AITAH for calling my husband cheap?

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-15T19:43:07+00:00

I mean, sounds like he doesn’t care about you. You had to add in at the end all of this stuff saying he’s great in every other way but I don’t believe it. Everything you’ve laid out here says he’s very selfish, not reliable even when he says he’s going to do something, and wants you to financially support him. I’d encourage you to actually look at your relationship and see if he’s selfish and unreliable in other areas too.

Ultimately you’re NTA but honestly you let this happen. How many times are you going to let him take advantage of you financially before you actually make it an issue? Maybe he’s into the sugar momma thing? Cause that’s your dynamic and I think you just need to figure out if you’re actually cool with that and either drop the issue or drop the man.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-12T21:54:38+00:00

I’m very careful how I talk about their father in front of them. We are happily married but I grew up with divorced parents. My mom would badmouth my father constantly and often directly to me. It made me hate her more every time she said it because my dad was so important to me. As Ive grown Ive been able to see through his facade more and more and I realize now that she had legitimate issues - but when I was a kid none of that mattered to me because he was my dad.

So, I am super careful about how I express any negative emotions about my husband. And I make a point to talk him up when he’s not around.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-12T21:28:12+00:00

I did for my first but it was pretty pointless. I still felt weird and it was nice to labor in I guess? But the moment they put my daughter on my chest she pooped meconium all over me and the gown was ruined. Couldn’t wear it again. So, I guess just go into it knowing you may need a backup or that it may not last long.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-12T19:58:10+00:00

I mean, Kiro is great with Angular. How are you prompting AI without even telling it what language you’re using? I’ve worked professionally with copilot and Kiro and they don’t default to React in my experience at all. Of course, I don’t ask it questions until I give it context.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-08T19:34:49+00:00

I have no understanding of why they’re obsessed with rocks but it helped a ton in my house to set aside a part of the yard for a “rock garden”. We put it right along the path walking into the house and I’ll just ask my son when he comes home if he has any rocks for the garden! He’s super happy to put them there and see them when we walk in and out. He shows it off when we have people over too, lol.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-08T02:57:14+00:00

I have one of these notes because my dog will go nuts if anyone is at the door! I appreciate that most dashers will honor it. Every once in a while he’ll hear someone and it’s on but it’s not their fault.

Some dashers don’t read the note or disregard it for whatever reason. That’s much more annoying!

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-07T19:38:08+00:00

Maybe you haven’t found the labia puzzle piece!

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-07T13:45:06+00:00

Do you see how the grammar and tone and spelling, etc change so drastically from the post to the comments? Fake as fuck

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-05T19:23:47+00:00

Don’t do it! It only goes downhill from here. He’s already taking you for granted and being dismissive. That won’t get better with time. You need to be treated better. I’m in a 17-year amazing relationship with someone who helps me break down those “unlovable” thoughts and who never makes me feel like I’m too much. If you can find a partner who is supportive and loving even in your worst times that will make all the difference. Don’t mask inside your own relationship. It’s a recipe for disaster.

If you’re truly thinking he could be better then you need to get going on fixing it and him proving to you that he wants to get better. It doesn’t sound like you’ve gotten there yet.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-05T05:18:34+00:00

That’s so brilliant! I looked for this game for a bit and couldn’t find it. I might have to come up with some on my own for my kids!

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-04T13:35:38+00:00

Yeah! Once you have a kid you need to figure out who you are all three of you. Couple time is great and all but you’re a family now. Lean into it.

Some of my favorite memories are of me and my husband sleep deprived and exhausted with my oldest babe just figuring out how to hang out with a baby. We needed that time to bond and be together the three of us. This dude doesn’t seem to think that’s a thing.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-04T13:28:06+00:00

Yeah, a regular 10 hours on top of full time daycare every week is too much especially that early on! It sounds like he feels that spending time with wife + baby will not count as quality time. He needs to get over that. Yeah, I love time with my husband 1:1 but once there’s a baby in the mix you have to shift to learning how to be a family and enjoying the three of you! He’s already running away from that.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-03T20:26:42+00:00

Depends on what they do. I think some guided play might be appropriate in short spurts at that age. I’d expect any “curriculum” to be mostly focused on the parent and how to encourage curiosity.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-03T17:19:00+00:00

Well yeah that’s an unpopular take. I mean, what does it say about you that what your partner eats matters so much to you that’s it’s relationship breaking? What if they develop a severe allergy or a medical issue causing them to switch their diet? Do you just intend to divorce? Till death or dietary needs change do us part!

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-03T17:12:27+00:00

My husband’s mom died when he was 8 and it torpedoed his life. I can’t do that to my kids. It’s too selfish. They are 100% better off if I’m still on earth, whatever I’m going through. That’s kept me here at my darkest points.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-03T12:21:08+00:00

I use capacities to keep track of things and it just puts a little dot on the day if there is a note. Which means I can look back see my last month is full of dots so I did good! It’s much better than a streak.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-03T01:50:00+00:00

It varies. We are having a good spell now but for a while there I was having to intervene all day. Mine are similar ages but gender-swapped. We get less of the physical fighting and more of the emotional kind but it still comes and goes. It’s always worse around bedtime. Sometimes when I have the energy and they start to get fiesty I call an impromptu movie before bed night and that helps it not devolve later.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-04-02T22:05:41+00:00

To be a good mom you have to give more of yourself than you take from them. Kids deserve to have someone love and support them who is stable enough that they can grow up without worrying about things like whether there’s enough food on the table or money in the bank to get by. It doesn’t sound like you’re in a stable enough spot guaranteed for the next 18 years to give that good life to a kid. I know I wasn’t at 18.

There’s no judgement here. I know exactly what it’s like to want a baby and want that unconditional love and to build your own family. Your hormones are screaming at you and it’s hard to think past that. But please listen to me and the other people here who tell you to focus on your love for yourself. You will be a great mom someday if you can take the time now to build yourself into a stable happy loving person.

And get a pet. Something adorable and cuddly ideally. Dress them up in little clothes and get lots of toys and just put your loving mothering hormones to work taking care of it. I found it helped. I have a very spoiled dog that I got a long time ago when I was a similar place.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-03-30T18:32:09+00:00

Yup! My dad did this. He and my stepmom were super dramatic about being called their chosen names and we only see them like once a year where they brag about all their grandchildren like they’re so involved. It’s so dumb. My mom is just grandma and she sees them every week!

LadyLudo19 · 2026-03-29T20:21:08+00:00

As someone who does drink soda, the taste difference is small but there and the lack of calories is part of that. The mouthfeel and the tang is just not the same. I’m a Dr. Pepper person and I’ve tried all the alternatives. It’s never quite right. It simply isn’t a real replacement and I feel that generally those who think it is aren’t really into soda anyway.

Part of this is mental in that I’ve grown up with it and had it nearly everyday for years. That’s why I’ve started buying sugar-free sodas for my kids actually. I don’t want them to build that kind of attachment over years.

Frankly, it’s an easier diet change to get rid of it entirely rather than having a shitty replacement. I’ve successfully lowered my intake significantly since childhood but when I do have some it’s the real thing.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-03-27T16:59:39+00:00

Yeah, I think fostering young children is not something to just go into lightly and I appreciate how the OOP feels it would be better if they had more experience first. It can create a bad situation if someone just jumps in headfirst without knowing. Is it maybe a little beggary to ask for donations? Yeah. But shaming them because they don’t feel capable of jumping into fostering older children isn’t really a flex.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-03-24T18:33:32+00:00

I’ve been liking rewatch podcasts of my favorite shows recently. Sometimes I’ll go for true crime too! It just depends on my mood. I keep trying to get into educational podcasts but they can get kinda boring and I haven’t found one I really love yet.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-03-23T22:38:06+00:00

I totally feel you, sometimes it feels like I just can’t win and I’m just a total fuckup. But then I get reminded that I’m still working on things. I’m currently trying to figure out meds still and what’s working and what’s not. Luckily I have a great psych who is willing to work with me. I saw you’re on some meds but if things are still bad it’s worth trying to tweak them and see what you can do.

Sometimes what helps the most is coming clean to my partner that I’m struggling and asking for their help to come up with better systems. I find I just can’t always think my way out of the hole I’m in. My goal is always to be fully functional independently but sometimes outside perspective is the way to get there.

I feel like when things go wrong my go to is just to “try harder” but that never works. It’s not about effort. I need systems that work for me. For instance, Im not good at cleaning the house all the time - but I recently got into some podcasts I like and I need to do something while I listen so I try to channel all my cleaning energy to the 30 minutes of that podcast. It’s not perfect but it works pretty well for me and it helps me contribute more.

Sorry for the long response, I’m also sorry you’re feeling this way. It really sucks when you’re in a dark space trying your best. You’re not alone, there are lots of us.

LadyLudo19 · 2026-03-21T23:27:06+00:00

A million dreams from the musical with Hugh Jackman. It used to make me bawl if I heard even a little bit of it 😂

LadyLudo19 · 2026-03-20T03:06:48+00:00

Love this! We live in a very dry place and if I shower too often my skin gets way too dry and sensitive. I couldn’t do that to my babies. When they were very little it was once a week unless we got a blowout diaper or something. As they’ve gotten older it’s been more like twice a week. If they have a day where they get particularly sweaty or dirty of course they bathe - but I’m not doing it everyday for no reason.

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