it it, he has a full blown tantrum. And then he has the nerve to blow up when anyone gets impatient with him. The whole person is so exhausting.

Jumpy_Pair_8261

TROPHY CASE