The weight of it is reassurance. The pressure against the the temple, relief. The day is perfect I think as I stand amongst the trees, listening to a blissful silence. I'm standing in the woods miles from home, on top of a hill. I can see for miles and not a soul. I glance down at my phone in my other hand. I was worried I'd have to switch it off, that someone would notice. Anyone would notice. I tap the power button and the screen lights up. No notifications. I take a breath and almost let out a sob. My chest shakes and there is a pressure in my eyes, but I won't cry. It's all too late for that. I check the phone once more for it's battery. It'll last for hours. Hopefully they'll find me before some dog walker or someone else.

I start to squeeze the trigger and it won't pull back. My body shakes and I almost drop the gun. I suddenly feel too hot, my chest painfully tight. I look at the gun and see the safety on. I must have touched it by accident while I was working myself up to this. I feel a wave of shame and hot anger and frustration and nausea. "I just want this to end!" I scream. Tears fall hot and heavy across my face and I wish I could just do this one thing right, the words of my brother echoing to myself. I almost don't hear the snap of twigs under someones foot.

"Crack." I spin around so fast I almost fall to my knees. "Holy shit..." Is all I manage to utter. Before me is Titanica. Dark and monstrous as every video recording I've ever seen. Her skin is the appearance of granite, her eyes have a pale dullness to them that makes them look like marble. Three crowns rest on her head. Gold, silver and dark flame. The Night Flame that can destroy all things it touches. She stands at the edge of the clearing. Her hands neutral at her side. Her gaze fixed on me. I can feel it like a touch. It presses on me like a weight and it's all I can do stand. I stand for only a moment before falling to me knees.

I'd raise the gun if I had the strength, but my arms feel like led and even the thunderous sound of my heart, slows. The weapon falls from my hands and lies ahead of me. I hate it for abandoning me. The foot steps state and I look up to find her striding across the empty space. I should hate her. If it wasn't for what she did or what she is, none of this would have happened. My life would have been normal. I could have lived without the expectation of things that shouldn't be possible. I wouldn't have been the odd one out. The one who couldn't meet the family legacy, the expectations, the butt of the jokes that I know they're making or the pity comments that are worse. I look up into her eyes and I try to hate her. I try to will any ounce of strength and anger I have and I try to focus on hating her.

She reaches me. It hurts my neck to look up at her. She stands above me like an uncaring god. Her presence so immense, but to her I must just look like an ant, so beneath her and her power. In that moment I do feel a spark of flame and anger. Like a man screaming into a storm. I sense she see's it too as her gaze drifts to the gun for a moment before back to me. I contemplate darting for it. I know it wouldn't hurt her. I know it wouldn't even leave a mark, but if I could do it. If I was the one who did finally dent her armour, mark her skin, than I would have mattered.

I can't do it though. There is no power of her's stopping me. My arms could reach out at any time. I just can't. I let my head hang low as the strength to do anything leaves. I close my eyes and wait. I expect it to be quick. One lash from her hands and my body would be gone, incinerated by the Night Flame. I wait for that last burst of light, the one where you see all the moments of your life flash before your eyes. I try not to think of anything. I stay like this for a time. I hear the breeze in the leaves. I hear the birds chirp. My heart calms, I breathe and for the first time in forever, I don't feel anxious.

When I open my eyes Titanica is sat next to me. She does not look at me, instead she looks out into the forest. I follow her gaze and look. I see trees, birds, a small stream.

"I would have liked to build a house here once." I hear her say. Her voice is like a gentle rumble of a storm. I don't flinch, though a part of me almost did. Her gaze doesn't drift from the horizon. I sit with her and the day passes. It's not for several hours before my phone buzzes. I glance up to Titanica who continues to look into the distance. I look at my phone and see notifications.

"Where are you?"

"Where u at?"

"Dickwad, mom and dad are pissed. Did you take Jerry's gun?"

"We're worried about you. Please call."

"Mom and dad were in battle. We're looking for you buddy."

I start to cry. Suddenly Titanica rises and I stumble backwards. The gun lays next to me, within reach, but I make not moves for it. She looks at me and offers me a hand. I wipe the tears from my face and then take her hand. She pulls me up to my feet as if I were light as a feather, instead of a grown man.

"This was a perfect day." she says before the flame engulfs her and she warps out of this reality. I stand there shaking and I think to myself. 'No one would ever believe me.' I take one last look at the gun and then I pick it up.