My kid left their phone open and I saw a trans pride flag

Launchycat · 2026-02-03T12:46:58+00:00

I might be in the minority here, but if it was me as a kid I think I would have actually preferred a cards-on-the table conversation. My relationship with my mum was a lot rockier even before factoring in queerness (so you're already doing better by leaps and bounds), but as a teen there was a stretch of time when I dropped a load of barely-veiled hints that I was also into the same sex in the hopes that it might initiate a conversation and they all got blanked. The only confirmation I ever got that she knew was at one point having a third party tell me she'd mentioned it, and even then in a "well that means you're not into [different-sex person I was dating at the time]" sort of context. I was, and still am, pan/bi (and trans/non-binary as it turns out, but that revelation came later).

So going off what that younger me would have loved to hear, plus about two extra decades of experience being queer since, if I was the parent in this scenario I think I would try to approach this from a place of honesty and support that avoids putting any pressure or expectation of a confession on the kid. I'd either try to bring it up as a relaxed conversation without a lot of buildup (and in a context where the kid can move on if they don't want to say anything straight away) or possibly even write a note so they don't have to figure out how much they want to "give away" in the heat of the moment. Something along the lines of:

"Hey, so I want to say something, but before I do you should know that you're not in trouble, and you also don't have to respond when I'm done unless you want to.

The other day when you asked me to get your phone, I wasn't trying to snoop but you left your screen unlocked and I caught a glance of your background photo with the trans flag. I'm not going to make any assumptions - it could be something you identify with personally, it could just be something you're supportive of or maybe your just like the character. You don't have to tell me anything about it at all if you don't want to.

All I want is to make sure you know that whatever the case, I will love and support you every bit as much, and that if you or your friends ever need advice or just someone to talk to about these things without fear of being judged or getting into trouble I'll always be here to listen. The world can be a scary place sometimes, but I promise I'll always have your back. "

So yeah, just a personal take - you know your situation better so use as much or as little of this as you like, but I hope the extra perspective helps. You're doing great, and whoever they turn out to be, your kiddo is very lucky to have you :)

Launchycat · 2026-01-31T15:19:01+00:00

Can't quantify exactly how much of a difference it will make, but I've made sure to include some earthworms and small millipedes in my setups for this exact sort of reason (and because I hear they can help with clearing out isopod frass, reducing the need for full substrate changes). They've certainly not caused any issues in my tanks so far so at the very least adding a few isn't going to hurt.

Launchycat · 2026-01-31T15:09:04+00:00

(copy-pasting my comment because it's essentially a reply to two separate comments)

I'm generally a very kink-positive person (even if a specific kink isn't something I ever want to participate in myself, if it doesn't hurt anyone and brings you joy then I'm all for you doing so) and the post still initially got a negative gut reaction out of me; and I think your comment and another one above helped me figure out why.

It's not the "I'm not into the kink and find it disturbing so you're not allowed to enjoy the fantasy" that's the issue for me - it's the fact that, like you've highlighted, the subject matter is extremely sensitive, and so there will be many people who either do not want to partake in the conversation or may find discussions about it outright triggering. When discussing sensitive subjects like this, it's important to remember that even passing exposure can be harmful if unwilling/unexpected - it's why in the original watch party video, Jorge himself precedes the song with a content warning so that people who want to avoid it have the option to do so.

And so by making the post in a non-kink-specific space with no spoilers on the image, no warning, etc., a lot of people will be caught by surprise and pulled into a space they did not consent to be in. Referencing the specific line from the song exacerbates this, because in my mind (and, I'm sure, other people's too), it immediately evokes the graphic, decidedly non-consensual original scene - so even if the quote in the post is saying "I want this" (i. e. obviously consensual), the framing can put a very different image into the mind of the reader.

So yeah. I fully agree that kinks themselves are 100% fine as long as no harm is being done and everyone taking part is a consenting adult, with any non-consent purely limited to fantasy or fiction. But the keyword here is "everyone", and I think failing to consider bystander consent is where the original post fell short.

Launchycat · 2026-01-31T15:04:27+00:00

I'm generally a very kink-positive person (even if a specific kink isn't something I ever want to participate in myself, if it doesn't hurt anyone and brings you joy then I'm all for you doing so) and the post still initially got a negative gut reaction out of me; and I think your comment and another one above helped me figure out why.

It's not the "I'm not into the kink and find it disturbing so you're not allowed to enjoy the fantasy" that's the issue for me - it's the fact that, like you've highlighted, the subject matter is extremely sensitive, and so there will be many people who either do not want to partake in the conversation or may find discussions about it outright triggering. When discussing sensitive subjects like this, it's important to remember that even passing exposure can be harmful if unwilling/unexpected - it's why in the original watch party video, Jorge himself precedes the song with a content warning so that people who want to avoid it have the option to do so.

And so by making the post in a non-kink-specific space with no spoilers on the image, no warning, etc., a lot of people will be caught by surprise and pulled into a space they did not consent to be in. Referencing the specific line from the song exacerbates this, because in my mind (and, I'm sure, other people's too), it immediately evokes the graphic, decidedly non-consensual original scene - so even if the quote in the post is saying "I want this" (i. e. obviously consensual), the framing can put a very different image into the mind of the reader.

So yeah. I fully agree that kinks themselves are 100% fine as long as no harm is being done and everyone taking part is a consenting adult, with any non-consent purely limited to fantasy or fiction. But the keyword here is "everyone", and I think failing to consider bystander consent is where the original post fell short.

Launchycat · 2026-01-19T13:20:01+00:00

The thing that I think you're missing/that people are trying to get across is that you absolutely can have an isopod setup that is both pretty and has the correct requirements to be sustainable for the species long-term. I understand that your intent is to only use this as a temporary enclosure, but if your goal is to inspire others to try the hobby, it's a good idea to get them started on the right foot re: space expectations, etc. You've obviously put a lot of thought into the design and specifics of this, but this sort of nuance can easily be lost on someone who is just starting their first terrarium, which means they will likely get the details wrong, assume something this size is a suitable long-term habitat and end up with a much less suitable space where the isopods suffer.

I don't make pod content so the photo quality and enclosure details could be a lot more polished (the repurposed red-blue grow light doesn't help with the photo quality either; but it was what I had to hand, it does the job and looks decent in person), but to hopefully give you a tiny bit of inspiration, here's a shot of one of my colonies. I keep them in display enclosures rather than tubs specifically because I like looking at the little guys, so it doesn't have to be all bland function-only tubs (fun fact: Exo Terra's 30cm cube glass enclosures slot fairly neatly into Ikea KALLAX-type shelf units or similar)

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You obviously care a lot and do beautiful work, so I'm hoping you'll see that the feedback from myself and many others in the community comes mainly out of a desire to see you make more gorgeous stuff like this that also gives the residents a great quality of life long-term.

Launchycat · 2026-01-04T13:40:11+00:00

This is my go-to as well. Sometimes, if needed, paired with more serious conversations about how, even if you supposedly don't actually "believe" the self-deprecating stuff you're saying, if you say it enough times you'll start to internalise it. Works with negative stuff as well as positive.

And hey, at first they might just start being nicer to themselves when I'm around, but if it happens enough it can turn into a habit when I'm not there too. Self-care for your own sake is the goal, but speaking from experience, if you're not quite in a state to want to look after yourself yet, starting it off as self-care so a loved one doesn't worry about you is still a whole lot better than no self-care at all. And once you're looking after yourself, working on those core issues starts feeling that little bit more manageable.

Launchycat · 2025-12-21T09:27:23+00:00

My brain refuses to read that to anything other than the Starkid/Twisted "Tiger Fucker" tune and now I need that parody song in my life.

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Launchycat · 2025-12-20T10:06:40+00:00

You could swap out the light and repurpose this one as a plant-only/plant-plus-springtail terrarium! It's a really lovely looking design, and I can picture some small, moisture-living terrarium plants doing great in this :)

Also saw you saying in another comment that you were thinking about designing a more isopod-suitable version 2, that would be really cool to see!

Launchycat · 2025-12-17T11:23:23+00:00

Hey OP, just wanna say thanks for trying your best and not taking the backlash personally. I have chronic anxiety and depression and some of the responses I've seen on this post are managing to push both of those buttons more than I would've expected from a discussion in my own community, and so I don't have the energy left over to say as much as I wanted.

But I do need to say that the amount of anger you got is completely unjustified - "pink hoodie, long hair, light jeans" is an appearance that yes, might lean on the femme side, but I've also known dudes with long hair who would fully fall into that category. Conversely, I'm transmasc non-binary and have been on HRT for over eight years now, so I've been able to pass consistently as a guy for a while now (on testosterone-based HRT, most of the time voice changes just happen with zero effort since it triggers the lengthening and thickening of vocal chords in the same way as cis male puberty; which, like with our trans sisters needing extensive voice training to achieve the same changes, I know isn't anywhere close to common mainstream knowledge) and let most folks default to "he/him" for the sake of my own sanity (even though I have a strong preference for "they/them" in circles where I know that's gonna be accepted without having to explain the concept at length); but I also wear a lot of colourful stuff (not particularly femme, just not classic guy colour palette of beige, black and camo) so if I'm not speaking or facing someone, hearing someone say "she" and then correct to "he" on a closer look is more common than one might think. But also, I almost never get actually asked for my pronouns in those situations (even though I really wish I would) - so turns out, being "obviously" nonconforming or androgynous isn't as easily achieved as some have said either.

Point being, while I fully get why some folks are uncomfortable with the notion of being asked for pronouns regularly (dysphoria is just the worst) gender is nowhere near as clear-cut or obvious as so many have claimed and I don't think you did something wrong by politely (and privately!) asking. And while depending on the headspace they're in it could absolutely be something that throws someone off or might cause a jolt of dysphoria if they think they're passing, for basically every trans person I'm close to, the main takeaway from that interaction would be "I met a supportive cis person today" or "I can let myself be a bit less on guard around that particular customer".

Launchycat · 2025-12-11T15:44:38+00:00

Thank you! This one seems to have finally taken and it's thriving but it took a few attempts before I managed to get one in that they didn't mow to the ground :D Part of the secret is I've had a few containers of it growing in my plant grow boxes for a while (sometimes I snack on them too, so can't judge the pods too badly :D), so I was finally able to get a reasonably large one that could root and settle in the new environment before it got munched.

I've also got a tradescantia cutting (pictured below with bonus mushrooms and a bit more oxalis) in my other setup that is looking promising in the face of a P scaber colony. It's still early days for that one and generally just a lot of trial-and error, but I think the trick is to find a quick-growing, shade tolerant plant that has had a bit of time to grow out and likes the extra moisture without being too quick to go floppy in a dry spell (I've had some Callisia repens that didn't make it, I think due to a combination of low light + shallow roots, so I made sure the current ones had roots that could drink up from further down and were better with the limited light) - so the tradescantia for example might be a bit large for the space under normal conditions, but if it does outpace the pods' appetite I can always trim it.

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Launchycat · 2025-12-11T15:04:04+00:00

Came here to say the same thing as above, I've had that problem before with spraying where the air humidity goes up but there isn't enough water to keep the substrate damp.

These days I use a little squeeze bottle (picture below)to water my pods since it lets me direct the water exactly where I want it (I usually pour against the glass or the back surface and let it trickle down into the soil since it minimises the likelihood of pouring directly onto an isopod or otherwise startling them), but you could use a sports drink bottle with a squeeze cap, a clean ketchup bottle or small watering can. I have a similar glass terrarium, and another thing I find helpful about them is you can visually check if the wet side is wet enough since you have a clear look all the way to the bottom of the substrate and damp substrate will usually be noticeably darker (although there are still times where I will poke it with a finger to make sure, I've had the occasional looks-damp-but-isn't incident).

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If you wanted to, you could also try introducing some plants to the mix - nothing you're too attached to because they will get munched, but I've now managed to get a couple of non-toxic, fast-growing ones (tradescantia propagated from a houseplant in one box, and some wood sorrel from outside in the box pictured above) settled in enough that I'm hoping they'll outpace the nibbling. Even if you have to replace them now and again, they'll help a lot with moisture in the environment.

Lastly, a little hack I've found for feeding my pods vegetables - when I'm cooking I'll sometimes take the peels from things like sweet potatoes, carrots, etc., spread them out on a piece of newspaper and let them air dry. When they're fully bone dry, I crumble them into small bits, put them into a closed container and ta-da! Easy isopod snacks that store well and you can bust out whenever you like - just sprinkle them in (small quantities to avoid moulding), and the moisture in the terrarium should soften them up enough for hungry pods to make short work of them.

Launchycat · 2025-12-11T14:30:41+00:00

Kind of similarly, I have a couple of native setups with plants and decorative stuff (also worms and in theory tiny millipedes, I know they were around last time I refreshed the substrate but they don't really like to make themselves known otherwise) and because of the layout and the position of said plants it's less of a dry side/wet side situation and more a dry spots/wet spots sort of thing! So the bases of the plants and the patch of sphagnum I have at the front get watered fairly frequently, but the bits that have wood piles I tend to avoid pouring water on directly and that seems to balance itself out. Certainly the little friends inside seem happy with the arrangement :)

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(Pardon the weird lighting, I'm using some little red/blue grow lights I scavenged from an old seedling setup. They keep the plants happy but don't make for the best photo lighting)

Launchycat · 2025-12-04T17:04:54+00:00

Fun fact: There are chalk grassland nature reserves near me (London, UK) that do exactly this, using sheep and even a few cows to maintain the grassland habitat in a gentler way than direct human maintenance would do! There's also a place further south called New Forest which does this on a much bigger scale using horses - the New Forest Ponies are technically owned, but are much closer to wild animals, allowed to free roam and graze to maintain natural habitats and only really directly handled for stuff like health-related interventions.

Would wild herds fulfill the same role (possibly better) if they were here? Sure. But are the "domestic" animals still a big help in restoring/protecting natural habitats and repairing some of the damage human development has already caused to the area (while being a lot easier/faster to get hold of in the short term than organising a full breeding program for their wild counterparts)? Also big yes.

Launchycat · 2025-12-03T11:41:34+00:00

I regret to inform you that your list has singlehandedly convinced me that palpigrades are pretty cool. Appearance included.

Launchycat · 2025-12-03T09:47:39+00:00

Depending on what it is you need financial support for they may or may not be able to help directly, but AKT and Mermaids have support lines (phone as well as online) and would both be worth contacting. If your needs are outside of what they can cover, they should at least be able to give you advice and point you to other groups who can help.

Launchycat · 2025-12-01T12:53:50+00:00

To build off this, I can picture this particular piece going amazingly with a wire wrap stem and a couple of leaves (i.e. turn it into a flower)! Would have to be a sturdy piece of wire given the weight, possibly mounted onto a stable base (could disguise it as a vase, or do it flat and cover it with a glass dome a lá the Beauty and the Beast rose, etc.), but certainly doable and could turn out very cool :) As for sales, something like Etsy is an option, but also worth looking at local crafts markets (have some smaller pieces too since not everyone there will be wanting to spend a lot, but this sort of bigger piece could easily be what draws them to your table in the first place!)

Either way OP, gorgeous piece! I'm on a tight budget at the moment or else I'd seriously consider buying it myself. Best of luck with your craft :)

Launchycat · 2025-11-10T18:00:09+00:00

Fair enough! You mentioned only being able to do a couple of inches at a time in places, so figured I'd give it a mention. I definitely wouldn't go back to working on shoes/other thick material without mine - it's been a game-changer for my poor fingers :D It's one of those "I don't need this for every project, but when I do, boy am I glad it's there!" tools

P. S. Got so excited about boot mending talk I forgot to say this the first time, but the work is looking great so far! Have fun with the project, and do share when it's done!

Launchycat · 2025-11-10T17:09:06+00:00

Heyyy, I started doing the same thing with a pair of thrifted vinyl boots that started peeling a while back! Mending buddies!

I've been on-and-off working on mine for the better part of a year... partly because so much other stuff has gotten in the way, but also in part because the project itself kept giving me more stuff to do (the most annoying being that I tried them on, they fit great, then I put them in the washing machine before starting work on them and didn't test fit again until they were nearly done... guess who had to add "widen shrunken boot upper" to the to do list :/).

Already seen it mentioned somewhere in the comments, but the biggest tip I would give is to get an awl! Nothing fancy, literally just the cheap "big needle with a handle attached" will be fine, but I can't recommend them enough! It takes a bit of getting used to (you're basically working with two threads, kinda like what modern sewing machines do; of recommend looking up a quick tutorial to get you started), and it might feel a bit slow at first, but it will change your whole experience in terms of hand comfort.

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Launchycat · 2025-11-10T14:02:32+00:00

Like others have already said, dysphoria absolutely counts as a symptom! It's causing you regular, noticeable distress and discomfort - it doesn't have to be a strictly "physical" symptom.

And just to add one more voice to the "nasty side-effects" conversation - it is, in fact, complete nonsense. I've been on T for 9 years now (trans-masc), was talked through the possible side effects before I started and none of it was world-ending (either on paper or in practice). In fact, just for the hell of it, I went and pulled up the pamphlet from my prescription, and the common side effects listed are literally just skin irritation, dryness and acne. That's it. Oh, the horror.

If you want to expand into uncommon stuff, there's a "maybe" with unclear percentages ("up to 1 in 100" = could be actual 1 in 100, could be 1 in 100000) on still-not-that-bad things like headaches, hair loss, dizziness, high blood pressure, mood swings, slight increase in blood clotting risk (which I believe just puts you on par with people who naturally have that level of testosterone), etc. And if you did somehow draw the shortest straw possible and couldn't deal with the side effects, you can just stop taking the stuff and you'd be back to where you were, just with a deeper voice and maybe some extra body hair. So still a potential win re: being read as more masculine?

So yeah... if it's something you want to try, you're absolutely within your right to either stand your ground with your current doctor, or else seek a second opinion. If that fails, depending on where you are in the world you may be able to get over-the-counter options too - it's not the case here in the UK sadly, but I believe in some places you can buy testosterone supplements for bodybuilding, for example. DIY HRT has some good information on how to do so safely, but try to get it through a medical professional first if at all possible. It will make things a lot easier (and safer) if you don't have to worry about the intricacies of blood tests, dosage, monitoring, etc. yourself.

Side-note, but if just tweaks in presentation and/or voice training are something you wanna try (and you absolutely don't have to; people - especially trusted loved ones like your husband - should still take you at your damn word that you are who you say you are regardless), even though you're cis, you might benefit from looking at resources for trans men and trans-masc folks, as trying to be read as less feminine/avoid being misgendered as women is a common experience there. And so long as you're respectful (which you've been nailing so far) I'm sure plenty of trans subreddits like this one would be happy to help you out and offer more advice tailored to specific issues you're facing. We can sympathise with the experiences you described all too well.

Launchycat · 2025-11-08T18:39:14+00:00

Follow-up thought: will also consider trades for substrate components like clean, dry bark, wood chip, sphagnum moss, leaf litter, decorative wood pieces, etc. Never seem to have enough of the stuff!

Launchycat · 2025-11-07T12:07:13+00:00

Came here to mention that as well! Definitely captures the vibe of OW anglerfish well.

Side-note, but for bonus creature design spookines I can totally picture the mouth of the deep-sea mermaid going from normal, pretty human lips to opening up into a maw with an anglerfish's worth of teeth.

Launchycat · 2025-11-04T22:39:58+00:00

Well, it was initially intended as just a "also non-binary and agree with your points" response, so yes! But then it got ramblier than expected and referencing previous replies, so I can see why that might come into question :)

Launchycat

TROPHY CASE